Archive of Our Own ^beta

The locker room was silent as they filed in. One by one, they sat at their stalls. Heavily. As if the weight of the season all fell on their shoulders at once, forcing their heads down while sweat dripped from their chins. Through the walls, they could hear music blaring, people screaming, and chants of “Let’s go Panthers!” echoing on and on endlessly.

Mitch could barely think. Disappointment and exhaustion raced through his veins. His head felt completely empty. All that was left was an ache, a dull pounding that wouldn’t stop. A jackhammer rattling against his skull. He closed his eyes, pressed his fingers to his temples.

“You alright, Marns?” a voice asked, weight easing onto the bench next to him.

Mitch shrugged, kept his eyes closed.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. He couldn’t really feel it through his pads, but he could still tell it was there. Auston of course. Who else would put their own disappointment on hold to make him feel better?

“Shouldn’t you be giving a speech or something? Oh captain my captain and all that?” Mitch mumbled.

Auston scoffed. Mitch could practically feel him rolling his eyes. Then a beat of silence.

“Wanna make sure you’re okay first,” Auston said softly.

Mitch wasn’t sure why, but that sent a jolt down his spine. Probably just his weird headache. Or a lingering injury from the season. Or a million other things.

The weight lifted from the bench next to him.

“Alright, boys,” Auston’s voice rang out through the room, which wasn’t hard to do since it was so quiet Mitch could hear Kniesy breathing from across the room.

Mitch wished he could pay attention to Auston’s speech. He was sure it was really good, Auston’s speeches always were. But he just couldn’t focus. His head pounded relentlessly, his body ached dully as adrenaline from the game wore off, and the raw wound of disappointment continued to pull his thoughts from Auston’s words.

At least Mitch was able to open his eyes enough to pretend like he was paying attention. He watched Auston parade around the room, running his fingers through his hair, gesturing animatedly. Even though he couldn’t focus on the words, Mitch was still able to appreciate the little details of Auston’s performance. Like the way his dark eyebrows wrinkled in frustration, the way his fingers twitched in emphasis, the way his eyes seemed to glow with passion. Mitch thought the same thing he’d thought a million times: Auston Matthews was born to be a leader.

And then the speech was over. A smattering of applause filled the room as Auston dragged himself back to his stall, sitting heavily. His eyes slid closed. His head tilted back to rest against the wall, shoulders rising and falling with disappointed breaths. Now that everyone else had been taken care of, Mitch watched as Auston allowed his own sadness to reach the surface.

“Nice speech, cap,” Willy said, giving Auston a slap on the shoulder.

Eyes still closed, Auston’s lip quirked up in a half-smile. Bittersweet.

“Thanks, Willy.”

It was silent again after that. The sound of pads being stripped off, quiet mumbling, a heavy sigh once in a while. Cheers still filtered in through the doorway when staff members walked in and out. The air grew heavy. Mitch felt himself choking on it.

The best season of his life. His first time scoring 100 points, their furthest playoff run. Over in the blink of an eye. And he didn’t even want to think about the impending doom of free agency.

The end of a season had never felt like this.

Mitch looked down, blinking hard. He became absorbed in his own universe, didn't pay attention to anything else. Focused on peeling each pad off. Ignored the thoughts pounding against his skull. He wiped sweat from his chin, ran his fingers through his hair, took a deep breath. He packed everything away meticulously – wrapped each strap, wiped it all down, tucked it in neatly. As if he could drag out the minutes, the seconds, and the season wouldn’t be over. As if he could cling on by the tips of his fingers and never let go.

“Ready to go?”

Mitch blinked again, looked up.

The only indication that any time had passed was how empty the room was. Just a few staff members mingling by the door. Bits of tape and spare equipment scattered on the floor. All the other stalls were bare – no jerseys hanging, no sticks left behind. Clearly no one else was having the same crisis as Mitch since they’d all cleared out so quickly. Except for–

“Marns?”

Mitch looked to his left.

Auston stood above him, bag slung over his shoulder. He raised an eyebrow in question. Mitch felt something warm blossom in his chest as he realized he’d never be alone. He’d always have Auston Matthews to share his universe with.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” Mitch said, hurriedly tossing the last of his stuff in his bag. “You didn’t have to wait for me, y’know.”

“Well I didn’t expect you to take so long.”

Mitch rolled his eyes. “Says you. How many times have I waited for you to go through your twenty-step shower routine?”

Auston scoffed. “Please, it’s not twenty steps.”

“Close enough.”

“You’re just jealous your hair could never look as good as mine.”

Mitch laughed, threw his head back and closed his eyes to savor the feeling. His first real laugh in what felt like forever. Just like that, weight lifted from his shoulders and breathing came easier. Leave it to Auston to make Mitch feel better with a snap of his fingers.

But when he opened his eyes again, he was met with Auston’s bittersweet smile. Auston’s lips curled up and his eyebrows lifted, but the expression didn’t meet his eyes. At the core of those brown irises, Mitch could still see disappointment.

“What’s wrong, Matts?” Mitch asked, zipping his bag closed and standing. “Upset you’re not already out golfing?”

Auston scoffed again. He shrugged his bag further up on his shoulder, scratched the back of his neck. Deflecting.

“C’mon Matts, talk to me.” Mitch nudged Auston’s elbow with his own.

Mitch watched Auston take a deep breath. His shoulders moved up and down in an almost exaggerated motion. His dark eyebrows furrowed and eyelids slid closed.

“I just really thought we had it this year.” Auston’s voice was soft, almost cracking at the end as if he was holding back tears. “We were so close.”

“I know,” Mitch said softly. “This could’ve been our year.”

“It should’ve been our year.”

“It should’ve been our year,” Mitch agreed quietly.

Auston’s eyes stayed closed, his head bowed toward the floor. Mitch took a second to watch him breathe. In, out. Shoulders lifting up, down. He was almost hypnotized by the movement.

Mitch had been so caught up in his own dread and misery, but a sudden pain burned through his chest as he thought about Auston’s season. His first season as captain, battling an injury that wouldn’t go away, fighting through the pain to come back and make a playoff run. Despite it all, Auston stayed positive, leading the team from the ice, the bench, the locker room – anywhere he could make his presence known. Mitch had done his best to support him, but Auston was a man on a mission. Nothing was going to stop him this season. Until, suddenly, it all came to an end.

Mitch’s heart swelled. His throat grew tight as an almost-overwhelming wave of emotion swept through him. Moving with a mind of its own, Mitch’s hand reached out and grabbed Auston’s.

Warmth flooded Mitch, rolling up his arm, over his shoulders, and dripping down his chest. Something stirred in the pit of his stomach – something… different, something… new. Auston’s fingers twitched against his, but didn’t pull away. His forehead smoothed, brows unfurrowing, as if Mitch was draining Auston’s pain and disappointment through touch alone.

They stood for a moment. Mitch was vaguely aware of staff members standing by the door, but they felt like they were miles away. The only thing that mattered was Mitch and Auston, in their own little world. Their own little universe. The only thing that mattered was the way their palms fit together.

Then a door slammed closed somewhere and the moment was over. Mitch pulled his hand away, reaching up to grab the strap of his bag instead. Auston ran his fingers through his hair, scratching at the back of his neck again. Mitch watched, thinking about how those fingers had felt against his own just moments before.

“Anyway,” Auston said, voice full of something Mitch had never heard before. “I guess we should clear out of here, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Mitch replied. They turned and started walking toward the door. “Wouldn’t want to keep you from the driving range.”

When Auston laughed and bumped their shoulders together, Mitch looked up to find Auston’s crooked grin waiting for him. No bitterness, no disappointment, no pain. Auston’s eyes had a sparkle in them, something glittering deep in those brown irises that made Mitch feel dizzy.

When Mitch opened his car door, he immediately wished he hadn’t. The sun pounded down above him, scorching the pavement and sending heat waves ricocheting up at him. Whatever cool air he’d felt blowing through his car’s vents was gone, having rushed out the second he touched the door handle.

He stepped out of the car and winced as a bead of sweat rolled down his back. God, he missed Toronto. It was still hot there but at least it wasn’t like 2,000 degrees. But it was his year to spend the off-season in Arizona with Auston and Auston hadn’t complained about anything when he was in Toronto last summer, so Mitch decided to keep his mouth shut about the fact that he was melting alive.

He took a deep breath. Grabbed his bag from the back seat and his water bottle from the cup holder. Walking as quickly as possible, he took the short path from the driveway to the front door in record time, slamming the door shut behind him. Cold air instantly rushed over him, freezing the sweat to his skin. God bless Auston and his need to blast air conditioning at all times.

Mitch heard a quiet jingling sound, gradually getting louder. A second later, Felix bounded toward him. Ears flapping, tongue lolling out of his mouth, tail wagging back and forth. Mitch grinned and bent down to scratch the dog’s head, feeling sweat trail down the sides of his face.

“Hey, Snuff, how’s it goin’ buddy? Man, you must be hot with all that fur on you.”

Felix barked in response.

“Marns, that you?” Auston’s voice called.

Mitch smiled. Three little words and he forgot all about the blazing heat outside. Three syllables and his misery vanished.

“Yeah,” Mitch called back, pulling his shoes off and dropping his bag. “Where you at?”

“Living room.”

Living room? Mitch’s brow furrowed as he walked through the entrance hallway. Felix followed him, collar jingling as he bounced.

As much as Mitch hated the heat, Auston loved it. Not in his house of course; there he kept the temperature as low as physically possible. But whenever he had the time, especially during the summer off-season, Auston spent it outside. On the patio, in his backyard, at the dock down the hill from his house, at the golf course. Every waking second spent in the sun somewhere.

So what was he doing in the living room?

Mitch sighed heavily when he found out.

Auston sat on his couch, notebooks and pens spread out on the cushions around him. He was writing furiously on a notepad in his lap. A whiteboard with plays mapped on it laid on the coffee table, along with about 20 different-colored dry-erase markers. His TV played muted footage from one of their games this season. Mitch smiled. It was their home game against the Blue Jackets in April. Two goals for Nicky, two goals for Willy, and Auston’s goal to top it off. Assisted by Mitch, of course. A beautiful 5-0 win.

Mitch watched Auston for a second – watched the tip of his tongue poke through his lips as he concentrated, watched him tap his pen absentmindedly when he focused on the TV. Watched Auston exist in his own little world. Every little detail, every move, Mitch soaked it up. He felt a flutter in his chest as he watched, something warm and bubbly. But it lasted for just a second before Mitch swallowed it down.

“Matts, what are you doing?”

Auston didn’t even look up, just kept scribbling on his page. “Studying.”

“Studying? Studying what? Old game footage?”

“Well yeah,” he replied. “How are we supposed to win next year if we don’t figure out what went wrong this year?”

Mitch frowned, standing next to the couch. “What do you mean ‘what went wrong this year?’”

Finally, Auston looked up. He was distant, a universe away from Mitch.

His dark brows were furrowed. Worry lines creased his forehead and it took everything in Mitch’s power not to reach out a hand to smooth them.

“Clearly, something went wrong this year,” Auston said, voice practically shaking with frustration. Mitch watched something flash in his eyes. “I don’t know what, but I need to figure it out so we can fix it for next season. Maybe we played the wrong lines or we did the wrong workouts or we took too many rest days or not enough rest days, or we–”

“Matts, hey.” This time, Mitch didn’t stop himself. He placed his hand gently over Auston’s, forcing his pen to stop writing. He ignored the sparks of electricity that shot across his skin at the contact. “Nothing went wrong this year. I promise, we didn’t mess anything up. It just wasn’t our year.”

Auston blinked. “But… it was supposed to be our year… We were supposed to…”

“I know, Matts. I know. But it just wasn’t.”

Mitch watched emotions fly across Auston’s face. Frustration, confusion, sadness. He winced when the one it settled on was disappointment. And Mitch knew who Auston was always the most disappointed in.

“It wasn’t your fault, either.”

Auston’s eyebrows shot up. As if it was surprising that Mitch could read his thoughts after all the time they spent together. They shot down just as quickly, furrowing again.

“I just… I should’ve done something. As captain, it was my responsibility to do something.”

Mitch shook his head. “Auston, you can’t shoulder all the blame. You did your best – we all did our best. We just need to learn from our mistakes and move on.”

“That’s exactly what I’m trying to do! Learn from my mistakes!”

“I mean learn from our mistakes in a healthy way!” Mitch exclaimed. “Not in a ‘lock yourself inside all summer’ kind of way.”

Auston rolled his eyes and scoffed, but Mitch’s heart leapt when the corner of his mouth lifted. Not quite a smile, but progress.

As if realizing something for the first time, Auston looked down at their hands. Mitch looked down too. Their skin was still pressed together, wrapped around Auston’s pen. As he looked, gentle shocks of electricity danced up and down Mitch’s arm. That same warm, bubbly feeling stirred in his chest again and he felt Auston’s gaze boring into the side of his face.

Mitch suddenly pulled his hand away as if he had been burned. It felt like he had been burned – as if Auston’s hand had singed his skin. Something deep inside Mitch wanted to feel that burn again.

Auston looked from his hand to Mitch. Flexed his fingers. Like he could feel the ghost of Mitch’s touch. His head tilted to the side, trying to figure something out. Trying to figure Mitch out.

Mitch wished he could figure himself out.

He stood from the couch, grabbing the first thing he could find, which turned out to be the remote for the tv. “We should turn this off and get outside. Y’know, take your mind off things.”

Auston scoffed again and smiled. A real smile. The kind where it reached his eyes, turning them a lighter shade of brown. Mitch loved those smiles.

“Marns, you hate the outside.”

“I do not!”

“Do too.”

“Do not.”

“Yes, you do!” Auston laughed. “Whenever we have games in warm states, you complain about how you’re melting alive and need to be in air conditioning at all times.”

There it was again. Stirring in his chest. Warm and bubbly and fluttering around like a million butterflies. They’d been friends for forever, knew basically everything about each other. They’d probably had a hundred conversations about every topic possible. Why did it suddenly mean so much to have Auston remember little things about him?

Ugh, it was driving Mitch insane.

“Well,” Mitch started, frantically trying to think on his feet. “I know how much you like being outside and maybe this is just me trying to do something nice for you.”

Auston raised his eyebrows. Not in surprise this time, something closer to ‘oh really.’

Mitch caught the expression.

“You think I don’t do nice things for you?”

“You do nice things for me all the time, Mitchy. But this is extreme even for you.”

Mitch rolled his eyes, ignoring the blush crawling up his neck. “Whatever. I’ll never try to help you again.”

They looked at each other for a second. Silence filled the air. Brown irises met blue. Mitch’s cheeks turned red. Auston’s smile flashed white.

“Okay, Marns,” Auston said with a grin. “Let’s go outside then.”

Mitch grinned back. “Alright, let’s go.”

Auston shuffled his papers around, moving the notepad and pens from his lap as he stood from the couch. As if he could sense the agreement, Felix stood from the couch too, tail wagging. Mitch had completely forgotten the dog was even there – too caught up in Auston Matthews to focus on anything else. That seemed to be happening a lot recently.

“Oh hey, Snuffus,” Auston said fondly, scratching behind Felix’s ears. “Are you coming with us? Wanna go outside?”

Felix leapt off the couch, paws scrambling against the tile floor as he bounded out of the living room toward the front door. Auston watched him, smile bright and eyes filled with a warmth that Mitch could practically feel.

Mitch grinned. He loved watching Auston and Felix interact. It was a different side to Auston, one that only a select few people got to see.

On the ice, Auston was The Auston Matthews – face of the NHL, captain, ruthless player. Sometimes, it was easy to forget that there was someone else behind all that. Someone soft and funny and stupidly obsessed with his dog. Like a parent and their child except the child was a mess of slobber and fur. Felix humanized Auston in a way that made Mitch melt more than the blazing heat outside.

“I hope that’s alright,” Auston said suddenly, looking over at Mitch. “I figured he could use a walk anyway, we might as well take him.”

Mitch couldn’t help but feel touched by Auston’s apparent concern. “Yeah, of course.”

Auston followed Felix toward the front door, pulling out a harness and leash he quickly strapped the dog into.

“Here, Marns.”

Mitch barely got his hands up in time to catch whatever Auston threw at him as he padded across the tile floor. He looked down to find a blue Maple Leafs hat, clearly well-loved based on the way it was wearing thin around the edges. Mitch’s fingers traced the hat’s lettering, passing over the name of his home town, feeling where the stitching was starting to pull loose.

“Your hat?”

Auston grinned over his shoulder as he pulled his slides on. “To keep the sun off your pretty little head. Can’t have you melting out there.”

Mitch kept his eyes down, a flush spilling across his cheeks. Auston Matthews, full of surprises. Always finding new ways to make Mitch’s heart race and his chest flutter, butterflies beating their wings against his ribcage distractingly.

“And don’t worry, I don’t have lice or anything.”

Pulling the hat on, Mitch swallowed the butterflies and pushed down that warm feeling in his stomach. A smile crept across his lips. “Well I’d hope not, since your twenty-step shower routine should be keeping any bugs away.”

“We’ve been over this, it’s not twenty steps!”

“I just don’t believe you,” Mitch said with a laugh, following Auston and Felix out the door.

If heat could physically smack someone in the face, Mitch would have been knocked to the ground by the sudden rush of hot, dry air as they stepped outside.

He watched Auston take a deep breath, eyes closed as if stepping outside was refreshing instead of soul-sucking. Mitch had no idea how he did it. He guessed it was different since Auston grew up in the desert, but it never failed to baffle him just how much Auston could tolerate the blistering heat.

Auston looked back at him, as if sensing Mitch’s rapid discomfort. But Mitch shook his head, determined not to complain about the heat. He’d much rather die of heat stroke than let Auston go back to watching the season’s highlights on repeat.

“C’mon, Snuffy,” Auston said, tugging on the leash. He pulled Felix away from where he had been poking his nose, sniffing around the succulents littering Auston’s front yard.

They made their way to the sidewalk, Mitch trailing a step or two behind Auston and Felix. The sun beat down on his shoulders, trickling its warmth down his back and arms. It was a good thing he had Auston’s hat, which kept the worst of the rays from Mitch’s face.

“Nice day out.” Auston’s voice was light.

“If you say so,” Mitch replied. “I’m just glad you’re not going stir-crazy in the living room anymore.”

“Don’t tempt me, Marns. Maybe I’ll go back to studying after you leave.”

“Then I guess I’m not allowed to leave.”

Auston grinned at him. “Now there’s an idea. You, me, Snuffus, and Zeus, 24/7. That’d be a blast.”

“Yeah right,” Mitch scoffed. “We’d get sick of each other so fast.”

Auston paused, thinking. Then slowly shook his head. “I don’t think I’d ever get sick of you.”

Mitch didn’t know what to say to that, so he said nothing. But he felt it again. That stupid, annoying stirring in Mitch’s chest; that warm, bubbly feeling filling his stomach. He wondered what he’d have to do to make those go away.

He looked at the ground as they walked, letting a comfortable sort of silence wrap itself around them. Auston walked quietly beside him. Felix trotted along ahead of them, his collar making a faint jingling sound.

It had never struck Mitch how different it felt to spend time with Auston during the offseason. Spending time together during the season happened naturally – training, hotels, travelling, and everything in between. But it wasn’t the same during the offseason. It was more personal, more private. A choice. Choosing to see each other, to be intertwined in each other’s lives as more than just teammates. As something closer to friends, best friends.

Something flickered in Mitch’s brain – a brief image of domestic life with Auston. The two of them and their dogs lounging on the patio, making breakfast in the mornings, wasting away their afternoons before sleepily dragging themselves to bed. Not all that far off from their current arrangement, but still different. Sharing their worlds, their universe, in a way that made Mitch feel giddy

“Hey, Auston!” A voice called out, snapping Mitch from whatever fantasy he’d been having.

He looked up to see a woman approaching them. Mitch had never seen her before but she was waving, a smile on her face. She had a small dog with her. One of those crusty little white dogs that clearly had no interest in playing with Felix despite Felix’s attempts.

“Hey!” Auston replied. “Mitch, this is my neighbor Molly. She lives down the street over there.”

“Nice to meet you, Molly.” Mitch gave an awkward wave, unsure if this was a hand-shaking situation or not. Molly smiled in response.

“Nice to meet you too, Mitch. You must be Auston’s better half, I’ve heard a lot about you.” Molly gave Auston a knowing look, her eyes lighting up and smile widening.

“Yeah, something like that,” Auston said with a laugh. It wasn’t his normal laugh - it was warmer. Fonder somehow. The sound filled Mitch’s brain, making everything go fuzzy. He wanted to bottle it up, to relish that sound over and over until he was drunk on it.

Normal friendship things… right?

“Well,” Molly was saying. “I’ll let you boys get back to your walk. Just wanted to come say hi.”

“Alright, see ya Molly,” Auston replied, tugging Felix away from Molly’s dog.

“Bye,” Mitch mumbled. He felt dazed and, as much as he wished he could blame it on the hot weather, he knew that wasn’t the reason.

“Sorry about that,” Auston said quietly as they walked away from Molly.

Mitch shook his head, as if the physical movement would clear his jumbled thoughts. “About what?”

About saying I’m your better half? About telling this random woman about me? About that ridiculously fond laugh?

“I didn’t want you to think she was, like, a crazy fan or something. We just pass each other in the neighborhood sometimes.”

“Oh, yeah uh, no worries.” Mitch paused, then added. “She seemed nice.”

“She is. Her dog, Coconut, hates Snuffus though.”

Mitch laughed. “Yeah, I noticed that.”

Auston shrugged, as if to say “what can you do.”

They slipped into comfortable silence again as they made their way back to Auston’s house. Stepping through the front door felt like heaven and Mitch once again thanked Auston’s need to have the air conditioning on full blast.

Exhausted from the walk and the heat, they collapsed on Auston’s couch. Mitch noticed that Auston’s hockey notes were still strewn about, but didn’t want to bring it up in case Auston decided to go for a second round of studying. Instead, Mitch suggested they put on a movie while they cool down. So they did.

Hours later, when the movie finished and the Arizona sun started to dip below the city skyline, Mitch dragged himself from the cool comfort of the couch.

“I should probably head out,” he said, stifling a yawn.

“Are you sure?” Auston asked. “You could use the guest room if you’re too tired to get back.”

Mitch shook his head, although he’d be lying if the idea wasn’t tempting. “Gotta get home to Zeus before he throws a fit.”

Auston laughed. “Yeah, don’t let him find out you’ve been with Snuffy all day. He’ll really throw a fit then.”

As Mitch made his way toward the front door, a thought struck him and he turned. “You’re not gonna go all hockey-insane again, are you? Like, I don’t need to lock away your notebooks and markers? Cuz I will if I have to.”

“Mmm, no promises,” Auston replied, eyes sparkling.

Mitch’s gaze narrowed. “Matts, I’m serious.”

Auston laughed again, light and airy. “Fine, I won’t go all hockey-insane again. I promise.”

“Thank you,” Mitch said with a nod before turning back to the front door.

He slipped his shoes on, grabbed his bag and water bottle, and gave Felix another little scratch behind the ears.

“I’ll walk you out,” Auston said, holding the door open as Mitch walked through.

The air outside was significantly cooler than it had been during the middle of the day, and Mitch sighed happily as he walked to his car.

“Thanks for today, Mitchy.” Auston’s voice was sincere, quiet against the night’s backdrop of chirping crickets.

“For what?”

“For curing me of my hockey insanity, I guess. You’ve always been good at knowing how to help me when I… don’t really know how to help myself.”

Mitch was grateful that the dusky sunset hid his blush as his cheeks warmed. “Well, someone has to take care of you. And it seems like that someone is me.”

“I’m glad it’s you.”

Mitch’s heart skipped a beat. He looked up to find Auston watching him, deep brown eyes turning a shade lighter in the setting sun. He could’ve sworn there was a pink tint to Auston’s cheeks, but it was probably just a trick of the light.

He cleared his throat. “Um, any time then.”

Auston gave him a little nod, the corners of his lips curling up into a subtle grin. “Get home safe, Mitchy.”

“Alright, Matts. G’night.”

Mitch slid into his car, waving to Auston as he pulled out of the driveway. The two of them in their little universe. Together. That warm bubbly feeling rose suddenly in his chest, as if it had been simmering there for hours and was finally demanding Mitch’s attention.

And for just a second, as he drove through the sleepy streets of Arizona’s suburbs, he let that feeling utterly consume him.

One of Mitch’s favorite things about Auston’s house was the dock. It wasn’t attached to the house, but a short walk through the backyard and down the hill led to a quiet lake where Auston had built a small dock. It wasn’t anything special – basically enough space for two beach chairs – but Mitch loved it. Some of his favorite summer memories took place at Auston’s dock.

Now, don’t be fooled. Mitch still hated the dry Arizona heat. But being at the dock made it almost bearable. Whenever he got too hot, he could dive into the cool water and swim to his heart’s content. And whenever the water got too cold, he could lay out on the sun-bleached wood until he warmed back up. Auston always brought a small cooler with drinks and snacks, and Mitch always brought Zeus so Felix would have someone to play with. There was nothing better.

They spent an afternoon out at the dock, drinks and dogs and nothing else. Mitch swam until he was tired, then lounged in the sun with Auston. He watched Auston play fetch with Felix, swimming after each other and laughing until their throats were raw. It really was a perfect day.

When they got back to Auston’s house, Zeus and Felix raced each other to the couch before collapsing, exhausted from their long hot afternoon.

“They’ve got the right idea,” Auston said, nodding toward the dogs.

Mitch laughed. He helped Auston empty the cooler in the kitchen, dumping the remaining ice in the sink and putting everything else back in the fridge. A shiver ran down his spine as his hair dripped cold water down his neck, soaking into his shirt where it was thrown around his shoulders.

“Oh, Marns, looks like you missed a spot,” Auston said with a laugh, gesturing to somewhere on Mitch’s back. “You’re burnt.”

“What? Where?”

“Here.”

Mitch scoffed. “I don’t know where you’re pointing, I can’t see my back.”

“It’s right here.”

Auston’s fingers brushed Mitch’s skin, tracing a path across Mitch’s lower back. His touch was gentle, cool, but it set Mitch on fire. Goosebumps raced up Mitch’s body. His breath hitched in his throat and he unconsciously bit his lip to stifle any sound threatening to break free.

“Oh, sorry.” Auston’s voice was quiet, his words as fleeting and light as his fingers. “Did that hurt?”

Mitch closed his eyes. His mind felt foggy. The ghost of Auston’s touch made it impossible to think straight.

“No, it felt– it felt good.” Honestly slipped from Mitch’s lips far easier than he would’ve liked.

“Oh?” Auston’s voice dripped with a smile; one of those cocky Auston Matthews smiles that drove Mitch crazy.

“I- I mean- because your hand is cold,” Mitch stammered, heart pounding. “It- it felt good on the burn.”

A beat of silence. Mitch couldn’t bring himself to look at Auston. He pretended to busy himself with drying his hair, pulling his shirt from around his shoulders and running it over the wet strands clinging to his face.

“I’ll get you some aloe,” Auston said. That stupid cocky smile still coated his words.

Mitch listened as Auston’s footsteps left the kitchen, padding across the carpeted living room before climbing the stairs. He let out a breath. Auston Matthews was going to be the death of him.

“D’you wanna shower?” Auston called from upstairs.

Mitch almost choked.

“W-what?” he called back.

Auston stuck his head down the stairs. “Shower? The guest bathroom is getting some work done, but you can use mine. I’ll start dinner while you’re cleaning up.”

Mitch collected himself, ignoring the bubbly feeling rising in his chest. “You sure?”

“Yeah, go for it.”

Mitch grabbed his bag by the front door and passed Auston on the stairs. “Now I can finally use your twenty step hair routine.”

Auston laughed, a real deep laugh. The sound was warm as it echoed around the house. Mitch wanted to wrap himself in it.

“Yeah, right,” Auston was saying. “You stay away from those products, some of that shit’s expensive.”

Mitch rolled his eyes and walked down the upstairs hallway, turning into Auston’s master bedroom.

The room was clean, practically spotless. A large bed filled most of the space. A chest of drawers sat against one wall, a nightstand pressed against the bed, and a walk-in closet. Mitch felt like he was on one of those HGTV shows where every room is staged and it doesn’t look like anyone actually lives there. Until he started noticing the little things.

A framed photograph of Auston’s family sat on top of the chest of drawers, along with a line of several Maple Leafs hats, including the one Auston had loaned Mitch for their walk. Felix’s dog toys were cluttered in the corner near a dog bed that had hardly been touched since Felix always slept up with Auston. On the nightstand, a small collection of bracelets had been piled next to Auston’s watch. Mitch’s heart skipped a beat when he saw a 1634 bracelet, probably given to Auston by a fan, sitting on top of the pile. He tried not to think about that too much.

Tugging his bag off his shoulder, Mitch made his way to the bathroom. He showered quickly, using as few of Auton’s “expensive” products as possible. He couldn’t help feeling a little lightheaded at the thought of smelling like Auston. Y’know, in a completely platonic way.

As he dried off, slipping his spare shorts on and running a towel through his hair, he heard a soft knock on the door.

“Yeah?”

Auston walked in, a change of clothes in his hand.

“You smell good,” he said lightly, as if he was commenting on the weather.

Mitch’s pulse quickened. In a completely platonic way. “I smell like you.”

“I know,” Auston laughed. He turned the shower back on, adjusting the temperature. “And I smell good.”

“Whatever.” Mitch scoffed. But he grinned to himself as he stepped back into the bedroom, gently closing the bathroom door behind him.

Laying on the bed, seemingly waiting for him, Auston had left the bottle of aloe lotion. Mitch felt that bubbly feeling in his chest, rising like the tide against his ribs. Stupid Auston and stupid Mitch for being so damn fond of him.

Mitch wasn’t quite sure where he had gotten burned, but he could still imagine the ghost of Auston’s touch against his skin. He rubbed the lotion there. As if he could rub away the feeling of Auston’s fingers grazing his back, trailing ever so gently over the red skin there, the softness of his voice as they touched.

Shaking those thoughts from his head, he turned to rifle through his bag for a spare shirt. Socks, rain jacket, sunglasses, everything he needed for a day at the dock. But no shirt.

Mitch frowned. He swore he packed one. After sifting through again, it was clear he hadn’t. He looked down at his bare torso. Walking around half-naked didn’t seem too terrible in the dry Arizona heat, but in the air-conditioned arctic of Auston’s house, he’d rather have something on.

He scanned the room as if looking for a solution to magically appear. His gaze landed on Auston’s chest of drawers. Hello magic solution.

Suddenly, the bathroom door opened and Auston stepped out. Hair still damp. Broad shoulders tinted pink from the sun. Water droplets tracing paths down his toned chest. Dark tattoos scrawled across his skin. Towel wrapped around his waist.

Mitch’s mind went blank.

It wasn’t as if Mitch had never seen Auston shirtless before. Half the Leafs’ locker room walked around basically naked and that included Auston. What seemed to shock Mitch was everything else. The sheer domesticity of it all – of spending the day together, getting cleaned up, waiting around in Auston’s bedroom, taking turns showering. It was so personal in a way that Mitch had never felt before.

And, despite having seen Auston’s bare torso plenty of times, Mitch didn’t think he had ever looked so good.

Several long seconds passed. Silence filled the space between them.

Once Mitch could finally get his brain to work again, he noticed that Auston’s eyes hadn’t met his own. They seemed to be stuck a little bit lower. That’s when Mitch remembered.

“Oh!” He exclaimed. “Sorry! I realized I forgot to bring a spare shirt and my other one has sand all over it, so I was gonna ask you to borrow one but you were in the shower and…”

He trailed off. Auston’s mouth curled into a smile. Another stupid Auston Matthews smile. Mitch noticed his cheeks looked a little pink, almost like he was blushing. Or sunburned.

“You can just grab one from the bottom drawer,” Auston said, gesturing toward the chest of drawers. “Any of them should fit.”

Auston turned back into the bathroom, presumably to get dressed, leaving Mitch alone in the bedroom to collect himself. And he really needed to collect himself. His heart pounded against his ribs, his palms felt sweaty suddenly, and that stupid bubbly feeling made it hard to think. God, Mitch hadn’t felt like this since –

Oh. Oh.

Oh no.

In a moment of crushing realization, Mitch found he wasn’t surprised that he had feelings for a guy. He was significantly more surprised to find that the guy in question was his best friend.

Fuck.

He pushed every thought away, clearing his mind. This could be dealt with later – a week or a month or maybe even years later. Right now, Auston was changing in the next room and Mitch needed to get a grip.

He pulled open the chest’s bottom drawer, not giving his brain time to catch up. As he flisked through the shirts folded there, he realized he hadn’t seen Auston wear any of them in a while or maybe even ever for some of them. His gaze landed on one. It was a black shirt showing Mickey Mouse spinning a basketball on his finger and the word “Thunder” scrawled up the side. Mitch shrugged to himself as if to say “sure, why not.”

He tugged it on as Auston stepped out of the bathroom again. This time, fully clothed. Mitch couldn’t tell if he was grateful or disappointed that Auston was covered up.

“Is this one okay?” Mitch asked, pulling the shirt down.

Mitch watched Auston look him over. Felt his eyes roam across Mitch’s torso, hot gaze leaving a trail of sparks smoldering on Mitch’s skin.

“Sure, why that one?”

Mitch shrugged. “Seemed comfy.”

"You can keep it if you want," Auston said, running a hand through damp hair. "I never wear that one and it looks better on you anyway."

Mitch blushed furiously. Auston Matthews and his one hundred and one ways to make Mitch feel flustered.

"Thanks," he mumbled, running his fingers along the shirt's soft hem.

There it was. Yet another step into this blurry off-season relationship they had formed.

Mitch shook his head as the word relationship popped into his head. Calling it a relationship was too serious, too real, too... close. They were just friends. Just friends. And the fact that Mitch was wearing Auston's clothes and clearly had feelings for him meant nothing.

He turned to grab his bag and his eyes landed on the 1634 bracelet next to Auston's bed.

"Ready for dinner?" Mitch felt a hand rest on his shoulder, warm and steady. He fought the urge to lean into the touch.

"Yeah, starving," he replied.

They made their way downstairs where Auston had made dinner.

They chatted quietly back and forth as they ate. Talked about hockey, obviously, but talked about other things too – movies they’d seen recently, the show Auston had been watching, their families, was Mitch missing home. At times, Mitch noticed a certain fondness slip into Auston’s voice. A warmth that colored his words. It made Mitch’s chest ache.

After dinner, they joined their dogs on the couch. They bickered over which movie to put on, then finally picked one and settled in. Shortly after, Mitch’s eyes started to droop. He hadn’t realized how exhausted he was from their afternoon at the dock, how much the heat had sapped his energy, until he found himself dozing off.

He woke up briefly, the movie still playing quietly in the background. His face was pressed into something warm, something soft. Probably Zeus. He shifted himself closer, letting the feeling envelope him, and fell back asleep.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when he woke up again. He blinked and rubbed his eyes, trying to clear sleep from his vision. The lights in the house were still on, but the movie wasn’t playing anymore. His back was still pressed into Zeus and it felt like Zeus had thrown a paw over Mitch’s chest. Blinking tiredly across the couch, he saw Zeus and Felix curled up together, snoring quietly. Mitch almost sank back into sleep when his eyes snapped open.

He looked down to where he thought Zeus’s paw was. Instead, he found Auston’s arm wrapped around his shoulder and across his chest. Auston’s fingers gently curled around Mitch’s torso, rising and falling with his breathing. It felt euphoric in a way he had never experienced before.

Every single fiber of Mitch’s body yearned to stay where they were, to let them stay wrapped in each other forever and never be pulled apart. But the last thing he wanted was for Auston to wake up and freak out about whatever this was.

Mitch picked up Auston’s arm, moving it slowly and gently to rest back on the couch. As soon as its warm presence was gone, Mitch felt colder, smaller. Lonelier. He sat up. Auston stirred behind him.

“Hey,” Mitch said quietly, standing and rubbing his eyes. “Zeus and I are gonna head out.”

Auston blinked up at him. He looked down at his side where Mitch had been pressed, like he could feel Mitch’s warmth or was noting its absence. Then back up.

“You’re not seriously gonna drive home right now?” Auston asked, his eyebrow lifted ever so slightly. Sleep hung heavy in Auston’s eyes and his cheeks were dusted the lightest shade of pink.

“What do you mean?” Mitch responded, stifling a yawn. “I don’t even live that far away.”

When he opened his eyes, Mitch saw such a ridiculously fond expression on Auston’s face that his chest suddenly felt like it might explode. But then he blinked and it was gone. Must have been his sleep-addled brain.

“No, no, no, you’re staying here. The last thing I need is for you to fall asleep on the road, crash into a ditch, and get hurt.”

Mitch rolled his eyes. “I’m not that tired, I promise.”

“Mitchy,” Auston said. He was still smiling but there was something a little harder in his voice. As if the thought of Mitch getting hurt had sharpened his words. “Please? You can stay in the guest room downstairs.”

Mitch yawned again. Zeus snored, digging his nose into the soft fabric of the couch.

“I guess that’d be fine,” Mitch said. Auston’s smile softened.

Mitch sleepily followed him to the basement, taking the stairs slowly and carefully. Auston showed him the guest room. His eyes were bright, words were warm. Mitch could have sworn he saw that fond look on Auston’s face again, but he was equally as sure that he was making it up. Seeing what he wanted to see.

“You need anything? Auston asked as Mitch crawled into bed.

Mitch shook his head.

“Alright, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Domesticity with Auston Matthews. Mitch’s heart ached, clenched in his chest.

“Thanks, Matts. G’night.”

“Night, Mitchy,” came the reply as Auston turned the lights off.

As his eyes slipped closed and he wrapped himself tighter in Auston’s comforter, Mitch thought it might not be so bad to have feelings for his best friend.

Mitch was so wrong. It was actually terrible to have feelings for his best friend.

It made him do stupid things like say yes to spending the weekend with Auston’s family. Seeing Auston’s family wasn’t the stupid part though. The stupid part was that he’d agreed to unofficially play Auston’s boyfriend.

“I need a favor,” Auston had asked one afternoon.

Mitch didn’t even look up from his phone. “Mmm depends on what.”

“Will you come with me to my parents’ house this weekend?”

“Oh, sure. I haven’t seen them since our last game, that’d be fun.”

“Thank you, you’re the best.”

Mitch narrowed his eyes. “Why are you so relieved by that? You don’t wanna see your parents?”

“No, I do. It’s just that Alex is gonna be there too.”

“You don’t wanna see Alex? I thought you liked your sister.”

“I do!”

Mitch laughed. “Sorry, I don’t see what the problem is.”

Auston grinned sheepishly. “Well, here’s the favor part of that favor. Alex thinks I’ve been single for too long or something, so she keeps trying to set me up with her friends or coworkers. And they’re all nice but not my type.”

What’s your type? Mitch thought before he could stop himself.

“So,” Auston continued. “If you came with me to visit, maybe Alex wouldn’t try to set me up with someone.”

Mitch raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Please, Mitchy. Please please please.” Auston stuck his bottom lip out, giving Mitch the biggest puppy eyes he’d ever seen.

The next thing Mitch knew, he was in Auston’s car on the way to his parents’ house. It wasn’t too far away, only a 45 minute drive, but Mitch spent every second questioning his life’s choices.

When they got to the house, Auston’s parents and sister Alex met them at the front door.

“Mitch!” Auston’s mom exclaimed. “So good to see you again!”

“It’s good to see you too.”

“Mom, you’re smothering him,” Auston said, rolling his eyes.

“I am not!” She replied, reaching over to ruffle Auston’s hair.

Mitch received a firm handshake from Auston’s dad and a warm hug from Alex. They all had strange twinkles in their eyes, like they knew something he didn’t. It was an odd feeling.

“Do you need help carrying bags to the guest bedroom?” Auston’s mom asked.

“The guest-?” Mitch started.

“Nope, we’ll be fine, mom. Thank you!”

Before Mitch could say another word, Auston dragged him downstairs and away from everyone else.

“Matts, what’s going on?” MItch asked in a hushed voice.

Auston gave a slight shake of his head, willing Mitch to be quiet. They pushed their way into the guest bedroom. Mitch dropped his bag on the floor, turning to face Auston as he closed the door behind them.

“What did you do?”

Auston grinned again, stupid and sheepish like a kid caught stealing from the cookie jar. “So I may have implied that you and I are a couple.”

Mitch’s mind went blank. His cheeks immediately flushed, both from the way he’d been received by everyone and from the thought of him and Auston dating. The fact that even Auston’s family found it possible… he could think about that later.

“You did what?”

“I didn’t say it explicitly!” Panic crept into Auston’s voice as Mitch’s reaction was clearly worse than he’d been expecting. “I just said that you would be joining us for the weekend and that Alex could stop trying to set me up. I guess they put two and two together and assumed we’re dating.”

Mitch sat on the bed. His legs felt weak but his brain was suddenly moving a million miles a minute.

“I have to spend the entire weekend pretending to be your… boyfriend?” The last word was hard to get out, as if saying it out loud would jinx any chance of it being real.

“Hey, you agreed to help me out!”

“Not like this! I thought we’d just be hanging out!”

“We will be hanging out!” Auston took a deep breath. Mitch felt his weight dip on the bed next to him. “Look, Mitchy. I’m really sorry. If you’re not comfortable with this, we can go tell my parents right now.”

Mitch sighed, holding his face in his hands.

As much as he was annoyed with Auston for putting him in this situation, and as much as he was dreading the next two days of pretending, a selfish part of him was fine with it. Deep down, he knew this was the closest he would ever get to being in a relationship with Auston. Was it so wrong of him to make the most of it?

“It’s fine,” he mumbled through his fingers.

“What?”

Mitch lifted his head, blushing furiously as he met Auston’s gaze. “I’ll be your fake boyfriend.”

“You’re the best!” Auston wrapped his arms around Mitch, knocking them down on the bed in an excited tangle of arms and legs.

“But only for this weekend!” Mitch knew this weekend was going to be hard enough, the line between friends and something more already so blurred, that pretending for more than two days may drive him insane.

“Yes, yes, of course.”

They laid on the bed for a second, Auston breathing like he had just run a marathon. Mitch could feel every point of contact between them – Auston’s hands on his back, Mitch’s thigh pressed against Auston’s hip, their bodies slotting together like puzzle pieces. Auston’s touch seared his skin, set him on fire. Mitch could get drunk on it. Lean into the feeling until he was so dizzy he couldn’t see straight. The temptation pulled in the pit of his stomach.

He had to get away.

He tried to sit up. Auston’s body pinned him down.

“Matts?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I get up?”

“Oh, yeah.” Auston pulled away quickly, sitting up. “Sorry.”

Mitch sat up. He blinked. His face was mere centimeters away from Auston’s. He could see the gold flecks in dark irises, a pink flush on tanned cheeks, every messy hair falling out of place. Auston looked… flustered.

There was a knock at the door and they leapt apart. Mitch toppled off the bed. He straightened up, running his hands through his hair like that would wipe the blush from his face.

“Yeah?” Auston called.

Auston’s dad opened the door. If he was surprised to see Mitch and Auston five feet apart, blushing and unable to look at each other, he didn’t show it. Just smiled with that knowing twinkle in his eyes.

“Getting settled in?” he asked.

“Yep!” Auston replied. Very casual.

“Okay then. We’re taking the dogs for a walk, would you like to join us?”

Mitch and Auston exchanged a look, their eyes meeting briefly before Auston said, “Sure, we’ll be up in a sec.”

Auston’s dad nodded, closing the door behind him.

Mitch stood up, still trying to smooth his hair and pull himself together. He looked over at Auston. Then looked at the bed. Realization struck.

“Matts,” Mitch started slowly, trying to keep his voice flat. “Are we sharing this bedroom?”

“Well, yeah.”

“There’s only one bed. Are we sharing the bed?”

Auston stood next to Mitch, looking at the bed. He tilted his head. “I can sleep on the floor?”

Mitch rolled his eyes. “Oh please, I’m not making you sleep on the floor in your own house.”

“Then I guess we’re sharing the bed.”

The silence that followed was deafening. Mitch couldn’t stop thinking. About the darkness of the room, about Auston’s quiet breathing in the middle of the night, about the inches of space separating them under the covers, about every accidental touch or move that would make Mitch’s head spin.

“I guess we’re sharing a bed,” he said instead.

——

They walked the dogs. Mitch listened to Auston and his family as they caught up, talking about people and places he didn’t know. But he never felt excluded. It was like he was watching an episode of an old tv show where he didn’t know what was happening, but felt comforted nonetheless. He was so caught up in Auston’s family that he didn’t even notice how blazing hot it was outside.

As they walked, Mitch felt Auston’s hand brush his own. His heart skipped a beat. A few minutes later, it happened again. The soft skin of Auston’s hand skimming over his. Then again. Mitch couldn’t tell if it was part of the act, part of their “relationship,” or if they were just walking too close together. But if it was part of the act, Auston seemed to give up after the third try. Mitch felt a pang of disappointment.

That afternoon, they lounged around the living room. Auston’s parents shared his philosophy with the air conditioning so Mitch was finally able to cool down from the heat of their earlier walk. At some point, Auston’s mom started asking Mitch questions. Nothing crazy, just about how his family was doing and how he was liking Arizona. Auston’s parents seemed to know details about Mitch that he had never told them, that they must have heard from Auston. Mitch felt that bubbly feeling rise in his chest. It was all very intimate, to be known that way.

Alex suddenly started talking about one of her friends who, if Mitch guessed correctly from the way she talked, she had tried to set up with Auston. Apparently this friend had recently gotten into a new relationship with “the one.” Alex kept saying she didn’t think they were a good match for each other, that her friend should be with “someone else,” and Mitch didn’t miss the way she practically glared at Auston. He could tell the conversation was getting dangerously close to a discussion of his “relationship” with Auston. His heart pounded in his ears. But Auston just leaned back on the couch, mere inches from basically being in Mitch’s lap, and said, “that’s great, I’m happy for her.”

Mitch’s chest felt like it could explode. In the back of his mind, he knew it was fake. Knew that Auston was putting on a show for the family. But the way he proudly watched Mitch talk to his parents, sat next to him on the couch rubbing circles into his skin, winked at him when his family wasn’t looking... The line was blurring. Fast.

——

Suddenly it was time for dinner. Everyone was in the kitchen – Auston’s mom stirring pots at the stove, Alex next to her washing dishes at the sink, Auston’s dad chopping vegetables at the counter. Auston and Mitch sat together on barstools at the island. They were all talking and laughing, someone had put music on in the background, and the air filled with delicious smells as the food cooked. Mitch felt warm, felt welcomed and loved, in a way he never had before.

It didn’t feel like he was just Auston’s friend who came to visit. It felt like he was part of their family. And, despite the nagging thoughts in the back of his mind screaming at him that this was all fake, he let himself enjoy it. He let himself sink into the conversation, let the aromas of vegetables and sizzling meat envelop him. He smiled and laughed and felt lighter than he had in years. Maybe lighter than he’d ever felt. Without even a sip of alcohol, Mitch felt drunk and giddy and a little bit in love. Okay, maybe more than a little bit.

As they watched Auston’s family cook, Mitch felt something brush the back of his hand where it rested on the counter. He looked down. Auston’s hand rested against his, gently, casually. Instead of the usual searing heat, Auston’s touch was comforting. Like hot chocolate on a cold day or a fuzzy blanket in the middle of the night. Without even thinking, Mitch reached his pinky out, linking it with Auston’s. Out of the corner of his eye, Mitch watched Auston grin, saw a flush of pink fly across his cheeks, and knew deep down that that wasn’t part of any act.

Dinner was delicious and Mitch made sure to tell Auston’s mom repeatedly, which always made her blush and smile at him fondly. As they ate, Auston’s parents kept Mitch entertained with stories from Auston’s childhood while Alex interjected every so often. They got more and more ridiculous and, as Auston tried to deny them every single time, Mitch found himself laughing so hard that he almost spit food everywhere. It was probably the best meal Mitch had ever had.

After they all had second and third helpings of everything, Auston helped his dad pick up the dishes, vanishing into the kitchen to clean up. Mitch tried to get up to help, but was waved aside by Auston’s dad, so he stayed at the table with Auston’s mom and Alex.

“Ema, everything was delicious,” Mitch said, watching Auston’s mom grin at him. “Thank you so much for having me.”

“Well of course! It’s so great that you were able to join us this weekend.”

Alex nodded absentmindedly, scrolling through her phone.

“We’re just so glad that Auston’s found someone who makes him so happy,” Auston’s mom continued. “I swear, this is the happiest we’ve seen him in a long time.”

Something twisted in the pit of Mitch’s stomach. Guilt prickled the back of his neck. He hated having to lie to Auston’s family. Even if the lie wasn’t explicit, just an omission, he still felt horrible about leading them on this way. He dropped his gaze to the table, unable to meet Auston’s mom’s gaze.

“Who’s ready for dessert?” Auston walked back into the dining room holding a tub of ice cream, followed by his dad with bowls and spoons.

And even though the ice cream was good and the conversation was even better, Mitch couldn’t enjoy it around the lump in his throat and the guilt in his stomach.

——

An hour or so later, Auston and Mitch wished everyone a goodnight before retreating to the guest room. Auston got the bed ready while Mitch brushed his teeth and washed his face in the adjoining bathroom.

“I don’t like it, Matts,” Mitch said around a mouth full of toothpaste.

“You don’t like what?”

Mitch spit and rinsed. “I don’t like lying to your parents.”

Auston sighed. “I know.” He leaned against the bathroom doorframe. Mitch turned to face him, resting back against the counter and ignoring how ridiculously domestic it was for them to have a conversation like this. Like they were an old married couple. “I’m sorry for putting you in this position, Mitchy.”

“I appreciate your apology, but it doesn’t make me feel less like shit.”

Auston grinned at that. “Do you wanna tell them before we leave tomorrow? Come clean about it?”

“No, cuz then I’ll feel even more like shit.” Mitch took a deep breath, leaning his head back against the mirror. “I feel bad about letting them think we’re a couple, but I’d feel even worse telling them it was all a lie.”

Silence filled the room. Mitch’s thoughts were a jumble. There was just no way out of this stupid situation.

“I guess we’ll just have to fake a messy breakup soon so that they don’t keep thinking we’re together.” Mitch could hear the smile in Auston’s voice.

“Oh really? And why would we be breaking up?”

Mitch looked back down to find Auston’s head tilted, deep in thought. His eyes traced Auston’s face – the gentle curve of his jaw, the arch of his eyebrows, the fond warmth in those deep brown irises.

“I actually can’t think of a reason,” Auston finally said with a grin. One of those stupid, cocky Auston Matthews grins. Mitch’s heart skipped a beat. “I guess we’ll just have to stay together forever.”

Hearing the words “together forever” come out of Auston’s mouth almost made Mitch pass out. They sounded so nice, so perfect, so right. But that little voice in the back of his head piped up, reminding him that it was all fake. They weren’t together, they would never be together. The end. Pain blossomed in his chest.

“Yeah, okay,” Mitch scoffed, putting all his effort into keeping his voice normal. Not letting his broken heart and hurt feelings seep into his words.

They finished getting ready for bed. As Auston brushed his teeth, Mitch slid under the covers and scrolled aimlessly on his phone. Trying to distract himself from both his aching heart and the fact that he would be sharing a bed with the source of that feeling.

The bathroom light turned off and Auston came out, crawling into bed beside Mitch.

“Are you a side sleeper?” he asked.

“Mmhmm,” Mitch mumbled.

“Which side?”

“I start on my right, I think, but usually roll over onto my left at some point.” Mitch put his phone on the nightstand, staring at the ceiling as he spoke. “You?”

“I sort of flail around until I can get comfortable.”

“Please tell me you’re kidding.” Mitch looked at Auston laying beside him, rolling his eyes when he saw that stupid grin on his face.

“I’m kidding,” Auston said with a laugh. “But wouldn’t it be so funny if that was true?”

“Funny for you maybe. Not for me when I’m getting the shit beat out of me in the middle of the night.”

Auston laughed again, rich and deep and bright. Mitch smiled into the darkness.

“Hey um,” Auston said after a moment. His voice was suddenly low and quiet. Genuine in a way that made Mitch blush. “Thank you for coming with me. And agreeing to be my boyfriend.”

Mitch took note that Auston didn’t say “fake boyfriend.” He wasn’t quite sure what to do with that information, but it made his heartbeat quicken.

“I mean it,” Auston continued. “My parents clearly love having you visit and… I’ve loved having you here too.”

Mitch felt Auston’s weight moving around beside him, shifting closer. He rolled onto his side. Opening his eyes, his breath caught as he found his face mere inches from Auston’s. Their noses were practically brushing against each other.

“I’ve liked being here too.” Honesty slipped from Mitch’s lips in a whisper. “It’s felt like… like I’m part of your family.”

Auston smiled. “You are my family, Mitchy.”

Mitch didn’t know what to say to that. A small lump formed in his throat and his eyes suddenly felt watery. Stupid Auston Matthews and his one hundred and one ways to make Mitch fall in love with him.

The room filled with silence. Mitch could feel Auston breathing, gentle puffs of air in and out, his chest expanding toward Mitch. Mitch’s entire body felt tight with tension. Like he was paralyzed by the fact he could reach out and touch Auston, run his fingers through his hair or trace the lines of his jaw. Or he could lean forward through the darkness, tilt his head just a few inches, press their lips together until his head spun…

He felt something warm against his cheek. Trailing lightly over his skin. Soft and gentle, calloused and firm. Confident in a way that only Auston Matthews could be.

Mitch’s breath hitched. He didn’t want to move, didn’t want to ruin the moment. He felt dizzy at the way Auston’s fingers caressed his cheek. Moving slowly, slowly, savoring every second and relishing the contact.

And then they were gone. Mitch immediately missed the contact, yearned for it to come back. Wanted more and more and more. Wished Auston would run his hands all over his body just so Mitch would know how it felt.

“G’night, Mitchy.” Auston’s voice was just as soft as his touch.

“G’night, Matts.”

Mitch rolled onto his other side, forced his eyes closed while the ghost of Auston’s fingers caressed his cheek over and over again in his mind. As he slowly drifted off to sleep, soothed by the sound of Auston’s quiet breathing behind him, Mitch started to think that maybe their “relationship” wasn’t so fake after all.

——

Mitch woke up to find the bed empty next to him. The sheets were cold, like Auston hadn’t been there at all.

When Mitch made his way upstairs, Auston was still nowhere to be found. His mom was making breakfast in the kitchen and his dad was lounging in the living room. Alex had left earlier that morning. But no Auston.

Mitch tried to ignore the creeping doubt in his mind as he helped Auston’s mom make breakfast. It crept in anyway.

What if the whole thing really was fake? What if he made everything up? The looks, the touches, the fluttering in his chest? What if none of it was real? What if Auston regretted the whole thing?

What if Mitch wanted it too much?

What if Auston didn’t want it at all?

Dread filled the pit of his stomach. Flooded in like icy water, dripping down his ribs and pooling where that warm bubbly feeling used to be.

His thoughts spiraled and spiraled until he couldn’t breathe. A gentle touch at his elbow reminded him that Auston’s mom was there, grinning up at him. He smiled back. It felt more like a grimace.

As they set breakfast on the dining room table, Auston appeared at the front door. There was a ring of sweat around the neck of his shirt and he was out of breath, chest heaving up and down. Mitch winced. Auston only went for runs when he needed time to think. Mitch didn’t want to know what he was thinking about.

They ate quickly. The conversation was different. Light and friendly, hollow and fake. Auston pretended everything was fine. Mitch did the same. He smiled and talked, counted how many times Auston looked at him and didn’t act disappointed when that number was zero.

When they were done, Auston rushed downstairs to shower. Mitch followed. Quietly. Sheepishly. Dread drip drip dripped into his stomach. Anxiety pricked his skin as he packed his bags.

Auston came out of the bathroom, hair still wet. He didn’t meet Mitch’s eyes. Didn’t acknowledge him at all.

The air disappeared from the room. Mitch felt the silence suffocate him.

Auston walked to the other side of the bed, pulled his bag from the floor and started piling stuff in. The distance between them couldn’t have been more than six feet but it felt like Mitch was watching him from the other side of the universe.

“How was your run?” Mitch asked. Reaching out.

“Good. Hot.” Auston’s words were short, clipped. He wasn’t reaching back.

Mitch’s heart sank, dropping into the pool of icy dread lining his stomach.

He reached again. “Did you sleep okay?”

A shrug. Auston’s head was down, like he couldn’t even look at Mitch. Couldn’t find it in himself to reach back.

“Is everything okay?”

Mitch’s voice was quiet but it felt like he was yelling. Yelling across this silence, this cold empty tundra, this infinite space. Begging Auston to say something, do something, look at him. Pleading with him. Please please please, don’t leave me out here alone.

Auston didn’t even hesitate. “Yeah, yeah. All good. You ready to go?”

Then he disappeared out the door. Mitch watched him go, watched the last light wink out in the universe’s infinite blackness.

The sound of Auston’s footsteps climbing the stairs, of his voice talking to his parents, cut Mitch like a knife. Slipped between his ribs, past all those tired butterflies and their fluttering wings, and punctured his lung to let the cold dread rush in.

He had ruined it.

Their whole friendship, their whole relationship, their whole everything. Whatever it was they had been. Mitch had fucked it all up. And for what? To play pretend? To be Auston’s fake boyfriend for the weekend?

To want and want and want but never have?

He felt stupid. He felt stupid and childish and achingly alone.

The only person in the world who could make him feel better was right upstairs, but he felt like a universe away.

A numbness took over his body as he went through the rest of the day.

He said goodbye to Auston’s parents. Thanked them for their hospitality. They beamed at him, wrapped him in their arms and said he was welcome any time. Another twist of the knife.

He slid into the front seat of Auston’s car and felt a pang in his chest as he remembered how happy he had been last time he had sat there. Auston pulled out of the driveway. His parents waved at them, they waved back. Then silence.

They didn’t speak a word to each other before arriving at Mitch’s apartment. He stepped out of the car, grabbed his bag from the backseat.

“You have everything?” Auston asked. His voice was raspy from not being used in so long. Another twist of the knife.

“Yep.”

“Alright.” Auston paused as if he wanted to say something, then decided against it. He still didn’t look at Mitch, didn’t take his eyes away from the car’s dashboard. “See ya.”

“See ya,” Mitch replied.

He watched Auston’s car leave. Watched it stop at the corner, then turn out of sight.

Watched Auston Matthews from a universe away.

Mitch was painfully aware of the distance between him and Auston in the days that followed. Instead of waking up and immediately heading over to Auston’s, he spent the days by himself. He watched shitty tv shows, took Zeus for walks alone, even read a book for fun. He was almost tempted to watch highlights from last season, but just the thought of watching Auston play twisted that stupid knife in his ribs.

He hated being alone, existing in this universe without Auston. He missed the way Auston’s face would light up when he walked through the front door. He missed days at the dock, movie nights and sleepovers. He missed shared dinners and lunches and midnight snacks.

He missed domestic life with Auston Matthews.

But day by day, the hockey season was getting closer. He moved back out to Toronto, flying by himself and spending every second wishing Auston was there with him. His apartment was the same as he’d left it but it felt bigger. Emptier. Lonelier.

Mitch put it off as long as possible but he knew that he had to start training seriously again. It wasn’t that he dreaded training, he actually liked getting back into the swing of things. It was that he dreaded running into Auston.

When he went back to the Leafs’ training center, he gathered all the courage he could muster. And it was a good thing he did because Auston was there, of course.

They didn’t speak a word. Mitch thought he saw something like surprise fly across Auston’s face, but Auston just nodded a greeting at him and went back to his stretches. The most contact they’d had in weeks. Mitch’s heart leapt.

Sure enough, they started talking a few days later. Surface level gym talk. Was Mitch using those weights, how many sets did Auston have left. Mitch only felt slightly embarrassed at the way his pulse quickened each time they spoke. Once or twice he caught Auston watching him out of the corner of his eye, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up too high.

Mitch knew he had fucked it up before, that Auston had come to regret whatever blurry relationship they’d had. He wasn’t going to mess it up this time.

Another week passed. They advanced past gym talk. Now they talked hockey and training and how their dogs were doing. Mitch talked about watching one of Auston’s favorite shows, Auston talked about spending time at the dock. They talked about each other. The words “I miss you” never escaped their lips but they colored every conversation.

Mitch watched Auston creep back into his universe bit by bit, watched him light up the darkness until Mitch didn’t feel so alone.

But Mitch held back. He wasn’t willing to mess it up again. He couldn’t want it as much as he had wanted it before. He couldn’t give everything to Auston just to lose him again.

He thought he had been doing a good job of holding back, of playing it off. But apparently not.

Mitch had spent the morning at the training center with Auston. Everything had been fine, they’d been talking like usual, when Auston had invited Mitch over to watch a movie. Mitch hesitated. It would be so easy to slip back into Auston’s life. To sink back into their blurry relationship and want and want and want. But he just couldn’t do it. It was too painful. When Auston smiled at him or laughed at his jokes or said his name, Mitch could feel the knife in his ribs twist millimeter by millimeter. He didn’t know when the pressure would be too much. So he said no, told Auston he was too busy at home and wouldn’t have time. Auston had raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

When Mitch got home, he showered and ate, settling onto the couch with Zeus to watch more shitty tv.

Then, a knock at the door.

Zeus jumped off the couch and raced to the front door. Mitch was quick to follow. He was caught so off-guard that he didn’t even look through the peephole, just opened the door. His heart leapt into his throat.

“Hey, Mitchy.” Auston stood there looking almost sheepish, like he was doing something wrong. Or he was nervous. Both of which were very un-Auston of him.

“Matts? What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?”

Mitch looked back at the apartment behind him. Zeus was dancing from paw to paw and his tail wagged, having clearly recognized Auston’s voice. Mitch sighed.

“Sure.”

He stepped back to let Auston in, heart pounding in his ears so loud he was sure Auston heard it as he walked by. If Auston did hear it, he did a good job of hiding it as he let Zeus lick him all over, petting him and grinning like crazy.

Mitch watched Auston stand up and look around. The apartment hadn’t changed since last season, since they’d lost the playoffs and left for Arizona. But Auston looked around like he’d never seen it before, soaking in each detail.

“I like your new couch,” Auston finally said, casual as ever.

Mitch laughed, light and nervous. “Same couch, just had it cleaned. But thanks.”

A pause. Zeus bounded around the living room, wagging his tail. Completely unaware of the tension filling the room. Mitch leaned against the kitchen counter.

“What’s up, Matts?” He flexed his fingers to stop his hands from shaking.

“What happened to us?”

Auston’s words were blunt. Matter of fact, to the point, unexpected in a way that made Mitch laugh before he realized what had happened.

“I’m sorry? What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean, Mitchy.”

Mitch blinked. “Is this because I didn’t want to watch a movie with you today?”

Auston shrugged. “Sort of? You’ve been holding back on me and I just… I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Well, it’s kind of your fault that I’ve been holding back.” Mitch felt a sudden rush of anger pulse in his veins. Who was Auston to come in here and play the victim when he was the reason Mitch had to hold back?

“What?”

“I mean, you’ve been messing with me all summer and then completely cut me out after your parents’ house. I’m not just gonna run back into your open arms.”

Auston furrowed his brows. “What are you talking about? I haven’t been ‘messing with you all summer.’”

Mitch laughed, cold and hard. He hadn’t realized how frustrated he’d been with Auston until now, how much anger and warped fear had been boiling under the surface.

“Yes you have! You’ve been flirting with me all summer! You talk about me with your neighbor and you let me wear your clothes and we basically cuddled on your couch. And then you let your family think we’re dating.” Mitch was breathing heavily, mind whirling. He could hear his voice start shaking and he wasn’t sure if it was anger or sadness or both. “And then you freaked out and regretted everything and stopped talking to me. Like what am I supposed to do about that?”

“Woah, woah, I didn’t regret everything!” Auston’s eyes were wide.

“Well why else would you stop talking to me? You couldn’t even look at me!”

“Of course I couldn’t look at you! It was too hard!” Auston threw his hands up. Took a breath. Mitch unconsciously matched his breathing, let the anger drain from his body.

He looked up at Mitch, deep brown eyes twisted with something like pain. “It was too hard to look at you and see something I wanted so bad, but could never have.”

Mitch gasped. Someone pulled the knife out from between his ribs and, suddenly, he could breathe again.

“What?”

Auston sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “I want you to know it wasn’t fake for me. None of it was. And the line between real and not real got too… blurry. It just started to hurt.”

Mitch shook his head. Jumbled thoughts rolled around his mind. “I- you- You meant it?”

“Yes! Every second of it!” Auston blushed as if realizing what he’d said. Mitch thought it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“But you could’ve had me! All summer, you could’ve had me,” Mitch said breathlessly.

“I didn’t know. I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. I thought I was just making up in my head.”

A pause. Silence. But not the kind that twists the knife. The kind that fills the air in early mornings, when the day hasn’t started and there are endless possibilities. The kind that lingers late at night when it’s just you and the stars and no limits.

“You can have me now,” Mitch said, the words slipping from his mouth, dripping with honesty.

Auston’s gaze snapped up. He breathed, shoulders rising and falling, as if he couldn’t believe it. Mitch grinned.

“You mean it?” Auston asked.

“Every second of it,” Mitch echoed.

In an instant, Auston was in front of him, closer than they’d ever been. Mitch could see the gold flecks in his eyes, the pink dusting his cheeks, the stupid cocky smile spreading across his lips. Mitch loved that stupid smile.

Auston lifted a hand to cup Mitch’s cheek, running his thumb delicately across Mitch’s skin. That warm bubbly feeling rose in Mitch’s chest, his ribs filled with thousands of butterflies beating their wings.

“Can I kiss you?” Auston whispered.

“I thought you’d never ask,” Mitch answered, closing the gap between them.

Their lips met, soft and gentle and tentative. Years of quiet longing melting in each kiss. Mitch moved closer, pressed deeper, ran a hand through Auston’s hair. He thought they could kiss for a million years and he’d never get tired of it. Auston smiled against Mitch’s lips. Mitch smiled back, head spinning.

Everything was perfect in their universe.