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He held him in his arms and smiled a sad smile over his shoulder. Dean knew he should say something, anything. What could he say now though that would make anything better? He needed to know that Cas would be safe. He was the only one he could trust to look out for Sammy. Of course, it was more than that too, and he might have taken that fact to his grave if it hadn’t been for Chuck’s devine intervention.
The world froze with Cas in his arms, and Chuck’s voice was the only thing with any life. “Tell him what you’re thinking. He’ll need this once you’re gone. He’ll need to know that it wasn’t just him.”
Dean looked back at Chuck. Cas was frozen in place giving a hug that Dean had somewhat moved out of. The others were still, focused on other things. “What if he doesn’t think like I do?”
“He does.”
“How do you know?” It was maybe a dumb question in hindsight, but Dean never could quite believe that Cas thought of him, like that.
“I am the alpha and the omega. I know all that is and ever shall be. And my son loves you.”
And with that Chuck faded back, and movement returned to Cas, but none of the others. “What’s happening?” Cas asked as he looked at the still world around them.
“Chuck thought that we should have more time. He thought that there were things you needed to know.” They weren’t quite hugging anymore, but they were close. Dean reached to straighten out Cas’ collar and tie like this was important. A petal drifted slowly down to his shoulder and settled there. Dean whisked it away with a brush of his hand. Another landed in Cas’ hair. Dean reached up and gently pinched the petal and removed it.
“I don’t want you to go.” It was simply stated. Cas’ eyes looked like big pools of sorrow under the bright, spring-time sky.
“We’ve never really had to say goodbye. It’s always just been one of us leaving and the other one dealing. I told myself that when we got you back I’d finally make the time to talk with you, just you.” Dean’s hands rested on Cas’ shoulders. Cas’ hands were on Dean’s hips. There was an intimacy to this moment. Dean knew if he leaned into him, that Cas wouldn’t push him away, and that knowledge almost gave action to a thought. Cas needed words though.
“Dean?”
Dean stared into his eyes and leaned his forehead to Cas’. “There were these two guys we met, hunters. They were married, had a horse farm. They got to retire and just live out their days together.”
“Yes.” Cas’ thumbs were distractingly rubbing the edge of his hip just under his shirt.
“I’d been thinking about how much I want that.”
“You want to find a good woman to settle down with?”
“No.” Dean lifted his hand to Cas’ cheek, stroked the edges with his thumb. “I want to settle down with you. I want to know what it is to wake up next to you. I want to know what it is to grow old with you, to get to the end of the line with you.”
Cas laughed a little and said, “Is that a Captain America reference?”
Dean laughed too. “Yeah, I guess it was. Team Stucky.”
“I don’t know that reference.” Cas smiled from a breath away.
Dean smiled back, “Doesn’t matter.” He thought that he might kiss him then, but he hesitated. “You’re the last thought I have at night before I sleep and the first thought I have in the morning. You’ve been it for me for a long time, Cas. Wanted you to know that before I go. You don’t have to feel the same.”
He threw the last part on because he felt awkward all of a sudden. It seemed to move Cas to actions of his own, but not before he said, “Idiot.” Then he kissed him. Cas clung to him like he’d hold him forever. Dean’s eyes closed and he held on too.
His hand slipped back into Cas’ hair. His fingers raked at his scalp there. He opened his mouth a little, and Cas took that as an invitation to enter. Cas’ hands were under Dean’s shirt, pressed to his skin, warm like summer. Dean wanted to feel more of them, wanted them to warm all of the cold places.
The moment lasted and lingered like it wasn’t the end of the world, like it wasn’t always the end of the world. A hand came to Dean’s shoulder that wasn’t Cas’, and Dean broke the kiss. At first Cas chased his lips unwilling to be done, then he saw Chuck.
“Sorry, but it’s time.” Chuck stepped back to where he had been. Cas pulled Dean into a hug that seemed to be gearing up for a fight against the inevitable separation. Time moved again, and the others seemed to note no difference.
Cas said into his ear, quiet, just for him, “To the end of the line.”
Dean smiled, the same sad smile he had before. “Yeah.”
He stepped away, and Cas said, “I could go with you.”
Dean looked at him, and felt all of the love he never got to fully share with him. He denied him the death he had just asked for. He gave him a mission instead, ‘protect Sammy.’ It was all he could do. When Chuck snapped him away, the last thing he saw was Cas’ face, the taste of his lips still on his own.