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Jihoon knocks on Soonyoung’s bedroom door for the third time to no response on the other side of the door.
Jihoon hasn’t seen him all day—actually no one has. Soonyoung has yet to come out of his room, even for food. Which means Soonyoung has stayed there, supposedly..hopefully, with no food.
“Soonyoung? Can I come in?” Jihoon asks respectfully. He tried the door handle on the second try, but he didn’t wanna just barge in his room. However, he might not have a choice now, he’s worried.
“Okay, um…I’m coming in, okay?” Jihoon gently lets himself in Soonyoung’s room and closes the door behind him.
Jihoon looks around the room: the blinds are drawn, encasing the room in darkness other than the sun slightly peeking through. There’s various cups and plates on the nightstand, as well as clothes on the floor towards his closet and drawers.
His eyes finally trail ahead, towards the bed to see frumpled sheets. At least Jihoon can confirm that he's here. He’d hate to find out that Soonyoung suddenly went rogue.
Jihoon slowly sits on the bed. He doesn’t want to do anything too fast; no fast movements, no fast speech, and no fast judgment. So he enjoys the quiet of Soonyoung’s bedroom and softness of his sheets as he continues to look around.
It’s been a while since he’s been in Soonyoung’s room. They try to respect each other’s space, so they don’t really go into each other's room unless given permission or they miss each other. Jihoon has, in the past, caught a wild Soonyoung in his bed after one of his late night returns. But it’s never really been the other way around.
“Jihoonie?”
Jihoon’s head turns towards the origin of the noise. Jihoon can’t deny, it makes his head swim a little to hear his nickname come out of Soonyoung’s mouth. Soonyoung recognized him on voice and behavior alone. It’s easy to do that when you’ve spent a decade with a person, but it’s never less effective. Jihoon never takes it for granted.
“Hm?”
Soonyoung releases a deep exhale, “What are you doing in here?”
Jihoon thinks about finding the outline of his legs to rub them for comfort, but Jihoon doesn’t know if physical touch is the best thing right now. He’ll wait.
“Just came in here to check on you.”
Soonyoung hums and shuffles himself in the bedsheets to get more comfortable.
“I would say you didn’t have to do that, but I know that would work on anyone else, but you.”
“I’d punch you.”
That gets a little chuckle from Soonyoung to Jihoon’s delight, “I know.”
They fall into silence again, but it’s a bit less uncertain.
“Is checking on me all you wanted to do? Do you need something else?”
Jihoon kisses his teeth, “Why are you worried about what I need? I came here to see how you’re doing.”
“I’m always worried about you.”
“Then why won’t you let me worry about you?”
“Hm.”
Soonyoung rubs his eyes.
“You haven’t come outside today.”
“I’m aware.”
“Then why haven’t you?”
“I’m just—I’m just having one of those days, Jihoonie.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
…
“Wanna tell me about it?”
“My body just cringes at the thought of that.”
“What? Like I haven’t shared my worries with you before?”
“Yeah, but it’s different.”
“How so?”
“It’s…like you’re getting a peek into my soul.” Soonyoung sniffs,”It’s like I’m barring my guts to you, telling you to look inside and hoping you like what’s inside. It feels so gross.”
“It feels vulnerable.”
“Yeah.”
“So why can’t I look inside?”
“Because you’re Jihoonie.”
“I think that’s exactly why I should be able to look inside. You think I haven’t seen the messy parts of you?”
“Of course you have, but it never gets any easier, huh?”
Soonyoung wipes at his eyes,
“I just can’t explain it.”
“Try.”
“You are so persistent.”
“I wouldn’t have made it far if I gave up on the first try…or the fourth.”
Soonyoung giggles and pushes him with his blanket-covered foot.
Soonyoung sniffs,”The best way I can explain it..what I keep reminding myself when I feel like this, is that I’m starting to worry about things I can’t control. I know that, if anything, that just makes me more frustrated because I can only do so much. It makes me so frustrated, Jihoonie.”
Jihoon starts to rub Soonyoung’s leg over the covers.
“I can’t change the way I was born, I just have to deal with it.” He sighs into a sob.
“Y’know, even though I was never religious as a kid I used to think,” The Gods must hate me.”
“Soonie..”
Soonyoung pulls his arm from under the covers and holds out his hand to Jihoon. Jihoon doesn’t hesitate.
“And again I keep thinking, ‘I’m worried about things I can’t control.’ It makes me sick.”
Jihoon rubs his thumb against the back of Soonyoung's hand. Soonyoung wipes his eyes with the other hand.
“Wanna know what hurts more? There’s nothing you can really say that will soothe me eternally. These feelings will always exist within me. Whether it lessens in amount or impact is different, but it will never be gone. It’s a part of who I am now.”
Jihoon leans down to kiss the back of Soonyoung’s hand.
“Hoonie?”
Jihoon has heard “Woozie” and “Jihoonie” plenty, but in times like this, Jihoon is “Hoonie.”
“Hm?”
“Can you cuddle with me?” Soonyoung opens the covers up and scoots over to make room.
“Course I can.” Jihoon crawls up to the head of the bed, tucks himself underneath the covers and closes it behind him.
Soonyoung opens his arms and Jihoon tucks his face in his neck. He hasn’t smelt Soonyoung all day. He hasn’t felt warmth all day. Without Soonyoung, the whole day has felt uneasy.
Soonyoung wraps his arms around Jihoon and pulls him closer.
“Missed you, Hoonie. I wanted to talk to you all day, but it just—”
“I know, Youngie, I know. I know you.” Jihoon leans his head back to kiss Soonyoung’s cheek then squishes his cheek back up against Soonyoung’s.
“You think I don’t know your heart by now?”
“You’re so cute, Hoonie.”
All that can be heard is the soothing unison of Soonyoung and Jihoon breathing and the occasional shuffle of covers.
“M hungry, Hoonie.” Soonyoung mumbles.
“Thought so, you haven’t eaten today, have you?”
Soonyoung tries to shake his head, but then remembers Jihoon’s cheek is pressed against his.
“I’ll feed you, we have some stuff in the fridge if you don’t wanna go out today.”
“Thank you, Hoonie, you’re so nice to me.”
“Sap.”
“I know you don’t like cheesy stuff, but I love you.”
Jihoon dramatically sighs, but starts to rubs his cheek against Soonyoung’s, “I love you too, Youngie.”
—-
Bonus
“You’re such a cat, Hoonie.”
“Says the supposed tiger?”
“That means we match each other right?”
“….I guess so.”
“Then cats we are.”