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The five brothers all lazed about their shared bedroom. The eldest quietly lowered whatever it was in his hand and looked out over his four other siblings, letting a smile cross his lips. One was quietly reading, homework, maybe? One seemed to have fallen asleep at the kotatsu, while another sat beside him, scribbling on a piece of paper. The eldest looked to his side to see one more, also jotting away on paper, but the older boy didn’t seem to give whatever the musings could be a second thought.
It was a surprisingly relaxed atmosphere for the quintuples, considering it was going to be their eleventh birthday the following day. Were they not excited for this? Just the other day they all seemed fairly positive about the next day. A birthday was certainly not something to take for granted, to just wist away. Perhaps... it was the chill outside that kept them somber.
One finally piped up, looking away from his... drawing... if it could be called that. “Do you guys... ever think about him?”
If it’d been possible, I would have said the room dropped into even deeper silence at the youngest’s question. His older brothers had all, almost in sync, stopped what they were doing, and even the one at his side seemed to rouse from his half slumber. They all looked at each other.
After so long, the one sitting off by the wall reading admitted, “Yeah... Sometimes...” This seemed to break the tension enough for the oldest to give them a soft smile.
“Of course I think about him sometimes... But, I mean, it’s not like... there’s much to think about, right?”
“Y-yeah...” the one sitting to his left agreed, “I mean... he was just a baby...”
The youngest frowned. “I know... But don’t you ever wonder what he would have been like?” He earned a few nods.
“He has a name, you guys know...” the other boy at the kotatsu yawned.
The second born nodded. “I know that... It’s just...” He bit his lip. “It’s kinda weird, don’t you think...? Naming a... corpse...” There were more nods. It wasn’t that jarring for his brothers, hearing a slightly insensitive comment spoken amongst them. They were use to being honest to each other, and were much too young to want to keep things secret.
No one spoke his name, of course.
“Maybe it made Mom and Dad feel a bit better,” the middle child answered quietly. Again they all nodded.
The youngest let out a sigh. “I bet he would have been really nice...” The oldest grinned as he leaned back.
“Would be nice, having a nice brother!” he laughed.
“Hey!” two of his younger siblings said together, probably under the assumption they could be considered the nice Matsuno brother. Their outburst just made the eldest snicker. One brother at the kotatsu finally stood and stretched, trying to wake fully from his nap.
“I wonder if dinner’s ready yet...” he mumbled as he dropped his arms to the side.
“I wonder what’s the plans for tomorrow!” the older one by the wall said. He closed his book and stood as well, letting out a soft happy sound as he reached up towards the ceiling, stretching himself.
The oldest followed in suit. “Iunno!” he said as he hopped up, “But I’m sure it’s gonna be really fun!”
“Hey, Niisan?” the youngest asked, looking up at him. “What if we... include him tomorrow?” They all shared glances again, before they jumped over to him, smothering him in a hug.
“Ahh! Such a smart little brother! Such a sweet little brother!” the oldest cooed, petting his hair. “Of course! We’ll include him!”
“We’ll make a spot at the table for him! A-and presents!” the second born added, holding his baby brother tight.
The second youngest held him as well. “We had a nice brother all along!” he giggled.
“Ah, you’re just so sweet! Why didn’t we think about that?” the middle child grinned as he patted his cheek. The baby brother was all red from the attention. “We have to go tell Mom and Dad!” he quickly added, insisting they hurry downstairs. They released the youngest brother and darted out the door and towards the living area.
It didn’t take much to convince them to allow an extra spot at the table, and Dad even broke down and agreed to buy the missing brother one, only one, present. Mom smiled, happy to see how caring her sons were for a child who didn’t even live five minutes. To see such compassion from her children, it filled her heart, dulling the ache that had renewed after being reminded of her lost child.
The next day things were set up with perhaps a complication here or there, especially trying to keep all five overly excited ten-year-ol--apologies, eleven-year-olds at bay and in their bedroom. Finally just after lunch, things were ready with six, not five, places set at the children’s table and a table in the corner piled with gift bags. However, the number was slightly off this year, being as their was a small bag with the name of a dead boy on it.
No one spoke his name, though. Of course.
The five brothers all hurried to their places and loudly celebrated. They placed at plate at the empty spot, and even went as far as to add food to it. The youngest leaned over to the spot, grinning. “Happy Birthday,” he whispered to it.
When it came to the presents, everyone hurriedly opened theirs, but grew quiet as they glanced at the small one sitting by the plate of untouched food. One brother reached out for it, but another shot a hand out.
“W-wait... Don’t...” He licked his lip. “Just leave it...” They paused before nodding to each other.
The present was left unopened, and put away into a closet. Each year, a new one was added, a small bag containing a gift fit for a twelve-year-old, thirteen-year-old, fourteen-year-old boy, and an unspoken name written onto the tag.
Soon the boys entered high school. They began figuring out their own interests, and the birthday presents began to reflect that. One expressed an interest in sports, so he was gifted a bat one year. One expressed interest in art and thus he received a paint set that same year, only to drop it for other favorable activities. They found it increasingly harder to get the missing boy a gift.
They all once again lounged in their room, the last of them returning from after school activities. The eldest was pondering the present predicament as the youngest shut the bedroom door.
He sighed. “So... I’ve realized something...” Only two of his brothers looked up at him, the other two keeping to what they were doing. He continued regardless. “Now that we’re older... our presents aren't, ya know, just silly kids’ toys, right? So, uh... What’re we gonna get him this year?” This had the other two’s attention now as they all looked at each other and then around the room for ideas, perhaps. The eldest sighed once more.
“Iunno,” one muttered. “The things we get now are kinda... Personalized now...” He frowned.
“Why not just get whatever? Technically that’s what we’ve been doing...”
The second born shook his head. “No... No, no, brother, it has to have meaning! He needs to know we care for hi--”
“He’s dead.” A couple of them winced slightly at the bluntness. “In fact, he’s never been alive, really, so what does it matter what we get him? He’s dead, he can’t know we ‘care for him,’ he’s fucking dead.” The youngest let out a soft whine.
The oldest shook his head. “I wanna put thought into it... I don’t wanna try and force some sort of, I dunno, personality on him...”
“He’s dead,” the other insisted.
“Yeah, he’s dead, meaning he doesn’t deserve to have what little of his memory be overwritten!” one said.
The other looked like he was about to pass out from his older brother’s stupidity. “Oh my god, he died as a baby, there’s like no memory. Why are even still doing all this?” The oldest stood up.
“Because, okay? Just because.” He turned to one of the brothers that had been silent. “What do you think, Jyushimatsu?” Jyushimatsu stiffened a bit from being put on the spot and let out a nervous giggle.
What was he going to say? It’s not like you could really get a personal present for someone who you didn’t even truly know, who in your mind never even really existed. Finally after a moment of staring at the table pensively, he stood, and spoke.
“We should get him...” he paused, grabbing the three’s attention that had been arguing. He inhaled deeply, making the tension last perhaps just a bit too long.
“Jyushima--”
“A generic gift,” he said and took his seat plainly. Needless to say, the others were fairly unimpressed.
The eldest sighed. “Alright, that’s two for--AWESOME WELL THOUGHT OUT GIFT,” he gestured to himself and his agreeing brother, “and two for... bleh-boring-I-don’t-givva-shit gift.” He gave his other two brothers a pointed look, to which only a shrug and blank eyes were responded.
He slid over to the remaining brother, grinning and speaking in a sing-song, “Tie-breaker, baby brother tie-breaker!” The other huffed and brushed at him as the oldest jostled him.
“A generic gift,” he mumbled, “and don’t call me your baby brother.” He jerked away and went back to what he was doing.
“Fuu...” the eldest huffed, “you guys are really boring, you know that?” He just sighed again and stood up. “Alright, alright, I’ll see what kind of really boring generic gift Dad can get for him for tomorrow, but you guys are seriously no fun!” He nodded to brother that was obviously a little fun at least, and they both headed out.
The next day, just like the years before, a small present with a dead boy’s name written on the tag was quietly put into the closet with the rest of them.
Of course, no one spoke his name.
And it was decided each year the dead brother would get a generic gift, as to not force a personality onto him. As to not to tarnish his little memory. Just because it doesn’t matter. We don’t really know him? Honestly, the excuses were getting unmanageable, and it was surprising that they hadn’t just quit acknowledging the boy altogether.
But, no, each year, they celebrated, each year they congratulated him. On what? He was dead, he was never alive. How could they celebrate another year of life if he had never gotten that year? This didn’t stop them. Each year. Every year.
There were ten presents now.
An eleventh was violently tossed in by one of the youngest, unlike prior years when it had been placed gently. Clearly showing his disdain, his actions were haste, but still caught by the eldest brother, who angrily called out the other’s name. The younger spun to face his older brother.
“Why would you do that,” the older spat, no question in his voice. He demanded. The younger actually looked nervous.
“Osomatsu-niisa--”
“No. Just... What the fuck...” Osomatsu-niisan didn’t look as angry, so much as... hurt. He pushed past his younger brother and gently picked up the present, careful not to look inside. Without another word, he sat it down gently and left. The younger stood there for a few moments before finally following him.
Birthdays over the years changed for the quintuples. Instead of a bunch of small presents, they would usually receive a fairly sized one, usually pertaining to their interests. This was maturity. They still bought one small thing for their dead brother, however, and placed it into the closet. A certain brother was no longer allowed to touch them anymore, though.
The next year, Osomatsu-niisan had slightly different plans. They still celebrated in a normal fashion, they still bought that one present, but this year, he had bought something else.
It had taken him a whole year to track this specific item down, and was overly grateful that it had arrived in time for their birthday. Once the party, as small as it was, was finished he huddled all his little brothers into their bedroom and began to set up.
The were all fairly confused, to be frank. Not only had Osomatsu-niisan hurried them upstairs, only pausing to place the small gift bag into the closet, he had told them that they weren’t allowed to drink. At all. Unusual for Osomatsu-niisan, considering he loved to celebrate almost anything with a cold beer.
Osomatsu-niisan instructed them all to sit at the table, which they all followed through, mostly out of confusion and curiosity. The eldest then sat a piece of wood into the middle of them. They gasped when they saw what it was.
One brother began to stand up. “Nope, nope, nuh uh--”
“Isn’t that dangerous, Niisan?” another called out. Osomatsu grabbed the escaping brother.
“Would you calm down? And, no, we’ll be fine, Jyushimatsu.”
“What is this for?” the now captured brother hissed.
Osomatsu-niisan snorted. “Isn’t it kinda obvious?”
“Osomatsu-niisan, you can’t, these things are really dangerous!” he yelled, pointing at the Ouija board. It looked a bit different from an average Ouija board, the characters were hiragana instead of Roman ones, and to account for certain characters, there were dakuten and handakuten markers up in the corner, with yoon and a sokuon in the other. It would create extra steps for the spirit communicating through the board, but ultimately it made the board about half the size it normally would be otherwise.
Of course “Yes” and “No” where written in the top corners, and “Goodbye” in one of the bottom ones, resembling a normal board. Osomatsu-niisan shook his head. “Listen, okay. It’s fine! Promise.”
The other wasn’t convinced. “Osomats--”
“Look. I need to do this. We all do!” He looked over at his other brothers. “This is our brother. My little brother, just like you guys. I’m the oldest, and it’s my job to make sure you guys are okay, alive or dead.” He gave one brother a pointed look. “I just, I really need to do this, and I can’t do it alone. We should all be together for this!”
After a moment, one of the younger brothers piped up. “What if he isn’t even there?” Osomatsu-niisan blinked.
“He’s here... I know it...” He looked to Jyushimatsu. “You feel him here, too, right?”
The younger man gave a nod. Osomatsu smiled and looked back to the brother still halfway to a standing position. “See?”
“But it’s still dangerous,” he argued.
“Not if we all keep our hands on this and only I ask the questions,” he said with a grin and held up a smaller piece of wood. “Please, I need you.” The younger brother swallowed nervously and took a seat, earning a small cheer from his oldest brother.
Osomatsu-niisan placed the piece of wood on the board and had his brothers all put their finger tips on it. Surprisingly to the younger boys, all forty fingers fit just barely onto the piece, just as Niisan had wanted. He got it custom made, after all.
After he made sure everyone was holding on firmly, but loosely as well, Osomatsu-niisan took a shaky breath before speaking.
“Little brother... If you can hear us, please let us know.” He eyes glued to the board as we waited for his answer. The other four in varying degrees of nervousness watched as well, sometimes sneaking glances at each other.
A few minutes passed and Osomatsu-niisan let out a breath he’d been holding onto. “Wh... Why isn’t it working...?”
The one to his side scoffed. “I knew it--”
“You don’t believe, it’s your fault!” Osomatsu shouted quietly, keeping his hands on the piece. Thankfully all the others did as well.
“How is it my fault?! I don’t think Ouija boards require belief, this isn’t a fairy tail!”
“Stop bringing this down, ShinjinakuteShikoSki!” It was a wonder he managed to say that perfectly.
“Seriously, who?! This name is getting impossibly long! And I said it has nothing to do with believing, what are you, five?!” ShinjinakuteShikoSki shouted, not so quietly.
“Guys...” one of the brothers called from across the table. The two broke the staring war they started and looked to him. He sighed. “Pretty... Pretty sure you have to say his name, Osomatsu-niisan...” Osomatsu blinked.
The anger had left his face. Yeah, obviously, now that he thought about it. He just, he didn’t seem ready.
No one had ever spoken that name.
No one ever had to hear that name.
And now here they were. He needed to talk to this little brother. He needed to know if he was okay, if he was happy about the things they had done for him. He needed to know that all this was for something.
He took another breath, looking at the faces across the table. A fairly confident gaze met him. A somewhat bored one, that said he’d rather be elsewhere, but it still had just a bit of focus. And silly bright ones that also tried to focus.
Finally, Osomatsu spoke his name.
“Todomatsu, if you can hear us, please let us know,” Osomatsu-niisan said, voice weaker than it was before. It suddenly felt much real for them all, Ichimatsu-niisan’s face was pale. Regret, perhaps? Constantly arguing how futile it was, he’s dead, he’s dead. Karamatsu-niisan had dropped his act, and was watching the board intently with Choromatsu-niisan and Jyushimatsu-niisan.
I’d been waiting for this. I placed my hand on the middle of the piece. I’d been waiting years for this, to talk with them, to laugh with them. Ever since Jyushimatsu-niisan smiled at me on that first day. I moved the piece and Osomatsu-niisan watched with wide eyes.
IM HERE
It was... Exhausting.
Choromatsu-niisan choked on air. “D-did someone do that, who did that?” he sputtered, watching the board with fear.
“N-no one...” Osomatsu-niisan said in barely a whisper. I guided the piece.
TO DO MA TSU
Karamatsu-niisan nearly fainted, looking ready to piss his pants.
I didn’t really want to scare them though. Nothing I could help though, I could only wait for the next question.
Osomatsu finally choked out, “Y-you’re our little brother, right?” Ah, easy one, I moved the piece up to the YES.
“Todomatsu!” Jyushimatsu cried out, looking... happy... I felt some sort of warmth in my core. I forced the piece to move, even if it wasn’t a question, I still needed to respond.
JYU SHI MA TSU
So... tiring...
They all looked to each other, all of them grinning.
I’ve been watching them, since we were born, since I had died. I wanted, so badly to have joined them. And Jyushimatsu had offered to include me in our eleventh birthday, I felt so... alive. I felt like I had never died.
Osomatsu-niisan cleared his throat. “Hey, Todomatsu...” I liked it. I liked hearing my name. Finally, they weren’t avoiding it. Finally I wasn’t a taboo subject. “Uh, silly question,” good, keep it light, include me in your fun, “but we kinda ended up choosing different colours on our own and I was wondering... Would you want orange? Ya know, to complete the rainbow?” His grin was so ridiculous. I loved it.
I moved the piece to the NO however. I knew what I wanted it. Osomatsu looked surprised.
“What colour then?” he asked.
PI N K
He let out a soft snort. “Cute...” That warmth returned. Cute? Me? I’m cute? Yes, I’m cute. I’m the cute baby brother. I got the cute little bags on our birthdays and the cute placemats. I was cute. Cute.
Jyushimatsu-niisan was nearly jumping out of his seat. “Todomatsu! Todomatsu! Do you love us? We love you!” Jyushimatsu was going to rip me apart with all this emotion flooding into me.
I LOVE YOU ALL
Ichimatsu-niisan seemed to croak. “I-I... I’m sorry...”
ITS FINE
I didn’t know if it was or not. Ultimately, I couldn’t blame him, right?
Ah, the room seemed a bit smaller.
“Todomatsu...” Karamatsu-niisan seemed choked up as well. I didn’t understand. I was just a concept to them. The little brother who would have been, but he was actually emotional. They all were, sniffling and wiping their faces onto their shoulders. “D-did you ever get your gifts?”
I paused. I honestly couldn’t say I cared what the gifts were or not, just happy over the fact they included me. Cared about me, even though I didn’t really ever live, even though I was never someone to them.
I didn’t know how to answer. I didn’t know how to tell them that.
I LOVED THEM
The room seemed darker.
I was starting to get so tired. Choromatsu had yet to actually ask me anything, and I’m sure Osomatsu had even more questions.
“How is this possible? Do you... like, have feelings?” Choromatsu bit his lip. “Are you sorta like a person now??” Whoa, buddy.
I DONT KNOW
It was the only thing I could think of to answer all of that and save my energy.
“I-I bet... our lives would have been much better with you, Todomatsu... We miss you, even though you were never really here.” So... warm... I closed what I guessed were eyes.
NI I SA N
“We love you.”
I LOVE YOU
JYU SHI MA TSU TH A NK YOU
They all looked up at Jyushimatsu-niisan. They looked confused. The room was heavy, my head pounding.
FO R IN CLU DING ME
FO R CA RING AB OUT ME
ALL OF YOU
“W-we love you!” Osomatsu-niisan choked. Why. Why did they care. Why did it make me so happy.
Maybe after all this I had become a person. Instead of some forced out soul, a person. Their baby brother. I was the cute baby brother. They loved me. I loved them.
I love you.
WE WILL ME ET IN AN OTH ER LI F E
A LL SIX OF US
W E WILL SPIN THE DI AL AGA IN
I felt heavy and so light. Heat was overtaking my form. They were all crying. I didn’t know what to say about this. I just felt so... I was just so happy.
I knew the next day Osomatsu-niisan will place a pink parka into the closet with the five others, right behind the yellow one. On the chest there will be a pine tree symbol, just like theirs. I knew next year that there will be a new present for me in the closet. That someday I’ll see them again.
But I wouldn’t see the parka, or the new presents. I just knew they would be there.
I gently moved the piece to the GOODBYE.