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Akito inhales. He exhales. He looks down. Oh, it is such a long way down. He actually considers backing out, but he's so close to peace. To happiness. Akito grips the railng a bit tighter, preparing himself.
He inhales.
He exhales.
The fall felt like forever. It made Akito's stomach drop, quite literally. He just felt a slight pressure on his back, and that was that. He finally died.
So why did he just wake up?
Akito sits up—his body feeling fine, no pain at all—and looks around.
Just a black landscape, as far as his eyes can see. Odd...? He had prepared himself for whatever afterlife was to come: reincarnation, Purgatory, even the 'black screen'. Is this the black screen?
He can see himself. He can feel himself. He is conscious. He guesses this is the blank screen. Hey, it's better than Hell. He was honestly a little terrified of that concept...
Akito sighs a breath of relief; His pain is finally gone. Over. And he doesn't have to go through worse. He wonders how long he's going to be here. Forever? That sounds like the only logical answer. However, being here forever sounds a bit lonely...
As if on cue, Akito sees another figure walking toward him. Where did they come from? Akito squints, trying to see more of the figure, of what they look like.
Wait... They're holding a scythe.
...Is that a Grim Reaper?
Akito backs up, nervous. He forgot about the whole 'Grim Reaper' thing. He thought they were supposed to bring you to the afterlife, though? Not be there when you're actually there.
The Reaper inches closer, and Akito is able to make out some of their features. They look very similar to a human. He always thought that they were supposed to be skeletons with ominous robes on. Well, check for the long, black robe. But, some odd features (for a Grim Reaper) that he can kind of make out is that they have split blue hair. One half is lighter than the other. That's cool, Akito thinks. They are also quite tall.
They walk closer and closer, until they stop, a few inches away.
"You're Akito Shinonome."
The Reaper sounds very young. Not what Akito was expecting. Akito takes in a shaky breath, then responds. "Yeah."
"Why are you afraid? Are you still hurt?" The Reaper says.
"N-No, I'm not hurt. Where am I?" Akito responds.
"One step away from your afterlife. I must decide where you will go."
So this isn't the black screen after all? Now Akito gets even more nervous, "What do you mean?"
"I decide what kind of afterlife you have." The Reaper answers.
Akito doesn't respond, trying to process the situation. What kind of afterlife will he get? He hopes he will get something less... Punishing. Akito is about to ask the Reaper something until they beat him to it.
"Are you perhaps afraid of me? I did not think that I could be intimidating" the Reaper says, "You are lucky that my father is not responsible for you. He is the scary one."
"You have a father...?" Akito asks.
"Yes."
"Oh, I did not know that Grim Reapers had families."
"How did you figure out that I'm a Reaper?"
"The scythe."
"Ohh. Right. Oh, my apologies!! I forgot to introduce myself, no wonder you're so scared." The Reaper panics and then takes a deep breath, introducing themselves.
"I am Touya. And I am a Grim Reaper. I am responsible for deciding what afterlife you will go to. It may take a little while, since I have to review your life in its entirety. Though, you are quite young, so it will not take long."
Akito just blinks. Touya, huh?
"So, Akito, I want you to lay down and relax. I will put you to sleep and do my job." Touya says, and... He? She? Still they? Akito doesn't know.
"A-Alright. Also, a-are you a guy?"
"Oh, um... I have no gender or sex. Though, I guess I am more masculine than feminine... So you may address me as such. But I am not sure who you would even talk to about me." Touya explains. Akito is surprised that they- He doesn't have a gender. Maybe Grim Reapers as a whole don't? This is confusing, Akito thinks.
"It's... Just for internal dialogue purposes."
"Ah, I see." Touya says, "Anyway, please lay down. we can chat more when you wake up, if you wish."
Akito gives a quick 'mhm' and lays down resting his hands on his stomach. Talk more after? He thinks he will actually like that. The Reaper is very... Sweet. Accepting. Everything Akito ever wished for in a friend. He feels a sort of pressure in his chest. But instead of the horrible feeling of crippling anxiety, it... It feels nice. Really nice.
Akito is excited.
"Please close your eyes." Touya interrupts Akito's train of thought. Though, that feeling does not go away, if not it bubbles up in his chest even more. Akito smiles ever so slightly, he wants to bask in this happiness forever and ever. He closes his eyes, relishing this feeling he hasn't felt in so long.
Akito feels a cool, thin metal touch his head, and he falls asleep, happier than ever.
Akito puts on another Band-Aid on his shoulder. Covering the third of five scratches. They sting, they always have. But they haven't made his heart feel heavy since the first time his sister put them on his body. It's been happening more and more.
Akito just wants to help.
He wants to feel useful.
But what good is he if he can't even help himself not get so hurt like this?
He peels the covers of the Band-Aid and sticks it onto the fourth scratch. One more to go... On this shoulder. The other one he still has to patch up.
This many Band-Aids is a waste. He uses so much he keeps two boxes of them under his bed for when this happens. Bought with his own money. Good, hard-earned money, gone to waste.
One shoulder is done, now the other one.
Akito sighs.
He just wants to be happy.
Touya places the tip of his scythe onto Akito's forehead. The metal glows a soft yellow, and he closes his eyes. His head is starting to fill with memories, memories that don't belong to him. Rather, they belong to Akito.
Touya feels a great pain in his chest as memory after memory floods in, very few of them bringing positivity. Sometimes he wishes that he couldn't feel all these negative emotions, or at least feel anything when it comes to memories. Every single soul he looks after, the pain comes back.
Sometimes it doesn't even go away.
To be eternally filled with sadness... Is this what Akito thought would happen to him?
Touya has seen so many people end up with the same fate Akito faced, all of their stories they told, the memories they never dared share with anyone, never failing to make his heart ache.
But, no matter how heavy his heart is, Touya would rather be able to feel, to empathize with every soul. To bring them their much needed comfort, instead of cold indifference. Even if it's just for a little while, he tries. Even if he is not that good at comforting, he tries.
It hurts, but it is always worth the try.
Akito wakes up, opening his eyes slowly. It isn't as hard as it usually was. He feels more rested than he has ever felt in his entire life. That feeling of happiness still lingering in his chest.
Akito takes in his surroundings, and realizes that Touya is staring down at him, scythe in hand.
"How do you feel?" Touya asks.
"...I dunno. I feel more rested than I did before... What did you do?"
"I looked at your memories. No longer do you need to recall those moments of distress, for I have decided what I should do with your soul."
Oh. "Really...?" Akito mumbles. He is now nervous again, he hopes he doesn't end up in Purgatory. Even the thought makes him shiver.
"Yes. I believe that the best option for you is, um... To put your soul to rest."
...
... Ah. Yes, that sounds nice. That is what he was hoping for when he jumped, anyway. Sleeping forever. But, for some reason, he is still nervous. Why is he nervous? Is this not what he wanted?
"Though, I did say that we could chat after," Touya says. He crouches down to Akito's level. "Would you still like to?"
Akito's chest fills up with that warm feeling again, "Yeah. If you want..." He tries to sound nonchalant. But he really wants to talk to this person(?) that makes him feel warm and safe. Or maybe... Because he truly doesn't want to leave forever.
Can't it be both?
Touya seems to become more... Relaxed after Akito says sure. Touya fully sits down in front of him, putting down his scythe.
"Say, would I be less intimidating if I took my hood off...?" Touya asks. Something tells Akito that he just wants to take it off. "Sure, yeah."
"Alright. Okay..." Touya reaches up and grabs the rim of his hood.
Then he freezes.
...
Awkward, much?
"Don't... Judge, alright?" Touya says, his voice smaller, less confident.
Akito tilts his head, confused. What could be so bad about his looks? Does he have the body of a human, and the face of a skeleton or something?
"Yeah, of course. You can take it off now... If you want. Or you can leave it on! Up to you." Akito panics a bit, he doesn't wanna scare him off.
"Okay... Okay." Touya pulls off his hood.
And, goodness, Touya is beautiful.
He can see clearly now that Touya does, in fact, have split blue hair. Perfectly accented with sharp grey eyes, reminding Akito a bit of a cat. Touya also has a small mole right under his left eye. He looks down to his lips, so full... God, he just wants to press his own lips against them-
Wait, what?
No, Akito, what the hell are you thinking...
Touya blinks, looking away, "Is something wrong...?"
"Ah, n-no, of course not... You, um, you look really handsome. That's all." Akito stutters. Man, there is no way he is about to fall in love with a freaking grim reaper.
Since when was he even gay, anyway?
"O-Oh, thank you..." Touya stutters. They both go silent.
...
Awkward again.
Akito tries thinking of something to talk about. He wants to ask about Touya and his life(?), but he isn't sure what to ask. Or if he even should ask anything at all.
Touya seems to be at a loss for words, as well. So, Akito just decides to ask. "You know, I always thought grim reapers were, like, skeletons. How come you look like a human? U-Uh, if I may ask." Akito panics at the end.
Touya looks at him again, those sharp grey eyes piercing Akito's in an oddly comforting way. "I do not mind," Touya says, "And, I am not sure. All of my family looks like you humans do. I thought that was what we were supposed to look like, until I started reaping souls and saw that you all believe that we look like the skeletal system." Touya explains. He looks a little confused himself. "Maybe because we also have bones? I am not sure."
"Oh, okay."
...
"So... What about your... Life? Like, what do you do in your free time?" Akito asks. He might as well learn more about Touya. And he wants to, anyway.
"Umm..." Touya thinks for a moment, turning his head up in thought. "I talk with my father and siblings sometimes. But, most of the time, I am just reaping souls."
Sounds boring, Akito thinks. But he doesn't wanna say that out loud. "You have siblings?"
"Yes, two. They are older than me."
"Ah, that's cool. I have- Or, had, an older sister. She was... Okay."
"Huh?" Touya looks back down at Akito, his eyes widening ever so slightly in... Surprise? Shock?
"W-What's wrong?"
"How do you....? How do you remember?" Touya stands up abruptly, pulling his hood back on and grabbing his scythe.
"What do you mean? Remember what?"
"That you had a sister."
"Uhhh...? I don't know?"
"Do you remember anything else?" Touya motions him to lie down. Akito complies after processing what is happening. Barely.
"A-About what? Am I not supposed to...?"
"No. You're supposed to forget everything, because my scythe holds your memories now. Did I forget one, perhaps...?" Touya starts to talk to himself.
"Anyway, please close your eyes and relax like last time."
Akito nods and closes his eyes, a little more on edge than last time. He starts to feel drowsy, and falls asleep once more.
Touya places the tip of his scythe on Akito's forehead. The metal glows a soft yellow, and he closes his eyes. However, instead of his head filling with Akito's memories, his head feels awfully empty. Nothing comes to his head that isn't his.
Touya stays like that for a bit, trying his best to focus and drag anything that he missed.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Touya removes the scythe from Akito's head, the metal losing its glow. Touya grows frustrated. This has never happened before... How come Akito remembers everything from his life? He doesn't know what's happening.
He feels like a failure. He actually liked Akito... How could he keep Akito alive with all his pain? He is glad that he could provide some much needed comfort... But he also has the power to take away all of his pain. And it's not working.
He is the worst.
Akito deserves rest, once and for all.
Shouting and crying have become white noise to Akito now. He lies in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to sleep. He's stopped trying to help his sister. He's stopped trying to argue with his father. He's stopped trying.
He cannot describe how useless he feels. But nothing ever works out when he tries, so it's not like he could ever be useful, anyway.
So... What is he even still doing here, then?
Ena doesn't need him. His father doesn't need him. Nobody needs him.
He can't live on with this pain anymore, a pain where it makes even getting out of bed in the morning harder and harder each day. What good is he in this state? He's just a burden.
Akito sits up, dangling his legs over the edge of his bed. He grips his shirt where his chest is, breathing heavily.
His chest hurts.
Akito gets up, his mind made. He walks out of his room and downstairs, completely ignoring the sounds of a heated argument coming from his sister and father. He grabs his jacket and leaves, not bothering to see if they even noticed.
He walks away and doesn't look back, his mind made up.
He wants the pain in his chest to die.
He wants the feelings of worthlessness to die.
He wants to die.
Akito wakes up in a shock, his eyes snapping open and his heart beating in his chest. He looks around without turning his head, seeing Touya looking down on him, his hood still on.
Akito feels like crap. "Ugh... What happened?" He asks, sitting up.
Touya hesitates for a moment before answering, "I tried to see if you had any more memories for me to collect," Touya explains, his voice quieter than before, "Do you still remember anything?"
"Well, I think I do..."
"Tell me how you died, then."
Akito freezes up from hearing Touya's voice. It sounded very sharp and angry. He is not sure if he wants to answer, but he does, "I- Uh, I jumped off a bridge..."
Touya turns his head away from Akito, seemingly muttering to himself.
"Hmph... So you did." Touya says after a bit.
More silence.
Akito is left confused. Did he do something wrong...?
Just as he is about to ask, Touya turns his head back toward Akito, "I think it is time you go now, no? You may stay for longer, if you wish..." Touya trails off, then says, "But it seems like you need to get some rest."
Right. Akito almost forgot about that part. Whatever he dreamed about put him on edge again, he feels the same way he did when he jumped.
He wants to stay with Touya for longer, but... It seems like he is agitated. Maybe he needs to go find more souls? He doesn't know. He just hopes that Touya isn't mad at him. And, he is a Grim Reaper, after all. He knows best.
"Alright... If you say so." Akito says, after some thinking.
Touya nods and holds up his scythe. "Please lie back down and close your eyes."
Akito does so, a little nervous. "This does not hurt. Relax." He hears Touya say. Akito tries to. Okay, calm down, he thinks, you're getting what you want.
Peace.
Touya lifts up his scythe above his head, turning his head down to Akito. He hesitates for a moment before taking a deep breath.
"Goodbye, Akito Shinonome."
Touya brings his scythe down at full force to Akito's neck.
Akito's body turns to gold, glittery dust in an instant, flying everywhere, and eventually fizzing out into nothingness. All that is left of him is his soul, a small orb glowing the same yellow that his own scythe glows.
Touya puts the scythe down, and kneels slowly in front of the soul. He pulls down his hood, and gently places his hand on the top of Akito's soul, making the glow of the orb slowly die out, until it turns into a gloomy light grey. He watches as it then fades away.
He feels the sadness creep into his chest and mind. This time, greater than ever before. He is usually able to be okay with it, because providing comfort for these poor souls will always be worth it. But how is he supposed to cancel out this great pain if he did not succeed?
He wasn't able to give Akito peace before he went.
He did not succeed, therefore he failed.
He is a failure.
...
I'm sorry, Akito Shinonome.
You were the only one I liked, yet the only one I managed to let down.