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It has been a while since it happened. Touya has been busy taking care of souls, as per usual. He has (barely) been able to save every single one since... That day.
He has been able to get rid of the pain whenever he successfully saves a soul. However, that day still lingers in the back of his mind. His chest remains uncomfortable, no matter how many souls he saves, it doesn't go away.
It's because he failed to save Akito.
He failed.
Yes, he still cannot get over it. He will forever be in pain, because he failed.
He wants a do over, he wants to try again. But he already put Akito's soul to rest, and there is no way to bring him back.
...
Not that he knows of.
However, a few people he knows might.
Touya remembers what Akito asked him, "What do you do in your free time?" He doesn't really have free time. He only spends time with his family between the arrival of souls. Boring really, but it is because souls are always coming in. He only has the chance to talk for a couple of minutes with others during times of slow traffic.
Right now, however, less than 5 souls have come through in the span of 7 minutes. It is very odd—but wonderful, no doubt, since people are living instead of dying, but it is a great opportunity to talk to his father, since his siblings and other reapers are taking care of those souls.
So he casts a quick spell, and poof. He's standing right in front of his father. Well, beside him.
His father turns around, looking down at Touya. "What is it?"
Touya swallows. If he confesses his mistake, he will most definitely get slapped in the face. He's going to try to avoid telling him what happened at all costs. But he will if necessary.
"Is... Theoretically, is it possible to bring back a destroyed soul? As in, a soul I put to rest." Touya says, awkwardly making eye contact with his father through his hood.
His father just raises an eyebrow, "Why?"
"Um- J-Just curious." Touya stutters.
His father scoffs, turning around, "Stop asking me such useless questions. I have souls to attend to."
Ah. Touya kind of expected that kind of response. He watches as his father disappears, leaving behind a fading trail of silver glitter.
He has always wondered why his residue is gold instead of silver like his family. He knows the other reaper family has gold glitter. Technically, he is not part of that family because his father raised him instead of the other head. But, sometimes he feels like he belongs with them instead of with this family.
Just the colour of his remnant is a subtle reminder of how out of place he is.
If he recalls correctly, Akito felt the same way, too.
He felt everything he feels.
Maybe that is why they got along so well.
Touya has been wondering why he liked Akito so much. That's probably why. They get each other. As much as Akito did, he also wants someone who gets him.
And he's going to bring Akito back, to redeem himself, to save him, and...
And maybe be a little bit selfish, and keep Akito.
Touya takes off his hood as he spawns behind a smaller figure. They are crouching, watching as a soul flies away into whatever afterlife they chose.
"Tsukasa-senpai... May I talk to you for a second?"
Tsukasa flinches and sharply turns around, "Oh, Touya, you scared me!" Tsukasa stands up, brushing off their robe. Well, his robe. Tsukasa once said that if he had to choose, he would identify as a boy.
"Anyway, absolutely! What can I do for you?"
Touya smiles, he loves how Tsukasa is always so eager to help, unlike his own family. "Well, I wanted to know if, theoretically, you could bring back a dead soul?"
Tsukasa looks surprised, "Oh? Why?"
"Well..." Touya debates on telling Tsukasa or not. On one hand, Tsukasa would definitely understand. He would be met with an understanding nod rather than a slap to the face. On the other hand, how could he tell him that he is a failure? Tsukasa always believed in him, how could he let him down?
"Oh, Touya, sorry!" Tsukasa snaps Touya out of his thoughts, "There is a new soul coming in that I must attend to. I-" Tsukasa changes his mind, "Actually, want to come with me? It is just an animal soul. Cat. You like those, don't you?"
Touya feels like crying. He doesn't deserve Tsukasa, he's too sweet... "Yes, I would like to."
"Great! We can chat there! Let's go, then."
Touya ended up spilling everything. If anything, Tsukasa deserved to know. He couldn't really see Tsukasa's face, though, since he had to have his hood up when reaping.
Tsukasa hums, "That sounds like... A lot. You know, you do not really have to try again. You put him to rest, which is enough."
Touya sighs, "I know, I know... However, it's- it is not sitting right with me, Tsukasa-senpai. I didn't save him like I'm supposed to. And I have not been reaping properly ever since, so I need to try again to regain my abilities, anyway."
"Ohoho, Touya, that sounds like something your younger self would say! Just when you were a tiny reaper, still trying to make sense of this existence," Tsukasa laughs loudly as he lays the cat on its stomach, "So nice to hear that you have grown to be such a nice reaper. Wanna pet it?"
Touya stays still for a second, then crouches down to rub the cat on its belly. It's so soft and cute, everything Touya imagined when he saw cats in people's memories. "Aw, it's purring." Touya smiles, continuing to pet and rub, not wanting to stop. It is a nice distraction from all the pain he has to carry. He wonders if this is Tsukasa's comfort, and he is sharing it with him. He truly doesn't deserve Tsukasa.
"You know," Tsukasa starts, his voice softer, "I know you want him to stay with you."
Touya freezes, but Tsukasa keeps going, "I know what it feels like... I want all these animals whose souls I reap to stay with me, because they're all so cute!" Tsukasa laughs, "But, I also had a human whom I met that I fell in love with and wanted to keep with me forever."
Tsukasa turns around to face Touya, "That's the case with you, isn't it?" He smiles under his hood.
Touya doesn't do anything. He doesn't even know himself. Is it love? He doesn't really know what love feels like. Is it the same kind of love he feels for Tsukasa and Saki? For his parents and siblings? Or is it... Romantic? He has seen different types of love in memories, yet he still can't tell the difference.
But, as he ponders, he can't help but feel like it is love.
Romantic love.
A subject he knows nothing about, yet everything about at the same time.
Touya loves Akito. Yes, that's it. That sounds right. So right.
Touya finally nods and sits down fully on the ground, watching as Tsukasa turns back around to send the cat's soul off into whatever afterlife he chooses. He watches as he puts the cat to sleep and brings his scythe down onto the cat's stomach. Touya doesn't even flinch as the cat's body turns into the soft, golden glitter that he has seen countless times. However, this is Touya's first time watching an animal soul be reaped, so he asks: "Why do you aim for the stomach...?"
"Ah, great question!" Tsukasa exclaims, "When you reap a human's soul, you have to cut off the mind from it. However, animals do not have the same level of intelligence that humans do, so there is no need for that kind of precision. You can aim anywhere, really! I just aim for their weak point to spawn the soul." Tsukasa gently picks up the soul, blowing it away like a dandelion into another life.
"What matters is the memories," Tsukasa continues. Touya feels like he's being lectured. In a good way.
"The memories are what makes the soul alive. Taking a blank soul and reversing the process, putting memories into a soul instead of taking them out, can basically recreate the human the memories correspond to." Tsukasa says casually, turning around to face Touya.
Touya's eyes widen.
That was it.
Touya still has Akito's memories encased within his scythe. Next time he reaps a soul, he can just...!
He stands up, summoning his scythe. "Tsukasa-senpai, thank you! I understand now!" He bows multiple times. Tsukasa is a great mentor. And a better brother than his actual siblings.
Tsukasa smirks, "Any time, my dear Touya! Let's talk again soon." He stands up alongside Touya and pats him on the shoulder, "Go get 'em, tiger!"
"Uh, yes, I will!" Touya has no idea what that means, but he will.
Traffic was still very slow by the time his conversation with Tsukasa ended, so it was a while before he could reap his next soul.
But now, the time has arrived.
Same process as before: Introduce himself, calm down the human and put them to sleep, collect memories, and get rid of the body.
But this time, he keeps the soul instead of sending it away. However, he needs to act quickly, since without memories a soul fades away.
Touya feels a bit bad that he just used this soul as a vessel for Akito. The girl whom he sent into another life seemed so nice, yet very shy. Kohane Azusawa was her name, a lot of her most cherished memories are with a girl named An. They seemed to love each other very much and had a good relationship.
He can't help but want that same relationship and love with Akito.
Touya says goodbye to Kohane, and lets his scythe drop onto her neck. The same glittery dust scatters on the floor, then fades into nothingness. What is left of her is a blank soul.
Okay, this is it.
Akito, I'll make it up to you. I promise.
I will save you.
Touya hurries, he crouches down and touches the tip of his scythe to the soul. He closes his eyes, focusing.
He starts to go through all the memories he has collected. Anything that belongs to Akito.
Memories that are not his flood his brain, all the memories he has pushed back to make room for new ones. He furrows his eyebrows. He tries to find any memory that is Akito's
No, not that one.
Not that, either.
...
...
Jackpot!
It's a memory of Akito, when he was small. He was running away from a dog with his sister.
So cute.
Touya uses that memory to lure the others into light, and pushes them out from his scythe into the soul.
His scythe and the soul both start glowing, that same gold he's seen time and time again, but this time bringing hope.
He's going to get Akito back. He's going to redeem himself. He's going to get rid of his own pain.
And, most importantly, he's going to save Akito.
He's found every single memory that belongs to Akito, and inserted them into the soul. Now he just has to figure out how to respawn Akito. Like, his body.
He isn't rushed anymore, since the soul won't fade away as long as it holds memories. However, he needs to hurry before he has to help his family tend to souls again.
Come on, Touya, think.
Touya carefully picks up the soul, inspecting it. All souls look the same, and this one is no exception. Well, no hint there.
He thinks back to what Tsukasa said, since he is the one who gave him a lead to how to even get this far.
'Reversing the process' is the only hint he can recall. Reversing the process? He only said that for the memories, though...
Okay, he can still try that. He just has to review the process to figure it out.
Introduce himself, put the person to sleep and collect their memories, get rid of their body and spawn the soul, etc.
Okay, so he just needs to do the opposite of slicing the person's neck. What even is the opposite of that?
...
Or, does he even need to do the opposite at all?
The only thing he can think of is cutting the soul like he would a person. It makes more sense, since bringing the scythe down on a person spawns the soul, why wouldn't an alive soul bring the person?
Maybe that's why Tsukasa-senpai specified the reverse to be memories only. Wow, he's so smart. Touya owes Tsukasa so much.
Okay, here goes nothing.
Touya slowly lifts up his scythe, carefully positioning it above the soul. It's small, so it will be hard to hit.
Touya exhales and brings his scythe down onto the soul, slicing it in half.
Akito felt like he was falling for a split second, then he woke up. He hates that feeling.
However, it doesn't feel like he's in his bed, so he stretches and opens his eyes.
Though, he didn't expect to see a hooded man standing over him in a dark room... Holding a scythe?
...Wait a minute, he looks familiar.
Actually, this whole thing feels familiar.
"T-Touya? That you?" He asks groggily.
Touya seems excited that Akito remembers, "Yes. Yes, it is me. Welcome back, Akito."
"But, I thought you were gonna, y'know... Get rid of my soul or whatever. Why am I still here?"
"Because I need to make it up to you this time, I need to save you..."
"...And because I realized that I love you."
Akito's whole face immediately turns red. How could Touya just say something like that...?
"What, Touya- You can't-" Akito stutters, "You can't just say stuff like that..."
"Oh. Sorry, I thought that you were supposed to confess things like this."
"Well, yeah, you are, but... Listen, Touya, I-"
Touya cuts him off, a familiar scowl on his face barely visible under the hood. "I know, I know, do not worry. I wanted to get it off my chest, that's all." He sighs. He takes off his hood and drops his scythe with a loud clank, making Akito flinch.
"I'm sorry. I thought that I could bring you back to keep you here with me... But I know it is very selfish of me. Just let me try again and you can go forever this time."
Well damn, Akito thinks. Touya clearly took his words the wrong way. Touya is distressed, he notices. He remembers a bit that Touya was like that when putting him to sleep forever, making him on edge.
He remembers feeling like that, too. When he was walking to the bridge. But, he didn't even notice the first time, what a friend he is. Maybe this is his chance to be useful and help Touya for once. "Touya, please, stop with this. I- I love you too. Tell me what's wrong."
Touya's eyes widened, "Is this- Are you lying to me?"
"No, what?? Why would I lie?"
"I don't know..." Touya drops to the floor alongside his scythe, looking down.
"Touya, what's wrong- What the hell?"
Touya is looking down, his hair covering his face. However, dripping down onto the ground from his face are little droplets of gold.
Touya is crying.
"I'm sorry, I... I brought you back for no reason. I should have just left your soul alone and lived with the consequences."
Akito raises an eyebrow,"What do you mean by 'consequences'? What d'you do?" Akito seriously just doesn't get it. Touya did him a favour by letting him sleep forever by getting rid of his soul or whatever. Even though he was a little bit anxious, he was okay with it. What did Touya do wrong? Was there anything else he was supposed to do that he didn't?
"I failed you, Akito... I was supposed to save you by removing all of your memories so you could be free of the bad ones. But it didn't work, and you had to live with it until I put your soul to rest," Touya rubs his eyes with his hands, "And I brought you back because I was- no, am selfish... But you have your memories, and even if I remove them, they will stay with you for whatever reason, I don't even know- Y-You're supposed to stay with me without memories so you can be happy! Not live with the pain I have when I carry memories..."
Akito just stares at Touya. So that's what he's sulking over, he thinks. That's so sweet of him.
He remembers Touya saying that his father was scary, when they first met. He wonders if Touya's father would even care if he was distressed if Touya describes him like that. Wow, he truly is lucky that Touya took care of his soul instead. He loves Touya for that. He loves Touya.
Maybe he really is gay, after all.
"Touya, you really don't need to worry about that, y'know... It's not that big of a deal." Akito says, trying to sound casual to lighten the mood.
"But-"
"Hey, n-no buts," Goodness, he really hopes he's being helpful by being firm like this. He doesn't want to drive Touya away again.
Akito thinks for a moment, then says: "Just think of it this way—Uhh, you love me, right?" Touya nods weakly, "So, like, you fell in love with me. And, uhh... How do I explain this?"
Touya waits for Akito to figure it out.
"So, like, you love me. Emphasis on me. Because of who I am?"
"Yes...?" Touya says weakly.
"Right. So, like. If you took away my memories, I wouldn't be the same person you fell in love with. Because my memories, uh, make me who I am and stuff..." Akito explains awkwardly. He's not used to this whole comfort thing. Usually he'd get something thrown at him or scratched if he even tried.
Touya looks up, "That... That is true." Akito can see the wheels spinning in Touya's head.
"Actually, Tsukasa-senpai... He said it himself, 'Memories are what makes the soul alive.'"
"Uh- Y-Yeah, I- Sure." He has no idea who the hell 'Tsukasa-senpai' is—probably one of his siblings or something—but he's glad Touya gets it.
Touya giggles and wipes his 'tears', "Sorry, that was very silly of me to get upset. Thank you." He gently places a hand on Akito's shoulder,
"I think we should make out now."
"what"
Touya and Akito both end up laying on the ground together, side by side and holding hands. Turns out Touya meant kiss—He thought that 'make out' was another term for kiss. Akito felt very awkward explaining that it in fact is not 'just a term' for kiss, but they ended up laughing together and sharing a quick kiss afterward. He was right, his lips felt so good to kiss...
Even though it was the best moment of his life(?), he kinda wishes they would've made out, anyway.
Wow, he is really gay.
Gay for Touya, though. And that's okay.
He reaches over and pecks Touya on the cheek, "I love you."
Touya hums happily, smiling, "I love you, too, Akito. When I am with you, I no longer feel the pain."
Akito raises an eyebrow, "Oh, uh, good? I don't want you to be in pain."
"I don't want you to be in pain, either."
"Don't worry, I'm not in any sort of pain or anything," Akito reassures Touya. He doesn't want to see him cry again, even though whatever the hell came out of his eyes was fascinating.
"Okay... Good. So, I will keep you here forever."
"Yeah, you do that." Akito says, smiling.
Thank you, Touya.
You love me, and you make me feel like I'm the happiest person in the world. You are my saviour.
I love you.
Akito squeezes Touya's hand, and Touya squeezes back.