Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The last warm shades of the sunset are just fading over the edge of the map as Pomni exits the tent. Though, she doesn't see this for herself, eyes fixed on the ground in front of her as she walks, brow furrowed in thought as she instinctively heads out to the field.

It's been a bit over two weeks since her and Jax's fight, and two days after Pomni's one-month anniversary. That day's adventure was personalised just for her. She'd had some fun, especially since she'd been given permission to veto any horrors that Caine wanted to put in there for spice, but... honestly, the whole experience was kinda dampened, since Jax didn't participate.

After the fight, Jax had reined himself in, it seems. He's obviously tried his best to avoid Pomni, barely making eye contact. He also makes less jokes and annoyed everyone less, but then occasionally would do something extra mean, more than his usual... to make up for it?

Everyone had noticed the change, and while they somewhat appreciated the relative calm at first, they'd all grown concerned pretty quickly.

They'd all at different points come up to Pomni to ask what was up with him, and she had to deflect. As both pissed off and worried she was about Jax, she felt it wasn't really a good idea to reveal exactly what went down, not publically at least.

Pomni had talked to Ragatha after the awards show, and confided that she and Jax had fought and she was worried, but she didn't feel that it was fair to just talk about her Jax problems too much, not when Ragatha was making an effort to try and open up about herself. Especially knowing that there's some kind of troubled history between the two. Instead, they both got to know eachother as people for real, apologised to eachother, and solidified their friendship. It was really nice, and honestly lifted such a burden from both of their shoulders.

It felt good to know she had a real friend. But, it still didn't fill the hole left behind.

Finding herself back on the field used for the stargazing adventure, just a little ways down from the tent, Pomni sits down on the grass, and flops back, staring up into the sky that was beginning to twinkle with stars both realistic and hand-drawn. The texture and rendering update was nice - Caine had decided to keep the changes made to the Grounds, the skybox, and the day-night cycle - and she spends some time trying to make up new constellations.

But, as is not unusual these days, her mind is attacking her. Every time she blinks, it's one image after another, all of Jax's face. Blink - the emptiness behind his eyes as he forced the barrel of the gun between them. Blink - the increasing madness on his face as he ranted and raved complete nonsense. Blink - the pained resignation as he pleaded with her to stop looking.

Pomni frowns as she flips through the memories of the fight that were burned into her brain. She tries to make sense of them, but they kept getting infiltrated by other events of the day. The chatting, working together, the high five, the duet... they all jumbled together with the bad, bleeding into one another. It didn't make sense.

Her breathing quickens, and her vision begins to darken...

"Hello, little jester."

Pomni jumps, and her vision clears, revealing the Moon replacing the stars above her. She gulps down a breath, forcing her nerves to settle after the jumpscare and crisis combo, and gives a wavering grin that she's almost certain looks more like a grimace.

"Oh, uh... hi? I don't think we've, met?"

The Moon blinks with a gentle smile, and Pomni continues, frantic and awkward, "I mean- we've met! Sorta. On my tour. I know you're um, you're the Moon. I-I just mean we haven't talked! So, uh. Hi." She finishes lamely.

The Moon chuckles lightly at her awkwardness, "Hi."

Pomni rubs the side of her neck, embarrassed, before glancing off to the side.

"You seem troubled recently, Pomni."

A little surprised at the prompting, she sighs, "... I am. But, uh, I don't wanna like, dump all that on you when we haven't talked or anything..."

"I don't mind." The Moon does a little spin, "I'm curious about the workings of the minds of you humans, and it is within my interests to see you happy with your lives here. So please, humour me."

Pomni is unsure, but relents. She really does need to talk, and she's come across a willing, and seemingly nonjudgmental ear.

"Well... it's about, um, Jax."

The Moon hums, "The jackrabbit. I've always been quite fond of that one, even after the change."

"Change?"

"I don't mean to derail. Please, continue with your own story."

"Right..." Pomni fiddles with a pompom button. Geez, even the word 'pompom' makes her feel things, now. Screw it, she really needs to talk.

"Me and Jax were getting along really well after the lightning round adventures. Before that we didn't really talk. I didn't dislike him or anything, I just thought he was a bit of a jerk, but after that day we started... bonding? He showed me cool stuff around the circus, and we told eachother stuff about ourselves, and just, hung out a lot. I had a lot of fun with him."

She was starting to smile, thinking back to the really fun days she'd spent with the resident bunny.

"He was the only one who thought to ask me about myself. My job, my hobbies, the things I like or don't, if I had pets... and I think he was starting to like me! He actually chose to hang out, like, he would choose to come up to me and whisk me away somewhere, I didn't have to prompt him. And this was over a few days. We went from never interacting to always being around eachother over just a few days!"

Pomni's smile starts to drop, "Then, we had the guns adventure. At first it was... really nice, you know? He opened up to me, we had so much fun, and we absolutely rocked at the competition. We were an amazing team, you should've seen it. It was the most fun I've had since I got here... no, f##k that, it was the most fun I've had in years. I never thought I'd actually be so happy about an adventure, but Jax taught me how to let loose and enjoy myself."

She finds herself smiling again, just a little.

"But not just that. I was... comfortable. With Jax. I-I usually don't like touch, right? I don't like it when people brush against me, or handshakes, or hugs, or any kind of touch, even when it's totally innocent. I barely tolerate friends and family doing anything. When it happens, it feels like lightning shoots through my spine. But with Jax... I liked it. I- f##k I held his hand and we danced together. I just felt so... safe! Around him!"

"I've never been good at connecting with people. I mean, sure I could make friends fine, but I barely ever had any sorta... spark? Like, the kind where you just feel so totally normal around someone, and like you don't need to pretend, or perform, or shy away. I had my mom, and my roommate, but they're not here. I also once had my best friend when I was younger, but... I once- I once told himself something about myself that I thought he'd be cool with. But he wasn't, so..."

She clears her throat from that uncomfortable topic. That was an issue for another time.

"Anyway, um. What I'm saying is, I felt that with Jax. Even though I was playing around for the game, I didn't feel like I was hiding anything. I didn't feel like I needed to. If I'm being honest, I think he... was my best friend in the circus. And I thought that... maybe we were on the same page, you know?"

Her face darkens. "Then I hugged him. We won, and I was just, so happy. For once. And I hugged him. And he pushed me away."

Pomni gives a humourless laugh, and grips her arms. It's probably a good thing she's wearing gloves, as she's sure her nails would've ended up digging under her rubber flesh, otherwise.

"He made a joke after, so I just thought, 'hey, maybe he's like you, and he's not cool with touch out of the blue like that' and moved on. But then he... changed. Insisted that we weren't a team, tried to get me to shoot him, that we- we weren't friends. I didn't understand."

Her speaking gets more frantic.

"I got pissed, and he got mad, and weird. His face... it kept getting so blank. With that stupid, creepy smile he does. It scared the s##t out of me. He scared the s##t out of me. It just kept going, and then I-!"

A small sob gasps out of her. She closes her eyes, and shakes her head to clear it.

"I asked him- I asked him what he'd do if I abstracted. And he just said he'd forget me."

Pomni stops for a while. She doesn't remember when she sat up, arms wrapped around knees drawn to her chest. She stares down at them while she takes a breather, the Moon waiting patiently.

When she starts talking again, her voice is low and hollow.

"On my very first night here, I had a nightmare. I remember the whole thing. I abstracted, and got thrown into the cellar. As I fell, I saw Jax above me. And he said that he didn't even remember my name."

Pomni's breath shudders, and she squeezes her legs.

"I just got brought back to that nightmare in that moment. He pretty much nailed my worst fear, heh. I was... I was holding the gun. I turned around, and all I could think was... how much I wanted to leave. I didn't wanna die, exactly, not really. But I just- just couldn't stand it. Being in that room with him anymore. I would've done it if he didn't backtrack. The a##hole tried to take it back, pretend it was just a joke. And I realised then that Jax was just a f##king coward."

Fury refills her, much like it'd done that same moment that day. She seethes.

"He was pushing me away, because he was scared. I didn't know why, but he was so scared of making a human connection that he thought that his dumba## idea of being a d##k to everyone was a good idea. He did like me, but he's an idiot. So I just f##kin'... threw the gun at his dumbf##k face. I wish it felt good! I f##king wish! I started fighting him and he refused to hurt me back. It would've been so easy for him to do! He could've grabbed the gun and shot me, he could've thrown a punch, or bit me, or anything. But he didn't. And even still, when we stopped, he still refused to just admit it. The f##king edgelord did a cringe-ass villain speech about how much he doesn't care, and how we're all just his playthings or whatever."

That part of the rant over, Pomni stops seething, and just frowns, exhausted.

"Then, right at the end, he just looked so... tired. And he begged me to stop trying to see any depth in him. He begged. His face, I... I'd never seen him like that."

She looks back up. The Moon is still hanging there, with a look of utmost patience and understanding on her face.

"I'm worried about him. In the fight, he mentioned what people are like before they abstract. That they become awful to be around. And what he said, sounded a lot like himself in that moment. And it looked like he knew that. I don't want him to-..."

Her face crumbles.

"I don't want him to die."

The Moon floats down closer, engulfing Pomni in a soft light. The light feels like a gentle embrace, but is intangible enough that Pomni feels grateful for it as she weeps.

"But I don't th-think he's ever gonna let a-anyone in to help him. I don't- I don't know what to do!"

The Moon stays silent; Pomni's eyes are squeezed shut, she doesnt know what face the being is making. She stays like this for a while, until her tears leave her empty. Could've been a minute, could've been an hour.

Once the last of her tears escapes, Pomni stares off into the distance, and speaks in a monotone.

"I know he was lying the whole time. He had to be. And I don't want to be upset with him when he's clearly hurting. I'm scared for him. But, I still feel..."

She swallows.

"What does it mean for me, that the one person in my life that I felt a real connection to, told me he wouldn't care if I died?"

Finally, the Moon speaks up, carefully, "You know... I've always had a soft spot for that rabbit."

Pomni looks up at her. The Moon has a nostalgic smile on her face.

"I've known him for many years now, and seen both his growth and his decline. When he arrived, he was such a nervous child, and kind to the core. While he enjoyed a practical joke or a tease now and then, he was always so afraid of actually hurting another person. It wasn't until he experienced a tragic loss that he began pushing others away, determined not to feel that loss again."

The Moon looks over into the distance behind Pomni.

"I believe that the kindness within him never left, but was repressed. And, Pomni, I believe his actions towards you that day are a version of that kindness, just twisted into something sharp, nearly unrecognisable. It is your choice to forgive him, or even to believe my reading of him, but please keep it in mind. I may not be human, but one thing I do know of your kind is your need for connection, which Jax is sorely lacking, though by his own actions."

Pomni nods, wiping her cheeks, "... Kinger told me, that the worst thing you can do here is make someone feel that they're unwanted. That they're unloved. I don't want Jax to feel like that."

She starts to stand up, wobbling a little but looking more determined. The Moon backs up a little to give her space.

"I'm not going to give up on him. 'Cause... s##t, I do love him. He's my best friend, even if I'm not his, and even if I'm rightfully pissed. I'll- I'll figure something out. He won't look at me right now, but..."

She trails off, unsure what exactly she's planning to do. The Moon nods with a coy smile.

"Maybe he'll surprise you. It's hard to resist your charms, tiny jester; perhaps he'll be the one making the next step."

Pomni blushes, her cheek spots glowing pink in the dark. She giggles in surprise, "Um! Thank, you?"

The Moon chuckles, and does a slow spin, "You're quite welcome. But, it's getting late, and I would know. You should get some rest. You have an adventure tomorrow, after all."

"Right! Yeah, I'm... wow, I'm tired." Pomni stretches her arms above her head, and then slumps over, the sheer exhaustion of her emotional release hitting her all at once. She gives one last, thankful smile up to the heavenly body, "Thanks, Moon, for all this. You're really sweet."

"As are you. Sleep tight, dear."

Pomni finally turns and begins hobbling off back towards the tent, feeling far better - far more hopeful - than she had in weeks.

Of course, given the shroud of darkness, she fails to notice the blur of purple rabbit ears ducking back behind a tree.

Chapter Text

I fucked up I fucked up I fucked up I fucked up-

Jax ducks back behind the tree as Pomni turns, and clutches his ears in stress. A cold pit grows where his stomach should be, fighting with the ashamed heat crawling down his neck.

He hadn't sought her out to eavesdrop, honest; over the past couple weeks, he'd been hanging around the Grounds, not wanting to be in the Tent around everyone else if he could help it. When Pomni'd stepped outside, he'd panicked and hid, and couldn't find it within himself to sneak back inside once she was facing away, not with the despondant face she was making freezing him in place.

It hasn't escaped him that she went to the spot they once lay together, where he first opened up to her.

If Jax was avoiding the others, he'd most certainly been avoiding Pomni. He knew from all the sad, concerned glances she kept sending his way that she'd seen right through him during the fight, trying to antagonise her and convince her otherwise would be a lost cause; she was too smart for that. Besides, he can't really bring himself to be cruel to her further anyway, given the guilt he'd felt so immensely after the fight was enough to cause him to feel the faint static of abstraction at the awards show. So, he mostly just half-heartedly bothered the others in order not to arouse suspicion with them.

Right now though, he's cowering behind a stupid low-poly tree, feeling right sorry for himself. The longer Pomni poured her heart out, the more increasingly upset Jax felt for driving her to this point.

This isn't what was supposed to happen. She was just supposed to hate him, like the others do. She was supposed to realise that Jax was just some jerk, shoot him, and they could move on with their lives. Pomni would become closer with the others, her real friends, all of them supporting eachother through this polychromatic hellscape. He wouldn't be able to corrupt her. He wouldn't have to mourn her. Instead, not only does she care about him more, he might've just brought her one step closer to abstraction.

His traitorous brain runs through the highlights of her speech.

She'd said she felt comfortable around him. Safe enough to enjoy his touch, to seek it out. This was such a completely foreign concept to Jax, he can't wrap his head around it. Pomni was the one the other day to bring up how Jax had once gripped her neck and threw her out of a moving truck, how the fuck could she feel safe?

After he pushed her from the hug, she'd been so considerate. Jax remembers her face, the confused betrayal quickly softening after his forced joke. She didn't wanna make him uncomfortable?

The reminder of what he told her... "I'd move on. And probably forget about you."... there was nothing he regrets more. And now that he knows about her nightmare, that cold pit in his stomach grows frigid. She'd clocked onto his supposed lack of care instantly, but made an effort for him anyway. And in return, he confirmed her worst fears about him. It doesn't matter that she knew he was desperately lying, it still hurt her. And clearly the hurt still continues to this day.

She was going to shoot herself to get away from him. Jax had thought it in the moment, but the confirmation... frankly, it fucking sucked.

And yep, she completely nailed his thought process. He is a coward. He is scared of being human, of her humanity. And he cares about her. So much. It was shocking how attached he got in such a short timespan, really... or maybe it's not that shocking; while they had a communal calendar and clocks - Caine would never dream of not running marketable holiday-themed adventures - time always feels like it moves different in the Circus. And with so few companions, everyone scrambles to speedrun the stages of friendship as soon as a new sucker arrives. Jax just thought he'd be immune to that by now. In any case, Pomni was of course right. They were friends.

To be honest, out of everything, it was surprisingly the edgelord comment that made Jax audibly whine in shame. God, he really had been that pathetic, huh? And Pomni was the front row witness to it. And he'd called her cringe.

And... and. The whole abstraction... thing. Jax didn't wanna think about that too hard. Though, he's already thinking about everything else, so. Pomni really was observant. How would she react if she found out about the panic attack? Will she find out? Jax would have to be the one to tell her, it's not like Disappearing Guy would be likely to remember next time he shows up. Or be physically able to tell her. Heh.

"I don't want him to die."

The sheer sorrow in her voice, and the gut-wrenching sobs that followed... Jax is familiar with the feeling of a broken heart, and that feeling crashed through him then. Was this the first time she's cried because of what he did? Or was this just the only time he's been witness to it? The sound had made Jax's ears fall down to the sides of his head.

It wasn't the first time he'd made someone cry; just ask Gangle. But he'd never before pictured even being able to drive Pomni to tears. Or really having any desire to do so. If this wasn't the first time, he hopes at least that it was with company, not alone in her room.

"What does it mean for me, that the one person in my life that I felt a real connection to, told me he wouldn't care if I died?"

Jax shoots up from his crouched position, wincing slightly at the phantom ache of his nonexistant joints. Damned digital carryover.

"I'm not going to give up on him. 'Cause... s##t, I do love him. He's my best friend, even if I'm not his..."

He knows there's no shot of changing her mind, of making her give up on him. Pomni's probably among the most stubborn people he knows, especially when it comes to the wellbeing of the people around her.

Fuck his fear, he needs to talk to her.

... Uh, not right now though. Both of them are probably a bit too high strung after that. And he doesn't know what he wants to say, or how. Plus, there's an adventure tomorrow, and it's probably gonna be grueling considering their ringleader's recent mood. How long's it been, anyway? Is Pomni back in the tent ye-

"It's safe to come out of hiding, little rabbit."

Jax yelps, leaping a good few feet into the air, and agitatedly peers out from behind the tree. The Moon is still hanging there, a serene smile on her face as always. Knowing he looks guilty as hell, Jax starts walking over to her, scratching his cheek.

"Uh, hey. Long time no see."

"Hello, dear. I take it you listened to what she had to say?"

"I, uh... yeah. Yeah, I did."

"And? Do you have any thoughts?"

Jax sighs, drained, "... Yeah. A lot. I'm- I-..." Venting to an AI, he really must be tired. "It's stupid, I dunno. I just want things to go back to normal. Or something."

He draws in a breath, standing up a little more straight. He looks directly in the Moon's eyes.

"I'll talk to her tomorrow."

The Moon looks pleased, and nods at him. Jax's always thought that it's so weird how thoughtful she seems, even though she's just an AI. She definitely seems to understand more about what's going on than Caine, who presumably created her. Or maybe they were both programmed by the same person? Oh, who cares, Jax is too exhausted to think about this. He's not even supposed to think of the NPCs as anything close to alive.

'Supposed to'... that's the kinda phrasing that's got me in this mess in the first place, huh?

In any case, Jax growls and turns and slinks off to the Tent without another word. The Moon seems to understand his evasiveness, just lightly humming as she rises back to her usual place further in the sky.

Soon enough - thank you way-too-long legs - Jax is back in the Tent. He looks back, and sees the outside shut off behind the outermost entrance flap, saving space by archiving itself now that no one was occupying it. He hopes that Pomni didn't notice the lack of the loading zone when she passed through, that there was already someone out there. Shaking his heavy head, he makes the long trek to the bedroom hallway.

The first four rooms from the balcony entrance - his preferred for multiple reasons - were all abstracted characters, which Jax just found cruel. Honestly, he wishes their rooms could be sent to a different area - not erased, of course. It must especially suck for those whose rooms are right across from an abstracted friend; Gangle's and Kaufmo's rooms as an example.

Of these immediate four, he'd known two of them.

Doesn't matter, don't look, keep walking.

Jax comes to a halt inbetween his own door and Pomni's. He turns to face hers first, staring into the eyes of her miserable facsimile.

Could he step out his door every morning and handle seeing a blood-red cross over that face?

He turns to his own.

Could she bear to see it on his?

He sighs and turns the handle, slipping inside his bedroom, habitually making sure the door opened as little as possible as he did so.

Better get some sleep: he has shit to do tomorrow.

Chapter Text

... Jax did not, in fact, get some sleep.

Which is why he's sitting on the kitchen counter at the asscrack of dawn scowling down at his first cup of bitter coffee of the day. God, he hates coffee. He hadn't the energy to move four feet to grab the sugar. Hence, why he has coffee in the first place.

But, of course, he just had to be nauseous, too. So he can't actually drink the foul concoction. Alas, Jax has found himself stuck in a vicious limbo.

"Don't even have a stomach..." The thoroughly pissed off zoomorph mutters to himself. When he hears a familiar shuffle, however, he composes himself just enough to wipe his scowl. Of all the people deserving of his morning wrath, this guy's probably the least.

Kinger enters the room, immediately spotting the rabbit, "Oh! Morning, Jax!"

Jax doesn't speak, but sends him back an acknowledging salute, braving a sip of the coffee. Yuck.

The chesspiece tilts his head, and speaks in a lower tone, "You seem a little anxious about something. Are you alright?"

Jax's ear twitches. He thinks about confiding in the guy - lord knows he probably won't remember anyway - but just shrugs, "Yeah, but I'm dealing with it."

Kinger gains a thoughtful look at Jax actually admitting it. He takes a break from the conversation to pull down his mug and dispense his own coffee, before saying, "If you need a listening ear anyway, my fort's always open."

"Thanks, man."

The King hums, pulls a tin of biscuits out of the oven (where all the baked goods are stored, of course), and walks out.

Jax takes another sip of coffee. Yuck.

...

It takes a few hours for the regular crowd to start pouring in. Jax had actually gotten enough energy back to move a little; he's made four more cups of coffee, this time with enough sugar to kill a gloink's grandmother, and stolen a chair to rest his feet on.

He's soooo fine and stable and normal.

Not any less pissed, though. No, in fact; not only is he still as tired as before, but now he's all twitchy and restless from the caffeine and sugar running through his avatar. The effects weren't even made to be realistic; they acted more as buffs and debuffs in a video game. You eat sugar, you get an energy boost. But it was specifically the sugar everyone used for the coffee; they were literally sugar crystals, large diamonds that dissolved and tasted of pure sugar. Eating a spawned-in sugary meal wouldn't have the same effect. It's arbitrary and dumb, at least in Jax's opinion.

Wired up as he is, Jax actually jumps when he hears Gangle laugh just outside, but composes himself when she and Zooble wander in, hanging off eachother. He stares into his mug, unsuccessfully tamping down the ugly feeling of jealousy. 'Oh look at us, such good friends having such a good time and enjoying how much trust we have between eachother.' Pretty rude of them to rub it in. He knows there's a nasty snarl across his face.

He hears the telltale squeak and quiet greeting of a Gangle realising he was there, and the subsequent scoff of a Zooble not being particularly pleased about his presence. Zooble was the only one who didn't start treating him like a canister about to explode, and Jax actually kinda appreciates that. At least he knows where he stands with them.

Of course, right now he is sitting in their path.

"Move." He looks back up to see Zooble right in front of him, while Gangle was rummaging through the oven. Normally, Jax would roll his eyes with a huge grin and childishly tell them to say the password, but this time he just clicks his tongue in irritation and scoots to the side, legs now out of the way of the utensil drawers. They glare at him suspiciously before just saying, "You're being weird." and grabbing a couple knives, and heads to sit at the table with Gangle, who'd successfully found the bagels.

Pull it together, man.

Soon enough, it's was Ragatha's turn to enter the kitchen, yawning and heading immediately over to the dispenser for tea, barely looking around her. She could've easily just made it in her own room - Jax knows full well that she has an endless teapot in there, but she has always insisted that it be used only for when she has guests.

Maybe she just likes the company.

Ragatha stops in front of the dispenser (which, of course, is a soda machine that inexplicably serves various off-brand sodas, coffee, tea, virgin mojitos, and milk), and begins to blindly reach for the mug tree (which, of course, is a literal tree that grows mugs), before she freezes, finally seeing Jax right next to it.

Jax can see that she looks a little apprehensive, but not immediately hostile or nervous like she normally would've been. The look annoys him for some reason. He glares at her, and reaches for the mug tree, aiming for Ragatha's favourite mug, the blue and white one with red polka dots, right at the top.

He plucks it off its branch, dangling it precariously from the handle with one finger.

... Then hands it to her, making sure it was firmly in her grasp before letting go.

With that, Jax becomes very interested in his own mug. Ragatha is clearly taken aback, and slowly thanks him under her breath. She examines the mug for a few seconds before accepting that it's not sabotaged, and then pours her tea and takes it over to the table to sit with the others, occasionally glancing over at Jax.

...

And so, the unfortunate four sit in a mildly uncomfortable atmosphere for a good half an hour. Thankfully it's not silent thanks to Zooble and the girls, but they're all clearly discomforted by the looming spectre of a rabbit, frowning across the room.

Pomni hasn't joined.

She wasn't an early riser by any means, but she usually liked being up and about by now, waking up enough in case of a morning adventure, so it was odd that she hasn't come down to the kitchen yet.

Jax quickly tries to rationalise. After what she said to the Moon, it was clear Pomni was determined to work things out with him, and her spirits did seem to be lifted by the end, so there was no shot that she just spontaneously abstracted or anything. Maybe she was just tired too, and made the smarter choice of sleeping in rather than drown in caffeine.

Maybe she was avoiding him this time, trying to figure out what to say...

... Oh god, Jax still hasn't figured out what to say.

He isn't even sure what he wan- needs the end result to be?

Obviously, what he wants is to totally make up for everything, declare Pomni as his best friend, return that hug she'd tried to give him, totally heal and start being nice to everyone, and they can live happily in the circus until that crafty little lady finds the exit, at which point she'll invite Jax to move in with her, her roommate, and her cat she'd told him about, and see where life takes them.

But. Is it really ever that easy?

There is no exit. One of them will abstract, probably sooner rather than later. It always happens. Either Jax will finally crack entirely, or he'll fuck up with Pomni and she'll give up. Probably the latter, if history has anything to say about it.

He's already promised to talk to her, so... maybe the better idea is to be honest and tell her why they can't be friends. Just, nicer and more levelheaded this time. She at least deserves the truth. Then, they can go back to normal, the way it was before stargazing.

He really hates that route, though. Maybe things won't go wrong if he just opens up his heart again. Maybe it won't end up breaking.

In any case, Jax has to make up his mind, and fast.

And Pomni still hasn't made her way to the kitc-

Suddenly, Jax finds himself sprawled across the checkerboard tiles in front of the stage, completely unbalanced by the unexpected summoning. He barely registers the miserable pile of toy parts and ribbons being helped up by Ragatha, or that Kinger is standing nearby looking directly up at the tent roof, or even Caine beginning to launch into a spiel.

Instead, he sees Pomni standing by them all, looking a little sick as she usually does after being pulled halfway across the tent, and rubbing an eye as she yawns, but otherwise looking okay. Jax suddenly felt a bit dumb for assuming she wouldn't be.

Then, eye contact.

...

Pomni freezes as she meets Jax's eyes for the first time in at least a week. After all those days of him pointedly looking in the opposite direction whenever possible, it's no wonder she feels a bit shellshocked now.

Especially since he's not looking away.

Instead, his gaze is locked on her face, searching for something, looking just about as startled as Pomni herself, his square pupils smaller than usual. He doesn't look quite afraid or anything, just... softer.

Not wanting to end up breaking the spell, Pomni tamps down another yawn. Her vent to the Moon last night left her utterly exhausted inside and out, but it took her so long to fall asleep. It felt just like how she was on her first week, so frazzled and anxious that it was a miracle that she slept at all.

She'd only just woken up about a minute ago, and was warped the second she took a step out of her room. She certainly wasn't expecting Jax to be the first face she'd see. Well, aside from the image on his own door across from her's. A bit hard to avoid that one, if she bothered to avoid it in the first place.

"He won't look at me right now, but..."

"Maybe he'll surprise you. It's hard to resist your charms, tiny jester; perhaps he'll be the one making the next step."

Is... is this a sign that he's ready to talk? Or about to be?

Pomni chances a smile. Just a small one, a quirk of the corner of her lips, barely noticable if you're not paying attention. To add on, she ever so slightly tilts her head, and lets her shoulders relax.

A look she has practiced in the mirror many a time: subtly welcoming, telling the recipient that she's ready and willing to listen, whenever they're up to it.

Jax sees, of course. His mouth opens a little as he scans her body language. He finds and takes the note she's figuratively handed him, nods almost imperceptibly, then looks away. Relief flows through Pomni, and her smile grows.

... Oh, right. Caine is talking.

"WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY: INTO THE FRACTAL NOISE WITH YOU!"

"Huh? What?" Pomni snaps back in, then shrieks as she is pushed unceremoniously into the portal.

---

The troupe find themselves crammed inside some kind of van or truck, standing around and examining various tools bolted onto the walls. Pomni could recognise some of the items, like the flashlights, cameras, and big jars of salt, but some of them could best be described as 'doohickeys' or 'thingamabobs'. At the northern end is a computer setup with a few different monitors and odd-looking devices plugged in.

"Soooo, what are we doing?" Pomni asks, picking up a lighter and flicking it experimentally.

Ragatha is the one to answer, all too used to Pomni forgetting to listen to the adventure premises, "We're supposed to go around town and interview people about a suspicious death, deduce what kind of supernatural monster caused it, then hunt that monster down." She holds up a thick leather-bound book, "There's a list of monsters in here, with different kinds of evidence pertaining to each."

"Oh, great." Pomni groans, "So it's a horror one again?"

"Seems it."

The jester groans again, catching the attention of Zooble, who glances between her and the monitor, then offers, "How about you be truck freak?"

She perks up, "Oh, sure, if no one else wants to."

Ragatha raises a brow, confused, "... Truck freak?"

"Oh, you know," Gangle pipes up, "the man in the van! The person who stays behind to monitor and guide from the base of operations."

"Ohhhh, gotcha." Ragatha nods with a smile, then turns to hand the book to Pomni, "Guess you should keep this, then."

"Hey nerds, check this out." Jax calls from under the desk, where he pulls out a large crate.

Everyone gravitates over as he hauls it onto the table, flips the latches, and opens it. Inside is a grand selection of weapons, mainly knives and guns of various sizes, along with spare bullets.

Kinger moves forward and hovers a hand over one of the guns. Some UI pops up over it:

'Shotgun - Currently Containing: Salt Rounds (8)'

"Huh!" He seems pleased, picking it up and checking the safety, "These are specialised."

Pomni was already flipping through the book, and lands on the page on salt, "Says here that salt can dispel a spirit if used as a bullet, and can be used as a barrier if poured on the ground in a line."

Jax, of course, immediately began rummaging through the crate the moment Kinger's hands were out of it. To many of the group's surprise, though, he pushes all the guns aside and settles for a fancy-looking silver dagger.

Pomni isn't among the surprised, though.

She has a feeling neither of them are gonna be okay with holding a gun until they've made up.

---

The first part of the adventure was fine, if a little boring. They drove around the town, asking the NPCs various questions about the departed. They even visited a mortician to see if there was anything unusual about the body.

Jax wasn't particularly paying attention throughout any of that, though. He's a bit too preoccupied with thinking about how to approach Pomni, and what he's gonna say to her. It'll be easy enough to get her alone - he'll stay back in the van with her and leave the others to deal with the monster, but that's not exactly the hard part.

Maybe he'll just play it by ear, instead of stressing about it. Working off of impulse and saying the first thing to come to his head has totally worked well for him so far, and definitely isn't part of what caused this whole mess in the first place.

In any case, for once he's glad for the lull at the start of this adventure, being stuck with everyone. Thank god Caine cooled it with the team adventures.

Immediately after the guns, the next two adventures were paired ones, and... for the first one, most of the others hadn't noticed the tension between himself and Pomni, and had just automatically drifted towards their old teammates. Leaving the two of them together. Suffice to say, Jax had quickly abandoned that adventure, and her. In the second he'd ended up with Kinger, which was probably the smartest option on everyone's part. It was alright.

Thankfully, Caine quickly got bored of those, and went right back to the regular formula, allowing Jax to easily avoid the jester.

No matter how much he missed her.

In the present, he can't say he's avoiding her now. The interviewing portion was over, and now they're all back in the truck, on their way over to the haunted house. Gangle and Zooble are in the front out of earshot, driving, while Jax, Ragatha, Kinger, and Pomni lounge around on the floor of the trailer, just waiting.

And talking.

Kinger had started talking about Half Life, prompted by Jax finding a crowbar, and now they're all just talking about videogames. At one point, Pomni insisted on turning off the light for whatever reason, but no one really minds talking by torchlight. Almost feels like a sleepover or something.

It's... pleasant. Fun, even. Pomni and Kinger lead the whole conversation, both of them apparently being avid gamers. It became abundantly clear that Kinger being an FPS pro is the reason he gets so locked in whenever he holds a gun, which everyone finds amusing. And a little relieving, knowing he wasn't like, in the military or whatever. Something about the conversation or maybe even just the vibes brought by the torchlight causes him to be a bit more lucid, interestingly enough.

Pomni flits between genres, mostly sticking to puzzlers and action-adventures. While she likes playing legit, when she gets stuck to the point of geniune frustration, she uses speedrunning techniques, exploits, and glitches to get back on track. She mentions that she used those skills to get back from under the map in the Candy Kingdom adventure, which is kinda sick.

Ragatha, surprising no one, didn't play much. She wanted to, but was always too busy, even as a kid, and wasn't allowed any that were rated above T, or any found online, least not until she was an adult. She always looked forward to the occasional sleepover or birthday party at a friend's place, where the rules were a bit more lax.

Now, as for Jax, he has to be careful. Everything the others say easily dates them; Kinger had no idea there was a Half Life 2, despite being such a huge fan of the first one, so must've gotten stuck in the circus before 2004. Ragatha complained that she got trapped only a month after Animal Crossing: New Leaf came out and barely got to play it, so she was firmly from 2013. Of course, everyone already knew that Pomni got trapped this year - late 2023, which Jax actually didn't know until now, since he'd long since stopped paying attention to the passage of time - but it would've been made clear anyway with how she's currently talking.

Ragatha and Kinger know when Jax got here, since they witnessed it firsthand, that's not the issue. The issue is that Pomni has no idea, and he's not about to let her know. Not when he hasn't even decided if he's gonna accept or reject her friendship later.

So, he holds back on expressing his surprise about various sequels, and keeps everything vague as possible. There were some close calls, like when he said his favourite was probably Red Dead Redemption, and Pomni asked how he felt about the second one. And when he had to pretend to know what Undertale was since it's apparently incredibly well-known.

No doubt that Pomni saw right through him. Again. But, graciously, she said nothing. At least she doesn't know how old he is, and therefore just how young he was when he got here. It'd just upset her.

It's late 2023... which means I'm now... 22?

Best not to dwell on that.

... He's missed hanging out like this.

The four get interrupted by the brakes slamming, causing Ragatha to flop forwards on the ground with a muffled smack. As Kinger and Pomni get her to her feet, Gangle and Zooble open the doors. It's sunset outside.

"We're at the house, I guess we should investigate now?" Gangle moves forward to grab some supplies. Despite breaking her mask earlier during one of the NPCs' sob stories, she seems to still be in high spirits, which has become more and more common over the past couple weeks. Jax isn't sure what to make of that.

"Right!" Ragatha picks up a camera stand, and turns to Pomni, "You'll be alright in here, on your own?"

Pomni smiles encouragingly, "I think so. I'll keep an eye on the cameras, just shout out if anyone needs anything."

With that, all the others grab what they figure they need, and march to the suburban house.

Well, all except Jax. He pretends to follow them for all of two seconds, before turning tail and getting back in the van, lying on the floor with his hands behind his head. He looks behind himself, at Pomni, who hasn't noticed his presence yet, too busy with the book and the monitors.

The glow of the computer frames her silhouette like a halo as she mutters to herself, flipping through the pages, and Jax can't help but just watch, even if the position hurts his neck.

When she starts to turn around, he quickly snaps his head forwards again to stare at the ceiling, casual as. He hears a slight breath of surprise, a moment of silence, and then. Her footsteps, trepidatious, coming closer.

Pomni sits down to his left, visible, and obviously tries to catch his eye. When she's not successful, she lies down, and exhales. Patiently waiting for Jax to make the next move.

It's silent for all of a minute before Jax can't handle it anymore, and clears his throat, brave enough to begin.

"Uh."

... Or maybe not.

Pomni laces her fingers together nervously when he doesn't continue, and decides to try to jumpstart the conversation, "How... uh, whatcha doing back here? Not in the house, I mean."

Ough, this is painfully awkward, but better than nothing, "Ah, y'know. Letting them do the hard work."

"Yeah..."

Silence again. Neither of them are happy about this.

Chatting used to come so easily.

"Look, I..." Jax starts, and turns his head to face hers.

She looks back with her huge, expressive eyes. Hopeful.

I'm not ready.

"... Forget it." He looks away.

Pomni makes a quiet, frustrated noise, but then calms herself with a deep breath. Jax can practically hear her determination rise, and gulps.

"Jax," Her voice stating his name makes his resolve crumble slightly, but he refuses to give in, "Jax."

"What." It comes out sharp as the blade in his pocket.

"Are we ever gonna talk about this?"

"Talk about what?" Oh god. Jax can feel his comedy mask slipping on, painting his face with an awful sneer.

Pomni can clearly feel it too, with the way she pushes herself back up to sit, "Don't you dare. Not again."

"Nooo idea what you're talking about, shortstack." Stop it.

"Oh, right!" Her voice drips with angry sarcasm, "I 'must be misremembering', yeah?"

"Now you're getting it!" Stop. It.

"I do not have the energy for this. If you want things to go back to normal, then talk to me like an adult. But don't play these stupid games, pretending nothing happened."

"Me? Play games?" I hate you, rabbit. "Now that doesn't sound like me!"

"What is wrong with you?!"

Jax opens an eye to look up at Pomni, but then freezes.

Her eyes are glazed over with unshed, angry tears.

He's about to make her cry again.

He answers her question.

"I... I don't know."

Jax slowly sits up, bringing his knees to his chest, subconsciously mimicking how he found Pomni in the field just the night previous. He lets his face and ears fall.

"I'm sorry..."

Pomni's eyes widen, and suddenly Jax feels like he doesn't deserve to look at her. So he tears his gaze away.

She opens her mouth to respond, but they both leap out of their skin at a shrill scream from the live feed on the computer, causing them both to whip around.

"IT'S A VAMPIRE! JAX, GET YOUR FURRY A## IN HERE AND HELP!"

Wow. Is that the first time he's heard Gangle swear in all her three years?

By the time Pomni looks back, Jax makes sure he's long gone.

---

That night, Jax anxiously paces the darkened hallway, eyes locked on Pomni's visage upon her door.

He'd managed to run away the moment the adventure ended, hiding out in a random asset room - no doubt that Pomni tried knocking on his own, and he knows his resolve is all but shattered, unable to resist her if he'd witnessed that.

"Come on, man," He whispers to himself, acidic, "just knock on her door, apologise properly, explain yourself, and then..."

And then...

Fuck. He still doesn't know.

At this point, the question isn't just if it's a risk to be friends with her. Now, it's if he deserves to. Which, Jax quickly concludes, no he unequivocably does not.

Then again, he is in a bit of a state. And if recent events are any indication, he's a terrible judge of... pretty much everything. He could really use a second opinion.

... He could. Really use. A second opinion...

Absolutely fucking not.

He is not about to drag someone else into this mess, just expose himself like that to anyone that wasn't the person in question.

Even if a more levelheaded third party would definitely help keep him on the right track to making things right, given how utterly lost he is on his own. Would help fix things before everything comes crashing down even further around him and he, in one way or another, loses Pomni forever.

...

...

......?

...............

God. DAMN IT.

Alright, who's it gonna be?

Ragathas the obvious choice, in his opinion anyway, but there's no way Jax can go to her, right? He's awful to her and he knows it, and she clearly hates him. And on the flip side, he has plenty of reasons to be angry with her too. He also hates the idea that she knows so much about his past at the circus. That they share so much tainted history. Then again, she obviously adores Pomni, and wants what's best for her. He's just worried that she'll say what's best is that he stays away. After all, Ragatha straight up told him that she thinks he wants to corrupt Pomni. But, does she still believe that, after he's been pulling away so much? Honestly, she's seemed... worried about him, recently.

Maybe this could be a good chance to make things up with her, too. Jax could be the one to reach out the olive branch.

What about the others?

Jax feels pretty comfortable around Gangle, even being somewhat fond of her. He'd never say this, but he feels they have a lot in common, and not just their interests. Before the whole crashout over the subject, he'd even be happy to say that she's his friend, though of course he'd layer it thick with sarcasm. However, she would feel pressured to help out even if she wasn't okay with it, just given how nervous she can get. At least the others would say no if they wanted to.

Though, she has been getting bold, recently. Probably from hanging out with Zooble so much.

Hmm... Zooble... That actually doesn't sound terrible. They've only been here for less than half a year, so there isn't a whole messy history of feelings and anguish to sort through, and they're very straightforward about what they think, especially when it comes to Jax. They for sure won't hesitate to set him straight if he starts getting flighty or mean. The main problem is that Zooble probably won't let Jax talk to them in the first place, or believe him. They really hate his guts.

Then the last option is Kinger. Jax hasn't really been too awful to the guy, but isn't really sure how he feels about talking to him about this. He's not sure how much Kinger can actually remember about Jax's past, and that's already a problem with picking Ragatha. And, would he really be that helpful?

Well, Pomni did mention a couple times that she's had good talks with him, even receiving some helpful advice; Jax just isn't sure how. He was pretty lucid earlier today, does he just need to hand Kinger a gun? Or was it something else? Or, is there a chance she was just extrapolating something from nothing?

He's being unfair. He's never really bothered to hang out one-on-one with Kinger outside of being forced to on adventures, so maybe there's way more below the surface. That's honestly been a running theme with everyone else, so maybe he ought to give the man a shot. Plus, Kinger did offer a talk that morning, didn't he?

So, that's it. Four choices, each with their own pros and cons. And no, he's not going to an AI with this, he knows well enough now that most of them are completely useless when it comes to... well, anything. Except for the celestial bodies, but he doesn't wanna admit to the Moon that he messed up again today. And the Sun kinda freaks him out. So, four choices it is.

Jax breaks his staring contest with Pomni's door, and glances around at each of his options.

Ragatha, Gangle, Zooble, Kinger.

What does he need, right in this moment? Who would be most able to give him the advice he needs, in the way he needs it?

Who is he going to choose to rely on, and expose his feelings to, in order to later bare his soul to the weird and wonderful woman just across the hall?

...

He makes his choice, and walks over to the resulting door with a renewed sense of determination.

Steeling himself, Jax knocks.