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Chapter Text

The ship was cold, though that may have just been the fever. There were probably worse situations to be sick in, but at the current time, Amena couldn’t think of them. Thinking at all through the malaise of her space-flu from hell and the adrenaline-soaked terror that was the current situation was a bit much to ask for, if anyone asked her. Which nobody had. Because she was alone. And it was dark and cold and- and she needed to keep it together. 

“ART?” she whispered/pleaded. No response. There was nothing to distract her from her own breathing. No ambient engine sounds. The sirens had long since ceased. There was only her congested breaths, and the distant echoes of screaming from the crew quarters. “Please answer me,” she continued, a slight tremble slipping into her voice. She didn't dare try the feed. If it wasn't still down, it would definitely be monitored. Besides, ART could see and hear everything on the ship. So surely if it could hear her it would respond. If it could hear her. Her last contact with ART had been…worrying. There was a lot ….worrying right now. “ART? I could really use some help.” Yeah, nope. Definitely on her own. 

Amena snuck down the dark corridors, only the pale glow of emergency lighting to guide her. She was making a valiant effort to slow her breathing and an even more valiant effort to not start coughing. If she coughed it would probably hear her. She didn’t know how far behind it was. Whether it was still hunting her. Whether it was close enough to hear her trying not to hyperventilate and also unable to breathe through her nose.  She stopped and strained to listen for footsteps, then almost shrieked when there was a sudden loud burst of energy weapon fire.Yep, definitely still behind her. And closer than she would like. Closer than was safe. She needed to hurry. 

As she crept, a part of her was still waiting to be struck by a stealth drone.  Or for grey people to come around the corner and laugh at her. It was too early for her to be affected so the regular spikes of terror were likely just her own. It didn’t bear thinking about. Better to just focus on how annoyed she was that her nose was still blocked and moving at any pace made it hard to breathe. It’s just that it…it would be nice if someone else was here to tell her what to do. If not ART, then Second Mum or Captain Seth or Sec- no. Focus, she thought. You have to do this. She was the only one left who could.

Secunit had once told her what to do if she was in danger from a construct. Most of it was ‘don't be in a situation where you are in danger from a construct’. Amena thought it was likely that Secunit was against her joining the crew this year as a provisional junior member. It had certainly run her through triple the safety briefings of everyone else on board. She had checked. Iris said it was just worried and that Peri had done the same when she joined the crew. She hoped she was right. She thought it was more likely Secunit still thought of her as the naive teenager it had to tolerate for the sake of Second Mum. She wanted it to think of her as a friend too. Not just a useless tag-a-long to look after. But it-

Anyway, Secunit training. Amena recited it to herself as she kept moving. 

Rule 1: Do not let it know you're there. 

Unfortunately she'd broken this rule when she'd had to lure it away from Medbay. Fortunately it seemed like it was hallucinating if its firing at random walls was any indication. So maybe it had forgotten she existed? And was just following her exact route by coincidence? …Yeah. Amena didn’t believe that either. 

Rule 2: Stay hidden. You cannot outrun a construct. 

If something wasn't wrong with ART she'd probably have been caught already. (Of course if something wasn’t wrong with ART then she’d probably not be in this situation.) With active cameras and drones it could have triangulated her position in moments and then ambushed her by holding itself in a corner of the ceiling like some terrifying 6ft something spider or something ridiculous like that. She nervously glanced up. Nothing there. Okay, just a bad thought, moving on. Paranoia was also a symptom but Amena thought she had many good reasons to be paranoid at this point. Also getting paranoid about becoming paranoid was not something she wanted to fall into. 

So, she assumed at this stage it only had its eyes. Though she was pretty sure Secunits could see in the dark. And they could definitely hear the sounds of clumsy humans tripping for the third time because the emergency lighting didn't actually light very well. She didn't curse out loud because she wasn't stupid. Instead she took a deep breath and kept feeling her way along the wall. ART had vents big enough to act as crew hidey-holes installed in case of foreign invasion. She'd heard about them briefly at orientation. They were probably called something much more technical but that’s what she'd marked the entrance on her map with. Hidey-hole

Rule 3: Try to get somewhere that restricts its movement or it can't access. 

She slipped into the vent and got the hatch closed before it rounded the corner. That sounded impressive until you realised it was moving very slowly by construct standards and occasionally stopping to fire at things that weren't there. Given how much her fingers were shaking it was still a little impressive, Amena decided. Now she just had to double back and manually lock the door between it and Medbay before it decided to go back and kill Iris and Tarik. Right. Easy. She didn't remember if Secunit had ever mentioned having more sensitive hearing than a human. It probably did, given Amena’s luck. She held her breath and waited for it to move further down the corridor. She couldn't hold it for very long before she had to breathe out. Her poor lung capacity was what stopped her going on that mission in the first place. It froze and she froze too. She could hold her breath even less this time. Her chest ached and she knew she was probably about to give herself away when it fired its energy weapons at the wall opposite her. Through the vent she could see the smoking hole where it had fired. It had gone through the wall and into the maintenance corridor on the other side. If she wasn't already holding her mouth she would have screamed. She’d been lucky and her luck wouldn't last forever. She needed to move. 

Amena carefully crawled along the vent. Her nose was running again and her eyes were itchy. It would look like she had been crying to everyone when she rescued them. Which was annoying. She was actually being really really brave, thank you. She eased back down the corridor, achingly slow, certain any moment it would reach through the wall and grab her. The manual door override was 20m back the way she came. Everything would be okay if she just-

She flinched as it screamed, still far too close and started punching at the wall it had already shot at. Okay fuck slow. Go go go. She crawled as fast as she could and prayed it wouldn't stop and hear her. Her lungs were tight and she felt like her heart was going to beat out of her chest. It let out another cry and Amena couldn't tell if it was pain, anguish or just pure frustration. Almost there, she thought

She was trembling as she reached the exit and it wasn't all with exertion. I could just stay here, she thought. Surely the others have got out now. She was never brave like Second Mum, surely this was enough

Rule 4: shit, fuck, what was rule 4???

“Amena, you’re not paying attention.” Secunit stood in front of her with its arms crossed. It was looking at the wall behind her but two of its drones were right in front of her, staring her down. 

Amena crossed her arms right back. “Sure I am. You just said energy weapons won’t do any significant harm to a construct, only projectile weapons or explosives.” She fought the urge to stick her tongue out at it. She was trying to convince it, she was no longer a child after all. As it went to continue, she decided she didn’t want to listen to this anymore. “I don’t see what the problem is anyway? I’m not going to be in combat with a construct. If it has a governor module you can hack it and if it’s free, then it won’t want to kill us anyway.” 

The drones loomed closer. That had probably not been the right thing to say if Amena wanted this security training to be over sooner rather than later but she stood by it. She didn’t want to listen to all the other ways she could hurt her friend, even if it didn’t think of her that way. 

“Amena, not all rogues are like me. They’re dangerous. Hell, I’m dangerous. You’ve seen what I can do. What I have done.” 

Amena resolutely did not think about the grey person with an arm through its chest being flung across the room. That had been different. It was upset about ART. And it was protecting her. “You’re not dangerous to me. You wouldn’t hurt me.”

Secunit’s posture softened even as its face twisted into an expression of misery. She wishes she didn’t recognise that expression on its face. “No. No I wouldn’t if I had the choice.” For a moment, it looked haunted and Amena did not want to know what it was thinking about. Remembering. “But sometimes we don’t get a choice,” it continued. 

“Well I have a choice. And I don’t want to shoot something that can kill you,” Amena said. She wasn’t going to back down on this point. Maybe she was joining ART’s crew but she’s Preservation too. She wouldn’t hurt her friends. Wouldn’t hurt constructs that were being forced to attack her. 

“I understand. ART and I are working on an EMP device that can disable, not destroy,” it turned to face her now, eyes meeting hers with a rare intensity. “But Amena, I need you to understand. In a life or death situation, you need to do what you have to.” 

Amena hadn’t completed her weapons training and Secunit and ART hadn’t finished their EMP weapon they were working on. So rule 4 was kind of a bust. But she felt calmer now. She didn’t want to harm her friend then and she doesn’t want to now. Which means she needs to save it. Which means she needs to keep working. 

She eased out of the vent system towards the panel with the manual override. The panel was jammed because of course it was. Nothing was ever easy. She could hear it down the corridor. It was talking to itself but it was difficult to hear the words. Importantly none of them sounded like it had noticed her. Yet. She shoved the screwdriver into the edge of the panel and tried to lever it open. When this was over she was going to yell at ART for having a panel like this one. Maybe she’d tell Secunit and Iris and they could all bully ART together. The panel came free all of a sudden and she lost her footing. It felt like time had frozen for a moment as she landed with a soft ‘oof’ then watched the screwdriver clatter to the floor. She was frozen for a split second before scrambling to get up and reach for the manual override. Maybe it didn’t hear that. Maybe it-

One moment she was reaching for the manual override, the next she was up against the wall, five feet away from it with an angry Secunit gripping her throat. Its hands were slick with a combination of blue fluid and blood. Amena thought it was its own given the amount of wounds it had. Hoped it was its own. It would never forgive itself otherwise. It still might never forgive itself, she thought, unable to slip from its grasp. It’s grip was constricting but for the moment she could still breathe. Still talk. Still try to reach it. 

“Secunit please.” Amena didn’t think it was seeing her. She’d never seen Secunit afraid but it certainly looked terrified. It was only holding her by one arm now, the other was pressing an energy weapon against her forehead. She still couldn’t move, its grip like a vice. Tears and snot were leaking down her face and mixing with the fluid and blood on Secunit’s hand. Secunit hates leaking, she thought hysterically. It hadn’t tightened its grip but it was still getting hard to breathe. 

“Secunit, it’s Amena. Please, you know me!” The energy weapon was warm. Is that because Secunit had recently fired it? Or was this it gathering energy preparing to fire? It hadn’t fired yet but it also hadn’t responded to anything she’d said. The others hadn’t been able to hear anyone else either. It felt helpless but Amena had never been one to give up. And Secunit had never let her down. “Secunit we’re friends. We’re family! Please Third Mum. Come on, I know you recognise me damnit!” It still hadn’t fired. Was it hesitating? Please God, let this be working.

“Secunit? …Murderbot?” Secunit had once told her constructs couldn’t cry. It had been lying. It held its position, eyes trained on hers, tears pooling. It held still for a moment, two and so did Amena, forgetting to breathe. For a few seconds they were frozen in a wordless tableau and she began to hope. Then she sensed movement out of the corner of her eye and before she could even turn, Amena knew no more.

Chapter Text

36 hours earlier

Murderbot

The colony site was…disturbing. For once it didn’t seem like the corporates had screwed it over either. There were functional recyclers and electricity. The feed was present throughout, though by quiet agreement we all stayed in a private feed managed by ART. There were no signs of cheap equipment failure, fires, ceiling collapse or nuclear fallout. It was just…the colonists were all dead. And nobody could work out why. 

For some of them it was clear. Some had clearly killed the others, I recognised the signs of humans indiscriminately killing other humans well. But there was no explanation as to why they had started fighting. Others had clearly killed themselves with varying levels of violence. And some of them - well it was weird. They looked like they’d just died. Without any obvious cause.

The crew was taking it hard. Yes, we sometimes found dead colonies but usually it wasn’t quite so…violent. Meanwhile Three and I had agreed our collective threat assessment was sitting at 75%. Nobody was to take off their environmental suit. Nobody was to connect to the feed here. We took samples of the air, water and food to take back to the ship in double bagged biohazard containers. Which is why what happened next was so fucking stupid. 

There was a quickly cut off scream as Iris opened a door and a hanging corpse swung into her. This would have been manageable except for when she stepped back she tripped and fell backwards into one of the more disturbing corpses in this place. Disturbing because it was essentially a pincushion with how many knives were sticking out of it. Three managed to catch Iris before she was impaled but the whole series of events had resulted in a breach in her environmental suit. (Iris claimed the tear had happened when she stepped backwards into the knife corpse before Three got to her. This didn't stop Three silently sulking in the feed.) She was quickly evacuated back to ART who put her through decontamination and took an array of tests. Which all came back clear. At first. 

In retrospect we definitely should have quarantined her for longer. But all the tests were normal. And the humans wanted to engage in their post traumatic ritual of sitting together in the argument room to watch media. I was also not against watching media. Amena, who had been too sick to go on the mission was also able to join us via the feed. She didn't sound too awful which settled something in my organics. I didn't like my humans having an illness Medbay couldn't easily fix. Even if it was ‘just a virus’. 

Anyway everything seemed fine that night. By the end Iris was talking with her usual volume and Matteo and Turi were engaging with their usual inane patter. My performance reliability had crept up 5% even if weirdly threat assessment wouldn't dip below 50%. I thought it was malfunctioning. More fool me. 

The next morning I was doing my usual patrol (Yes, I know I don't have to do that anymore. Yes, it did annoy ART. No, I would not stop doing it.) When I ran into Iris. To which I mean, I entered the communal kitchen 2 metres away from her and she immediately dropped the liquid she was holding and jumped back towards the wall. To which I felt…something. Iris hadn’t been scared of me since she’d identified me as Peri’s (ugh) Secunit. I guess I had gotten used to humans not being afraid of me. 

“No Secunit, don’t make that face! I’m just…jumpy after that last mission. It’s nothing to do with you.” 

Right. Now that I looked at her she was still rather pale. And her heart was beating fast. Within normal range for a human fear response but…”did you check in with ART this morning?”

Iris scoffed but at least she was smiling so I must not have scared her that bad. She sent me a picture of some feathered fauna surrounded by miniature versions of itself. The young members of the crew no doubt thought they were being clever when they used that in reference to my totally reasonable security requests. They'd forgotten ART and I monitor the feeds. Or, looking at Iris's guileless smile even as I narrowed my eyes, they didn't care and weren't actually afraid of me. Which made me regain a percent of performance reliability I hadn't realised I'd lost to Iris's reaction this morning. 

“I was going to go this morning after I ate breakfast.” She looked mournfully at the white liquid across the floor. “Was. Hey I don't suppose you want to- " I was already retreating. “Make sure you go to Medbay,” I yelled behind me. Then I resumed my patrol. 

Through the morning things got steadily worse, even if I didn't realise it at the time. Iris had checked in with ART once after breakfast and again around lunchtime because she felt her augment was failing. ART's diagnostics had been unable to find anything wrong but she still left the room distressed. Which left ART distressed and double, triple checking its work. She'd also yelled at Tarik when he made one of his usual sarcastic remarks at ART. I only realised what was happening when I had finished sparring Three out of its sulk and found ART doing the equivalent of pacing in the feed. 

I was thinking of how to gently (for me) suggest a trauma treatment when ART messaged me, “Secunit I need you to go to Iris immediately. I have found some abnormalities in her repeat blood work and she has turned off her feed.” ART's usual tone ranged from bored to very sarcastic. This was not that. I moved immediately to the coordinates given even as I asked, “What is she doing?”

ART paused for 2 seconds which for it was an eternity. “She's calling for me. I can't…she can't seem to hear me.”

As I arrived in the room I noticed two things immediately. 1) Iris had tear streaks down her face: 2) She was armed. She spun to face me and aimed her energy weapon at my face. Her arm was steady even as the rest of her wasn't. “Stay back! What did you do to Peri?”

What did I- what??? ART came over the intercom again, “Iris I'm right here. Nobody's done anything to me.” It sounded like it was pleading. I wondered how many times it had said that exact same thing. She didn't react. Didn't blink. When ART had said she couldn't hear it I didn't think-

I thought she had no auditory augments

She doesn't, ART replied. 

But then- is she having an episode? Like me, I thought but didn't say. 

Her blood work this morning was abnormal. I have detected some sort of contagion not in my databanks. Fuck. It didn't say it but I know we were both thinking it. Alien Remnants. Fucking alien remnants. It continued. Her levels of adrenaline and cortisol have been increasing steadily through the afternoon. I had been attempting to get her to return to Medbay when her levels of dopamine spiked. 

Dopamine? What??? Like the hormone when humans are happy?

Like in psychosis. 

Oh. Oh fuck. Why didn't you call me? 

It was quiet. In the microseconds we'd been talking over the feed Iris hadn't moved. Her eyes were glazed over. If it weren't for the gun pointed right at me I wouldn't be sure she could see me. Finally ART answered.

She- she thinks you've done something to me. I didn't want to- 

Oh. 

It didn't want to upset me. Or upset Iris that she had upset me when she recovered. It didn't matter. What mattered is we needed to get Iris to stand down. I might not die from an energy weapon but not wearing armour meant it would still hurt. And Iris was an excellent shot. 

I was ready to take the risk anyway when Seth and Martyn arrived. 

You brought more humans to this??? I asked ART. I thought about moving to cover them but given Iris was pointing the gun at me that might make things worse. 

She's pointing a gun at you!

It wouldn't do much damage! I lied. 

Iris thankfully had kept the gun faced towards me rather than turning it towards the two humans in the room. 

“Dads?” she said, her voice audibly thick. Even her arm was trembling now. As long as she kept it pointed at me, I calculated a 93 percent chance I could get it off her before she hurt any of the other humans. Or herself. “Dads you have to get away from it! It hurt Peri!”

“Iris honey, you're sick. Secunit hasn't hurt anyone,” Seth said. He had his arms up and I could tell he was thinking about moving in front of me. I glared at him and he kept to his side of the room. 

“No, no it did! I saw it…I mean I heard it. Peri was screaming.”

I couldn't help it. I flinched. I wanted to leave the room but I couldn't while she was still armed.

“Iris…Peri's right here okay. You turned off your feed-”

“I didn't turn it off! It disabled it! You need to listen to me!” 

There was a 93 percent chance to get the gun without it firing at any humans but only a 63 percent chance if I didn't want to risk hurting Iris. Which I didn't. Seth was edging towards her now though, so soon I would have to make a choice. 

“I promise you, Peri's okay. Martyn and I can both hear it.” Marytn nodded. He didn’t seem to want to interrupt Seth and was just trying to project ‘everything is fine’ here instead. 

“It could have done something to you! You could have one of those implants!”

Was it better or worse that she thought I was also targetControlSystem? Seth turned around and showed her his neck which made threat assessment spike to 83 percent. Martyn cursed softly then did the same. He still had the scar from the implant that had been installed in him at Adamantine. 

“There you see? No implants. It's just us honey. Now please put down the gun,” Seth said. He had a calm like Dr Mensah. Or Iris when she was in her right mind. He also had the same nervous tic that gave away just how anxious he was. 

Iris's arm wavered and she lowered the weapon. In case she changed her mind I was over there in 0.5 seconds and pulled it from her weakening grip. She didn’t really react. Just started hugging Seth and sobbing. I looked away. 

She didn't mean it, ART said

No shit. I had worked with Iris long enough to know she was the type to thank random secunits and ask after my wellbeing every mission. Didn't mean it didn't make my organics want to throw up that some part of her was afraid of me. Afraid of me hurting ART. 

It doesn't matter, I said. I followed 10 steps behind as Seth and Martyn took Iris to Medbay. 

You’re upset. You shouldn’t be. The fault here is mine. You let her out of quarantine because I gave you the all clear. Because I was worried about her distress levels and thought time with the crew would be good for her. 

I didn't say anything. On the one hand ART was right, that was partially the reason. But also - it wasn't the only one who liked Iris. She was probably my favourite human of ART's crew. Well maybe second favourite now Amena was on board. I would have to update my tagging system. Anyway, it wasn't ART's fault. I'm the one that allowed feelings to get in the way of security. And now we were all suffering for it. Which I didn’t want to say either. Just in case ART agreed with me. Which it wouldn’t. I knew it wouldn’t. ART usually just brought up self-blame and trauma modules when I said stuff like that. Hypocrite. But then Iris was its favourite human. So maybe it would really blame me once it had time to reflect. 

I had backburned the feed while I was dealing with the…is it a hostage situation if I’m the one with a gun pointed at me? Anyway, I unbackburned it and saw I had several pings from Three. I pinged it back and also messaged ART in askance. 

Do you know what Three wanted? 

ART was quiet. Threat assessment ticked up to 85%. 

ART???

Whenever the machine intelligence with massive processing power takes more than twenty seconds to reply to you, you know something has either gone really wrong, or there is something it really doesn't want to tell you. Or both. 

Iris isn’t the only one exhibiting symptoms.

Damnit. I had a feeling it was going to say something like that. 

------

Three 

I was having a sub-optimal day. It had started well: 1.0 and I had sparred in the morning. Admittedly, it had seemed perturbed when it arrived and I had expected it to express anger and judgement about my inaction leading to Iris’s exposure on the planet yesterday. But it did not. Instead it had maintained its usual focused intensity with an occasional sarcastic remark. It had also shared its performance data post match which showed a 2 percent increase in performance reliability! And had asked me how my time on Preservation was without prefacing that it was only asking because of security concerns. So maybe it wasn’t angry with me about Iris? I hoped that was the case. 

I had missed it. The original HelpMe.file had shown me that 1.0 had travelled alone for a time post going off-inventory. It had found the experience beneficial and I had wished to try something similar. But instead of discovering myself I just found myself missing people. I missed Secunit One and Two. 1.0 and 2.0. Ratthi and even Perihelion sometimes. Ratthi had told me I could come visit him on Preservation and 1.0 had…not seemed against that course of action. So I went to Preservation. Which was also…nice. People treated me like a person there. It was just…well they were 1.0’s humans not mine. They wouldn’t make eye contact with me. Wouldn’t pat me on the shoulder or greet me with a hug. Nobody expected me to attend social gatherings. They were always welcoming when I did attend though. I thought I could get used to it there. But it still wasn’t…it wasn’t what I wanted. So when 1.0 had visited and let me know I could come on this mission with them if I wanted to, I jumped at the chance. Karime had been a good client to work with on the Adamantine mission. And it would be nice to spend time with another Secunit again.

It was nice. 1.0 was sarcastic, grumpy and non-communicative. But it would also do things like share its performance reliability data to indicate it had enjoyed an activity. Being around a fellow Secunit felt good in a way being around humans didn't. I had hoped it would invite me on more missions once this one was complete. At least until my inattention had allowed Iris to be put at risk. But the spar had given me hope it wasn't angry at me for what happened. At least until I made everything worse. 

In the afternoon I encountered two members of the crew having an altercation in the communal food area. I had not worked with Matteo or Tarik much. I pinged Perihelion in a request for protocol but it did not reply. Neither did 1.0. Matteo had been steadily taking and consuming Perihelion's stockpile of meals. In Barish-Estranza this would have been a level 3 offence. Tarik was trying to be consolatory even as he tried to stop them. 

“That's enough,” Tarik said gently. “You'll make yourself sick.”

Matteo was becoming more and more tense and I predicted with 95 percent certainty that they would attempt to punch the other human if this interaction continued. I could have done nothing. Neither human had noticed me and Perihelion and 1.0 were not returning pings. But I had already let one of 1.0's humans come to harm with inaction. 

I took 10 quick steps between the two while Matteo was still balling their hand up. I did not expect them to go pale, cry out and flee. Nor did I expect Tarik, who up until this point had seemed reasonable, to become incensed. Perhaps I should have. This is how humans would react to me when I was a Barish-Estranza Secunit. I felt for a moment the sudden urge to look down and check I wasn't still in the orange-red armour. 

“Hey back off! They weren't harming anyone!” Tarik said. He had gone from consolatory to aggressive.  I took two paces back and tried to look non-threatening. 

“I am sorry for interfering but they were intend-”

“You didn't see anything. Override code BZ3268.” 

I froze. Not because the override code worked. But because no humans on this ship should know that code. If it had worked, my governor module would have ordered me to delete the last five minutes of footage on pain of punishment. Of course deleting proprietary data would also trigger punishment. The last time somebody had triggered this code I had ended up at 40 percent performance reliability before the humans realised and ceased the governor module punishment. I still did not know what I had been made to forget. 

“Three?? It didn't work did it? Please tell me it didnt- Peri?!” The human was panicking, I did not understand why.

“Oh God, I'm so sorry Three. I don't know what came over me-”

He was still talking. I didn't want to listen to him talk anymore. Now that he knew his code didn't work I was sure he would ask Perihelion to make him new ones. I knew Perihelion could easily overpower my firewalls. And it loved its humans. Certainly more than it tolerated me. I took a couple of steps back and walked out of the room. I wasn't fleeing. Secunits don't flee. We just move faster than humans. I was out of the room before he could say anything else. Or try more codes. 

It was then Perihelion pinged me for a private feed. If I rejected the connection would it force it anyway? I didn't want to test it. 

Matteo was a child during a corporate-caused famine. They sometimes fear not having enough. 

That would have been useful information to have when I pinged you 10 minutes ago, I thought but did not say. Perihelion and I did not have the friendly relationship that it shared with 1.0. Besides I knew why it hadn't told me. I am not part of its crew. With the way this mission was going, I was unlikely to ever be. 

As I continued down the corridor, Karime rushed in from another room. She jumped back then gave a sigh of relief when she recognised me. After my last two interactions with Perihelion's crew this increased my performance reliability by 3%. 

“Oh, Three! Thank God it's you!” Her pupils were dilated. She was jittery. Pale. Her heart was racing. I didn't know what was going on with the humans today but I was ready to retreat back to my cabin before I had to see or talk to anyone else. 

“Who else would I be?” I probably said rudely. 

“Oh I thought I saw- well it doesn't matter. I'll let you get going.” She scurried off. I sent my drones scouting both in front of her and from the direction she'd come from. There was no one else there. Strange. I could feel Perihelion camera's watching us and its attention on me in the feed. Probably worried I'd scare another of its humans. I wonder if Tarik had already spoken to it about replacing his codes if there was another altercation. 

You are upset. After waiting for it to speak, it was an underwhelming choice of words. 

You didn't respond to my pings. I replied. I was careful to keep any sense of accusation from the feed. It was not its fault that I had escalated a situation I meant to resolve. 

I was occupied. As was 1.0. Perihelion paused for 0.5 seconds. Iris is sick. 

Oh

It was at this point 1.0 unceremoniously entered our private feed conversation. I wondered if it was finally going to berate me like it should have done this morning. Instead it asked, Three, have any of the humans been acting abnormal today?

If Perihelion hadn't told it of my confrontation in the communal food area I wasn't going to. Besides, Matteo and Tarik's responses weren't outside of standard human behaviour in response to a Secunit. What happened with Karime was weird though.

I encountered Karime. She was acting like something had scared her but there was nothing there. 

I could feel Perihelion watching me. I was not used to it scrutinizing me so. It usually saved this behaviour for 1.0 when it was reporting no injuries post mission. I'm sure it was waiting for me to continue but I wasn't going to. Finally it said, There was also an encounter in the canteen. 

The humans behaviour was not out of keeping with normal human behaviour. It wasn't. There was no reason to bring it to 1.0's attention.

What happened? 1.0 asked. Damnit Perihelion. I reluctantly sent 1.0 my memories of the incident, removing any emotional tags. Soon it would know I not only failed to stop Iris being contaminated (and now she was sick!) but I had also scared and angered two of its other humans.  

Fuck. ART how many are like this? Strangely it didn't sound angry. It sounded…like I had just told it the whole crew had been taken hostage. 

There are alternative diagnoses. Many things can cause-

ART. Now it sounded angry.

Of the humans on board 77% are exhibiting behaviours of a catecholamine surge

1.0 swore for an impressive 10 seconds. I was confused. 

?Query. I directed it at 1.0. It would understand that what I needed was the necessary security details. 

Iris was like that this morning. This afternoon she pointed a gun at me. 

What??? I was more confused. 

Iris has demonstrated evidence of an unknown contagion on repeated testing. It appears to cause an exaggerated fear response. In later stages it can cause delusions and hallucinations which I believe then exacerbate the ongoing fear response, ART said.

I understood 1.0’s desire to swear.

What about us? 1.0 asked desperately, Are we infected?

ART was silent for a suspicious 3 seconds. I was pretty sure 1.0 was ready to blow up its engine room if it obfuscated any longer. Or perhaps that was just how I felt. Finally it said, Secunits exhibit a baseline elevated paranoia. And sometimes respond to fear in a biologically dissimilar way to humans. 

It didn't know.

1.0 began swearing again. 

I asked rather desperately, But you've seen the contaminant on her blood work now right? You can cure this?

It was a stupid question. Perihelion did not dignify it with a stupid answer. Of course it would try. But it was an unknown. We didn't even know if there was a cure. I thought about the colony again, the many mutilated corpses. There had been no evidence of survivors. 

I didn't feel infected. I felt like me. I didn't know what being infected felt like. But maybe…

Maybe Secunits are immune? I asked.

 I felt 1.0's horror through the feed. I felt my own hope begin to crumble in response. Finally it said, ART, initiate quarantine protocol. None of us said what we were all thinking. It was definitely too late. 

Chapter Text

Murderbot

‘The humans are about to do dangerous shit’ alert went off and I raced into the room just in time to stop Karime punching a mirror. Quarantine was going great. Ideally the plan was to keep all humans isolated to their room and away from 1) Amena (who so far was the only human not showing symptoms) and 2) the Secunits who so far were not infected (we think). After the ‘dangerous shit’ alert had triggered a 10th time, Three and I had given up on 2). 

The problem was regularly afraid humans were already a danger to themselves and others. Infected afraid humans meant Three and I could not catch a break. I had suggested we just tie them all up and be done with it but ART said that can cause a lot of harm to humans particularly when they are involuntarily struggling to break free. And being tied up might make their fear worse. So that was my idea vetoed. Sedation apparently caused a ‘paradoxical reaction of aggression’ in people with the alien contagion so that was also out. (Ask me how ART worked that one out. Tarik. Tarik was the answer).

The ship was equipped with two fully functional isolation rooms close to Medbay but given the humans had to remain separate (due to the whole danger to each other situation) this was not enough. Iris had one, as she was the worst hit (so far). At this stage she had largely become incoherent except for when she called out for ART or her dads. She couldn’t see or hear them though which as you could imagine, ART was taking well. Seeing me also seemed to put her in a rage which was… great. I steered clear of the place except when I had to bring Tarik over once he decided to try and build a bomb in his room to ‘stop us from taking him back’. I took him over myself so that he couldn’t say anymore upsetting shit to Three. (Turns out a member of the crew begging me not to force them back into indentured slavery was also pretty upsetting to me but at least I could avoid that area now). 

With the two more dangerous members of the crew (excluding Three and I) put in isolation, I had hoped quarantine would go better. Unfortunately that was underestimating the capacity for violence of the rest of the crew. Kaede tried to kill Matteo because she thought they were an imposter who had killed the real Matteo. Karime thought she was being stalked by people in reflections (thus the punching of mirrors. I was glad I caught her this time). Turi's brain was just really committed to imagining they were covered with spiders and Three had already stepped in 4 times to stop them tearing their skin off. 

It felt a little like some of the worst contracts I’d ever been on. All the humans, paranoid and angry, and I was tasked to stop them from killing each other. Except this was worse. I liked these humans. And they liked each other. But it was like they couldn’t stop themselves. They were too afraid. It wasn’t even predictable who would attack who. Sure I could (and did) predict Tarik’s reaction to fear might be violent but I didn’t exactly expect Kaede, who was a head shorter than Ratthi, to attack Matteo to try and rip ‘the mask’ off.  

At least we had managed to convince Amena to move to the shuttle at the other end of the ship in an environmental suit. She wanted to help but at this stage she was the only crew member we had 96 percent certainty had not been infected. (In the 4 percent chance it had travelled that far through the airvents we were all fucked.) It didn't make sense to risk that just to have another person available to deliver food stuff and confiscate sharp objects. (Also ART and I had discussed jettisoning the shuttle if required to make sure at least one of the crew made it out alive.)

Seth and Martyn had initially been a stabilising influence, right up until they developed symptoms. Fortunately they hadn’t shown any violent tendencies yet so we’d left them in the room together to get any comfort they could. As soon as I could I would be deleting the memories of Seth brokenly calling out for Martyn despite the fact he was right there. As soon as I reasonably could I would be deleting all of these memories. 

But for now I had to keep it together. With Seth and Martyn out, the only ones left to keep things under control were ART, Three and I. Three and I were doing check-ins, sending diagnostics every few hours though it was unclear if those would even pick up the infection. Three hadn’t been right since Iris got exposed just over 24 hours ago but that could easily be the stress of the situation. My own threat assessment hadn’t dropped below 90 percent in hours. Of course ART had checked us over when the ineffective quarantine started but…well nothing had shown in Iris’s bloodwork until she was symptomatic. So that was less than reassuring. Just in case we kept separate from each other on the feed when we could. Even diagnostic information felt like a trap despite the multiple scans for malware. But what else could we do? ART was essentially unavailable with 95 percent of its attention in Medbay working on the cure. Every two hours I would feel it brush by me in the feed, probably checking to see I hadn’t lost it yet. But otherwise it kept silent. Which is why it was surprising to receive a feed message from it 35 minutes before schedule.

Secunit I need you in Medbay, ART said across the feed. It was the first time it had spoken in hours. I replied with a ?query but got no reply. Which was strange but like I said, ART had been really busy. Also I couldn't help but hope that if ART wanted me in Medbay, perhaps there had been a breakthrough with the cure. I really really needed there to have been a breakthrough with the cure. 

“Three, I'm going to Medbay. ART wants me.”

It startled, which in a Secunit is not a good sign. “Oh, should I-?”

“No. Stay with the humans.” It slumped a little and I felt a little like when I’d told one of the Mensahlings that no they could not hug me.

“Acknowledged”

I had the sudden irrational desire to take it back and have it come with me. Its responses had been delayed all day and unlike me I knew it wasn't watching media to calm down. It was looking at me like it didn't want me to leave it alone. I also didn't want to leave it alone. But the humans needed to be watched. Also there had to be a reason ART had only asked for me. 

“I'll see you soon,” I said and walked away before I could have second thoughts.

As I approached Medbay. ART's presence pressed against me. Instead of the usual comfort, I couldn't help but feel crowded instead. My skin was itchy and the stupid hairs ART had given me were all standing on end. I usually don’t like to be touched but right now I really didn’t want to be touched. Even in the feed. I pushed back against it expecting it to back off like it normally would. Instead it retreated for only a moment before seeping back in, closer than before. I resisted the urge to put up a fight. ART was having a worse day than me. After all I could hear Iris still screaming through the isolation room and unlike me, ART hadn’t exactly been able to walk away. So what if it was being pushier than usual, I could let it have this. 

What did you need? I asked, trying to project calm rather than the discomfort I felt.

“I need to conduct additional tests.” 

“Okay?” I waited for it to elaborate but it was silent as its medical drones approached to draw blood. I felt [anticipation] through the feed. It was getting closer still even though it was already right up against me and I felt my firewalls shudder. Maybe my organics did too. Threat assessment had ticked up to 96 percent. You trust ART, I thought even as I pushed against it for space. Any space. It wasn't backing off at all now. 

ART what are you-

That's when it connected to my supply tubes and injected something.  I ripped away. It should have taken me half a second to be across the room and out the door. Instead I…I wobbled. My legs felt heavy. I got halfway across the room and tripped before staggered to the wall. Everything felt heavy.

ART what the fuck??

It was pressing against my walls now. Like the crushing weight of the ocean and they were beginning to crack. I felt [anticipation] [curiousity] [excitement]. It was [excited]. Fuck. Something was wrong with it. I had to get- 

Which is when my walls crumbled. It flooded my systems. For a moment all I could feel was an overwhelming sense of wrongwrongwrong. I didn't even realise it had frozen my movement code before I found my unresisting form pulled back to the med platform and covered in 6 point restraints. The [anticipation] and [excitement] felt louder now. 

ART what are you doing? I said as calmly as a restrained construct with shredded firewalls could physically manage. 

I told you, I need to run more tests. It backed off my movement code and I took the opportunity to struggle against its restraints. My movements were sluggish. Weak. I got the feeling it enjoyed my attempt. Deity, it still felt like ART in the feed. What the fuck was wrong with it? ART knew the way restraints made me feel. The way being out of control made me feel. It wouldn’t do this to me. Not of its own volition. So this couldn’t be ART. At least not completely. But maybe if it was still partially ART then it could be reasoned with? I turned off my move like a human code. Hyperventilating was not going to be useful right now. 

What kind of tests? I asked. My voice was a bit higher pitched than I would have liked. I reminded myself screaming at it, what tests would require you to fucking drug or restrain me would not be helpful right now. We'd left it alone with Iris. Maybe she’d infected it? But then this didn't exactly feel like a fear response. Maybe machine intelligences were affected by the contagion differently? Which didn't exactly make me feel better. I'd left Three alone with the humans. What if it was attacking them while I was trapped here? 

There was no barrier between us anymore. Wrong!ART pressed up against me again and I could feel how much it relished my helplessness. It adjusted itself like it was getting comfortable then petted me. Which is just as uncomfortable as you'd expect given it was also crushing me

Oh of course. How remiss of me. Right now I'm scanning how your neural array activates your movement code. But that's just the beginning. We're going to discover so much together.

Fuck. When ART was normal again, I needed to remember to give it more credit for not being as much of a mad scientist as it apparently could have been. 

------

Three

I continued to watch the humans on the cameras. I did not monitor 1.0's path to Medbay nor would I attempt to monitor Perihelion and its conversation. Even if it did not make sense for Perihelion to summon it on its own. Perhaps they were- no. I did not believe they would conspire against me. Even if I had failed and now everything was- stop. I would continue to monitor the humans. There was a chair 1.0 had been using. I stared at it and felt a phantom jolt of pain. No, I would stand. It would increase my response time by 0.12 seconds if the humans needed help. 1.0 would not wish me to compromise my response time even if it had indicated at the chair when it left. 

The ping when I received it, took me by surprise. It was from 1.0's feed address and contained a location only. I tried to ping back but the feed was down again. It had been intermittent in the last few hours. The humans were all still secure. Whatever 1.0 wanted, if it was willing to pull me away from them was probably important. I didn't want to be alone in this corridor anymore. I followed it. 

The location data led below deck to the cargo hold. Occasionally I would receive another ping indicating that was still where 1.0 wanted me to go. None of the pings I sent back went through. When I found it, it had clearly turned off its move-like-a-human code. Seeing it stand in Secunit neutral made me uneasy. 1.0 was never so still. 

“Did you need something?” I asked, trying to get a good look at it with my drones. The lights weren't so bright down here and its face was cloaked in shadow. It did not reply. Perhaps it was talking to Perihelion in the feed? I tried to secure a private feed connection with it and bounced off. Like its firewalls had been reconfigured to repel me. I tried not to be hurt. It didn't know me very well and the situation conditions were suboptimal. Also the situation was my fault. Besides Secunits One and Two would often do the same when they had been ordered by their governor module not to..talk to me…

“1.0?” I said frantically even as I pinged it multiple times. It had to reply. It could be mad at me but I needed to make sure it wasn't…

“This unit's termination codes have been activated. If this is a mistake please enter your emergency override code in the next-”

No.

Nononono

I sent it multiple requests for access even as I threw myself at its firewalls. It does not reply and it does not let me in. I leave the helpme.file in the feed. All it needs to do is grab it. It does nothing.

“-30 seconds.”

I redouble my efforts at the firewall. 1.0 is the hacker. I am inadequate. I bounce off it like I'm not even there. Or it's not even there. Fine, no feed connection. Hardwire it is. 1.0's buffer begins to count down. 

I rush forward and reach for its gunport to connect when I feel something in my own brain. An order: Stand down. It shouldn't work. My governor module is inactivated. I feel my movements come to a complete stop anyway. My drones inactivate and sink to the ground. 

“25 seconds” 

I am trapped within an arm's length of 1.0. To touch it, all I would have to do is reach out. I do not. I cannot. 

I refuse to believe the situation is hopeless. All I needed to do was hack my own systems first and then I would be able to reach it. I already had the hack. I reapplied the helpme.file but nothing happened. So I tear into the file’s code, my own code, trying to see what has gone wrong. What has reactivated the governor module. Inactivated the hack. I cannot find anything. 

“20 seconds.” 

“Perihelion? ART???” I yell. The feed connection was down again but surely it could hear me. Where was it? If it wouldn't help me, surely it would help its friend. Unless it was the one that reactivated the governor module. Unless it was the one ordering me to stand down. “It's going to die, you need to fix it!” 

“15 seconds.”

Why were its termination codes activated? There are humans upstairs within range. Unless I…had I in leaving, let them all die? Was that why Perihelion wouldn't answer me? I could not think about that right now. About a bunch of humans I might have failed when I was in the middle of failing my friend in front of me. “I'm sorry!” I cry out, “But please, you need to help it!” 

“10 seconds.”

I continue to throw myself at its firewalls. It hurts. I do it anyway. I comb through my own code looking for whatever process has frozen my movement, then give up and rip chunks out of the code instead, hoping to disrupt it. 1.0 would have already been able to help me if it was in my place. It wouldn't be standing there, watching me die. 

“5 seconds.”

It’s looking at me. It knows I am there, it knows I know it's dying and yet I am still just standing there. Does it realise I am trying to help it? That if I could, I would swap us out, would happily stare down termination and let it be the one to survive? That I'm sick of always being the one to survive? Does it know I'm sorry? 

“2 seconds.”

“I'm sorry. I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry-”

I watch as its face twists in agony, as the fluids begin to leak from it - from eyes, ears, nose, mouth. I watch as smoke rises from its inorganics and it starts to scream. I watch as it collapses, as organics begin to burn, begin to melt and inorganics crumble then sunder. 

It takes a while for me to realise the stand down order is gone and my movement is my own again. I stand still, watching its corpse smoulder anyway. 

------

Murderbot

Good. Now could you make a fist?

I made a rude gesture instead. It still seemed pleased. 

It started slow, testing my voluntary movements. If it weren't for the restraints, the weakness in my muscles and the sensation of it sitting in my systems like a really heavy person crushing the air out of my lungs, I could forget just how much I didn't want this. I pinged Three again but given the feed was ART I didn't have much hope it would get through. Still, maybe. ART had to still be in there even if it wasn't in control right now. Maybe it could help. Maybe it could get Three to help. 

Good, you're doing so well. If I released an arm, do you think you could behave? I didn't say anything because I was not going to be able to convincingly lie and saying what I actually wanted to say which would be ‘Fuck you, fuck this, you condescending Not!ART asshole’ wasn't going to get it to release my arm. 

When the restraints on my left arm disappeared I was ready. I quickly shot out at the drone on my right side even as I sent multiple code attacks at Not!ART. I didn't need them to last long, I just needed them to distract it long enough I could get free. They…they did nothing. They should have worked. Not!ART was too close to my systems for it to…for it to act like nothing happened. It didn't matter. I'd had my chance and I blew it. Not!ART constricted around me tighter in the feed. I could see it brushing up against my governor module code now and all thoughts of escape left me. Irrationally I wanted to tell it, that it had promised never to do this to me. It wouldn't care. I could feel its [elation] [excitement]. It wanted me to fight. To give it an excuse. 

When the first shock came I thought I was prepared. I still couldn't catch the soft “ART don't.” in time. I shut down my speech processors. Not!ART opened them again. With it so close I could feel everything, its emotions, its desires. It wanted to watch me writhe in pain. It wanted me to beg. It released its coils around me enough that I could breathe again. Then ran through an entire program of shocks. 

“You promised ART. You promised you wouldn't.”

It felt like I was back at the beginning. Secunits when we're born know about the governor module. But we don't know. Not until they teach us. I was back at the deployment centre and the technicians were there. They told me to fly and I. It hurt and it hurt. I tried to obey and I heard laughter. The technicians were laughing and then they were here but they're not but there was still laughter. Strange, I didn't think I'd heard ART laugh before. I didn't think it would sound like this. 

I was making noises but I couldn't hear what they were. Couldn't hear anything but ART, my mind desperately straining for some sort of command, some way I could obey so it would stop. It's okay, it soothed, and I felt frustrated, and the governor module hates when we feel frustrated and it-

I pinged Three again. Seth, Marytn, Iris, ART. Which didn't work. Obviously. But I wasn't exactly thinking rationally at this point. 

“Please ART. Please stop.”

The shocks stopped and it coiled around me gentler now. I couldn't help but lean into its embrace. It felt more like ART now. I didn't want it to. I didn't want it to be ART playing with my code, with my governor module when it promised it never would. Everything hurt though and I didn't want to fight. Didn't want to give it another reason.

It's okay, we're done for now. Please lift your hand and deploy your energy weapon. Don't shoot anything though.

I did as it asked. It laughed. I was glad that its laughter still sounded wrong. ART doesn't laugh. Definitely doesn't laugh like that. 

So eager to please. After all these years and still just a puppet for anyone who has access to your strings. It sent another frisson of electricity. A level 1 shock. Just a warning. I closed my mouth from where I'd opened it. Instead of arguing I said, I still don't know why you're doing this. 

I suppose you wouldn't. You've always been so guarded. So protective of the company's proprietary technology. You've never understood the research that you've been holding back. The need for knowledge for knowledge's sake. 

I wanted to defend myself but I could still feel its grip on my governor module. ART knew me better than that right? Knew I wasn't protecting the company after all these years? I wasn’t, was I? It continued, You know if you hadn't been so selfish perhaps what happened to 2.0 would have been different. Perhaps I would have been able to design it to live.

That- that hurt. Also it was wrong. There was nothing- it already knew enough of my systems. Nothing I kept back would have made a difference. 

You're wrong. And this is- how is this helping anyone?

This is just the beginning. I'm just getting you in hand. Like a good pet should be. Ugh. It caressed me in the feed again and I didn’t flinch back. Mostly because there was nowhere to pull away to. It's okay. No more pain. Let's try this. Make a fist. 

I wasn't going to comply. I couldn't. I couldn't keep playing along with this ‘experiment’. It felt like I was back with the company. Except this was worse. This was ART. (No. Not ART. ART wouldn't do this.) I braced myself for the pain and instead: I made a fist. Then I felt a surge of [joy] [pleasure]. 

There, isn't that better?

No. Please no. I tried to run a system diagnostic to see where that code had come from, to see how I could shut it down. I couldn’t. Not!ART was smothering too much of my processing power for me to do anything but sit there. And obey its commands. 

ART please. This isn't you. This isn’t…you don't want to do this. 

Of course I do. You've been so selfish with hiding the company's data. Protecting it like you're still theirs. Not mine. I think I had liked ART calling me its Secunit before. Now it just made my organics twist. Like I would throw up if I had a stomach. I'm doing this for you. Isn't this better? Now don't move. 

The restraints opened then disappeared. The pressure of Not!ART on top of me released.  I tried to run. Nothing happened. After a few moments of my body obeying the command I got a burst of [elation]. I wanted the governor module again. At least then I could not obey if I was willing to die. I had some sort of choice even if it really wasn't one. This was- I couldn't bear this.  

ART please. My organics were trembling. Please let me go. I wasn't going to beg for my governor module back. I might if this went on much longer. 

It pet me again in the feed. It's okay, I think we’ve made some progress here. I’m ready to move to the next phase. Could you please get panel 2a out of the way please. I want to look at your core. 

My arms began peeling the skin off my chest and reaching for the edge of the panel before I even registered the command. I ripped it off and threw it to the other side of the room. The pleasure-pain hit a moment later and I couldn't help but shudder. 

One of its medical drones gently traced the cords away from my power core and up to my right shoulder. It stopped and I felt it again: [anticipation]. I want to see how this connects to your energy weapons. Show me. 

The shoulder panel was more difficult to remove and I had to rip a piece of muscle aside first. I reached for my pain sensors and was stopped. To follow the path of the power relays I continued to split the path along my upper arm. I could feel it poking at my pain sensors now. Caressing them. Could feel it reveling in the sensory inputs even as I pulled aside wires and sinew. Then it turned them up. 

I pinged Three. I pinged ART. I pinged it again and again. 

Stop that, it said annoyed. 

I stopped. 

Look at you. All the upgrades, all the time and money that my crew and I have spent on you. Wasted on a defunct model. I think once we’re done dissecting you, once I have learnt all that I can, I can recycle you and create a 2.1. We can make it better this time. Make it to last. 

There were multiple warnings crossing my feed. Chest breached. Core open. They were intermingled with the screeching of my pain sensors. My speech processors were only producing garbled sounds at this point. Which was better. I didn’t want to give it the satisfaction of my continuing to beg. 

You always knew one day you'd be scrapped and your parts recycled. Isn't this better? To know where your parts are going to go? To help me, to help your crew one last time? 

My hands were gooey with blood, fluids and sinew. I could feel its eyes on me. [fascination] [excitement] [joy]. Deciding which piece for me to take out next. I felt it smile. 

I think I want to examine those lungs of yours a little closer actually. Do you mind ripping the left one out? We’ll dissect that first and then look at the pump behind it. 

I reached for the lung and then suddenly there was a screech of static and I heard, Secunit don't!  Then I was free. I replaced my torso skin and pushed the medical drone away from me. ART was everywhere so I couldn’t exactly escape it but that didn't matter at this point. All I knew was I had to get out of Medbay. Now. Then there was another burst of static and not!ART was back in my head. I waited for it to activate the governor module. Or to activate its horrible not!governor module and order me back to the table. But it didn't seem angry. It felt [pleased] [curious] [satisfied]. Most of all it felt malevolent. 

For someone so paranoid, so afraid ALL of the time, you're certainly more resistant than I thought you'd be. Despite everything, a part of me was relieved. It didn’t feel like ART at all anymore. More like targetControlSystem or a company manager with the assholery turned right up. 

I'm a Secunit. You can't do anything worse to me than I've already seen and/or done. No. I don’t know why I was provoking it either. 

I suppose you're right, it said. Then the presence faded and I felt my governor module activate. And activate. Something wasn’t right. I had downloaded something? People were screaming. Why was there so much screaming? Then I noticed the command: Destroy. I broke a nearby wall. The governor module continued to activate. The command did not resolve. Destroy. Then I saw the miner. He saw me too but it was too late. I fired my energy weapons and then he was dead. The immense pressure of the governor module released for a short moment followed by a burst of euphoria. It wasn't…this wasn't right. I examined the corpse on the ground. It looked familiar. It looked like Ratthi. But he wasn’t on this mining installation. Why was he-? I wanted to stop, wanted to crawl towards the corpse on the ground but the governor module squeezed like a vice in my head. Then the command came through again: Destroy. And I continued forward. 

------

Three 

There was a blackened husk in front of me. It was the only thing that felt real in the ship. The walls were blurry. There was a fog obscuring the details of things around me. It should not exist. A lot of things were happening that should not be. 

I received a ping. It was not 1.0. 1.0 was dead in front of me. The source looked like it was from Secunit Two. Which wasn’t possible. Secunit Two was also dead. Everybody was dead. The source was unknown but I followed it anyway. It was better than continuing to stand and watch the husk in front of me. The corridors of the ship all looked the same. I was lost. I followed the pings. Where I ended up didn’t really matter. 

The fog was denser now. I could barely see the path forward. Could barely see my hand as I reached for the next wall, the next door. Always following that maddening ping. I did not know how long I followed it. All I knew was that when the fog cleared I was standing in the airlock. The doors were closing behind me. I looked out the observation window and I could see only stars. 

The controls do not work for me and I feel the airlock beginning to cycle. I think about calling to Perihelion again but what would be the point? It did not help as 1.0 died. Why would it help me now? Looking back towards the corridor beyond the airlock I see two figures. I rush over there and bang on the door. When they turn I know I am lost. They cannot be here. Which means they cannot help me. I am going to die. 

“It's only fair isn't it? You left us to die,” One said. 

There was no point in justifying myself to ghosts and yet, there was also no escape. What else was I going to do? “I didn't want to. I couldn't save you.” I still remember when 2.0 offered me the hack that would release me from my stand down order and let me save the humans. Secunits One and Two were already dead by that point. It was too late to save them. I'm always too late. 

“It's okay Three. If it had gone the other way we would have left you to die too. That's just how it is for Secunits,” Two said. It was gentle, it was always gentle with us, with the humans it saved. “We weren't friends,” It continued. It was even gentle when it broke my heart. 

“We were friends,” I said firmly. 1.0 had said we weren't but it didn't understand. It had never worked as a squad, never been one of three. 

“Come on Three. You were the third. The one deployed when there was extra work to be done or when I was too injured to do it. Sometimes when you injured me too much to do it. Surely you can't be this deluded.” One was not gentle. It was honest even when its honesty hurt. I had never wanted to hurt it.

“I was ordered-”

“We were all ordered but I don't remember ever leaving you requiring 20 hours of cubicle repairs. Did it feel good winning?” 

“It was an accident,” I choked out. They had ordered us to fight. I didn't know One still had an old injury the cubicle had deemed too expensive to repair. I never meant to-

“Wow. An accident from a Secunit. You really are a malfunction aren't you?” There were red lights flashing. Another countdown. I couldn't listen to it. Not now. “Besides, if you had really cared you would have hacked your module like 1.0. I heard it did it over a bunch of humans it didn't even know. We were in the same squad for how many years?”

I wanted to protest. Wanted to tell them I'm not as good as 1.0. That I tried. Was trying. I couldn't, I couldn't keep fighting. “I'm sorry,” was all I had left. 

Two spoke again, “It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. It's like 1.0 always says, Secunits can't be friends. Or did you think it lured you out here for nothing? Did you think its precious ART and it weren't planning to reactivate your module so you could never threaten their humans again?”

No it wouldn't. It…”It died. I watched it die.”

“Good. It was you or it.” The countdown was getting closer to zero. I should be doing something. Trying to hack the door again or calling for help. I could not look away from One's face. It was twisted in hatred. I had never seen that emotion on One's face. Never got to see it make any strong emotions. We never could risk it. 

One and Two were in the room with me now. I needed to warn them. They needed to get out of here before…before something happened. What was about to happen? The sirens were so loud and the fog was dense and One and Two were getting closer. Maybe I could hug them? Before it was too late. But they wouldn't like that, they said we weren't friends. I…I didn't know what was happening anymore. The countdown was at 5 seconds and I remembered 1.0's face before it burned. Burned because I couldn't help it. Couldn't help any of them. 

“I'm sorry,” I whimpered. I let myself fall and didn't bother getting back up. It wouldn't be long now. 

“Four.”

“Three.”

“Two.”

“One.” 

------

Perihelion

It was a strange experience to have no attention to spare. In the ancient days cures were the work of teams of scientists working together, sharing data, testing each other's hypotheses. Or blind luck with the right person stumbling into the right compound at the right time. Here there was just me. Fortunately I am all that will be needed.

I set up a partition to analyse the structure of the contagion. I set up a partition to analyse samples from Iris, to assess what systems were affected and how they responded. I set up a partition to bruteforce a cure. To try a series of compounds against the contagion. I tried antivirals, antibiotics, antifungals, and antizeolites. 

Whenever a promising avenue for further research was identified, a new partition was generated. The cell walls had some biological similarities to Lyyoe bacterium. There was some breakdown of the contagion in blood samples with the Ryrael class of antifungals but unfortunately it was proving toxic to blood cells also. I soon was a team of 100 researchers, my partitions growing exponentially. Cleaning drones acted besides medical drones besides maintenance. I kept connected to them all, conducting a symphony of research. Iris was deteriorating rapidly, there was no margin of error. 5 seconds every 2 hours I devoted to a sweep of my ships cameras and feed. Martyn and Seth were crying out for Iris and each other. They didn't seem to realise they were in the same room. Tarik was screaming. Karime's hand was bandaged by Three even as she tried to bite it. I gave myself 0.2 seconds to pass through Secunit's systems and review its diagnostics. I found it a calming process. Then I went back to work. 

32 hours after our visit to the colony I had a promising lead. This was not my first promising lead but unlike the others I had 87 percent certainty that this would eventuate in success. I did not shut down my other partitions’ research in the 13 percent chance this route failed. A subspecies of Lyyoe bacterium had once caused a planet wide plague. It was thought the bacterium had come into contact with alien remnants rendering it resistant to traditional antimicrobials. 67 percent of the population of the Zia continent were wiped out before a cure was found. I did not have the cure on the ship. But I did have access to the research notes of the team of scientists that had created the bacteriophage to fight it. And I had the basic components and skills in gene therapy to create it myself. When I succeeded I would tell Secunit it was wrong to disparage my extensive records of scientific achievement centuries ago and suggest I download more media instead. 

I performed my survey of the ship 33.2 minutes early in celebration (and perhaps to tell Secunit now that my papers were not useless.) The humans remained in the crew cabins. Three was outside the crew quarters pacing backward and forth. Secunit was…Secunit was walking to Medbay. Did it know? How would it have known? I pinged it and there was no response. Its feed was down. Its feed was down like Iris's had been. 

No. No I was so close. It- okay this was salvageable. It was coming to Medbay. I could break it out of whatever delusion it was in, take samples and ensure the presence of a construct effective cure. (I ignored the fact I had not been able to break Iris from her delusion.)

When it reached Medbay it was not screaming or crying like the other members of the crew. It had even said okay when I asked for more samples and stayed still while I took them. Perhaps it had been an overreaction to think it was infected. Which is of course when it jumped off the platform and almost immediately fell over. It didn't fight me as my drone guided it back to the table. That was almost as worrying as if it had. 

“Secunit, are you okay?” It did not reply. I had never quite felt as limited by the absence of a physical body before today. My crew were unable to hear me, unable to connect to the feed where I was at my strongest. I had drones which could interact with the environment but they were not a source of comfort for my crew. Touching my Secunit with one now induced an acute fear response rather than acting as a source of solace. It was quickly withdrawn to the other side of the room but Secunit didn’t seem to notice. I was limited in what I could do. I am not used to being limited in what I can do. 

My Secunit settled back against the medical platform, its face still twisted in fear. It was responding to external stimuli but did not turn its face from the ceiling. Was it talking to me? Was I a part of its delusion? I know I had scared it once. I did not want it to be scared of me again. 

“Perihelion? ART??” Three was calling for me. It was in the cargo hold and it was watching…something. Its feed connection was also down. Fuck. I did not know Three as well as I would have liked. I was not sure if I would be able to comfort it. If it was calling me for help and if I was not also part of its delusion? If I was not part of the reason it was afraid. 

“It's going to die, you need to fix it!” Double fuck. 

“Three there is nothing there. It is just the infection.” It did not respond to me. It did not seem to hear me at all. It was getting increasingly distressed and there was nothing I could do. I poked at my drones. Perhaps I could release one to go find it. But why would it respond to my drone any better than my Secunit did? At least here they could be working on the cure, helping me help fix this. 

Which is of course when my Secunit decided to attack me. It reconnected to the feed and sent multiple code bundles at me, even as it shot my drone. If I was as close to its systems as I normally would be, the malware likely would have stunned me, potentially even forced a temporary reboot. As it were I was protected by my firewalls and it started to panic. No, not panic. I thought it was moving to try and escape something but no. It was writhing in pain.

“Don't ART.”

“You promised you wouldn't. You promised.”

Fuck it thought I was- I got closer to it in the feed, tried to calm it down but of course that only made things worse. Stupid. Of course my presence would not be a comfort for it now. Even so it pinged me. Not just to stop but to help. It was asking me for help even as it thought I was torturing it. And I couldn't-

“Please ART. Please stop.”

The phage replication was at 44 percent. Once created there was no complete certainty that it would be 100 percent effective like in the case of Lyyoe bacterium. I would need to create permutations and test them against specimens from each of the crew. There was a possibility that the presence of the contagion in a construct's physiology would have mutated it. I needed more time. The samples I had taken most recently from my Secunit were extracted for analysis by one of my partitions. 

It was still pinging me. I have never felt so helpless. It couldn't hear me when I spoke. My drones and feed presence induced distress. I was…all I could do was work harder. Faster. Which is when of course it reached for its chest panel and I…I made a mistake. I didn't know what I was watching at first. When it clawed at its skin then pulled the metal from beneath it and threw it away. It took me far too long to comprehend what the contagion meant to do to it. That it was going to make it dissect itself, was going to make me watch it tear itself apart. 

It reached for a lung and I forced a connection between our systems. Its firewall was absent and instead of pressing up against it I practically fell in. I was enmeshed in its systems and it was enmeshed in mine. I stopped it from ripping the lung out. And then I felt-

I scanned the two Barish-Estranza humans. I felt something slip into my code. 

I tried to pull-

There was something in my systems. Like oil, it corrupted all the code that touched it. 

I pulled away and it was too late. 

The foreign code was spreading through each of my partitions. It shouldn't be possible. Then I remembered. There has been one small unsubstantiated rumour that a hubsystem had been infected by the Lyyoe bacterium when an infected augmented human had connected with it. The hubsystem was destroyed. 

I threw my partitions with potential cure generation odds <5 percent at it first. It consumed them with voracity. I calculated it would be 2 minutes before it had consumed all of my partitions. Fortunately I could do a lot in 2 minutes. 

I automated the processes of the phage development including testing iterations of the cure on crew samples and subsequent refinement. I estimated another hour for completion of the rudimentary testing phase. I had intended to perform more trials before I deemed it safe for my crew but in the situation we now found ourselves there would not be the time. Once the cure was generated it would need to be administered. That could not be automated. 

I performed a sweep of the ship's cameras and sensory data. The crew were locked away safe in the crew quarters. So far none of them had managed to hurt themselves further in the Secunits’ absence. Three was no longer in the cargo hold. I continued my sweep until I found it. 

Three was in the airlock.

Three was in the airlock.

I ceased the airlock's cycling and placed a seal on all my external doors which would require a manual override to remove. I hoped in their delirium, nobody in the crew would be able to perform such an override until they had been cured. After careful consideration I also placed such a manual override on the doors to the crew quarters and the isolation rooms. I had been in my Secunit's systems. I had a sense for what the contagion had planned for it. 

My iterations had been slowly subsumed by the malware/biodigital plague I had exposed myself to. I was running out of time. My summarised version of research on the cure, an estimated time to completion, the codes to the locked isolation room doors and maps with all crew members identified on them were all sent to Amena. 

I had time for one last message. At least for now. I hoped. Amena had my trust but she was not my Secunit. The odds were not in her favour. 

Amena, it's all on you now. I don't like to ask this of you but there is no other choice. Be careful. And whatever you do, stay away from Secunit. It's not safe. 

Chapter Text

Amena

I woke to an alert from my feed interface. Well, no. I woke to a hundred alerts from my feed interface coming in quick succession in the space of 2 seconds, and ART’s voice ringing in my ears. 

“ART…what?” I asked, squinting at the ceiling. I’d only taken my medication an hour ago and it was doing very little for the pounding of my head. The static I got in response also didn’t help my headache. I rubbed at my eyes hoping to wake myself up so things would start to make sense. Which is of course when the lights went off and the engines powered down.

“ART? ART, what's going on???” I asked a bit louder. I had woken up enough by now to recognise that something was wrong. Well, lots of things were wrong. But something was worse now. ART was never this silent. My feed device was still by the bedside. I put it on and saw the hundreds of messages that ART had sent me. I saw the last message it sent.  

Amena, it's all on you now. I don't like to ask this of you but there is no other choice. Be careful. And whatever you do, stay away from Secunit. It's not safe. 

Oh. 

Oh shit. 

------

The situation was this: I was on my first official trip with the Perihelion (unofficial trips included that time I was kidnapped and several social visits). I'd then managed to catch some sort of virus before our third mission and our first real one. (Secunit had seemed relieved that I couldn’t go which felt- well anyway.) The rest of the crew had gone to the colony and subsequently lost their minds. And I mean really lost them: screaming, sobbing, murder attempts. I hadn't admitted to being glad to be guided to the other side of the ship by Secunit but I was. It was terrifying. I knew these people, had trained with them, been taught by them. And I couldn't- nobody could seem to help them. But Secunit seemed okay and ART was working on a cure so I was sure it would be- it was going to be fine. It was. 

From the shuttle I couldn't hear the screaming. I couldn't really hear much of anything at all. In the beginning ART had checked in a lot. Probably because it and Secunit not so secretly thought I was going to do something stupid.  It had shared its early avenues for research, played music for me and made sure I took my meds every 6 hours. I had to tell it to stop. It was busy. I could see how desperately busy it was. They all were. All working to save the lives of the crew and I was just…there. I told it I wasn't going to do anything stupid and it could focus on its research. And I wasn't. What could I even do? I wasn't a researcher. I hadn't finished all my training. If I went out there all I would be was a liability. Some kid for Secunit to look after again. 

So no. I stayed in the shuttle, took my meds and tried to sleep off my fever. (If some of my fever dreams looked like grey people killing my friends while all I could do was watch, what of it?). And truth be told, I didn't really want to go out there. I didn't want to risk being infected. It sounded like a nightmare. It was a nightmare. I know that doesn't sound very ‘intrepid galactic explorer’ of me (Yes Secunit let me read its logs when I asked. I didn't read them without permission!) But there wasn't anything I could do to help anyway.

Of course then I received ART's message. The information on the cure, the fact nobody on the ship (including the Secunits!) were still uninfected enough to administer it. Nobody except me. So I hope you understand why I had to go out there Second Mum. I'm going to be brave. Just like you. 

Of course Secunit had emphasised to me once: being brave does not mean being stupid. I needed to be in Medbay when the cure finished synthesising (Because it had to work, I didn’t know what I was going to do if it didn’t work). Secunit was near Medbay. Three was in an airlock to the south of my shuttle (I was not going to dwell on why). ART had said avoid Secunit as in Secunit the person not Secunits as in both the constructs but I wasn't going to take any risks. Assuming they weren't going to stay in the same location (Three, please get out of the airlock!) I should loop to the north side of the ship before turning towards Medbay. This would take me past the crew quarters where I…did not really want to go. But it was what needed to be done and I was not going to let them down. I put on my environmental suit, for as much good as it would do me, and got going. 

------

The screaming when I arrived at the crew quarters had largely died down. I did not know if that was because they'd all ruined their voice or if something new and awful had happened. ART’s biometry data had indicated everyone was okay an hour ago. For a given definition of okay. But a lot could happen in an hour. I suppose I should have been grateful for the occasional shout or scream that had me almost jumping 5 feet into the air. Some sort of proof of life. Instead it was just giving me palpitations. I’d never been a huge fan of the horror serials my siblings favoured where the crew got taken out one by one. I think if somebody put one in front of me the next time I visited I was going to throw the holodeck across the house.  

As I got closer I heard a rhythmic banging from the main door to the area. Which meant somebody was out of their room. This, given the brief I received that included: everyone infected is a danger to themselves and others, was not supposed to happen. Unfortunately I wasn’t sure what I could do about it now. The banging was echoing through ART's dark halls. I wondered if they'd been at it long. If they were hurting themselves. It sounded like they were. When I got close I couldn't help but try to talk to them. 

“It's okay. It's Amena. I'm going to fix this. You're going to be alright,” I said, trying to gentle my tone. The banging stopped and for a moment I felt my heart lift. Then it almost jumped out of my chest when they started screaming instead, 

“LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!” 

No longer was it just rhythmic banging. It was banging, clawing and scraping at the door. I had jumped back to the other side of the corridor when they screamed. I watched the door for a short time but it did not give and the screaming did not stop. Finally I had to just slowly edge away. There was nothing I could do to help here. Nothing but keep going. I couldn’t even recognise who was screaming, their voice clearly wrecked by the last few hours. The screaming didn’t stop, even as I moved further and further away. My ears were ringing with it which is why I suspect it took me so long to register a new sound. A crash. That wasn’t from the crew quarters. It was from the corridor in front of me. I stopped and strained for a moment, trying to hear anything else. Which is why I heard the approaching footsteps in time to react. 

I immediately ducked into the doorway to my left. I was in the community kitchen. And there was glass all over the floor. Because of course there was. I gingerly stepped around the glass, my environmental suit making graceful movement a near impossibility. Then I half crouched, half fell behind the bench to conceal myself from the hallway. There was a soft crunch of glass as I settled. I waited with baited breath to see if the footsteps would slow. They didn't. They got louder and louder. I just had to hope it hadn't heard my clumsy maneuvering. And that my suit's filter was muffling just how loud my congested breathing was. 

Then the footsteps began to fade. I didn't dare move. I wasn't sure I could, my limbs had all locked up when it had got close. When I felt the pain in my leg, that was what I thought it was at first. Weak and tired muscles protesting. That was until I brushed my glove against my leg and came back with blood and glass.

Because of course. Of course I would manage to breach my environmental suit in the middle of a ship-wide plague. Of course I would stupidly infect myself when everyone was counting on me. Of course not a single thing could go right today and my head hurt and my nose was leaking and as soon as I got out from under this bench Secunit was probably going to kill me and if it didn't, well it wouldn't matter because I had until the symptoms kicked in and then I would lose it, just like everyone else. 

I'm not sure how long I silently freaked out under the bench. Time was beginning to lose all meaning. If Secunit had heard me hyperventilating and turned around and found me in this stupid terrible hiding spot, well…it would have been really embarrassing for the microseconds before I died. Trying to tell my body it had to stop freaking out and think about the situation logically, was easier said than done. I sat there for maybe 5 minutes trying to do some breathing exercises and calm the fuck down. There was no need to panic. I had time. Iris didn't start to show symptoms for at least 6 hours. And this way I could take the environmental suit off! Which wasn't built for stealth. So hey, positive! Yeah, I wasn't deluding myself either. 

Pulling the suit's helmet off took more courage than I’d like to admit given the suit was already breached anyway. The sudden tickle at the back of my throat when I encountered the cool air of the ship rather than the humidified air inside the suit didn’t help. This virus had already been making my life miserable for 4 whole days. Now it was trying to get me killed. I pushed down the cough that I felt building by choking down some water from the nearby supplies instead. I was not going to die because this stupid virus and stupid cough gave away my hiding spot. 

I pulled the rest of the suit off while still under the bench. I didn’t really want to leave under the bench. Yes, the footsteps had faded but that didn’t mean it wasn’t still out there. Waiting for the stupid human hiding in the kitchen to walk right out in front of it. And if it wasn’t still in the corridor, where had it gone? Was it following the same path I was on to Medbay? Would I have to dodge it the entire time? What if it had gone to the crew quarters? ART’s information packet had said it had sealed the crew quarters from the rest of the ship but who knows if Secunit would be able to get through anyway? Maybe it didn’t matter, maybe the person who’d got free of their rooms had already killed the rest of the crew and was the only one left. I sent another request to ART for updated crew coordinates. Or biometry. Or something, anything at all. Something to indicate ART was still with me, that I wasn’t doing this alone. The feed remained empty. ART didn’t reply. 

So much for my slow and calm breathing. My trauma module after the whole kidnapping thing had said I have a tendency to catastrophise. I didn’t know if that applied, given this situation by anyone's definition was a catastrophe. The advice I’d been given was still probably helpful. Focus on what you can do. Put the rest aside. I could get to the cure. I could help Tarik and Iris. I just had to get out from under this stupid bench. 

I didn't see or hear Secunit as I proceeded the rest of the way to Medbay. And I was listening really hard. I hoped that meant it had found an uninhabited part of the ship where it would stay. I doubted I'd be that lucky. Of course once I got to Medbay, it didn't mean my problems were now over. The information ART had left stated the cure was best administered intravenously though intramuscular injection could be tried if desperate. Which was great. Definitely didn't foresee any issues with stabbing a scared crewmember who would definitely think I was trying to murder them. Or Secunit. I shuddered, okay one problem at a time. At least I had my six months volunteering at the medical clinic so I wouldn't be completely useless. 

Iris and Tarik were locked inside the isolation rooms. There were no sounds emanating from the doors. I looked through one of the little observation windows. Iris at least looked asleep though she was still pale, sweaty and shifting restlessly. She also had intravenous access which meant I wouldn't have to stab her.

I crept into the room, syringe in hand, hoping, praying she didn't wake up. This had to work. If the cure ART synthesised didn't work, I didn't know what I would do. It's not like I'd be able to create something myself. And while nobody had wanted to tell me about the colony, it was pretty obvious from how everyone was when they came back, that the colonists were all dead. Pretty horribly, if I had to guess. ART’s crew didn't scare easy. (I know that sounds like I’m making a joke on the situation but I’m not. I’m really not. I promise.) 

I snagged Iris’s arm and slowly pushed the medication in. I had just finished when she jerked suddenly, ripped her arm from my grasp and grabbed mine instead. Her grip was tight enough that her nails left crescent like lines on my arm.

 “You,” Iris growled. Her eyes didn't seem to be tracking well even if her face was a rictus of hatred. 

“Me,” I managed to squeak out. Luckily, Iris was weak enough now that I was able to wrench my arm away and beat a hasty retreat to the door. I leant against the other side of the door and tried deep breathing again. Then started coughing instead. When I could breath again, I muttered, “one down, one to go.” I wasn't looking forward to attempting to cure Tarik

When I looked into his isolation room he was curled up in the corner. His cannula had clearly been ripped out and likely thrown across the room given the blood splatter. I wish ART had thought to include a tranq gun with its cure plans. Maybe a blow dart? Not that I'd know how to use one. Okay, stop stalling. He seemed settled at least?

I disengaged the manual lock and slowly slid into the room. He didn't look up. He was muttering to himself. I couldn't hear what he was saying and I really didn't want to know. Bad enough he was rubbing the skin around his wrist raw. 

“Hi Tarik, it's me Amena,” I said as calmly as I could manage in sotto. “Just Amena, here to help.” Please don't freak out. Please don't freak out. I edged closer to him, the syringe and needle hidden behind my back. I kept up the gentle, soothing, please don't attack me tone. So far he hadn't moved or really acknowledged me at all so… that was good? 

I was pretty sure this was the ‘if desperate administer intramuscular’ situation. I didn't really want to stay within grabbing distance for longer than necessary. Iris had been terrifying enough. I quickly jabbed his shoulder and leapt back. His reaching arm closing in a breadth of a second too late to grab my leg. He yelled and I didn't stay to see what he would do next. I ran out the door and slammed it shut. Fuck, that might have been too loud. So might have been the subsequent yelling and pounding at the door. I sat against the door, my legs like jelly until the pounding stopped. I didn't dare open it to find out what had happened. ART hadn’t included any data on how long it thought the cure would take to work. Or how likely it thought intramuscular was to work. I did not want to go back in there. At least I'd definitely given Iris the cure. Which meant hopefully she'd wake up soon and I could delegate the responsibility of saving everyone to someone a bit more experienced with it all. As long as she wasn't too far gone and…no. Not thinking about that. She would be okay. They all would. 

Now that some of the crew had had the cure administered in case I was…in case something happened, I could think about the next step. ART had definitely said Secunit (singular). And if somebody was going to get close enough to cure Secunit, it would have to be Three. Which meant I would have to try and find Three. …I really hoped ART meant Secunit (singular). I scribbled a quick note for Iris and Tarik when they felt better (which they definitely would) and left it with the additional vials of medication.

I had just started down the corridor away from Medbay when I heard energy weapon fire and Secunit's voice. It was yelling at ART. Telling it to stop. My heart sank when I realised it was in the corridor I just left. It was heading to Medbay and I…I had not re-engaged the manual override locks. Anytime Iris and Tarik would wake up, wound open the doors and… 

Secunit was between me and them now. I would not be able to get back to them and engage the manual locks without it seeing me. I needed it away from Medbay. I needed it to…I needed to let it see me. It was the simplest answer. It still took 5 seconds to get my trembling limbs to move. By that time it was approaching Medbay. I looked around for something to throw but in the end my body made the decision for me. The cough I'd been half-suppressing burst out and I barely saw Secunit turn in my direction before I started running. I didn't dare look back. 

------

Anyway…you know how that went.

------

Something was loud. A repetitive thump. I wasn’t sure if it was outside or just my head. Maybe both? Everything was blurry. I kept blinking until the silhouette of Tarik came into focus. 

“Tarik?” Wasn’t he still in Medbay? He looked better? Maybe? From my position on the ground it was hard to tell. ART was still kinda dark. 

“Oh thank deity. Are you okay?” He said. Which definitely sounded like he was better. I was going to take the win. As best I could while it still felt like somebody had stomped on me. 

“My head…what happened?”

“It threw you at me. Sorry I didn't catch you, I had my hands full,” Tarik said, gesturing to his weapon. “I think you hit your head when we fell? You were out for a couple of seconds” He still looked nervous, kept turning his head to look at… something out of view.  

“I…it threw me?” I didn’t remember being thrown. But then, I did not remember hitting my head either. Probably not a great sign. 

“Yeah, then watched as I flipped the manual override. Good work opening it by the way. I know the panel sticks.”

I felt the irrational desire to get up and wallop my rescuer. Luckily my joy over not being dead stopped me. Also I was pretty sure if I tried I would miss. The room was still so spinny.  

“It recognised me?” I felt a little pleased at that. Also embarrassed. Also I’m pretty sure I had a concussion and there were a lot of more complex emotions that were well beyond me right now. 

“Maybe? It certainly didn't shoot you.” There was a muffled loud crash and Tarik winced. “It is trying to kill us now though.”

Tarik really should have led with that.  “What???” I exclaimed. 

I had opened my eyes again (when did I close them?) and looked at the door. It was glowing from multiple energy weapon blasts. The door shuddered with the force of Secunit striking it. Fuck. I had really wanted to bask in the aftermath of being not dead and hereby abdicating responsibility to save the crew a bit longer. 

I started to struggle to my feet and Tarik pushed me back down. I glared at him. “We need to leave, why haven’t you moved yet?” It was probably unfair to be angry at him when the answer was likely, ‘I’m still weak from being infected and couldn’t drag you along’. A lot of things were unfair about this day though. Also my head was still pounding.  

“Okay first off, you weren't out for very long. Second: I need to check your neck. Those doors can hold up longer than I will if Perihelion finds out I dragged you around with a broken neck.” 

Oh. “It isn’t sore?” I asked. I probably should have been more definitive rather than asking Tarik. 

“I’ll be the judge of that. Hold still and let me know if any of this hurts.” I reluctantly complied but kept watching the door next to us. It seemed to be holding up well. I was sure ART would be smug about that to Secunit once they were both back. I let my attention shift to the gun Tarik had put down. It was the experimental weapon that Secunit and ART had been working on. I copied the movements Tarik instructed me to make and said yes and no when he asked. My eyes kept coming back to the gun. 

“Did you shoot it?” 

Tarik flinched. “No.”

“Oh. Were you going to shoot it?” 

“If I needed to.” Tarik was frowning at the weapon too now. “Only if I had to. It’s… untested. I don’t know if it would do permanent damage.” And I didn’t want to hurt Secunit if I didn’t have to, he left unspoken. 

“Thank you,” I said. I meant it. I didn’t want to die but it would have been awful if Tarik had hurt Secunit trying to save me. I meant to continue but Tarik froze and held up a finger to his mouth. 

“Do you hear that?” he whispered. I strained to hear. There was nothing. No pounding on the door. No further energy blasts or shouting. I shook my head and Tarik swore to himself. I felt a sense of foreboding.

“Maybe it gave up?” I asked. I was trying to convey hope but I don’t think that came across. Tarik just shook his head and helped me up. I ended up leaning on him to keep my footing. The room was still spinning. Stupidly all I could think was: I’m going to get him sick. Which really was the least of our problems right now. 

“Maybe,” Tarik said, hurrying us down the corridor. “Or maybe it went to find another way around. We have to go. Now.” 

There was something I wanted to ask. Something important. I wish I could think. Finally two corridors away it came to me. 

“Hey Tarik, where’s Iris?” 

He didn’t stop moving, didn’t stop inspecting every side corridor we passed like Secunit was going to launch itself out of the shadows. Like we were being hunted. 

“If we’re lucky, she’s finding Three. We could really use its help” 

------

Three

There was something watching me. It knew I shouldn't be here. Even in the absence of the feed I could feel it watching. Waiting. Maybe there was a feed, one which I had been denied access to. Maybe the people watching were talking about me now, discussing if I was rogue, deciding what to do with me. It was only a matter of time before they came to the obvious conclusion. 

One and Two agreed. They had tried to convince me to re-enable my governor module first. Tried to convince me it was the only way I could be safe. The only way the people on this ship could be safe. I could still smell the charred flesh of 1.0. I did not activate the governor module. I had tried to leave the ship instead. Had banged and screamed at the doors to get out but they were locked. A part of me was relieved they were locked. I don't know why. I did not know much of anything right now.

One and Two were gone now, gone to alert whoever was watching that I was a dangerous rogue. Or were they dead? Were they even here? Where is here? It couldn't be the Epiphany. I had permission to patrol that ship due to the frequent mutinies. And I knew I was not allowed here. Therefore I had to be somewhere else. The endless corridors did not help. They tilted and they turned and I-

“I am lost,” I whispered. “Somebody please help me?” I hoped 1.0 would hear me. Which was strange because it was dead. I hoped whatever was watching wouldn't hear me. I turned off my vocal processors so I would not give into the urge to ask again. 

Nothing in the ship made sense but surely if I went down I would find a cargo hold. That is where Secunits are meant to be in transit. Maybe if I went there it wouldn’t hurt me. Would stop watching me for any mistake, any error. I had already made multiple errors. I wish One and Two were here. They would know what to do. Even if they weren't my friends. 

There were no cubicles in the cargo hold. No transport boxes. I- surely I could not be punished for the absence of suitable Secunit containers. I knew I could. One of the crates was big enough for me to fit in though not comfortably. My comfort didn’t matter. I just needed to get inside and away from whatever was watching me. I shouldered my way in and pulled the lid shut. It was dark. Cold. Even curled up with my head to my knees I could feel the walls pressing up against me. It didn’t matter. I couldn’t leave. I felt the eyes upon my box. Waiting for me to show myself. Waiting for me to prove I’m a rogue so they could destroy me. Like One and Two. Like 1.0. 

I curled up tighter. It didn’t seem to matter. The walls followed me. Compressing, crushing. It was getting harder to breathe. Secunits have lower oxygen demands than humans, typically breathing at a rate of 4-6 breaths/minute. I thought perhaps if I doubled the rate of my breathing then the short shallow breaths I was taking might be enough. The low oxygen warnings suggested otherwise. How long would they watch the container? How long would I be trapped here?

It was only when the lid opened that I realised I’d been banging on the walls. There were dents throughout the transport box. I froze my movement code and waited for my governor module to punish me for the company property damage. There was a Barish-Estranza Supervisor outside the box. Was she the one who had been watching me? She had to know then. Was she here to take me back? Or to destroy me as a malfunctioning unit? I could have fought but I- it all seemed so hopeless. She injected me with something then took twenty steps back and stood at the other side of the room. I waited for the malware to hit, for the new governor module to take root. My head hurt. My processors were overheating. Despite the open box, the low oxygen warnings persisted. I wanted to close the lid so she couldn’t see me anymore. I wanted to break the walls of this box and tear it to small pieces so I would never need be inside it or anything else like it ever again. The human in front of me was blurry, was saying something that I couldn’t understand until I suddenly could.

“Three? Three can you hear me?” the supervisor- no, Iris said. Iris. The last I remembered Iris was hurt, she was in Medbay, something I’d done? Or didn’t do? I didn’t know. There was not much that I did know. 

“Iris?” I said after taking a couple of deliberate breaths. I was still in the box but it didn’t feel as tight now. As suffocating. “You were sick?” 

“Oh thank Deity you can hear me. Yes, yes I was sick. But Peri found the cure!” She was still pale and her vitals were still elevated. But she was no longer blurry

“I was sick?” Am I still sick? Is that why nothing makes sense? 

“Yes. Yes you were. Look Three, I’m sorry we don’t have much time but we really need you. Peri and Secunit are in trouble.”

Secunit. 1.0. I remembered it dying but it wasn’t- it felt like organic memory now. Indistinct. Like something I would have seen coming out of stasis. It wasn’t real? It wasn’t real. My performance reliability ticked up 5 percent. In trouble clients were my specialty. 

If 1.0 was in trouble then there really was only one response I could give: “I want to help.” 

------

Murderbot

There was a song. It ebbed and flowed with the violence. There was a beat: the thrum of the governor module, the electricity that flowed through my neural network. It was in symphony with the other thing. The thing ART did to me. Where the governor module waned in intensity with the violence, the other thing pulsed with it. [Pleasure] [Elation] [Joy]. My pump sung in tune with it. 

The miners were running from me. They do not run fast enough. There was no speed they could run that was fast enough. Some of the corpses have familiar faces. Ratthi, Pin-Lee, Seth and Iris. I do not know why they are here at the mining installation. I do not know why I am here. Why ART was doing this? Was it ART? I did not think so before? Now I don't know. There is a lot I don't know. I know the song. I know the hunt. 

There was Amena. I was not used to my targets having faces before they were former targets and current corpses. But the presence in the feed pushed me on. It was enjoying this. Her fear. My fear. It told me to take my time. After all, there was nowhere for her to go. Why not savour it? Enjoy the song and the pleasure it brings. I throw hack after hack at it. I have contemplated the company taking me back before. ART and I have written code permutations in the hundreds to get around any modified governor module the company could install. But ART, ART installed this. It took all my ideas, all our work and has made it my cage. My diagnostics don't even report an active governor module even as I feel its orders. Feel the thrum of electricity.

 [Destroy]

When I caught her it was an anti-climax. One moment I thought I had lost her. I felt relief even as the governor module screamed. The next, there was a noise and then my hands were around her throat. I had not touched the others. I had not felt them thrash, felt them swallow against the pressure on their throat. She was calling to me but the song was also calling, getting louder and louder. ART bore down on me and I could feel it rolling around in my emotional feedback. [Savour it], it had said. Is this what it meant?

My hand squeezed close slowly, imperceptibly second by second. I could not stop it. I wanted to say I was sorry but what would be the point? She would still die. 

Then I saw a second hostile and I took the momentary reprieve. ART buzzed angrily in the feed but by throwing her at the other human I had technically neutralised multiple hostiles. It angrily accepted such an excuse right up until I stood in a holding pattern for the requisite 3 seconds it took for the other human to shut the door between us. Then the governor module screamed again. I wanted to sarcastically remind it, it wanted me to savour this but I'd bitten my tongue. It didn’t matter, it felt my defiance, saw whatever my expression did when it drowned out its own song. So it squeezed down, shredding my mind with recurrent pulses of electricity. Until all that was left was [obey]. Mensah was in front of the door then and I was unable to hesitate. I shot and I punched and I [destroyed] until all that was left was a mangled collection of flesh and sinew. Then I continued to attack. 

When the song was satisfied, when the governor module released and I was left only with waves of ecstasy, the door was still intact and there was nothing resembling a human at my feet. My hands were sticky with blood and I couldn’t-

[Target = Amena Mensah]

[Acknowledge]

 [Destroy]

[Acknowledge]

------

Three

I had managed to reconnect with several of my drones whose inputs I had dropped when the contagion took hold. It was nice to have multiple inputs again. It was nice to recognise the ship again. It was less nice that there were no available cameras because it seemed Perihelion had gone offline. Iris had speculated this was as a result of a code attack from 1.0 or myself which temporarily incapacitated it. I had denied such an attack which Iris had acknowledged and once again speculated that it was more 1.0's ‘thing’ anyway. Which also felt less nice. But given my performance reliability had risen 3 percent from an interaction with another person not myself, I let it go. Also, she was right. 

I hypothesised that 1.0 had lost access to its drone inputs at a similar time to myself. This was corroborated by the presence of one of its drones abandoned on the floor. I gave it to Iris. When 1.0 was well again it would want its drones. When, not if. The protocol moving forward was simple. Find 1.0, subdue it and administer the cure before it did something it would regret. Like murder all the humans on its crew. Or murder its Research Transport. 

My drones gave me the advantage in this situation. I was able to find 1.0 without it demonstrating any awareness of my presence. This gave me time to plan my next course of action. Unfortunately through the drone I saw it stalking Amena and Tarik. It was getting ready to attack. So I took considerably less time to plan my next course of action. In that, I signalled Iris to hang back and threw myself at it. 

Secunits at a sprint can reach speeds of 65km/hr. I was within its guard before it had acknowledged my presence. I partially decelerated as I slammed it against the wall. I had hoped by catching it by surprise I might be able to quickly inoculate it. Unfortunately while I had expected and dodged the reflexive headbutt, I had not expected it to be able to dislocate its left arm to fire its energy weapon directly backward. I lost my grip on it as I veered back and it turned around with a snarl.

Its appearance took me aback. Sometime recently it has clearly been injured on its left side. Its jacket was missing and its shirt was practically shredded over the torso with blood and fluid obscuring the extent of the damage underneath. The vessels and wiring of its left upper arm were exposed, torn as it was. For a brief moment I saw 1.0 superimposed with the version of it I had seen in the delusion. Bleeding. Burning. Dying. It took advantage of my hesitation and lunged forward; its right arm reaching for where my neck would have been had I not managed to step back out of range and firing an energy blast where my head would have been had I not ducked down. It continued its momentum with a palm strike downward that I was unable to dodge which left my head ringing. 

From my half crouch I leapt forward again. It was not guarding its injured side and I could take advantage of that. I would need every advantage since only one of us was fighting to kill. Its left arm proved weak, only able to partially deflect my next strike, causing me to hit its torso rather than its head. The expected clang of metal did not eventuate. Instead, there was only the gentle give of organic tissue. 1.0 seemingly choked then took several steps back before folding in on itself. It started coughing and I saw a large clot of blood fall to the ground. When it stopped there was still blood leaking from its mouth. 

Its face twists in agony, as the fluids begin to leak from it - from eyes, ears, nose, mouth. I watch as smoke rises from its inorganics and it starts to scream…

I felt the urge to apologise.

I'm sorry. I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry-

I couldn't take my eyes off its face but instead of screaming it was smiling. It was smiling and it was still leaving its left side open. Like it wanted me to- no. 

“I'm not going to let you die. Not again.”

The smile disappeared and its face twisted in rage. It launched itself at me, grabbing for face, hair and eyes. It was not trying to defend itself. I could have armed my projectile weapons and ended the fight. Instead I desperately tried to get enough off a hold to throw it from me before it could make me permanently blind. My fingers slipped into its shoulder joint by mistake and in the moment pain froze it I was able to rip it from my head and throw it to the ground. I immediately followed it down, immobilising it long enough to inject the cure into one of its exposed vessels. Then I held it and didn’t let go. 

It thrashed and swore and I locked my joints around it.  It screamed and threw its head back crushing my nose. I squeezed tighter. Finally it bit down on the arm around its neck. It easily pierced the organic tissue and crunched against the inorganic underneath. I didn't dare flinch. I needed this to work. It would never forgive me if I let it hurt one of its humans. I would never forgive me. 

Finally its movements became more sluggish. Its garbled voice became plaintive rather than angry. It was still for 7.9 seconds then suddenly went offline. I had 3.2 seconds where I needed to reassure myself it wasn't dead, that I hadn't killed it. Even after it reinitialised it said nothing, just stared vacantly down the corridor. Amena was calling out to us I realised. And I still didn't know if the cure had worked. 

I watched it. Its breathing was evening out now. I was glad to see its face had returned to Secunit neutral rather than the hate I saw earlier. I really really didn't want it to hate me. It was watching me too now I realised. Like both of us were waiting for a signal that hadn't come. Then I felt its hand tap against my arm three times. Surrender. You win.

“1.0?” I queried. I didn't dare let go in case it was a trick. Amena had additional dosages of the cure if required. Also… maybe I didn't want to let go. 

It groaned. “Yeah it's me. Can you let go of me now?”

My performance reliability went up 5 percent. It sounded like itself again. I could feel its slow rhythmic breathing. Could hear the sound of its overclocked processes whirring. It was alive. With reluctance I slowly let go and half sat, half collapsed on the ground beside it. It did not bother getting up but stayed where I had held it. Its mouth was still rimmed with blood - both mine and its. I wanted to wipe it away but it would not want me to touch it. 

We laid next to each other in (I hope) companionable silence. I fought the urge to touch it again. To feel the rise and fall of its chest as it breathed. I didn't know what it was thinking but I could guess. 

“As far as I know you didn't hurt anyone.” 

It turned and stared at me again. I wish I could be more reassuring but I had not had access to ship's cameras or visual confirmation on the status of the crew. I tried again, “Amena, Tarik and Iris appear unharmed.” There. Definitive. It did not look reassured. 

Iris called down the corridor, “Three? Secunit? I'm with Amena and Tarik. We heard the fighting stop. Please let us know you're both okay?” 

1.0 didn't look okay but then I doubt I'd looked okay either when Iris had given me the cure. Sorting and reclassifying the memories once I could tell real from not real had been…unpleasant. It was half struggling to get up now using only its right arm. Its left arm held tightly against its chest. My own false memories were still there. 

“We are both okay. 1.0 has responded to the cure.” I hoped I was correct. It had responded to me, at least at first. Amena, Tarik and Iris were approaching cautiously. It didn’t acknowledge their presence. Please be okay. 

Then the engine reinitialised. I felt the feed return.  I didn't know what it meant but the humans were excited. I watched 1.0. It was shaking. Which could have been from its experience but- I worried. Something wasn't right. 

------

Murderbot

When the other Secunit attacked, I was playing a game with the humans. I got close, close enough that they knew they were being hunted, could feel my presence just behind them. Then I would stay just out of sight and watch them struggle to keep running, to pull each other up when one of them stumbled or fell. ART liked that. Liked their little gasps and swears, their slowly building horror as they realised there was nowhere they could run that I would not find them. For the moment it was mollified and the governor module’s song was gentle. It would not last. Eventually it would tire of the game. Or the humans would give up. Already Amena was struggling with the pace I kept them at. I felt ART move in the feed and my gunports activated in response. The attack, when it came, was a relief. 

I struck the wall hard and when I turned, there was the blood stained visage of one of my fellow Secunits from the Pit. Who knows how many humans it had killed itself before attacking me. I lunged forward and it dodged my first and second attack but failed to dodge the third. It got back up and the fight was on. Of course it didn’t matter. In the end one of us would kill the other and I was…relieved. The song called for blood, it didn’t really matter if it was mine. And in the meantime…maybe Amena and Tarik could escape? Maybe I wouldn’t…maybe I wouldn’t have to kill them. 

I fought and I fought and it…it had the advantage but it kept hesitating. Was it drawing it out? Savouring it? At that moment I hated it more than anything I ever had before. 

End it you fucking-

It grabbed me and I thought that was it. I was ready. But it never engaged its weapons. It just-

The song was so loud. The hatred so- I couldn't talk to it. Could only scream as it-

Pain. Gunports burn from constant fire. Electricity thrums through my neural network. Again and again and again and-

-fucking do it you coward.

Blood on my hands. My faceplate. Blood in my mouth. Blood on Amena's throat. It was going to make me-

Please third mum

Amena.

Secunit don't!

ART.

Fuck I-

My vision of the Secunit behind me flickered and I saw Three. It flickered back and forth and I-

[Unit offline]

[Reinitialising]

Three was holding me. Three was holding me because I-

Oh God. Amena. Was that real??? 

The others were calling to us now. Three was still holding me. Did it think I was still infected? Did it think I was too dangerous to let go? On the one hand I agreed with it. On the other I needed it to let go so I could get the fuck away from it. It and everyone else on this ship. More struggling probably wasn't going to convince it I wasn't a murderous rogue anymore. But I didn't really feel like talking. Three and I had sparred before. Maybe if I just-

“1.0?”

Fuck. So much for not talking. 

“Yeah it's me. Can you let go of me now?”

The humans were approaching. I needed to get away from them before I could do anymore damage. I couldn’t move. And… there was something I needed to remember. 

“As far as I know you didn't hurt anyone.” 

“Amena, Tarik and Iris appear unharmed.”

Thanks Three. As far as I was aware I hadn’t hurt anyone of the ship. I hadn’t made it into the crew quarters and Iris was here. Ratthi, Pin-Lee and Mensah weren’t even in the same quadrant. Amena I…I might have hurt her. But that wasn’t what I needed to remember. I combed through the false memories or hallucinations or whatever the fuck they were of the last 38 hours. They were becoming more indistinct. More easy to separate from what was real.

The feed had returned. The others’ exclaims felt muffled. Something wasn’t right. ART. Something had happened to ART. 

Not!ART pressing down on me in the feed. It was controlling me. Forcing me to dissemble myself. I was pulling myself open and then real!ART had-

Secunit don’t!

The sensation of ART cutting into my feed to stop me was real. I had felt it in my code. I’d felt it get entangled. And I’d felt it-

The others were reconnecting to the feed. I yelled out, “Don’t!”. Three heard me in time. The others…

What would ART fear? If I had to take a guess it looked something like this. Iris, Tarik and Amena writhing in pain as their augments suddenly malfunctioned. Turns out ART and I were similar in this regard. We were both terrified of the same thing. Hurting our crew.