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When Regulus poses the idea of going undercover among the Death Eaters, Remus almost laughs. It’s only the look on Regulus’ face that stops him. “You’re serious?”
Regulus nods. “I don’t see what else I can do.”
“You can just not join.” Remus throws up his hands. “You don’t have to do this. I know your relationship with your parents is—complicated—but you don’t have to go this far.”
“It’s not that.” Regulus grimaces. “Well, it is a bit. I haven’t cared about pleasing them since Sirius left, okay, this isn’t about that. But I’m not like Sirius.” He looks wistful for a moment. “If I leave, they’ll hunt me down. They may not be literally forcing me to become a Death Eater, but it’s not as easy for me to just walk away. This way, I can make something good out of it.”
“Good? You’ll get yourself killed!”
Regulus draws Remus in, resting their foreheads together. “I might die,” he admits. “But I might die doing anything else in this war, too. You might die. At least this way, I can help. I refuse to give in to what people expect of me. I won’t pretend my family was perfect, but I know the history—things didn’t used to be like this. I want that bastard dead.”
Remus kisses him.
***
Despite Regulus’ declaration, Remus worries. He worries as they pull Sirius aside to tell him their plan, he worries as Regulus draws further away in preparation for what he must do, he worries as they go to war and he can’t even see Regulus anymore. Not with any regularity.
Regulus had insisted that only Remus and Sirius know the full details of his plan. They vouch for him and pass along information, but Regulus doesn’t come to meetings. He doesn’t meet with anyone else. He doesn’t pass on everything, either; Remus knows, as the war progresses, that Regulus is hiding something from him. He worries about that, too.
He does his best not to worry when Regulus falls out of contact for weeks. But weeks turn to months. Dumbledore mentions a new spy, tells them of a prophecy overheard, a threat to their children. James and Lily go into hiding. Without news from Regulus, Dumbledore sends him to the werewolves.
Remus worries.
***
Remus stares at the scrap of paper summarizing such awful news, he can’t comprehend it. Lily and James, dead? Sirius a traitor? It can’t be. He extracts himself from his mission with the werewolf community—no point in continuing if Voldemort is really dead—and finds a newspaper. The cold rendition of James and Lily’s deaths, of Peter’s, of Sirius’ betrayal, almost makes him vomit. He goes home—only there’s no home anymore, is there?
James had, early in the war, talked him into living on one of the Potter family’s small properties. Remus apparates there because there’s nowhere left to go. His mail is piling up, spilling over the gently worn table in the kitchen. Remus goes through it mechanically. Two letters make him sit up and take notice.
My love, writes Regulus. Remus would know his handwriting anywhere.
I have been hiding something from you. I know you’ve noticed. I discovered something about my ‘master’ that it terrifies me to think of, let alone speak of it to you. I cannot let my discovery go unchallenged, but it horrifies me to contemplate. I cannot risk it getting out either. When we first discussed my plan, you said that I would get myself killed. I very well may, but I swear to you, I’m taking him with me. If I don’t come back, look for Kreacher. He’ll tell you what happened to me.
All my love.
Cold fear grips Remus’ heart. He’s been worried, but to see it written so plainly like this …
The second letter is from Sirius, dated a few weeks after Regulus’ letter, weeks before James and Lily’s deaths.
Moony,
You’re not here to speak to, and you’ve no forwarding address (understandably), so I’m writing this for when you return. I think Regulus really is dead. I’m sorry. I’ve been hearing rumors on missions or in fights with Death Eaters. They’re saying he displeased V— on some important task and got killed. Given what you and I know he was doing, I’m not sure how true that is. He might have failed some task, or … he might have gotten discovered. I’m going to keep looking and I don’t want you to give up hope, but. It doesn’t look good. Reggie would want us to keep fighting, and I intend to, but … I just want you to be prepared in case the worst is true.
See you soon,
Padfoot
Remus sits, hard, in his kitchen chair. How can the person who wrote him this letter be a traitor, a Death Eater? How could Sirius ever betray his friends, his brother, that way? Regulus makes no mention of it in his letter. Surely, if Regulus had any idea that—surely he would have warned Remus.
It’s too much. Remus wishes, suddenly, for Sirius’ ability to turn into a dog. It seems to help him. Only, thinking of Sirius hurts. Remus leaves Sirius’ letter on the table, folds Regulus’ letter into his pocket, and makes for the bedroom. He curls into the bed, closing out the outside world. His fingers find the ring on a chain around his neck. Regulus had smuggled a family ring out of Grimmauld Place to give Remus—one of the uncursed ones. Silver, with a small black diamond in a simple, tasteful setting, Regulus had called it one of his family’s better creations. He had said he wanted Remus to have a symbol of his desire to improve the family.
It feels wrong to give up, but Remus doesn’t know how to hold out hope anymore. He closes his fist around the ring and turns his face into the pillow. He doesn’t know what to do.
Remus cries.