Work Text:
[Smash Mansion - Common Room, currently filled with rising water]
[Occupants - #33-35, #38, #41, #52, #54
Mii: But if we’re gonna die here, I feel like getting this one thing off my chest…
(beat)
…I did not care for Pokémon Insurgence.
(the other four occupants' eyes widened at what he said)
Trainer & Lucario: What?!
Trainer: How can you even say that?
Mii: Did not like it.
Palutena: Are you serious right now? You’re talking about what’s considered one of the greatest fan-games ever made.
Mii: See, this is what everyone’s talking about, it’s all-
Sonic: Yeah, okay, Greenie-in-robes may be overhyping it, but come on, it’s a really good game, [Mii]. It's got a lot of fun features to play throughout the Torren Region: No HM Slave, the Delta designs, the Quartz Flute, the Custom TM…
Trainer: Mega Flygon!
Mii: Okay, okay, most of the Delta forms are good –
Trainer & Lucario: “Most”?
Mii: — and yeah, there’s finally a Mega Form for Flygon, but I just didn’t like the game itself that much.
Lucario: Why not?
Mii: I…I just couldn’t get into the vibe anymore.
Palutena: Then explain yourself. What exactly "killed your vibe"?
Mii: It insists upon itself.
Palutena: What? What does that even-
Mii: The story tries too hard to be “deep” and “edgy” when half of the deaths just feel forced and is only doing a good job of screwing with people’s childhoods.
Lucario: Isn’t violence mandatory in action-adventure games?
Mii: Yeah, but it’s usually enemies you have to fight. Here? Random human deaths in a Pokémon game is just a load of depression.
Sonic: Okay, what about the characters’ personalities and backstories?
Mii: Oh, you mean like how Damian is given weak character traits just so that even the devs could have an excuse to clown on him? Or like how Nora talked a lot of crap but barely does anything helpful? Did I also mention where Reukra, aka the leader of the Perfection Cult is one of the few leaders alive who hasn't been put in jail or prison for his crimes? Because those are all definitely depth, and not just static character torture. Don’t even get me started on how most of the useful TMS are locked behind Post-Game and even later – by the time you get stuff like Iron Tail, Stone Edge, Rock Slide, Poison Jab, or even Bulldoze, the fun’s already gone and half of my box won't even age well. And I just – I couldn’t even get through to the 8th Gym.
Trainer: Wait, you didn’t even get the Tartarus badge?
Sonic: Dude, how can you say that you don’t like something if you’ve never even finished it?
Palutena: I actually agree with Sonic, that doesn’t seem fair.
Mii: Look, I tried, okay? Several times, and I just couldn’t do it. I’m always stuck in the Secret Base to where I have to give my roster Lucky Eggs to grind extra boosted EXP from the Level Trainer –
Lucario: Yeah, that’s a good feature.
Mii: Only for so many times, that’s the problem! Then when I feel like I’m running low on money, I always have to go back to Sonata Tracks just to farm cash –
Sonic: What, don’t tell me you hate racing and going fast, too.
Mii: Once or twice? Fine. Grind, race, rinse, then repeat? It’s so TEDIOUS!! I mean, just when I thought the cults were mid –
Trainer: You didn’t like the cults?!
(His/her, Palutena's, Sonic's, and Lucario's collective jaws dropped in disbelief)
Mii: Why am I forced to fight a bunch of off-brand “Team” Villains when I could’ve just battled the real deal from Gen 1-6?
Palutena: A little something called “creativity”, and a counter-argument to that “edgy” complaint: think more of a realistic view towards casualties in strategic wars, along with the creators wanting to explore new philosophies and to challenge players with new conflicts – which I thought a mortal like you would comprehend. Guess I was wrong.
Mii: *eyebrow raised* Oh, I'm so sowwy, forgive my twansgwessions for having an opinion that would hurt your pwecious divine feewings. Oh, please step on my unworthy face so that I can be forgiven.
Palutena: Next you're gonna tell me you prefer playing either Shin Megami Tensei 4 or Apocalypse, right?
Mii: Hey, those were fine games with options!
Palutena: You wanna talk about "tedious", well Apocalypse is a literal god of tedious!
Mii: You're just easily offended of how Athena was depicted since you're based off of her!
Palutena: No, I just simply have a brain!
Trainer: Hey, did the water stop rising?
Lucario: Well, don't you think it's a double standard to be praising the SMT series despite the few glaring flaws while criticizing a Pokémon game that was made by hard-working fans for fans?
Mii: *deadpan expression* I like Pokémon Reloaded, that’s my response to that statement.
Sonic: Congratulations. You wanna cookie?
Mii: Well, there you go.
Palutena: *snort*
Trainer: I like that game, too.
Mii: (And this is why I don't play with anybody...)