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Yeah, I’m sure you’ve seen this trope before:
“You’re out of the party. Useless bums are not needed here.” said the party leader/guild master wearing a glittering suit of armor.
Along with this trope:
“Holy shit,” cried the former party member’s new friends after seeing the skill’s power firsthand. “Your skill is busted as hell! You just needed to be placed in a different spot.”
Said skill user raised an eyebrow in modest confusion. “Fuck you mean ‘busted’? This is just my normal skill.”
And other things, right? See, there lies a problem that’s just sad now: despite how blatantly obvious that the dark horse’s unique skill is what helps support the team, if not carries the whole team, along with other mundane, non-attacking skills that the other members can hardly do to save their own lives, somehow and someway that person is useless and “drags the party down”, and yet it’s still somehow the dark horse’s fault that the party is suffering the consequences after they kicked him/her out. There’s also a few cases where the member just flat out quits, and for good reason.
But what if I were to tell you that the party that I’m in actually had a legitimate reason for kicking our former member out, even with a very, very useful arsenal of skills? What if I were to also tell you that our party wasn’t even assigned to “defeat the demon king”?
Before I get to that, though, let me introduce you to myself, and my friends that form the party. And yes, even our ex-teammate.
First up is Ziphoes . She’s the leader of the party, but less the “shout orders while looking cool with a cape” kind of leader and more “tiefling-dragon hybrid with a glare so scary that the unfortunate target will confess to crimes they didn’t even commit”. She has this whole mix of both brains and claws — half-strategist, half-intimidating-dragon-lady energy. She speaks with actions over words when it comes to getting what she wants and the gods know how many times our team would’ve been dead if she hadn’t kept us in line. (Don’t tell her I said that, she’ll pretend she already knew.)
Then there’s Zaeir. Think of him as the guy who’s way too good at things he didn’t practice, or so he claims. He’ll just simply shrug and say “Oh, I just dabble with the sword,” right after using that sword to split a wyvern in half like using a knife to cut through butter. And despite his dramatic flair that he doesn’t have any shame of boasting, he’s actually calmer than the rest of us and probably the most normal of the group — if by the definition of normal includes being an unnervingly talented, undead former paladin who not only goes in black with a shoulder plate of a ghoulish skull, but also makes dramatic pauses at certain times.
And then there’s me – Vayu. My alias, if you prefer the kind that are about as mysterious and stand-offish as my fashion sense (translation: a set of clothes that covers everything except my fingers and a filtering mask over my lower face). My real name starts with a Z as well, but that’s all you’ll get from me. I’m the one who’s also telling you this story, which makes me either the most reliable or least reliable narrator, depending on how much coffee I had instead of tea. Where do I fit in this mold, you ask? Just your typical healer monk who not only meditates on spare time, but can also turn into a gorilla just to left-jab a mugger. (Yes, that happened one time. He didn’t get back up; don’t worry, he’s not dead.)
And finally…Elyndra, the one we kicked out. Where do I even start?
On paper, flawless. Imagine your run-of-the-mill elf maiden of legend: glistening hair similar to moonlight on a starry lake at night, eyes that can make taverns and inns go silent, spells that make archmages wallow in self-pity, pointed ears that are large and sleek enough to be decorated with enough jewelry and without catching orc fists, and a tall physique that almost reaches Ziphoes’ height. Almost . She has enough elegance in her ring finger to not only glide through busy streets, but make us three look like raggedy shmucks. Any man (sorry ladies, she didn’t swing that way) would be lucky to have her as a lover…
…is what would’ve been said if her perfection didn’t come with a side of creepy obsession.
I can understand the attention not being on the dragon-blooded powerhouse to some degree since they’re both strong women (plus, Ziphoes told me the elf wasn’t her type, anyway). And if the sword-savant edgelord is too dramatic with theatrics, then simply talk about it; nope. Her millenia-old gaze is onto me . The same human who had to change from being a normal human to a human with spliced stars in his DNA just to survive while also trying not to trip on his own fishing rod or say any colorful vocabulary afterwards…
…again.
And not your average, flirty, “I like your eyelashes” way of looking, oh no. Those eyes were full of lust, and another thing I don’t feel comfortable saying out loud.
Lady, I don’t care how pretty your ears are — being treated like a breeding horse and having my family planned before even having breakfast is a huge turn-off for me.
Don’t believe me? See for yourself before you start screaming, “It should’ve been me, not him! IT’S NOT FAIR!!!”
(Day 1, Defeat Scaled Mantis-like Chimera - Quest Completed)
We were sitting on cracked stone seats, catching our breath, blood still steaming on the old arena floor. The chimera carcass lay nearby, its mantis-like forelimb twitching. While we were busy celebrating a hard-fought victory with a good rest, Elyndra had other ideas.
“Strong bone structure…symmetrical features…very lean, but durable build,” the elf listed with a smile that looked a little too sweet. “You’d make such a reliable foundation for…well, anything really.”
“Uh…thanks?” I cautiously responded to the out-of-pocket compliment with a raised eyebrow, wiping the ichor off my arm. “I feel like I would appreciate it more if that sounded like an actual compliment and not like you’re assessing cattle.”
“Careful, Vayu. You might end up with a price tag.” Zaeir snorted while stretching.
“Or shackles.” Ziphoes muttered lowly, glaring at Elyndra who stared back with that same smile.
(Day 2, A Poisoned River)
Our group came upon a river that hissed as its current moved at a crawling pace. Dead fish bobbed at the surface as their scales were decaying. The undead former paladin nudged one with his foot and muttered, “I don’t think we should swim.”
So with that in mind, our solution was to cross it on half-submerged stones. They were smooth, unevenly spaced enough for me to get nervous (just a little). And that was when my foot skidded, sending a splash of that foul water up my leg.
“Damnit.” I cursed under my breath.
And if that wasn’t enough, then came Elyndra’s voice that cutted through the current’s roar. “Excellent reflexes. You corrected your balance in just less than a second. That coordination would make you very…useful. Especially if chains were involved.”
The reactions that came next were what anyone would expect: I froze mid-step, Ziphoes’ eyes literally flared, and Zaeir was a joke away from rolling on the floor. Even the few lingering spirits of the marine wildlife had large beads of sweat rolling down their heads (don’t ask me how that’s possible for them).
My head turned just enough to give her a look that spelled creeped out. “I’m sorry, did you just-”
“Don’t,” Zaeir cut in, trying and failing to hold it in, “don’t make her repeat it. You’ll hate it even more after hearing it the second time.”
Our leader, however, wasn’t amused. Her sharp fangs were bared as a low growl rumbled over the water. “If you test a single chain on him, I’ll test my claws on your throat.”
(Day 3, Sored Stiff)
Our quest at the time was to gather fish for a village in place of an injured fisherman. As the party trekked back after gathering a good sum of fish, I noticed Elyndra massaging just below her ear again. Though the white-haired elf didn’t complain, my instincts took over as a physician/part-time masseuse after seeing it the third time.
“Sit down, please.” My voice was gentle, but wasn’t asking for permission.
She perched instantly on a moss-covered rock (right after I moved a spider from getting crushed) as I crouched down, tilting her head to where her aching spot was facing toward me.
“You shouldn’t overwork your medial pterygoid from all that jaw clenching, and these auriculars –” I advised, my fingers and thumbs placed gently on all sides of her ear where the muscles are located, “are stiff from constantly straining to listen. Remember to relax every once in a while.”
Her ear flicked under my hand. “The way you said it…it’s like you’ve noticed every part of me~.”
“It’s just a massage, and I’ve only noticed the pain.” I muttered as I continued my work on loosening the stubborn knots.
Elyndra hummed, almost purring(?). “Mmm…Vayu. You and your hands are just the kind of healing I need.”
And that was when I had enough, because I wasn’t gonna have her confusing care with anything else.
“Here,” I placed a jar of salve in her hands. “Apply that on your jawline and those muscles I mentioned twice a day.”
Even when I said nothing else and headed to where Ziphoes and Zaeir were, that was when the red flags were really starting to show if I didn’t need to look back to know that the elf was holding it like I'd given her something sacred.
(Day 3.5, The Journal)
The villagers wanted to thank us by offering food for the journey tomorrow and letting us stay for the night. I was busy helping Zaeir organize our things for us to leave the next day. As for Elyndra, she was cleansing her face before getting ready for bed. It was all simple, nothing out of the ordinary.
That was when a slim, leather-bound book fell out of Elyndra’s pack.
“A diary?” Zaeir raised a brow, flipping it open without hesitation.
“Don’t you—” I started, but my undead, yet immature comrade was already reading. It was then his teasing, childish smirk disappeared entirely and morphed into something else.
“... Hells' bells,” he muttered, glancing at me, then read aloud:
‘Today, I was able to feel Vayu’s gentle, yet strong fingers on both my jawline and my ears. That was when I just knew we were meant to be together. Now, if only Ziphoes didn’t always cling so close to him like how a dragon does with stolen treasure. He can do so much better, and when she’s gone, I’ll be sure to let him know that I’m the only one who sees him like no one else does.’
Ziphoes, who was sharpening her blade with the whetstone, paused at this with her claws flexed. “Who says she gets to decide that?” she growled in her low, husky voice.
“Whoever’s just as delusional…” Zaeir shook his head, shutting the book.
I, on the other hand, didn’t say anything with my attention entirely on the door behind me that could open at any minute. My heart beating rapidly at the thought of someone who I thought was just a flawed, sheltered teammate was actually —
“Zenith.” a familiar clawed hand sat gently on my shoulder, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah…?”
“You’re sleeping with me for tonight.” She ordered, and I was more than happy to oblige. “When that elf gets back, Zaeir will be the one to watch her.”
So, that’s what happened. Ziphoes and Zaeir also thought it’d be better for me to not be present when it was time to let the elf go, so you’ll have to ask them yourself about the full details. From what I heard, though, she didn’t exactly take it well — something about her voice raised, some colorful threats, and a dramatic storm-off into the woods. And honestly, it was probably for the best that I wasn’t there. We also kept that journal she dropped as evidence just in case that elf tried to take it to court.
What? Don’t tell me you still think I’m a “lucky bastard”, even after everything I told you. Well, I dare you to say those exact same words should the genders be reversed…
…
…
…
…
That’s what I thought.