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Bulgarian split squats are evil, Shauna's decided as she balances the weights in either of her hands and flexes her grip. Her thighs burn. Her ass aches. Still, she has twelve more fucking reps to do. Across the way, Jackie's stretching as she finishes up her workout, shooting her a look that's half infuriating, half soothing. The others are peppered around, doing their own routines as they start to finish up or wind down. Tai's counting her box jumps, Nat's sprawled out on the ground in a stretch, and Lottie's shaking out her hands after finishing a few sets of chin-ups.
Ten. Breathe. Eleven. Breathe, damn it. Twelve. Don't drop the weights, get back into standing position, then flop back down against the bench. Atta girl. Shauna wipes beads of sweat off her forehead and takes a moment to guzzle down some of her water while she catches her breath. She moves over to stretching, and Jackie leans against one of the machines while she mentally counts out the seconds.
"So," Jackie starts, elongating the vowel almost into a second word.
Three alligator.
Shauna looks up at her with a quirked eyebrow. She knows exactly what Jackie's going to say. There's been buzz around the school about a party later that night and of course Jackie will want to go. Of course that means Shauna has to go, too. Maybe she'll be able to wear her flannels this time, instead of something chosen for her. It's not like she has a choice whether she'll go or not, between Jackie and.. her gaze drifts away, searching for tanned skin.
"I was thinking," Jackie continues, looking down at her fingernails like something's caught in them. They both know they haven't been painted in years, because she chews them down to nubs.
Thirty alligator. Switch legs.
"That's dangerous." Shauna fires back, full lips quirking up into a teasing smile. It earns her an eye-roll, but at least it's not a full blown meltdown.
"Thinking," She repeats, "about this party tonight." Predictable, so very. "We should go - it'll be fun and all of us are gonna be there."
By us, Shauna knows, she means both the soccer team and the baseball team, along with some stragglers who'll just show up. Just another unfortunate side effect of who she's dating. Shauna also knows that there's no way in hell that she's going to say no, because a) she can't think of an excuse and b) there's always a chance that she can actually get to do what she wants to do there.
She looks away from Jackie again, and still doesn't quite find who she's looking for. Her attention is called back immediately by her friend still talking. "…think I'm at your place, obviously, and I know your mom is cool with covering, so what do you think?"
The words are out of her mouth before she even has a chance to take them back or even consider, "Yeah, sure."
If Jackie picks up on the fact that she's distracted, she'll just blame it on the work out and the way her legs are still shaking.
A lot of the team has moved from the weight room to the showers in the time it's taken Shauna to stretch and chat, and she knows she needs to at least rinse off the sweat until she gets home. She stands with help from Jackie and shakes out her legs and arms a bit.
"Taylor!" Coach Martinez' voice echoes, making the both of them flinch.
"He doesn't sound happy." Shauna says, with a gesture that tells her to hurry before he really loses his temper. They've all seen it and it's not pretty.
"Yeah, yeah. I'll be right there!" Jackie gives Shauna a roll of her eyes and a face that mocks half-disgust, half-exhaustion before bouncing backwards on her toes and spinning to jog over to the hallway where the Coach stands, waiting on her. Shauna watches her leave for a moment before breathing out a heavy sigh of relief for the brief reprieve. She loves Jackie, she just has other plans for after practice. She leaves out of the opposite door, towards the locker rooms.
Her gaze and thoughts shift towards more exposed skin, rather than stressing about potential outfits, as Lottie lifts her shirt over her head — she's seen everyone on the team a million times or more in this very same room, front and back, so it doesn't stop her in her tracks — but she sees a bead of sweat roll down between Lottie's shoulder blades and the thought of catching it with the tip of her tongue distracts her just long enough for her to trip over one of the girls' bags.
Lottie glances back and snickers, but says nothing else.
Shauna raises her middle finger in response to the laugh, but goes to get her things ready for the shower, too. As she's pulling out her change of clothes and her shower sandals — Jackie storms into the room, red-faced and stomping. Whatever Coach had to say, it wasn't good. Shauna knows she doesn't get that bothered unless it's something serious - especially in front of the rest of the girls.
"Are you ready to go?" Jackie hadn't showered, but that's not abnormal, either. She'd noticed recently - after Lottie pointed it out to her a few weeks ago - that their captain spent as little time in the locker room as possible.
"Uh. No." Shauna starts, meek under the weight of Jackie's flushed and rushed speech. "I was gonna do my shower, and I gotta catch up with Lot about our chem project. I'll see you tonight, though, yeah?" She hopes that helps to ease the sting of whatever obviously flickers through her mind at the mention of Lottie.
Jackie glances over to her, jaw setting tightly and giving Shauna a nod and a bright, practiced smile. "Sure thing."
When Jackie leaves again, Shauna slumps more, sinking into her usual, hunched posture. She fiddles with her locker, until she sees the last girl leave the room. Behind her, she hears Lottie move away from her locker and pad towards the bathrooms, then back again. When she comes back, Lottie slips her arms around Shauna's waist and rests her chin on her shoulder.
The contact makes Shauna relax, immediately.
"Shower?" Lottie grumbles into her neck, following the question up with a kiss there.
After a sharp inhale and a rush of heat to her lower stomach, Shauna nods and turns in Lottie's arms. They look at each other for a moment, Shauna studying the look in Lot's eyes - there's something hungry there, as there always is, but it always looks so muted or distant. Like the real her is so far out of reach.
Lottie's the one to break the reverie, leaning in and waiting for Shauna to close the distance. The kiss isn't hot and heavy like Shauna expects it to be - it's gentle and exploratory. Jeff had been clumsy, hot and too needy. Lottie is always waiting for her to make the last step, and every kiss they've shared has been… Shauna has no other word to describe it other than reverent. It's weird, if she thinks about it a little too long, but the idea of Lottie being that devoted to her always excites and scares her in equal measure. Shauna realizes, as she's pulled into a shower stall along with her, that she and Lottie have done everything but actually fucking. The warm water beats down on them and Lottie doesn't push. Sometimes, Shauna wishes she would.
Instead, what Lottie does is lean down and kiss her, hands cupping her cheeks. It's not one long kiss, only breaking for air like she's done before. It's stopping and starting with Lottie's lips on hers, Lottie's teeth nipping at the flesh, Lottie's tongue flicking out to taste her. Shauna feels weak from it, but sinks into it, returning every affection she can with just as much fervor.
When Lottie pulls back, Shauna breathes in deeply but it catches in the back of her throat when she feels plump lips on her jawline and down the column of her throat. Her knees nearly buckle out from beneneath her. She stumbles backwards some, pressing her back into the tile with an embarrassed huff of a laugh. Lottie raises her eyebrows a little at her, but there's no judgement there that she can tell. If anything, Shauna thinks she looks amused by her losing her balance.
"Don't start shit you're not gonna finish," Shauna finally grumbles out, distracting herself by reaching for her shampoo.
Lottie simply tilts her head, and moves to get her own. For the moment, they focus on getting clean. Lottie's the one to break the silence. "I heard Jackie talking about the party."
"Yeah." Shauna says, through rinsing her hair and quickly lathering up with her bar of soap. Lottie follows suit with body wash. "Are you going?"
"Of course." They get through the rest of the shower quickly, and Lottie short circuits Shauna's thoughts again after they're in towels by pressing two kisses on either of her shoulders as she passes by. "I would have hosted something, but dear old dad isn't leaving on his next trip until.." She thinks for a moment, lifting her fingers like she's counting. "Tuesday."
Shauna sighs, "It'd be better if it was at yours, yeah."
These moments they get by themselves are so few and far between lately, with the season ramping up and with Jackie getting more and more up her ass lately. She's chalked it up to Coach shit or mom shit or soccer shit, but her attention's definitely focused elsewhere for the time being. Lottie drops her towel, and Shauna swallows thickly as she remembers the last time there was a party at the Matthews residence.
"You're only saying that because there's, like, fifteen rooms we can go get lost in." They both know she's exaggerating, but there's a soft smile on her face, like she wants Shauna to challenge her on it.
"Well, duh." Her hair's damp, but she's still running a comb through it now that she's tugged on her after school clothes. "It's not like it'll be easy to get you alone at Jeff's two bedroom house." She pauses mid-brush. "He does have a big backyard, though, with the woods."
"Are you saying you want me to pin you against a tree, Shauna?"
Shauna stares, lips slightly parted, but a hint of a smile there. "Maybe I am."
"You got it." She speaks so softly, Shauna thinks, trying to fight the warmth on her cheeks.
Now, fully dressed, Shauna tries not to think of the implications of that. She's been trying to get Lottie to fuck her for three months now, but it'd just been a lot of sneaking around, making out, and grabbing time with each other where they could. The rest of the team knew they were friends, because they were all friendly with one another, but it wasn't as if she and Lottie were ever close before this became a thing.
A thing that just so happened to start when she was drunk and pissed. A thing that just so happened to make her want to curl up and die at the thought of anyone else finding out - it was her own little thing, something she could keep to herself. And Lottie seemed content to just have her to herself, as well. It worked out.
Except the sex thing.
"You better because the less I have to see of fucking Jeff or god forbid, Randy fucking Walsh, the better we'll all be."
Lottie laughs, and leans in, another kiss before they have to part for a few hours.
Shauna's trying not to let this shit get to her, but it's obvious by the set of her jaw and the tension in her shoulders that she's really unable to control just how pissed off she's getting by the sight in front of her. Maybe it's stupid. Her eye twitches and she takes that as a sign to swig down some cheap beer and avert her gaze away from Jeff's tongue down Jackie's throat. What was the point of her even inviting her here if that's all this is gonna be? Scoffing, she starts to turn and comes face to face with who she'd been making out with not even a few hours prior.
Maybe she's being a little hypocritical at this point.
Lottie looks down at her, face neutral and blank, and that pisses Shauna off even more. She starts to turn away from her, too, but she grabs Shauna's hand - gently - and tugs her through the house and towards the backyard. For a brief moment, Shauna doesn't exactly remember why until her shoes hit grass and Lottie doesn't stop.
Not a word is said until they're in total darkness and Lottie's back is against a tree. She tugs Shauna in between her legs and holds her there. Shauna, to her credit, doesn't tug back away from her or struggle against it - even when Lottie's long, delicate fingers caress along her cheeks.
"You're pissed."
Shauna lets out a huff, rolling her eyes - unseen in the pitch black. "Yeah."
"Wanna talk about it?"
She both does and does not. Because what's the fucking point? If she says she's jealous, Lottie will get that weird half-blank, half-sad look. It's happened before.
If she says Jackie made it seem like she wanted to hang out, Lottie would probably get annoyed. Shauna doesn't really know, the girl's really fucking hard to read sometimes. That pisses her off, too, even when maybe it really shouldn't. The answer should be a simple yes or no, but it's stuck in her throat. Like it's clogging and choking and —
Her lips purse together and she looks away from Lottie, shaking her fingers off of her cheeks. Instead of any of the horrible things she would expect Lottie to do, she just reaches back up and brushes her hair back then leans back completely.
Lottie's attention moves to her purse, and she fishes out rolled cigarette — though they both know it's not tobacco in it. She lights, pulls, and holds it out for Shauna to take. She mimics her, blowing the acrid smoke out with one cough. Christ.
"I know you might not want to talk, but it looked to me like you were pissed that Jackie was practically choking on Jeff's tongue in there."
Shauna nearly chokes on her spit and smoke again.
Lottie continues without seeming concerned by the surprise, "Are you still into her?"
Fuck.
Shauna's head whips up to Lottie — it'd be a lie to say no. But it's also not exactly that cut and dry. It's complicated. It's always been complicated. But she likes this thing she has, and she doesn't wanna fuck it up - and now she's pretty fucking certain that it's going in that direction.
"I mean.." She starts, handing the joint back to Lottie, who takes a big pull - coughs herself, and blows it out. "..That's a hard question."
Lottie doesn't seem to mind the non-answer, which is something of a blessing. "I know it is."
Shauna's eye twitches again.
"I'm.. jealous. Yeah. Okay, fuck. I'm jealous."
Lottie looks down at her, finally, and Shauna feels her shoulders tighten up and she backs up further out of Lottie's space - thinking that might be for the best. She can't really see the look on her face, there's not much light to discern minutiae out here, and that scares her - pisses her off.
"That much is obvious, Shauna."
"What the fuck do you want me to say, then? That I still want her or.. or, what? Are you trying to blow this up?"
"I didn't insinuate or say any of that." Somehow her voice doesn't waver or anything, which makes Shauna's tremble even more, because she feels like she's shaking. Like she's a moment away from being turned inside out with her rage.
"Then what?!" She's half-yelling at this point, the words scraping their way up her throat.
"If you still want her, yeah, it would be nice to know. But I also understand it." She sounds a little.. somewhere else, saying that. "Your jealousy is definitely obvious, but I want to know why. Is it because you want to be him? Is it because I'm only keeping you occupied? I just want to talk."
Shauna stares at her feet. The anger still isn't going away as quickly as she wants it to, and her entire body feels like it's been doused in hot oil - sizzling all the way down to her fucking toes. "No. I mean, yes. I want her, still. That shit's not.. it's not easy to get over. She thinks everything's normal and the same, so she's still all over me and— yeah. It's hard. But - no, it's just. I was thinking more about doing that with you."
That actually seems to shock Lottie, because she doesn't say anything for a few moments. When she does, her voice is a little quieter than before, "You want to go public?"
"Sometimes, yeah."
Another brief pause. Shauna has no idea what's going through her mind - she hopes that it's not bullshit or something that's going to fuck this up further.
Lottie hums, then, "My dad would send me away. If we did. But that's not what I'm scared of."
"You're scared?" Shauna's eyebrows raise and her lips stay parted slightly after she speaks.
"It's a scary thing." She thinks she hears something like laughter in her tone. "I would do it, though. If you really wanted to. And mostly - I worry that being public with it, would ruin it. We'd be subject to scrutiny. We'd be questioned. Things have gotten better, but - you see how people talk about Van even when she just goes to the men's section in Sears."
The fact that Lottie would for her, despite how it would fuck her up - potentially fuck them up, dissipates some of that angry feeling, finally. The heat cools, from scalding oil to soothing bath, converging in her chest and blooming outwards up her neck and to her cheeks.
"I don't know. Like I said, sometimes. I hate that I can't just - be with you. I hate sneaking around. And it pisses me off the most when Jackie does that whole 'oh my god let's double date with Jeff and you can take Randy' shit."
"I think she does that to piss you off."
Shauna doesn't think that, but she does consider it for a moment. Instead of answering, she moves back into Lottie's space and tugs her down into a kiss. The smell and taste of marijuana lingers on her tongue through it. When she pulls back, she stays there. "I don't need to go public."
"No?"
"It'd be more hassle than it's worth. Honestly."
Lottie seems satisfied by the answer - though Shauna thinks she'd be satisfied with either answer, by the way Lottie goes back to letting her lips trail along her cheek, neck, jawline.
It starts to heat up again, and Shauna thinks back to the locker room, to where she wonders if maybe Lottie is content to do without sex. But her hands roam, and she feels nimble fingers at her waistband, only to stop completely short.
"Lot?"
"Shh, I hear something."
Sure enough, there's the sound of rustling leaves behind them, and a twig snapping in half. She's about to say something else when she hears the sound of giggling, hushed words, and smacking, wet sounds. She tilts her head away from Lottie and nearly yelps when she makes eye contact with Tai - who's got Van's hand down the front of her shorts and lips on her neck. Her eyes widen and she looks back up at Lottie, whispering, "Oh, shit. We gotta go."
Back inside, things are kicking up with drinks and party games. Beer pong makes an appearance, and they all whoop and cheer when the new girl, Akilah, wins her first few rounds. Shauna stands a little too close to Lottie, brushing her fingers along her back and the sides of her legs.
When she looks up after finishing off what's left in her plastic cup, Tai meets her gaze again, flicks her attention up to Lottie, then back to her with a quirk of an eyebrow. Shauna mimics it - only looking over to where Van is being held upside down over the keg, instead.