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It was a bleak winter morning. Qiqi woke up and quickly got out of her little bed; technically, being a zombie, she didn’t really need to sleep, but Doctor Baizhu often insisted for her to have routines, so here she was.
After putting on her clothes and securing her talisman in her hat she glanced out of the window: the sky was foggy and a chilly wind blew, threatening to make her hat fly away; “Bad” she thought “Doctor Baizhu hates the cold” she didn’t have a problem herself with cold weather, in fact, she liked it and preferred it far more than warm weathers; but the doctor seemed so averse to it that, over the years, she started to like it a little less.
Before going to the pharmacy she walked towards his room, peeking her head through the wooden door, but didn’t find him like she expected; as she looked over the room she felt like something was off, the room felt strange, gloomy and cold even for her frigid body: “Doctor Bai must have already gone to the pharmacy, good” she dismissed, even though she wasn’t able to shake off that eerie sensation from herself, which was weird because she never experienced so many feelings.
Walking the small path to the pharmacy alone was strange, Baizhu accompanied her there almost every time, and in the times he didn’t, at least she knew he was in his bedroom: on those days she would come back from gathering herbs a little earlier and lie down close to him in the warmth of his bed, but not too close to not bother him with the cold of her body, holding his trembling hand in hope of bringing him some comfort and when he noticed her he smiled kindly at her and gently stroked her hair with his other hand and sometimes picked her up too when he had enough strength to do so.
This didn’t always happen, but it was more of a new occurrence as they weren’t so close before; in fact, before their relationship wasn’t anything more than Baizhu looking over the little zombie’s needs and said zombie complying to what he asked her to do; only with time they grew closer to each other: Baizhu growing fonder and fonder of the little girl, enjoying her company everyday more, seeing her almost as a daughter and practically forgetting about his initial purpose of discovering the secrets behind her immortality and now caring more about making her live a full life: bringing her to the Lantern Rite festival, encouraging her to play and hang out more with her friend YaoYao and overall just wanting to make her happy.
As for Qiqi, who, despite her forgetfulness was a very acute girl, she noticed that the doctor’s feelings were becoming genuine and she found herself basking in his caringness and becoming more concerned every time he fell ill, not just stopping by to check on him and leave the tea and the warm towels Gui told her to bring him and quickly leave but spending her evenings close to him trying to do anything that could bring him at least a little relief until she fell asleep, hoping to give him some comfort with her presence, a thing she was sure she did great considering his reaction whenever he saw her; which was a very unusual thing since, during those times, he insisted to be left alone, avoiding pretty much anyone who tried to show concern for him, while now, for how much he hated making her worry, he seemed to be brightened by his little apprentice’s presence.
Qiqi pushed open the door leading to the front of the pharmacy, where Gui was sorting herbs, waiting for the clients to arrive.
“Gui?” Qiqi called “Where is Doctor Baizhu?” she asked, tilting her head to the side; at that the herbalist completely stopped what he was doing and slowly turned towards her with an expression she couldn’t quite name “Qiqi…” “What’s wrong Gui? Did Mr Bai fall asleep in his study again?” she guessed, confused “Oh Qiqi…” Gui sighed, sorrowfully shaking his head before kneeling down to her level as Baizhu often did: “Doctor Baizhu is gone, don’t you remember?” he asked softly, holding back tears.
He couldn’t believe the words that came out of his mouth; damn, how much he wished for Qiqi to be right and for his Master to come out of the study with his usual cheerful smile, reassuring them that everything was alright, prompting them to start their usual work; how much he missed spending dinner with him after another busy day, talking about the customers they encountered and laughing about what happened during the day; how he missed getting prescriptions wrong or messing up the formulas for some remedies and his Master scolding him even though he always ended up laughing at how he couldn’t act stern even if he tried to; how much he missed serving the customers while Baizhu treated patients in his nearby study and occasionally come out when he wasn’t busy to help him with the custumers and, during the rare breaks, to share the treats his patients gifted him while he lectured him about how unhealthy some sweets were. He couldn’t believe it was all over: a person who taught him more than just medicine, who was more than just his master, who was a friend to him, who was like family, met such a cruel fate.
It was unbelievable from someone who talked so much about immortality to be gone so soon; it wasn’t fair, he was still so young, he still had so much to live for, it wasn’t fair that the Archons chose such a fate for him, a life dedicated to help people despite the pain it caused him just to end so early and in so much pain; if he hadn’t been there by his bedside when it happened he would’ve thought it was just a cruel prank.
The pharmacy felt empty without him, it didn’t feel right and taking his place felt even wronger; but that’s what his Master wanted him to do, so he couldn’t do anything than keep going day after day, wearing the white coat that once was Baizhu’s and be there for Qiqi as much as he could.
“Oh” Qiqi answered and before she could process what she was told she felt Gui’s arms around her.
In that moment Baizhu’s face appeared vividly in her mind, his fair complexion, adorned by long mint green hair that she loved to braid as he often did with hers, his warm smile and the slightly crooked glasses with a chain hanging from them that reflected his gentle serpentine eyes which held secrets from many, but not from her anymore; that was the first time she remembered his face; now, in the herbalist’s embrace that day flashed in her memory:
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She entered the familiar room, holding a steaming cup of tea and
saw some unfamiliar faces along with Gui’s one standing by the bedside; from the clothes they were wearing she understood that they were doctors, which was strange: Doctor Baizhu never seeked help from other doctors for himself.
The herbalist gently guided her out of the room, taking the mug from her hands and saying that right now they were a little busy and that’s why she couldn’t enter and he reassured her that everything would’ve been alright; but she wasn’t that clueless: she knew what it meant when occurrences like that happened and so, after some thinking, she decided she needed to see Doctor Baizhu and rushed inside the room again.
However, she quickly regretted that when she saw the scene in front of her: the physician was hunched over himself, his long hair undone and hovering over his face, coughing up blood, staining the candid sheets and night gown he was in while a woman who they were calling Jiangli put a gentle hand on his back and the other on his forehead, eyes tinged with worry.
“Such a strong contrast” Qiqi thought, looking at white of the cloth and the red of the blood.
When she realized how in pain he looked she thought that in that moment it was better to not make him worry about her and decided that maybe it was best to listen and leave the room for now.
The second memory was from the second time she entered, in the afternoon: she felt a heavy sensation inside her and her body seemed to urge her inside the familiar bedroom, like she needed to be there and hadn’t much time left; this time when she opened the door there weren’t doctors anymore, only Baizhu and Gui’s familiar faces, along with Changsheng who was loyally lying her head on the top of Baizhu’s forehead,her life force running out too, and that Jiangli woman from before, who was now holding a teen who at some point they called ‘Ayu’ and who referred to Baizhu as his uncle; Qiqi couldn’t quite catch their faces but she could guess that they were crying.
Some minutes went by when Baizhu noticed the little girl standing by the door frame and averted his gaze from the three people next to his bed and met hers.
“Qiqi” he called with a faint voice and the little girl rushed to his side, climbing onto the bed and holding tightly his left hand; he smiled, exhausted “Oh Qiqi” he turned to his side to face her properly and rested a shaky hand on her head; at that, Qiqi tightened her grip on his left hand and placed it on her cheek “Careful now Qiqi” the herbalist instructed her with a shaky voice “No… Let her be” Baizhu reassured him; Qiqi looked into his tired eyes and felt a weight settling over her chest “Qiqi wants to stay with Doctor Baizhu, Qiqi wants Doctor Baizhu to braid Qiqi’s hair, Qiqi wants to work at the pharmacy with Doctor Baizhu and to eat and sleep and do her stretching and go to Qingce village with him forever” she cried in a desperate voice, which shocked everyone considering the usual apathy of the little girl. The doctor’s eyes filled with tears, touched by the girl's words, words he thought that he would’ve never heard; with the little strength he had left he gently caressed her hair “My little Qiqi… I wish that too” then a fit of pain wrenched his body and the zombie closed her eyes and winced as if she was feeling the pain too.
“Qiqi” he breathed out between coughs “I love you the most” she felt the genuinity of the doctor’s words and at that Qiqi felt the frost covering her non beating heart slowly melt, she felt the desire to live, not as a zombie but as the little girl Baizhu treated her like, she felt the chains that held her for all her life break, slowly releasing the emotions she never felt or expressed; immediately she scooted closer to him, curling in his chest and hugging him tight; Baizhu, with the last strength he had left brought his arm over the little girl and hugged her back as tightly as he physically could “Qiqi loves Bazihu too” she cried desperately as tears rolled down from her eyes, clinging to his faint heartbeat while he slowly closed his eyes “Qiqi loves Baizhu too” she tightened her grip “Qiqi- Qiqi loves Baizhu too”.
She felt the beat of his heart fade away and his arms fall limp as she stayed still in that hug, not wanting to let go yet, deciding to pretend that it was just another winter day and Baizhu was just sleeping next to her, as often happened; it could’ve been some minutes just as it could’ve been hours, she couldn’t tell, when she felt gentle hands pick her up and lift her from the bed.
Baizhu was gone, along with Changsheng, who refused to let any of the people in the room take on her contract, a contract that already brought so much pain to everyone. She couldn’t save him, even with how much she warned him, with how much she cared for him and loved him and now she couldn’t do anything more than lay her head on his forehead as his life slowly and ruthlessly faded away, before he even got a chance to live it fully as she faded away with him.
The next thing Qiqi remembered took place only hours later: she was in the bedroom again and now, along with the three that were there before there was Hu Tao too; that was the first time she didn’t hide away, because she knew she wasn’t there for her; instead, she clinged to Baizhu’s hand, refusing to let go, refusing to let the Funeral Patrol’s director get him and take him away from her and without realizing it, as her little hand squeezed the pharmacist’s one so tightly that it started shaking,water started to come out her eyes again.
Hu Tao sighed, passing a hand over her face: “Qiqi listen, we don’t have time for this right now-” a tall man with a long ponytail and amber eyes placed a hand on her shoulder: “Don’t worry, let me take care of it”.
He crouched at Qiqi’s level: “Hey Qiqi, do you remember me?” He spoke softly, receiving a quick shake of the head from the girl “That’s alright” he paused “Listen, I know you’re sad, but will you let go of Mr Baizhu’s hand so we can get him ready? Then you can say goodbye to him” “Doctor Baizhu loves when Qiqi braids her hair when he gets ready” after that no one spoke for a bit; then Gui broke the silence with an unsure voice, still shaken and disbelieving from what happened : “I’m sorry Qiqi, I’m afraid you can’t do that” “No, it’s okay” Hu Tao quickly interrupted him “I guess she can do that later”; and with that Jiangli gently took a hold of Qiqi’s hand and directed her outside; as she glanced one last time at scene behind her she could see an unusual expression on Hu Tao’s usually mischievous irritating face, could’ve she possibly been sad?
When Qiqi saw the physician again he was dressed in a fancy looking white silk robe with a green floral pattern embroidered on it, he didn’t have his glasses on, his eyes were closed and his lips slightly parted in what seemed like a smile while his long green hair framed his face; he seemed peaceful, like he was enjoying a deserved rest after a tiring day at work; right now he looked so calm, so painfully young; such a cruel sight for the few people who loved him dearly and who were mourning him too soon.
Qiqi grabbed a wooden comb from the nearby dresser and started to run it through his silky hair, braiding it with familiar motions.
She hesitated a bit before tying the low hanging braid, wanting to feel the soft texture of his hair once more; then, after she was done she grabbed his glasses and put them on his face and finally she cupped his cheek with her tiny hand and slowly placed a kiss atop of his forehead, like he did when she fell asleep.
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“Oh” “Qiqi remembers now” she stated as she pulled away from the hug “Qiqi… feels a strange sensation inside her” She deadpanned bringing her hand over her unmoving heart: “Qiqi…” she reflected “... Misses Doctor Baizhu”; at that Gui sighed wiping at his eyes: “I know Qiqi, I miss him very much too, we all do”, then he thought about Qiqi and about how terribly lonely she must’ve felt now that Baizhu and Changsheng, the only company she ever had, were gone; of course, she still had YaoYao that barged in the pharmacy at random times to play with her best friend even she didn’t complain anymore about how the pharmacy hadn’t anything sweet to offer her, that was a thing she did with Baizhu and it wouldn’t have felt right to do so anymore, but, anyways, Yaoyao only stayed with Qiqi for some hours and then went back to her master, leaving Qiqi in the lonesome house again.
“Hey Qiqi, I know you miss Master Baizhu and that no one could replace him, but, would you like to come stay with my family from now on so you won’t be lonely anymore?” he proposed, cracking a smile; he wasn't sure why exactly he did that; of course, he thought about the girl's well-being and Qiqi was the only thing that was left from his Master, the person he loved and cared about the most, so, taking her in seemed like the right thing to do but deep down he hoped that maybe it could fill the void his passing left him.
Qiqi pondered for some minutes before answering: “Qiqi needs to take care of the Pharmacy, it’s Qiqi’s orders, by Qiqi” then she thought for a second “But maybe Qiqi doesn’t have to follow all orders”; Gui smiled with relief: “That’s amazing Qiqi” he patted her head gently; then Qiqi raised her head and looked at him
“Gui?” “Yes Qiqi?” “Qiqi wants to visit Doctor Baizhu” “Oh, that’s so sweet Qiqi, but are you sure?” The little girl quickly nodded her head in a way that made the herbalist’s heart melt “Yes, it’s okay, for Doctor Baizhu, I’m not afraid” “You’re such a good girl Qiqi” he shook his head fondly “I’m sure he’s very proud of you” he added quieter.
That day Qiqi took Gui’s hand and as she walked down the long stairs holding a violet grass that was she would have given to the doctor at their arrival she felt a little lighter and her little body felt less stiff; maybe she could live even if she was a zombie after all, yeah, she could do it for Baizhu too.