Work Text:
Josh did not collect his award that night.
He should have gone. He knew that Oliver was going through something, and that it wasn’t like him to simply not respond. He just wished he knew what it was, that he could help. That was all he wanted, to help. To be there when Oliver needed him. But it seemed that whatever Oliver needed was space, and if he did need someone, Josh wouldn’t be enough. He figured he never would; every other relationship he had fell apart, so why did he expect this one to be any different?
His drive home was silent, still in his tux that he couldn’t wait to shove in the closet along with the rest of whatever he was feeling. When he had emotions, they were big. They were all consuming, the only thing there was in his life. The last time he had felt so much was the evening after Oliver kissed him, but now he was consumed by a simple emptiness. There was nothing there except for endless what ifs, thoughts, ideas about what he could have done better. If Oliver didn’t trust him, he must have done something to not deserve that trust.
As he pulled into his driveway, his phone rang with a call; likely someone from the awards ceremony wondering where he went. But he wasn’t going to answer; he didn’t want to talk to anybody. He just wanted to lay down and close his eyes and wallow in his own sadness for a bit. As much as he wanted to repress whatever this was and hide it and bury it deep down, he knew it wasn’t healthy. He would sleep on it, and make a decision later. That was the rational thing to do.
But, as Josh found was often the case, the rational was lost to the emotional.
The second he changed out of his tux and got into bed, everything hit him. That emptiness he had was replaced with fear, fear of what would happen next. He had put so much energy into Oliver, into being the best he could be. And he thought Oliver was different from the others; he was the first person who he actually thought might love him back. But then there were those words, the idea that Josh couldn’t be falling for him because he knew nothing about him. He wanted to know; he wanted to have every detail memorized, to know the man like the palm of his own hand. But Oliver was closed off, and Josh didn’t push, because he knew that sometimes people needed space.
He stared at the ceiling; as much as he needed a good night of sleep, he could tell already that it wasn’t going to come easily. It never did when his emotions were running wild, and his last conversation with Oliver played over and over again in his head, analyzing everything he could remember in hopes he could find some kind of reason why things went the way they did. Oliver was certainly upset with his mother about something, some kind of secret she had kept, but from what he understood about their relationship it was already tense. Josh knew something else was going on; something that Oliver didn’t trust him with.
It seemed that time slipped away from him; Josh was only interrupted by yet another phone call over an hour later. He wasn’t even going to check, assuming that it was yet another call from someone at the ceremony, but he checked it anyway just in case it was a call from the one person he wanted to hear from.
He turned on his phone to find Oliver’s name on his screen, the accept call button as a piercing bright light in the dark of his room. He considered not responding for a moment; despite the fact that he wanted to hear from Oliver, he couldn’t help but wonder if Oliver was only calling to end things formally. That was how things went for him, after all; Ray had called his love confession a joke all those years ago, and now here was Oliver running away from one. Still, he had to pick up the phone; he just wanted answers.
“Hi,” Oliver said as soon as Josh answered, but before he could get another word in, Josh's first instinct was to apologize. To make things right before Oliver could say the words he didn’t want to hear.
“I’m so sorry,” Josh told him, the words falling right out of his mouth; it was always his first instinct, to be apologetic, to cave in and simply say sorry. “You were right, that I don’t know much about you, and I shouldn’t have said what I did because I know it’s too soon. You don’t have to forgive me, but I’d at least like you to give me another chance, and I can try to be better.”
“Stop apologizing, Josh. You didn’t…” Oliver hesitated. “I messed up. I’m not upset.”
“But you told me I knew nothing about you, that I couldn’t be falling for you,” Josh said after a moment. “What changed?”
“I’m…” Oliver paused for a moment, “going through a lot. My father’s alive.”
“I thought he died when you were fourteen.”
“I thought so too,” Oliver began, the sound of cars rushing past in the background; clearly he was outside. “But it turns out he left, and my mother lied about it for years.”
So that was why Oliver said what he did about his mother; it was all starting to make more sense to Josh, why Oliver had acted like that. Why he had shut him out. “Are you okay?”
“Honestly, no,” Oliver admitted. “But I just wanted to call you because I know you were expecting me there. I promise, I didn’t want to hurt you, Josh. I’m sorry.”
“You’re alright, Oliver,” Josh told him. “I just want to help. If you want to talk about anything, just… tell me. You were right, that I don’t know all that much about you. But I’m willing to learn.”
“I’d be willing to tell you.” Oliver was quiet for a moment before speaking again. “How was your award?”
“I didn’t go,” Josh admitted. “I just went home.”
“Oh.”
“It’s alright. I… needed time to process, and spending the evening engaging in meaningless conversation wouldn’t have helped,” Josh told him. “I don’t need ceremony to know I’m good at my job.”
“Surgeons and their ego,” Oliver muttered, a subtle laugh behind his voice before it took on a more serious tone. “One more question; do you mind if I come over? After everything with my dad, I think I just… need someone right now.”
“Not at all,” Josh told him. “I may not be all that presentable, just so you’re aware.”
“I don’t mind,” Oliver said, and Josh could hear the smile in his voice; it was everything he needed after the night it had been for the both of them. “I’ll be over as soon as I can.”
“I’ll see you,” Josh told him. “Be safe.”
“I will. And, Josh?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
And with that, he hung up, leaving Josh about half an hour to deal with that bombshell before Oliver arrived at his door.
***
When the knock finally came, Josh wasn’t expecting it; he had been contemplating the entire conversation for what felt like only a few minutes, yet it had been longer, as Oliver Wolf was outside his house.
Josh opened the door in sweatpants and a t-shirt to see Oliver still in his jacket, holding his helmet and a small box as he stepped inside to set both down. They didn’t say anything for a moment, Josh simply looking at him, standing there in his entryway with neither knowing what to say.
“Josh.”
“Oliver.” Josh pulled him into a hug, holding him close; he wasn’t sure he would ever have him like this again, but here he was. They had talked. This wouldn’t end up like everything else had in his life, a heartbreak that haunted him for years longer than it should have. “How are you holding up?”
Oliver took a step back, sighing as he made his way over to Josh’s couch to sit down. “It’s complicated.”
Josh sat beside him, a hand placed gently on his thigh. “I’d listen, if you want to talk about it.”
“Yeah. I probably should,” Oliver admitted. “I didn’t go to the gala because my dad asked me to meet him.”
Oh. Oliver had gone to meet his father. And it seemed he had come straight from whatever meeting.
“He’s sick, Josh,” Oliver told him. “And he came back because he wants me to diagnose him when the other doctors couldn’t. He wants me to fix him.”
“Are you going to help?” Josh asked.
“I can’t really do anything else, can I?”
“It’s not your responsibility.” Josh told him as Oliver leaned against him, seeking support. “He wasn’t a part of your life for decades. If helping him’s going to hurt you… I don’t want to see you hurt. But ultimately, it’s your choice, and I’m here for you.”
“I’m going to try,” Oliver began. “I’m going to do what I can. I couldn’t fix him when I was a kid; nobody could. But now… maybe whatever he’s sick with can be fixed. And I could give that to him.”
“Just… be careful, Oliver. I don’t know much about him, but I do know that this hurt you. And I can’t stand to see you like that.”
Oliver looked away for a moment. “I’m sorry, by the way. That I said all that to you, earlier.”
Josh grabbed his hand, tracing circles on the back of it with his thumb. “It’s ok. You were going through a lot. We’re not always going to be rational; you should know that, of all people.”
“You’re too nice. I don’t think most people would put up with that.”
Josh smiled a bit at that. “I know you, Oliver, and that means I know you don’t act like that without reason. If anything, I was worried that I was the reason.”
“That you were the reason?”
Josh nodded. “With the love confession. Now I know it’s about your father, but then… you were just withdrawn. And I thought it was about what I said.”
“I love you, Josh.” The words out of Oliver’s mouth felt like heaven to him, especially hearing them not through the phone; it made them real. Concrete. True. “And I’m sorry. I really am.”
“I forgive you.”
***
Oliver stayed over that night; they eventually made their way to bed, curled up in each other’s arms as Josh felt they were always meant to be. It had certainly been a long night, but sleep came easily for the both of them as soon as they were in bed together, the familiar comfort of each other drowning out the chaos of the day before.
As always, Josh woke early, choosing to skip his morning run to make sure that he was still home when Oliver woke up. They both tended to be early risers, but he had come to learn that Oliver would occasionally sleep in after a particularly long shift. Waiting, he decided to make breakfast for the both of them, making his tried and true scrambled eggs that he had found were impossible to mess up and also earned a fair bit of praise from Oliver if he just added a bit of garlic salt to the mix.
Oliver joined him in the kitchen as he was scraping the eggs out of the pan, wearing one of Josh’s hoodies and a pair of his sweatpants that were both just a bit too big. He loved seeing Oliver in his clothes; it was just another one of those things that he hadn’t had with anyone else. The last he could remember was Nate; while they never dated, he clearly remembered his brown racer jacket that he had given him towards the end of junior year.
“Morning.” Josh greeted him with a smile.
“I have something for you,” Oliver told him, immediately heading off to the entryway to grab the small box he had showed up with last night. “I was going to give this to you, after the awards ceremony, but…”
Josh took the box; it was a light grey tied with a yellow ribbon, small enough to fit right in the palm of his hand.
“You can open it, if you’d like,” Oliver prompted; Josh was just glad to see a smile on his face, especially after last night and the hell they’d both been through.
Josh carefully untied the ribbon after pushing the eggs back from the edge of the counter, opening the box to find a pair of neatly rolled yellow socks decorated with small brains. It was so Oliver; Josh wouldn’t have expected such a gift from anyone else, but from him, it fit.
“You mentioned you liked yellow; I was deciding between those and grey ones, but I figured you already have such a neutral wardrobe you needed a pop of color,” Oliver explained.
“I love them. I think I’ll wear them to work tomorrow,” Josh set the box down on the table before carrying the eggs over.
“You made me breakfast?” Oliver asked with faux surprise.
“Wrong, I made us breakfast.” Josh sat down, gesturing for Oliver to join him. “And our breakfast will get cold if we don’t eat it fast enough.”
Oliver joined him, and they ate, conversation falling into a normal rhythm despite all that had happened. It was nice, for things to be like this again. Josh knew they would have roadblocks, and he was certain that Oliver treating his father would cause a multitude of problems, but he would be there every step of the way. Because, if this had taught him anything, it was that they’d make it.
They’ll be just fine.