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Nie Huaisang had a problem.
See, his brother had always had a temper. It had been that way and would stay that way. Huaisang didn't mind it too much. It was how his brother was and he loved his brother as is.
Unfortunately, he's pretty sure his brother hates him.
It all started a bit over two weeks ago.
Nie Huaisang had been painting, as usual, when his brother barged into his room.
“Huaisang! Stop your foolish painting and come train. You're the second master of Qinghe Nie, you have to be strong.” He'd said so strongly that Huaisang's ears hurt.
Nie Huaisang was tired of his brother's incessant efforts to make him practice with his saber. He didn't want to train and he was a weakling anyway! Training a bit wouldn't change that at all! His golden core could barely support him flying for a few hours, much less training for some!
Still, he knew his brother just would not give up when he got like this and Huaisang didn't feel like fighting today. With a sigh, he put down his brush and made his way out, grabbing his saber as he went.
Nie Mingjue followed, he seemed both confused and prideful at once.
Nie Huaisang made his way to the middle of the field and started stretching. Only those small movements already left him tired and drenched in sweat.
He was thirsty, tired and felt like complete shit.
Still, under the watchful eye of his brother, he went through the first set of poses.
It only made him feel worse. He let his saber fall to the ground with a loud thud and turned to his brother.
“Da-ge, can I stop now? I'm tired, I don't feel good.” He complained.
“Don't be so weak, Huaisang, pick up your saber and start the next set.” His brother barked.
“But Da-ge, I-” he whined, his brother cut him off, not even letting him finish his sentence.
“NOW.”
Feeling tears of frustration build behind his eyes, Nie Huaisang bent and picked up his saber with great effort, using the angle to let his tears fall, hoping they only looked like beads of sweat.
He may joke about it a lot, but Huaisang really did hate disappointing his brother. Often, he would wish he'd been born differently or that someone else had been born in his place so Nie Mingjue wouldn't have to deal with such a weak and useless younger brother.
With difficulty, he settled into the next set of exercises.
He managed to complete it somehow, his mind floating elsewhere as he tried to escape the strain his body was under. He was sweating more than he’d ever had before. His clothes felt wet and sticky and Nie Huaisang wanted nothing more than a bath and sleep.
He knew he was maybe only half way through the minimum amount of time his brother would deem an acceptable training session.
Miserably, he settled the tip of his saber to the ground, pushing most of his weight on it to give his shaky legs a break.
His vision was swimming slightly and he felt light headed.
“Da-ge…” He didn’t even have the energy to say more, his call to his brother barely audible, nausea twisting his stomach.
He wanted to look up at his brother and call for help. Plead with him to let him go for the day.
He tried to lift his head but found himself on his knees instead, his grip so weak the saber had slipped from his hand as soon as he stopped focusing on it.
It fell dangerously close to his hand, but thankfully didn’t cut it.
The last thing Nie Huaisang remembers before his vision went black was how disappointed his brother must be with him again.
Ever since he’d woken up, Nie Mingjue had been to see him exactly one time.
Even then he hadn’t said a word to him, merely watched as Nie Huaisang woke up and left the infirmary as soon as Huaisang was coherent enough to form a sentence.
He’d avoided eating with him, when they used to have at least one meal together per day as long as they were both in the Unclean Realm and didn’t pester him to train once!
Now, you’d think that would make Nie Huaisang happy, right? That his brother wasn’t forcing him to work out was fun, yes, but not seeing his brother at all made him ache deep in his chest.
It made him hate himself just a little more.
He knew it would happen eventually, that Nie Mingjue would give up on him and agree with everyone else spitting out how useless he is, but it still hurt.
Two weeks later, still without a single sign of Nie Mingjue, Huaisang decided it was time to do something about it. He didn’t want his brother to hate him.
So he etched a plan.
That night, Nie Huaisang grabbed his saber and exited to a smaller courtyard behind their private lodgings. That specific yard had been given to his mother as a gift from his father. She had loved nature and gardening and Huaisang heard she’d spent many hours planning what to put in the garden each season and relaxing in it.
Nie Huaisang had taken it over when he heard. Determined to keep his mother’s memory alive somehow.
He started the stretches and went through all four sets his brother was always trying to hammer in him. It took him much longer than it should have, his weak core slowing him down considerably compared to other disciples, and he was left panting, drenched in sweat.
He didn’t even bother to take a bath before crashing into his bed.
Every night for a week, Nia Haisang made his way back to the garden and trained to exhaustion.
It left him tired and aching during the day, and he didn’t really feel like he was getting any better either. He thought of giving up more than once, but then he would think of his brother’s disappointed face as he looked at him. Maybe Da-ge would finally be proud of him.
He just needed to work harder.
Huaisang pushed himself harder, staying outside longer and sleeping into the day instead. He stopped painting, having no energy left over to lift his brush.
All his focus was on training. Getting stronger. Not disappointing Nie Mingjue anymore.
Another week passed like this. Nie Huaisang hadn’t seen his brother for an entire month.
Then, he learned Nie Mingjue would be leaving for a sect conference.
He hadn’t even known until the eve of Nie Mingjue’s departure. His brother wasn’t bringing him along.
His brother hated him so much he wasn’t even bringing him, his heir, to the conference.
Had his brother decided to leave the sect to Zonghui? Because Huaisang couldn’t wield his saber well enough?
Huaisang felt panic run through his core. He never thought he was attached to his title of heir. He had no intention of becoming sect leader in his life, it would always be Nie Mingjue, so he didn’t have any need for it. The thought of being replaced, however, of Nie Mingjue judging him such a lost cause he wouldn’t inherit his birthright, made him feel sick.
That evening, instead of going back to his room, Nie Huaisang hid in his brother’s room. He crouched in a small ball next to the door.
Nie Mingjue didn’t notice him as he entered and closed the door behind him. He walked further into the room, starting to slowly undo his hair.
“Da-ge…” Huaisang let out pitifully from his place on the floor, startling Nie Mingjue.
Nie Mingjue’s eyes were big as he turned around, face painted in shock. “Huaisang! What are you doing?” he asked harshly..
Nie Huaisang bit his lip hard at his brother’s tone. Of course Nie Mingjue wouldn’t want to see him! He knew that! That’s why he hid in the first place! So why did it hurt so bad?
“Da-ge, I’m sorry.” He let out. Every other word he’d wished to say evaporated from his mind under his brother’s stare. His voice shook and his eyes were glassy. All he could do was apologize.
“I’m sorry, Da-ge, I’m sorry, I’ll do better, I promise! I’m sorry!” He pleaded, not daring to move for fear his brother would remember he hates him and throw him out.
Nie Mingjue seemed frozen in shock, jerking when Huaisang let out the sob he’d been trying to contain. “I promise, Da-ge, I stopped painting and I train hard! Just please don’t hate me anymore! Please don’t replace me…”
Nie Mingjue fell to his knees in front of him, face so utterly sad it made Huaisang cry harder.
He hid his face in his hands, unable to look at his brother as he got rejected.
Huaisang hiccupped when he felt strong arms envelope him and pull him into the familiar embrace of his older brother. He let himself cry as he clutched his big brother’s robes.
“I’m sorry, Huaisang.” Nie Mingjue said and Nie Huaisang’s heart sank. His brother’s voice was weaker than he’d ever heard it before. So hesitant like a single wrong word would break him.
Nie Huaisang shook his head from his position in his brother’s arms. Nie Mingjue just tightened them around him.
“I thought you would be happier if I left you alone.” Nie Mingjue whispered in his hair. “I pushed you so hard you fainted. I’m not worthy of being your big brother.” He softly stroked his head like he used to do when they were children.
“I don’t want another brother.” Nie Huaisang complained in a whine, hands refusing to let his brother go.
“Okay,” Nie Mingjue said, “I’ll do better for you, Huaisang. I love you.”
Nie Huaisang cried with relief. The month of stress melting from his body as he finally let himself cry out all the pain he’d felt thinking he would never get to hug his brother anymore, never get to speak with him and annoy him as all little brothers did.
Nie Mingjue carried him to bed and tucked him in, carefully taking out his hair pins so he would be comfortable.
Nie Huaisang whined when his brother walked away, but he came back quickly enough, squeezing into bed as well. Nie Mingjue cradled him closer like he’d done for so many years whenever Huaisang had a nightmare.
“I don’t need you to change for me.” Nie Mingjue whispered softly in the dark. “You’re perfectly fine as you are. Anyone saying otherwise will have to deal with me.” He promised.
Reassured, Huaisang finally slept peacefully for the first time in a month.