Chapter Text
The words felt like a crushing blow to the ribs, a piercing knife to the heart. Andrew supposed it was because it was so abrupt and so late at night that he felt like he was living through a nightmare. Seeing Neil in front of him was the only convincing indication that this was indeed reality, and that yes, he was most definitely awake; Neil never starred in any of his nightmares.
In fact, if he could say anything on the matter, Neil helped him deal with his nightly episodes. Better than anybody who had ever tried. And the things that helped Andrew deal with his past could be counted on one hand.
The shithead, it seemed, never stopped feeling like a distant dream, one he can’t seem to help but reach for.
“It’s over, Andrew. Whatever this… this thing between us is, I’m ending it.”
“Why?” The word scratched his throat like sandpaper. Andrew hoped it sounded bored and not desperate, not hurt.
A hand to the neck and not wanting to meet Andrew’s eyes; for a break-up, this was more tinged with avoidance than was appropriate.
“Because there are dangers, Andrew, real-life fucking terrors that are running after me, have always been running after me for a long time, and I,” at this, Neil looked Andrew in the eye and softened his tone, “I can’t run fast enough to keep you safe.”
Bullshit. “This is unnecessary.” Andrew replied, apathy building up his walls fast enough to avoid looking like he actually gave a damn about… whatever Neil was doing.
“I’m serious, Andrew,” Neil insisted, taking a tentative step towards the blond boy. “I’m only doing this so that you’ll be safe.”
The wind seemed to blow harsher around them, the rooftop feeling a little less stable and a lot more shaky. Andrew inwardly cursed himself for ever allowing Neil to the rooftop; now, every inch of it will be stained by the monstrosity of this night. Andrew couldn’t help thinking that what Neil was doing was unfair, was terribly unjustified because all that he’s ever done for the striker was keep him together.
If Andrew didn’t know what grasping at straws felt like, he certainly knew now. “I made a promise to you, and I’m not going to let you disregard all that. Don’t make me go back on what I intend to keep.”
“Fuck your promise,” Neil spat out bitterly, looking back down at his feet. “It’s a promise you never should’ve made. Simply standing near me is a risk; you know my father’s men are everywhere. I won’t let them get to you through me. You’ve been through enough as it is.”
Andrew chose the people he let in, and there was a process before they were even part of his inner circle. This brown-haired, blue-eyed insufferable asshole had waltzed in and made Andrew bypass all his rules. It was only because Neil was damaged and broken, and Andrew figured his existence could survive around someone who understood what it was like to have past demons creep up to the present, what it was like to be like him. It was only for that specific reason.
Stubbornly, Andrew refused to believe there was more to it than he was choosing to acknowledge. He also didn’t want to accept that this was anything but Neil’s good-natured fear. Maybe Neil was just afraid, and this would be okay in a few days.
“What makes you think you can take care of yourself?”
At this Neil’s expression adapted a glare, and he stared hard at Andrew. “I’ve been living my life on the run for as long as I can remember. I don’t need you standing by my side like some fucking bodyguard, like I’m too fragile to breathe on my own! You,” he angrily poked a finger on Andrew’s chest, “are not good enough for somebody to depend on.”
Before Neil could do anything about it, Andrew grabbed his finger and twisted sharply. Neil’s face contorted in pain; Andrew almost felt sorry. Almost.
“Don’t fucking touch me, Josten,” Andrew said lowly, throwing aside Neil’s hand. You just lost the privilege to do so. Coming up close to Neil’s face, he continued, “And don’t you dare come looking for me when you realize all of this was a stupid mistake.”
He took one last look at Neil and walked away, throwing his stubbed cigarette away as he did. Making his way down the stairwell, Andrew found himself ignoring the unfamiliar emotion eating away somewhere in his chest.
And as much as he would hate to admit it, there was also a part of him that wished Neil hadn’t let him leave that easily.
Maybe Andrew shouldn’t have said those last few words. Maybe he should let Neil make him take them back.
But Andrew Minyard knew better than to deny it when he hears no. And up on the roof, he heard Neil loud and too fucking clear.