Archive of Our Own

Table of Contents

1. An Introduction – or – Why I Am Qualified to Write This Guide
2. Disclaimer
3. Preparations
   Everything you need to know about: wilderness survival, archery/swordplay, running, first aid, singing, and languages.
4. Clothing and Gear
   The do’s and don’ts of travelling in style.
5. How to Enter Middle-earth
   Six more or less comfortable routes to take.
6. Magical Problems Require Magical Solutions
   Where to find aid when all hope seems lost (or you just really want to look into Galadriel’s Mirror).
7. Timeline – or – What to Do if You Get Stuck in the First Age
   TL;DR: You die. That’s what you do.
8. Geography: Know Where You Shall Not Pass!
   Including the three best places to go sightseeing.
9. Inhabitants – or – 5 Steps to Befriend the Locals
   Meet Men, Hobbits, Dwarves, Elves, magical spirits, as well as Orcs, Goblins, and other evil urchins.
10. Romance
    Speed-dating the fandom’s favourite heroes to find your perfect happily ever after.
11. The Mary-Sue-Scale
    Ranging from 0/3 to 3/3.
12. The Importance of Platforms
    Exploring the differences between FanFiction.net, AO3, and Wattpad.
13. How to Leave Middle-earth

1. An Introduction — or — Why I Am Qualified to Write This Guide

As you may suspect, I have never actually been to Middle-earth. I am, however, a modern girl who has read an ungodly amount of fanfiction featuring the ‘Modern Girl in Middle-earth’ trope. We need to get our female representation on Arda somewhere, after all.

I have read, written, and dreamed about this trope since times when the internet was a very different place. I have followed it over platforms, and it has followed me into sketchbooks and playlists.

Consider me as qualified as one can get without having swung a sword at an orc.

2. Disclaimer

If you ever make it to Middle-earth, remember that this guide cannot guarantee your safety, nor will I be responsible for your fate. It was written purely in the hope that you may avoid some of the most common perils Modern Girls^[1] face on their adventures.

I will take no responsibility for accidental or deliberately inflicted poisonings, curses, travel sickness, arson, enchantment, loss of limbs, loss of mind, death, or any other harm that may come upon you.

Travelling to Middle-earth can be a wonderful experience, with the right precautions. Consider this a warning.

3. Preparations

It is very unlikely that you will get much notice before your departure to Middle-earth. Because of this, I recommend being prepared at all times.

Therefore, having the right skill set is more important than the right equipment. Below, you will find a list of possible hobbies and skills to acquire if you are planning on going to Middle-earth:

3.1. Wilderness Survival
Pros: The ability to build a shelter, find fresh water, and make a fire can save your life, especially if you find yourself in the wilderness upon your arrival (PadmaTheQ, 2022).
Cons: Survival skills can be difficult to learn if you are living in the city. But if you cannot go hiking or camping, a bit of academic research, watching survival shows on TV, or similar videos on the internet (getoffmyrichard, 2023) is better than having no experience at all.

3.2. Archery/Swordplay
Pros: When (not if!) you run into danger in Middle-earth, you should be able to defend yourself with the weapons at hand. Being a skilled fighter will also win you the approval of your companions.
Cons: These skills take years to master, and you should not try to take the shortcut of bringing modern weapons to Middle-earth. Tolkien’s ghost will haunt you. As an alternative, maybe consider learning another type of martial art.

3.3. Running
Pros: In Middle-earth, the only transportation you can rely on are your own two feet. This means that even if you ignore all the other advice in this guide, you should take up running as a hobby.
Cons: Your friends and family may question your sudden wish to cough up your lungs. But you could always tell them that you are training for a marathon. They needn’t know it’s the kind of marathon that happens because they are taking the Hobbits to Isengard (-gard, -gard).

3.4. First Aid
Pros: It is more likely than not that either you or your companions will be injured during your adventures. So learning how to patch up wounds is essential.
Cons: None, everyone should know how to provide basic first aid.

3.5. Singing
Pros: A good repertoire of songs and a passable singing voice will ensure you the friendship of many people in Middle-earth.
Cons: If you are a bad singer, do not sing in front of the Elves. (Hobbits and Dwarves will not care).
If you are feeling self-conscious, consider reciting poetry instead. But perhaps learn from Bilbo’s mistakes and do not involve resident people’s ancestors in it.

4. Clothing and Gear

As unlikely as it is that you will have time to pack before your departure to Middle-earth: if you do, here are some do’s and don’ts to keep in mind:

4.1. Do’s:

• The perfect scenario for you would be to carry camping equipment with you (Kindle-the-Stars, 2015).
• A bag of some sort will be useful, even if it is filled with modern-day things (Cormak3032, 2025).
• Bringing food to Middle-earth is a good idea, even if it’s a single granola bar (PadmaTheQ, 2022). This can be used to delay imminent starvation or make friends with resident Hobbits.
• To avoid dehydration, take a water bottle wherever you go (this applies to modern-day life as well).

4.2. Don’ts:

• If at all possible, avoid showing up to Middle-earth in your pyjamas (Tolehrer, 2019). They will not only confuse the locals, but also offer little protection from the weather. This may be difficult to accomplish depending on the route you are taking to get to Middle-earth (see No. 5.3).

5. How to Enter Middle-earth

To become a Modern Girl in Middle-earth, you must first find a way to travel between worlds. This is a list of possible routes to take. Out of concern for the reader, further details shall not be disclosed. Success is not guaranteed. Use at your own discretion.

5.1. A walk in the forest
Getting lost in a forest (PadmaTheQ, 2022) is a foolproof way to Middle-earth. Start walking in our world and continue to do so until you meet some people who look suspiciously like Cosplayers or LARPers (Kindle-the-Stars, 2015).

5.2. Enchanted jewellery
Do you like to go to flea markets or second-hand shops? Then this is the route for you. If you find any magical-looking jewellery, try it on and it will guide you to your travel destination (EvadneGrand, 2022).

5.3. Dreams
If you already have vivid dreams or always wanted to try lucid dreaming, perhaps you can cross the veil between worlds from the comfort of your own bed (boz4PM, 2004).

5.4. Science Accident
If you are a scientist or work alongside them (Mandagal12, 2017), you needn’t get advice here! Just focus your research on finding a way to Middle-earth yourself... but be careful if the government (either your own or Middle-earth’s) gets involved.

5.5. The Forces of Evil (not recommended)
The Forces of Evil™ in Middle-earth are very invested in inter-world travel. Because you have knowledge of the future that could help them in their strive for world domination. This route is not recommended, since it will likely lead to imprisonment, torture, and death. If you, however, fancy being the villain, go on ahead and join the dark side.

5.6. Death (not recommended)
While it is true that there are stories of Modern Girls coming to Middle-earth because of an untimely death (Mimi_Lind, 2022), it cannot be said enough: Do not try this at home.

6. Magical Problems Require Magical Solutions

Magic is quite unpredictable in Middle-earth. Depending on your score on the Mary Sue scale (see No. 11), you could experience regular bouts of Deus ex Machina^[2], or not see a spark of magic at all during your stay.

But if you do, prepare to face such things as being stabbed by a cursed blade, incinerated by a dragon, and/or held captive by trees that talk (albeit slowly) about whether you are an orc or not.

All in all, it can be said that you will do well to seek magical solutions to your magical problems — especially if said problems were caused by the Forces of Evil™.

Here are four constants of Middle-earth magic that you can (mostly) rely on:

6.1. Rings:
If you have a tangible wish to travel to Middle-earth, then I trust that you know enough about it to avoid putting on Magic Rings. For an exception, see No. 5.2.

6.2. Singing:
Depending on when you end up in Middle-earth, you may come across some legendary singers who could literally break the chart. General caution is advised concerning lone figures wandering the beach and wailing at the waves.

6.3. Foresight:
There are several people in Middle-earth who have the gift of foresight. If you have specific questions about things that were, things that are, and things that may yet come to pass, consider asking the Lady Galadriel. She would like to add that she does not take any responsibility for panic attacks or other mental health effects knowing the unknown will have on you.

6.4. Healing:
Knowing where to find a magical healer is important when you are attacked by Orcs, Goblins, or other evil Urchins. The Rangers of the North may help you with smaller injuries, but it is generally wise to consult Lord Elrond of Rivendell for healing magic… or anything else really. Another plus: He will help you whether you have insurance or not.

7. Timeline – or – What to Do if You Get Stuck in the First Age

The Age into which you enter Middle-earth is essential to your likelihood of survival. You should read up about all documented Ages, just to make sure you don’t get subjected to a journey in the dark.

7.1. The Silmarillion
Are you a master smith, a fencing champion, or a professional musician? Great! You’re on track to becoming a figure of legend. Generations to come will tell stories about your life and (most likely grisly) death. If you are none of these things: leave now before it is too late.

7.2. The Hobbit
If you are looking for a fun experience with minimal chances of an untimely demise, this is your best bet. A wizard may ask you to go on an adventure (Kindle-the-Stars, 2015). If you are brave enough, you may even attempt to save the line of Durin or destroy the One Ring early. (Thorin Oakenshield & Co. would like to remind you to sign your contract in time.)

7.3. The Lord of the Rings
You have a choice to make. You will most likely find yourself in Rivendell, on the brink of the War of the Ring. Or you’ll stumble upon a group of unlikely heroes in the Mines of Moria (WhileISleep, 2015). To walk or not to walk, that is the question. Because the Fellowship is looking for a tenth member. Keep in mind that your presence in Middle-earth may have already changed things.

I won’t judge you, though, if you’d rather wait things out in Lothlórien or Imladris and write poetry with Bilbo Baggins. It’s just the fate of the world at stake, after all.

8. Geography – Know Where You Shall Not Pass!

Let’s assume you take the usual approach and end up in the Third Age of Middle-earth. You will want to see all the important landmarks. There are some places that are very good for sight-seeing. And others you should avoid at all costs. Here is a quick rundown of the most important facts:

8.1. Safe(er) & visitor-friendly(er) Places:

Rivendell
In Tolkien’s texts, Imladris is described both as ‘The First Homely House’ as well as ‘The Last Homely House’ (Tolkien Gateway, 2025). But to be honest, it will likely be the only homely house you’ll find on your travels. So be sure to visit, because here you will find a wonderful rest-stop.

The Shire
Calling the elusive Shirefolk visitor-friendly may seem strange at first glance, but as you proceed down this list, the placement will make sense. This place can be dangerous for any Modern Girl who is on the taller side: Be mindful not to hit your head on ceiling beams.

Bree
In comparison to Rivendell and the Shire, Bree will feel a little rough around the edges. But you will find food and shelter at the Prancing Pony. Don’t leave messages behind for old Butterbur to pass on. Except if you are followed by the Forces of Evil™, where any resulting confusion will be welcome.

8.2. No admittance except on (party) business:

Erebor
The Lonely Mountain is a sight to behold. If you appreciate good craftsmanship, and have a soft spot for dwarves, this is where you should go. Do come after the dragon has been evicted, though.

Minas Tirith
The city is a truly masterful piece of architecture. And the library has the Gandalf-the-Grey stamp of approval. But you should stay away from its steward. Especially when he’s having dinner.

Mirkwood
If you thought that Lothlórien elves are suspicious of you, you haven’t met Mirkwood elves yet. They do not like strangers, so do not be surprised to have several arrows pointed at your face upon entering the forest. But they will help you if you have a run-in with the resident pests. And perhaps they will be more welcoming if you show up with a nice bottle of wine.

8.3. You shall not pass:

Moria
It’s not a mine, it’s a tomb.

Isengard
Of all the wizards to meet during your stay, Saruman should be avoided at all costs. If there is an evil scientist in Middle-earth, this is him. But if you feel like standing up for Middle-earth’s environment, maybe join the Ents’ protest movement against the local deforestation. #ICareForTheWoods #OnTreebeardsSide

Mordor
The only way to survive here will be to use your knowledge to your advantage... and make sure Sauron wants to use it to his advantage as well. Be aware that your involvement here may cost the free people of Middle-earth their lives and future. Only approach if you want to join the Forces of Evil™ and attempt world domination.

9. Inhabitants – or – 5 Steps to Befriend the Locals

Step 1 – Bring gifts if you can
If you are fortunate enough to have time to pack before your trip (see No. 4), bringing gifts for the locals can be a great idea to make friends.
But just because a gift works great for some of Middle-earth’s inhabitants, doesn’t mean it will be fine to give to just anyone.

For Hobbits it’s best to bring copious amounts of snacks (or maybe your grandma’s best pie recipe).

Dwarves will enjoy handmade gifts (if of quality!) but be sure to have an established relationship before offering any kind of gift that goes beyond an ale at a tavern... you might end up offering courtship to a stranger.

Do not try and give jewels to the Elves. They have PTSD. But if you can share a good story, they will be happy to listen.

Step 2 – Keep your eyes and ears open
Don’t just take my word for what you should do. Many of the people you’ll meet will happily tell you about their adventures, culture, and family. But don’t blame me if you end up sitting through hours of Hobbit family history. They have many cousins.

Step 3 – Write that down! Write that down!
Keeping a travel diary is always a fun idea. On your particular journey, it could be a lifesaving one. Write down everything that might help you later on: routes to walk, advice you’ve been given, dreams that struck you as odd. If nothing else, you could write one hell of an autobiography at the end of this...and post it here for us to read.

Step 4 – Be respectful towards customs
You went to Middle-earth to experience a different world, so make sure to follow local customs whenever possible. I know it’s tempting to sing a pop song in the Halls of Fire. But you are not that kind of character unless you score a 3/3 on the Mary-Sue Scale.

Step 5 – In some cases, curiosity will kill you.
Even if you do not literally end up in Middle-earth as a cat (Mimi_Lind, 2022): too much curiosity can not only get you interrogated and thrown in the dungeons. In some cases, torture and death are very much on the table. But hey, at least meat’s back on the menu!

10. Romance

If you’re making a conscious effort to become a Modern Girl in Middle-earth, there is a good chance that you are looking for love. Here are the dating profiles for Middle-earth’s most sought-after bachelors (Made by me, not by them. They don’t have access to the internet. And if you continue down this path, soon you won’t either):

If none of these characters are your type, don’t despair! There are lots of other options: No one can accuse Tolkien of writing too few characters, after all.

Choosing a more lighthearted story — like joining Thorin and Co. on their journey — could mean that you also look for a funny and easygoing personality in your partner. Either Fili or Kili could be a prime candidate for you.
Which only leaves one question: Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?

And even if you don’t want to be with one of the main characters, you needn’t give up romance completely (boz4PM, 2008). After all, there are more characters in Middle-earth than you know of — and many possibilities for writers to create their own OCs.

11. The Mary-Sue-Scale

This is what can make or break your journey. The Mary-Sue-Scale is a measuring system of my invention that will tell you what to expect in Middle-earth depending on your chosen score.

11.1. Mary-Sue-Scale 0/3

You will go into this with no plot armor. And likely no literal armor either. Choosing this route, you will be subjected to total realism. The inhabitants of Middle-earth will not understand Modern English, and you will have to brush up your Westron or Sindarin if you want to get anywhere. Even the good characters will be suspicious of you at first. You will remain the mortal human that you are and will not end up romancing a popular character.

11.2. Mary-Sue-Scale 1/3

The journey will be difficult, but there is more luck on your side. You may wander around the wilderness aimlessly for some time, fighting off dehydration and unforgiving weather. But at least Westron and Modern English are the same language. You will have a difficult time getting used to life in Middle-earth, but there is a chance for a love story with your main character crush. Keep in mind that you are still very mortal and will remain so.

11.3. Mary-Sue-Scale 2/3

This is a traveller’s sweet spot! Here you will get dreamlike wish fulfillment, while still leaving room for enough conflict to create a suspenseful adventure. You likely have some sort of magic or superior self-control with which you can help the people of Middle-earth. Yours will be a hero’s journey, but do expect to learn to fight the hard way and face consequences for your actions. You will get with the character you like, and if they are immortal, you’ll either be too, or you sail to Valinor together after your heroic deeds are done.

11.4. Mary-Sue-Scale 3/3

Full-blown Mary Sue. You will master swordplay and archery in a matter of minutes, outfight seasoned warriors, have magical powers, and be loved and adored by all. Have your pick from every suitable marriage candidate! If you want to fall in love with an elf, then that’s no problem either, because you have arrived in Middle-earth as a gorgeous elf yourself.

12. The Importance of Platforms

The kind of Modern Girl in Middle-earth you are going to be depends a lot on the Platform you choose to have your adventure on:

12.1. FanFiction.net
This is the old school site in this selection. If you love a classic tenth-walker approach with a Legolas-centric romance (FebruarySong, 2014), this is the place you want to be.

12.2. Archive of Our Own
AO3 offers a variety of different stories. The classical style of the trope can be found here. But if you would like to go to Middle-earth in animal form (Mimi_Lind, 2022), prefer an LGBTQIA+ romance, or do not want to be the center of a love story at all: This is the platform for you.
A word of warning: On AO3 you may either find yourself in the most beautiful storyline you can imagine, or in the deepest pit of crack-fic hell (hello and welcome, by the way). Spin the wheel to find out!

12.3. Wattpad
Due to the fact that I do not understand Wattpad’s search system, I cannot provide context for this platform. You’re on your own with this one.

13. How to Leave Middle-earth

If you make the choice to go to Middle-earth, you need to be very aware that you will likely never return. 'There and Back Again' is a motto that does seldom apply to Modern Girls in Middle-earth. My explicit advice is to find yourself a nice place and live out your days as peacefully as you are able (boz4PM, 2008). Maybe you even get to travel to the Undying Lands (Cormak3032, 2025). Or maybe Middle-earth is not finished with you and sends you on yet another adventure (PadmaTheQ, 2022). If you must go back, your best bet is trying to do this in the same way in which you arrived (EvadneGrand, 2022).

Whatever happens: I wish you the best of luck on your travels! Farewell! Wherever you fare till your happily-ever-afters receive you at the journey's end! May the wind under your wings bear you where there is only one bed and every hurt is followed by comfort.

Footnotes

1. Female nouns and pronouns are being used because they are most common in the trope and its history. But this guide is open for anyone and everyone.
2. Please keep in mind at all times that the involvement of local deities in your adventure is very much possible. Do not try and contact them, except if in mortal peril.
3. Prove me wrong.

Sources