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Goku is sitting on the river bank, feet dangling in the rushing water. He's been there for nearly thirty minutes now and hasn't once turned round.
Not that Sanzo's been counting.
The monkey's head is slightly bent, and at first Sanzo thought he was looking for fish to add to their evening meal. Goku is never satisfied with the quantity of food Hakkai sets before him - because he's still an empty-headed bottomless pit, even if he's no longer a child - but he's made no attempt at catching any.
"Supper's ready!" Hakkai announces, cheerily as ever.
Sanzo's surprised to find his own mouth watering at the warm aroma of salt-sweet fried meat and onions but Goku doesn't move, doesn't even seem to hear.
Damn it.
Sanzo pushes up from the fallen tree trunk he's been sitting on, smoking, tosses another cigarette stub onto the pile at his feet and walks down to the river bank.
"Goku?"
"Huh?"
"Dinner's ready."
"Yeah," Goku agrees but still doesn't move.
Sanzo sighs heavily. "What's the matter?"
Goku shrugs.
Sanzo tries again. "Are you in pain?"
He might be. He suffered a nasty break and all they had to splint the fracture was a couple of sticks, one of Gojyo's shirts torn into bandages and one of his headbands stretched out of shape to serve as a sling.
"No." Goku shakes his head as he continues staring into the racing water.
Sanzo can feel the 'but' hanging heavy in the air. "What, Goku?" he asks and it comes out more sharply impatient than he'd intended because - well, hell! - Goku not wanting food is every kind of wrong.
"I tried to get stronger," the monkey mumbles into his chest. "An' I really thought I was, Sanzo - before this." He jabs his broken limb with an angry finger, hard enough to make himself wince.
"Baka," Sanzo tuts, rolling his eyes. "C'mon. Get up. Or Gojyo'll be eating your dinner as well as his own."
When the appeal to Goku's greed fails, Sanzo starts wondering if maybe Goku hit his head too because this is so unlike the monkey. He crouches down beside him and for the first time gets a proper look at Goku's face. Sanzo's not sure he can remember ever seeing it look so utterly wretched.
"Shit!" he exclaims. "It's only a goddamn break, Goku! It'll mend."
Goku sniffs. "I know. It's jus' ... it's ... Sanzo, if I'm not strong, I'm no use to you."
Goku turns to face him and his golden eyes are swimming with unshed tears. Sanzo blinks. So that's what's worrying the stupid ape?! Careful to keep his feet out of the water, Sanzo drops into a sitting position beside him.
"I told you before," he says firmly, "that I could never leave an idiot like you alone, so don't go getting it into that empty head of yours that I'm going to abandon you - no matter how many damn bones you break."
Goku swallows. "I'll be a burden," he says in such a small voice that Sanzo has to strain to hear him. "I'll slow you down. Put you in danger. If I can't fight, what am I good for?"
His eyes are searching Sanzo's face, pleading for something he can hang on to. Sanzo is silent for a long moment. So long that Goku turns away and scrubs at his eyes.
"Everyone needs a reason to keep going," Sanzo says at last. "Even me."
Goku slowly turns his head. "Like stoppin' the revival thingy?"
"No," Sanzo corrects him, "stopping the revival is my purpose."
Goku frowns and with his good hand scratches the skin behind his ear. "Hunh?"
Sanzo sighs. "If you don't already know, dimwit, don't waste brain cells trying to work it out."
"But-" Goku begins, and he looks so damn confused and so fricking appealing that Sanzo can't resist a sudden urge to lean in and brush his lips - no more than that - over the monkey's.
When he pulls back, Goku is staring at him, dumbstruck. "Really?" he whispers.
"Really," Sanzo confirms. "Now get up and stop being a moron."
And just to drive the point home, he gives the back of the monkey's head a sharp thwack with his fan.
Goku grins from ear to ear and leaps to his feet with surprising ease.
As he runs off towards the campfire yelling, "Hey! Gojyo! Leave some for me, ya greedy kappa!" Sanzo experiences a vague sensation of discomfort.
He looks down and curses.
The toe of one of his socks is soaking wet.