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It was a beautiful day in Utah. Except it wasn’t, because Charlie Kirk, that Ugly Bastard, was speaking.
On a related note, Shinji and his posse of traumatized 14 year olds + Kensuke had gone to see their pal Toji play at a basketball game, which was tomorrow. Currently, the gang was planning to go sightseeing in Utah, coincidentally on the day Charlie Kirk was set to spout borderline (?) nazi propaganda at a university.
Rei knew guns were a common fixture in America, but she overestimated just how many places it was considered acceptable to bring Old Faithful to. I can’t blame her. So naturally, she brought a trusty Desert Eagle along on her trip. She bought it as a souvenir and carried it around like how some Americans always wear those red hats. She had no idea what they said because her English wasn’t great.
So the Pals and their Token Normal Guy Kensuke woke up in their hotel. While Toji was putting on his leg, Asuka was drinking a hot black coffee (obviously not enjoying it), Shinji was being miserable as always, Kaworu was off doing god knows what, and Rei was watching the weather channel intently, Kensuke was looking at places to see near them.
“Hey guys, check this out, this Charlie Kirk guy is giving a speech near us. Maybe we should check it out,” Kensuke pointed at his computer & did the pushing up his glasses anime thing.
“Yeah that sounds pretty cool,” Toji had gotten his leg on and was putting on his fuckass jacket. Everyone else agreed, because they had failed to do any research on who this asshole was.
Meanwhile, back at NERV hq, Gendo was listening to Charlie Kirk’s podcast. This is a chekov’s gun.
Foreshadowing over, Kaworu floated through the door.
“hey guys”
“WHOA dude you freaked me the fuck OUT,” Asuka had spit coffee all over herself, just like Shinji had right before 3rd impact. “What the hell”
“what about it,” Kaworu cocked his pale ass head like a weird ass fucking angel dog.
“...Never mind. Anyway we’re going to see this Charlie Kirk guy” Asuka went to go change her clothes.
“oh that old dude with the fuckass goggles likes him,” The author does not remember that nothingburger of a SEELE member’s name. Not Gendo, this isn’t rebuild verse.
“I’m here too,” said Shinji.
Rei was still watching the weather intently.
So then they left to go see charlie kirk. They got there and took their seats, and Rei waited for the speaker to come onstage.
And he was NOTHING like they expected, because none of them expected Kirk to call a flood of insults to marginalized groups like the gang had never seen before.
Shinji finally took those earbuds out of his head. “What the sigma? I’m trans!” He had a look on his face of not quite shock, but Rei wasn’t sure what else to call it. Kaworu blew up and shit. Sensing Shinji (who is genetically her son)’s distress, she pulled out Chekov’s Gun #1, which is what I’ve lovingly christened the desert eagle discussed earlier.
She aimed her shot, and put the populace out of the misery caused by that Ugly Bastard.
Clean through the neck.
“Holy shit Rei you’re gonna get us locked up.” Asuka was crying and Shinji was too because Kaworu like blew up and shit. “For Fuck’s Sake Bruh.”
“Skill issue,” Rei tucked Chekov’s Gun #1 back in her bag and walked out.
“What the fuck,” This was the second goriest thing Toji had seen, second only to the Bardiel incident. And yet he was inspired by Rei’s determination to protect Shinji. Note that he is unaware she’s a clone of Shinji’s mom.
Toji won his ball game, emboldened by Rei’s display of resolve. He also drank like 5 red bulls before but nobody gaf.
Back at NERV hq, Gendo, Fuyutsuki, and stupid goggles guy were experiencing a fraction of the anguish they inflicted on the poor pilots. That says a lot.
“I-I can’t believe it, Professor…”
“Me neither, I’m going to cause a fucking 4th impact.” Fuyutsuki was in the midst of changing his twitter name to some im 14 and this is deep type shit.
“...Say that again,” Gendo was writing down that idea for the next loop they would put Kaworu through.
“Hey guys we’re back” Asuka busted in the room. “You’ll NEVER believe what we did”.
“I don’t give a flying fuck, unless it was assassinate Charlie Kirk.” Gendo was posted up in the chair just like his son.
“Yep” Asuka gave a big, wide smile. Gendo stood up and slapped it off of her. “HEY WHAT THE FUCK” She pulled out her own gun that she got past TSA somehow and shot him DEAD.
Meanwhile, Rei was visiting eva unit 1.
“I shot charlie kirk,” She said quietly.
Unit 1 gave her a thumbs up. Yui was proud. She then broke out of the Central Dogma and ate SEELE. Something about the nature of the human experience, put down your stupid phone, and humans can never understand each other but we have to try idk I haven’t watched the series in a while. Mari Makinami Illustrious was there.