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Kris lay on their side in bed, not looking at the birdcage in the corner of the room. A cold breeze blew in from the open window, and a spot of cold sunlight was starting to take shape on the carpet. The air smelled of Autumn and sugar. Kris felt sick.
The sugary smell was coming from the box of chalk on the nightstand. Kris had held onto it for Susie all day yesterday, and she had forgotten to ever take it back. It was a lunchbox, from Noelle. A gift for Susie. Thinking about that made Kris want to tear it open and fling its contents into the lake. But when they thought of actually doing that, something stopped them from getting up. So they lay in bed, and the chalk sat unopened, filling Kris’ room with the faint scent of candy canes and playing the piano with cold hands. They had been like this all morning.
A sound of footsteps outside the window made Kris’ body tense. Then somebody knocked at the door, which started them upright. Kris checked their phone, thumbing away four missed calls and seventeen unread messages from their mother: the time was 12:25, noon. Nobody was meant to be here yet. Church had ended in the morning, and their mother had gone and come home already; Susie was gone too, searching the town for information on the shelter. Kris should have gone with her, but Susie had insisted that they stay home. They looked like a corpse, she had said, and promised to talk to Kris about what she found later, after they’d gotten some rest.
The front door opened. Kris lurched out of bed and crept to the window to see who it was. Blonde hair, a festive sweater, a little puff of tail retreating into the doorway.
The empty birdcage creaked shut just as Kris’ mother reached the bedroom door.
“Kris, honey!” she called through the door. Then knocked. “You will never believe who has come to see you!”
Silence. They really didn’t want to believe it.
“Kris? You are not pretending to still be asleep, are you? Do not make me come in there while there is a guest over.”
Kris’ will was easily broken by the knife-sharp tone their mother put into her voice. They obediently opened the door.
“Oh, Kris! You were right there all along. Come, Noelle is waiting for you downstairs!”
Noelle was in fact waiting downstairs. She stood perfectly erect in the center of the living room, head swiveling around as if she were afraid something might jump out at her if she turned her back on any part of the house for too long. Kris recognised the stiffness in her posture. It was the same way she would stand whenever her dad was too busy to pick her up, and she would wait outside for her mother to come and get her. She flinched when she noticed Kris come down, almost imperceptibly. Just almost.
“Hi Kris!” Noelle smiled. “Your TV is, um, broken?”
Kris stopped at the threshold between the kitchen and the living room. The kitchen smelled of cinnamon and butterscotch, as always. The living room probably already smelled of candy canes by now. Kris didn’t want to get any closer to that smell. And they didn’t want to look at the TV. They stood still and silent, facing Noelle but only vaguely seeing her. Their hair was in their eyes.
“Noelle, sweetheart!” Toriel cooed, standing herself diplomatically between Kris and Noelle. “It is so nice to have you over again after so long. Oh, I know! Shall we all have lunch together? There are some leftover pancakes from this morning’s breakfast in the fridge!”
“Um, that’s okay!” Noelle said. She hesitated before speaking again. “Actually, I was kind of, um, hoping I could borrow Kris for a while, if that’s okay? I kind of need to talk to them, about, uh, something.”
“Oh! Borrow Kris!” Toriel’s face lit up. “Of course that is okay!” She placed a hand on Kris’ lower back, gently pushing them over the threshold into the living room. They slid onto the carpet without any resistance, and the transfer was completed smoothly. “And while you are out,” she addressed Kris in a flat voice, “you can purchase some ingredients from the local store for me, seeing as somebody could not restrain themself from eating all of the pie yet again.”
Noelle stifled a laugh as Toriel sent Kris marching upstairs to get their bag. They slung it over their shoulder, slipped the box of chalk inside without thinking, and marched back downstairs to receive the money for the errand from Toriel, carefully measured down to the last cent. Noelle waited by the door to follow Kris outside into the cold, waving a polite goodbye to Toriel as she shut the door behind them.
A chill wind was sweeping in from the South, rustling the trees and blowing Kris’ hair out of their face. They saw Noelle clearly, stood smiling in front of them like she always used to when they were kids. Taller now, and prettier. More awkward, and a little farther away. But still the same Noelle from next door, bracing herself against the cold. The sky behind her was blue, but she held an umbrella in front of herself, white and red like a candy cane. She clutched it with both hands, holding onto it a little more desperately than a normal person would, Kris thought, as if she was afraid it might run away from her if she didn’t.
It would probably rain later. This year’s Autumn was marching through the town with no mercy, turning all of the trees red. The whole town would be scarlet soon. Kris hated that colour. It only reminded them of unpleasant things. Things in cages, and the day their brother left. The second set of holiday dishes in the back of the cupboard, untouched for another year.
“Um, hi Kris.” Noelle said, a little easier now that she wasn’t in front of Toriel. “Gosh, sorry, I hope I’m not waking you up? Or maybe you suddenly decided to stop being terrible at mornings just for today, fahaha!”
Kris said yes, but didn’t specify which part they were responding to.
“Um, okay!” Noelle made that adorable face she always made when she was frustrated, frowning while screwing her eyes shut and smiling. “Should we get going? I was thinking we could talk at the lake, since I don’t want to get caught in the rain too far from home.” She gestured to her umbrella.
Kris nodded.
“Okay, great! Let’s go!”
For a brief moment, Kris led the way and Noelle followed, the way they used to walk on their childhood adventures. For just a brief moment. Then the wind blew in a different direction, and Kris wordlessly slowed down, and didn’t speed up again when Noelle wrapped around to their side. The two of them stayed like that, walking down the road from Kris’ house to the town, alone and quiet. No cars, no sounds at all except the wind in the leaves. Nothing to see except the road, the sky, and the dark, hollow spaces behind the trees on either side.
Noelle sneaked a sideways glance at Kris.
“Um, Kris, you’re not sick, are you...?” Noelle asked.
Kris said nothing. Which usually meant there was nothing immediate to worry about.
“Really? It’s just, you’ve been looking kind of, even worse than usual, lately. Um, I mean!!” Noelle suddenly went stiff again. “I mean... You kind of, look like that one time you made yourself really sick trying to gross me out by eating that huge pinecone you found in my garden. Which worked, by the way!!” She made the face again. “But gosh, Kris, eat an apple or something once in a while, okay? Pffahaha!”
Kris didn’t say that the real reason they had eaten that pinecone was to impress her. Instead they mumbled that they felt uneasy because it had been getting cold and Noelle still didn’t have any holiday decorations on her antlers.
“Jeez, Kris, it’s only September! If you’re going to start doing that again, can you at least wait until the right month?” Noelle’s smile weakened a bit. “Plus... I mean, I’d just take them off when you’re not looking. I never really liked when you did that, after the first time.”
Kris protested by gradually slowing down until Noelle had to turn around to see them.
“Pfahaha, Kris, come on! You don’t have to make such a sad face about it.”
Kris immediately stopped making such a sad face about it.
“Kris...” Noelle looked back with an expression of sympathy so pure that it hurt to look at. “Umm, well... If decorations would make you feel better, I was going to help the volunteers with the festival decorations later? You could, uh, come along with me?? If you want to???”
Kris decided they were sick after all.
At the turning into town, Noelle said she wanted to get something to drink. Kris silently fell in line behind her as she led the way to the convenience store. The baskets were unreachable, as always, so Kris balanced all of the ingredients their mother had asked them to get in one arm and tried to stand as still as possible while they waited beside Noelle in front of the cold drinks. Noelle was staring at the various different brands of bottled water, making a serious face. It seemed like a difficult decision.
After Noelle finally picked something, Kris closed their eyes and reached into the fridge. When they opened their eyes they were holding a can of “ICE-E’s “Spice-E” Extra Hot Iced Coff-“E.””
“Kris?” Noelle tilted her head. “I thought you hated spicy stuff.”
Kris mumbled something about self-punishment.
“Oh,” Noelle smiled, obviously confused. “I didn’t think you were, um, religious like that? Or that, self-punishment was even a thing in our religion??”
Kris seemed satisfied with Noelle’s interpretation. The two of them went to pay.
“hey, kiddo.” The owner said to Kris, after counting their money. “you’re short for the drink. but, seeing as i owe your mother a favour, if you were to suddenly decide to, uh, shoplift it on your way back to the fridge, i might decide to, you know, not notice.” He winked.
Kris reached into their bag to look for any loose coins. Their fingernail grazed the metal surface of the chalk box. They recoiled, pulling their hand out of the bag as if it contained a snake, then went completely still.
“Um, that’s okay!” Noelle said, looking back from Kris to the owner. “I don’t mind paying. You can put it together with mine.”
“i would have just shoplifted it personally, but hey, you’re the boss.” The owner processed the payment, handed Noelle her change, then winked again. “enjoy your date.”
“We’re not on a date.” Noelle said. Plainly. She was making a complicated face.
Kris, for a moment, for just a brief moment, allowed themself to feel something. Then it was gone. They tried not to think about what it was they had just felt.
Kris packed the ingredients and the can of coffee into their bag without looking at the chalk box, and followed Noelle to the exit. They passed a familiar blue shape on the way out, in front of the gaming magazines. It raised its head in surprise.
“Noelle! And... Kris.” Berdly narrowed his eyes.
Kris tried to keep walking, but Noelle stopped. Kris, like a dog on a leash, obediently doubled back to stand behind her.
“Hi Berdly! Are you, um, meant to be out of the hospital yet?” Kris imagined Noelle sounded like she’d prefer it if Berdly was still in hospital.
“Ah, Noelle, my fair gaming lady.” Berdly crooned. “Your concern is like a Cure III for my ailing soul. But worry not!” He puffed out his chest. “It’s true that my hit-points are taking a while to heal, but that’s simply proof of how efficiently min-maxed my build is.” Berdly tapped his head meaningfully, with his one working wing.
“Um, okay! Great!” Noelle said. “But, I mean, you probably should put a few points into stuff other than intelligence, otherwise you’ll never be able to do anything without summoning someone else. Like when we played Humans’ Souls, remember?” Noelle grinned. It looked sincere. “I mean, come on, Berdly, getting killed in one hit by the first boss? Pffahaha!”
Kris suddenly wished they had never got out of bed.
“Ah, dear, sweet, innocent Noelle.” Berdly made a ridiculous pose he had probably seen in some stupid children’s videogame. “You still have much to learn. What may have looked like “getting killed in one hit” to you was in fact... That is...” Berdly’s eyes began to dart around. They landed on a fashion magazine. “My armour! Yes, I was simply calculating the... effectiveness, of my armour.”
Noelle laughed as Berdly continued trying to defend himself.
“And...” Berdly narrowed his eyes at Kris again. “Where did you pick up this... stray? No, let me guess:” He made that insufferable face he always made before saying something completely idiotic. “Your group project partner realised she would be better off if she cut you loose, and now you’re bothering Noelle because you want to hitch a free ride to an A on the airship of my genius?”
Kris glared at Berdly.
“Berdly, come on, Susie wouldn’t do that!” Noelle said. Then covered her mouth with her hand and looked away, as if she’d said something she wasn’t supposed to. “Um, I mean, anyway, I’m the one who’s bothering Kris. I needed to talk to them about something.” She made another complicated face. “And!! It’s going to rain later!! So we should really get going!! Come on, Kris! Bye Berdly!”
Noelle rushed through the door and was gone before anyone could say anything else.
When Kris turned to follow her, Berdly called out to them. They stopped, but didn’t turn around.
“Kris. A moment. That look in your eyes just now...” Silence, except for the low hum of the refrigerators and the store’s air conditioning. The owner had disappeared somewhere out of sight. “I’d recognise that look anywhere. It was the sorrowful gaze of a tsundere gaming knight, devoted to protecting a fair gaming maiden; and yet, convinced that their presence can only profane her...”
Kris said nothing.
“Kris.” Berdly’s voice sounded very serious. “I understand how you feel. Right now, with my wing like this, I’m... useless to Noelle. I know you and I haven’t always seen eye to eye, but... We both know how helpless she can be. And we both share a common enemy. So please, until I recover... I need you to promise me that you’ll keep Noelle safe from Susie.”
Kris, very slowly, as though fighting some great physical strain, nodded, their back still turned to Berdly. Then they marched after Noelle, through the door and out into the cold again.
The clouds were rolling in by the time they arrived at the lake. It was a short walk there, shorter than it felt like it should have been. The whole town felt smaller than it should be when Kris was with Noelle. Kris sat at a metal picnic bench they felt too big for, the wind shaking leaves from the trees overhead onto their bag on the table in front of them, the chalk still inside, the cold seeping into their legs from below. Noelle, having finished her drink, stood by the trash cans a little further down the path, deliberating over which one to put the empty bottle into. Kris hoped that she would never decide. That it would start raining before she could, so that she would never get to say whatever it was she was about to say to them.
Kris stared out into the dark, hollow spaces between the trees. They had always imagined the forests were filled with monsters when they were a child, when they used to go exploring with Asriel and Dess, and Noelle, who came with them even though she was scared because she was even more scared of being alone. For a moment, Kris thought they felt her clinging onto their shirt from behind, too afraid of the monsters to walk on her own. But of course, she wasn’t there. Noelle knew there was nothing out there to be scared of by now. The forests had been empty for a long time. Asriel and Dess must have taken the monsters with them when they left.
“Okay, phew! I think I got the right one.”
Noelle propped her umbrella against the table and sat down, on the same side of the bench as Kris. Kris turned their face away slightly.
“Gosh, I used to be so scared of this place.” Noelle said. “I always thought... If I looked away from the water for too long, the killer from one of Dess’ movies would jump out and get me, or something.”
A leaf fell from a tree onto the surface of the water. Kris and Noelle both sat looking at it for a moment.
“So, um...” Noelle made a face Kris had never seen before. “Do you, have anyone to go with to the festival tomorrow?”
She wasn’t quite looking at them. She was facing in their direction, but her eyes were somewhere else. Her cheeks were flushed. Kris desperately hoped that it was just the cold.
“Before, we could just go with all our families together, but... We can’t really do that anymore, with...” She let the end of the sentence hang in the air. Better not to finish it.
Kris said they didn’t have any plans even though they really didn’t want to say it.
“Um, great! If you don’t have anyone to go with, I was wondering maybe, if you’d want me to—”
Kris thrust the can of extra hot iced coffee into Noelle’s hands. Their hands were shaking.
“Jeez, Kris!!” Noelle made a more Noelle-like face. Kris calmed down a little. But not much. “I’m asking you something important here!!”
Kris insisted that Noelle drink the coffee.
“Augh, fine!! But you’re not getting out of this that easily!”
Noelle, frowning, opened the can, brought it to her lips, and sipped. She quickly pulled away.
“Phew!! Wow, that’s, uh, way too spicy for me.” She put the can back on the table. “Kris, you didn’t get this just to make me drink it, did you...? Even as far as your weird mean jokes go, this one is pretty lame.”
She didn’t look angry. Instead, she looked almost disappointed.
Kris hung their head and mumbled an apology.
“It’s okay.” Noelle smiled weakly. “I know you can’t help it.”
For a moment, Kris thought they felt a raindrop fall from the sky. But it was just their imagination.
“Hey, do you remember when I tried to get you back by putting my dad’s hot sauce in your eggnog? You couldn’t stop crying, and when dad asked what was wrong you just kept saying you were being attacked by the potion mimic from the Fire Palace in Dragon Blazers.”
Noelle laughed. Kris didn’t.
“Then, when you found out it was me, you were so upset that you kept putting hot sauce into all of my drinks when I wasn’t looking, for months. Honestly, even now I still kind of don’t trust hot chocolate.”
Noelle’s voice was flat. Her face looked very serious.
“You were so annoying back then.” Noelle laughed. “But sometimes, I kind of miss it, you know? Our families being closer, you coming over every day to play the piano... Even if you were always being mean to me, haha.”
A white bird landed in the lake. It flapped its wings against the water three times, then went still.
“Anyway, what I wanted to ask you was... If you don’t have anyone to go with, if you’d maybe, want me to...”
Noelle’s face flushed again. Her arms went rigid at her sides, and her fingers hooked themselves tightly around the lip of the bench beneath her, as if she was holding onto it for her life. Kris braced themself for what she was about to say. It didn’t seem like there was any escaping it.
“...go to the festival with Susie?”
The wind blew. Kris suddenly couldn’t tell which direction it was coming from anymore.
“Susie’s been, um, following you around a lot lately, hasn’t she? The other day, dad said you were, playing the piano at the hospital? Even though you don’t, um... Do that, anymore.”
Kris felt frozen solid. They wished somebody would push them over and shatter them into a million pieces.
“Susie made you do that, didn’t she? And, I mean, if she’s bullying you by doing stuff like that, I think she’d probably, follow you around at the festival, too. Unless, someone else went with her? As, uh, bait??” She wasn’t looking at Kris anymore. Her eyes had gone somewhere else, beyond the lake. She was making another face they had never seen before. “So, um, I could go with her?? Do you think that’d be a good idea???”
Kris’ hand drifted subtly towards Noelle. Before it could reach her, with their other hand, they snatched the extra hot coffee from the table and forced themself to drink the entire thing in one go. It burned, and left a bitter aftertaste. Kris sat hunched over and trembling, eyes watering.
“Augh, Kris, come on!! This is serious!!” Noelle stared, innocently annoyed. “Seriously, why did you buy that stupid drink? Is it, um, something Susie made you do? I guess she is always eating weird stuff. Like, chalk??”
Kris desperately tried to move their legs, but they weren’t listening.
“Oh, right!! You were with her all day yesterday, weren’t you? Did she, um, enjoy the chalk I gave her?”
Kris’ body lurched forward unnaturally. They grabbed Noelle by the wrist. Their other hand slithered up to the table, towards their bag.
“K-Kris!?”
She tried to pull away, but couldn’t. All she accomplished was knocking her umbrella over.
“Kris, that hurts!! Come on, let go, this isn’t funny!”
Kris tightened their grip, digging their fingernails into Noelle’s arm. She winced and stopped trying to pull away. Kris’ other hand, shaking, quietly pulled the box of chalk out of their bag and onto the table.
A single raindrop fell. The white bird on the lake flew away.
“K-Kris...? Why do you have that...?” Noelle’s face sunk. “Kris, if this is another joke, it’s really not funny! I-I think you should... Can you, um, give that back to Susie? Please?”
Kris opened the box. Noelle looked like she was going to start crying.
“Kris...?” Noelle pleaded.
Kris tried to say “Please don’t go with Susie.”
But before the words could come out, they grabbed a fistful of chalk, shoved it into their mouth, bit down as hard as they could, and swallowed. The words were buried underneath the chalk.
They tasted bitter.