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Bucky had two things: his dad’s car and Steve.
Bucky was missing two things: His date, Judy, and Steve’s date, Patty.
The girls had stood them up, and so they’ve been left alone with the car for the evening and no plans.
It was perfect.
“C’mon Stevie, it’ll be fun.” Bucky insisted, leaning against the driver’s door of the green saloon car and wiggling his eyebrows at Steve. Steve was standing with his arms crossed a few feet away with an indecisive look on his face.
“Won’t the cops take us in if we get caught?” Steve tried to reason.
Bucky shook his head. “What’re they gonna turn us in for? Star gazin’? Nobody gets turned in for star gazin’, Stevie. ‘Sides, the cops aren’t even around this part of the park at night.”
“Alright, I guess.” Steve huffed. He walked around the car, scuffing his feet on the dirt a bit, before popping open the passenger door and getting in. Bucky grinned triumphantly, swung the key a little in his hand, and got in, too.
“Why do you think they stood us up?” Steve asked after they’d been on the road for a few minutes.
Bucky glanced over to see Steve looking out of the window, and felt a little jab of sympathy for his friend. Steve had a rough time with girls. That was part of why Bucky had convinced his dad to let him borrow the car for an evening: he’d thought the car would enhance Steve’s chances of luring one of the ladies. Cars were supposed to do that, right? He’d barely won his dad over, since he didn’t live in the house anymore and had his own life. But his dad had softened when he’d mentioned he was doing it for Steve.
“Dunno, pal. Flaky pair, I guess.” Bucky offered. Steve was probably blaming himself, and Bucky wasn’t going to let him.
“’Sides, what’s it matter anyway? We’re gonna have fun without ‘em.”
Steve gave a big sigh, then nodded and readjusted in his seat so that he was now turned to face Bucky, face set and determined.
“You’re right. I’m being a downer.”
“You’re not a downer.” Bucky argued, wondering why Steve looked so serious about them going out to have some fun. He’d get him to relax later, when he didn’t have to focus on driving.
“I’ve always wanted to know about this stargazing place of yours.” Steve mused, and Bucky grinned.
“You’re gonna love it.” He glanced at Steve again, who grinned back.
“Hope so.”
“No, no. It’s, I know so.” Bucky teased. He’d never taken Steve to his favourite, reserved-for-special-dates make-out spot in Prospect Park, but he knew that Steve would love the way the moon shone off of the lake. Aside from that, it was private, and Bucky had never seen another person there in the year since he’d discovered it.
Steve faced the front window then, and neither of them said anything more. Bucky turned the car off once they’d pulled in to the parking lot. He and Steve met at the front of the car and Bucky got distracted by Steve’s eyes shining in the moonlight until Steve cleared his throat impatiently.
Bucky snagged Steve’s hand and dragged him quickly into the trees after dramatically glancing around for other people. He could hear Steve rolling his eyes as he followed along behind him. He didn’t take his hand back, though, which was a little surprising because they hadn’t held hands since they were kids.
Bucky remembered how they’d get into crazy adventures like this as a kid and realized he felt just as giddy as that time he and Steve snuck down to the river to try and catch fish.
They reached the spot a few minutes later, using the cover of trees to get to it. Bucky felt elated at Steve’s little gasp of wonder. He let go of his hand and gave a theatrical turn around, spreading his arms wide and bowing.
“Welcome, Mister Rogers, to my humble abode.”
They were a few feet from the lakeshore, where a tiny grass clearing was hidden under thickly leafed trees with enough bushes underneath them to hide an elephant. No one would find them here.
“Shut up, jerk.” Steve ruined the moment and Bucky put on his best pouting face. Then he faced away from Steve and flopped down on the grass, looking up at the clear sky through the branches of the trees. Steve sat next to him with his knees pulled to his chest. He was gazing out over the lake, and Bucky turned his head a bit so he could Steve-gaze instead of watch the stars. They stayed that way for a while, until Steve finally laid on his back next to Bucky. But he didn’t look up at the sky, either. Instead, he turned his head to face Bucky. Steve’s expression was mixed. He seemed like he wanted to say something, but at the same time, didn’t want to ruin the moment. Bucky’s lips tugged into a teasing smirk, making Steve roll his eyes.
“Jerk.” He whispered.
“Punk.” Bucky whispered back. Then he wiggled his body closer to Steve’s, so that their arms were pressed together and their noses were almost touching. Steve winked at Bucky, making him laugh breathily.
“What’re you thinking about?” Bucky asked, because Steve’s eyes had suddenly gone soft, like they did when he was sad enough to cry.
“Life is short.” Steve whispered simply. Bucky frowned, feeling somewhat uncomfortable. He hated thinking about that. Sarah had died less than a year ago of tuberculosis, and the repercussions of her death on Steve had been hard to witness. Bucky had helped as much as he could, but Steve wouldn’t let him help enough, most of the time. And then there was the fact that Steve was lucky to have made it this far into life at all, and every doctor he’d ever been to had made sure to tell him so. With the first snowfall of every winter Bucky always got tense, fearful, and worried that it may be the year that Steve can’t pull through. Miraculously he was still here, three days before his nineteenth birthday, with Bucky in Bucky’s favourite make-out spot, no less.
Perfect.
“Yeah. That’s why we gotta have fun while we’re here, right?” Bucky mused, trying to lift Steve’s mood. It worked a little, because Steve smiled thoughtfully.
“You mean right now or in general?”
“Both, I guess?” Bucky wondered what they could do right now that would be more fun than be in each other’s presence in such a beautiful place. He certainly had ideas, but those were better saved for fantasies.
“Didn’t you tell me this is where you take your best girls?” Steve mumbled conversationally after a few minutes of thought-filled silence had passed between them.
“Yeah.”
Steve didn’t say anything else, and it made Bucky wonder just enough whether or not Steve had similar ideas to his. He decided to risk it, except Steve beat him to it.
“So then why am I here?”
That sent Bucky’s heart for a whirl. Steve was observant, which was part of the reason Bucky hadn’t been subtle about any of tonight. Except, maybe, that he’d never invited the girls in the first place. But Steve didn’t have to know.
“’Cause you’re my best guy?” He offered, and Steve narrowed his eyes at him.
Steve knew Bucky was queer. Most of their apartment building knew. That’s why they lived where they did. So Bucky’s flirtations weren’t anything new to Steve. But Bucky was rarely direct when flirting with him. Bucky hadn’t wanted Steve to know how he felt about him for the longest time, but recently, in light of the war looming over the country, he’d decided hiding it wasn’t worth his time. As Steve had said, life was short. Maybe shorter.
“You better not be kidding around, Buck.” Steve whispered dangerously, and something flashed in his eyes that Bucky had never seen before but immediately recognized. Steve wanted him.
“’M not foolin’, Stevie.” He murmured, heart hammering excitedly in his chet. Then he decided to be brave and own up to his words. He brought his hand up and brushed Steve’s hair away from his face, holding it back with his fingers while his thumb stroked Steve’s prominent cheek bone. He felt Steve shiver against him.
“Can I tell you somethin’?”
“Always.”
Bucky took in a steadying breath. Moment of truth and all that jazz.
“I love you.”
Steve’s eyes, face, soul visibly lit up. Before Bucky really knew what was happening Steve was scrambling on top of him and staring then down at him as if he’d just been delivered to paradise. Steve settled, his arms on either side of Bucky’s head, chest to chest, legs parted over Bucky’s, lips hovering just above his, close enough that when he spoke Bucky felt every movement as the words formed.
“I love you, too.”
Steve kissed him, slow and languid, as if he were taking in every detail of how Bucky’s lips felt on his. That’s certainly what Bucky was doing with Steve. He wanted to memorize everything about how Steve moved above him and how they moved together.
Hopefully life would give him that chance.
~*~
Bucky had two things: a new vibranium arm, courtesy of T’challa, and Steve.
Bucky was missing significantly more than two things. But that was alright, because he had Steve, which was all he really needed anyway.
Bucky had finally been cured of Hydra’s brainwashing earlier in the week. Wanda had been able to remove the connections to the Winter Soldier from his mind, and now he was safe in Wakanda with Steve almost constantly by his side.
Sam had commented on how Steve would’ve driven him crazy within the first hour with all of his doting, but to Bucky, it was perfect. And really, Steve wasn’t going that far out of his way, or behaving all that differently from how Bucky remembered him. In his memories he and Steve had been inseparable anyway, to the point where some of the neighbors had teased them by adding the word insufferable.
That’s probably how Sam felt.
Currently, he and Steve were behind a waterfall. Steve had taken up exploring the jungle around the palace while Bucky had been asleep. He’d found a lot of beautiful places that he shared with Bucky, but this one was their favourite. The waterfall had to be over thirty feet tall, and behind it was a cave large enough to hide two elephants comfortably. The roar of the waterfall was dulled by the curved trail that led through the cliff to the cave, and there was a broken off rock in the back that allowed daylight to filter into the cave.
Steve had insisted on bringing an electric lantern anyway. They sat on either side of it, idly talking about whatever came to mind. Steve had just finished telling him a story of how, when they were eighteen and nineteen, and Steve was about to turn nineteen, they’d gone stargazing in Bucky’s favourite park because their dates had ditched them. Bucky had laughed when Steve told him that he’d convinced his dad to let them borrow his car for the girls, and that they’d kept it until the morning when Bucky’s dad had pounded on their door at five a.m. demanding the keys. Bucky had had to answer in his boxer shorts, and his dad had assumed that he’d gotten lucky with one of the girls and wasn’t as mad when he left with the car. What Steve left out, however, was that Bucky had indeed gotten lucky. Just not with any girl. Steve neglecting that detail made Bucky nervous. Did Steve not want to remember that?
Bucky stopped Steve before he could go on to another story.
“That wasn’t all of it.”
Steve paused mid-sentence and gave Bucky a confused look. “What?”
“That story, you left things out.” Bucky clarified.
Steve ducked his head, and thanks to the light he’d insisted on bringing, Bucky watched a blush crawl its way down from his cheeks.
“Oh. I, uh…” Steve didn’t know what to say, so Bucky said it for him.
“Were you hoping I didn’t remember us?” He asked, trying and failing to keep the hurt from his voice. It didn’t make sense for Steve to want that, after all they’d been through, but that’s what his actions were implying. Bucky felt sick.
“No! No, no. I just wasn’t sure if you remembered, because if you didn’t, I didn’t want you to feel like I was gonna try and force you into anything.” Steve explained, looking frantic.
“So…what does that mean?” Bucky asked finally, after watching Steve watch him for a moment. A wave of nostalgia flowed through him, and he hoped beyond hope that Steve would say—.
“I still love you.”
The words hung in the air, and Bucky wished he could pick them out and hold them to his chest for eternity. He settled for the next best thing.
He shuffled around the lantern so that he was sitting facing Steve, whose eyes were soft as though on the brink of tears. Bucky reached his arms out and Steve pulled him practically onto his lap. Then his hands were on his cheeks and Steve pushed their foreheads together, so that they were as close as they had been on that night too many years ago.
“I love you, Buck. Please don’t ever forget that.”
Bucky nodded, tears pricking his own eyes. “Me too, Stevie, I love you too. ‘Til the end of the line, right?”
“’Til the end of the line.” Steve confirmed, then brought their lips together. Finally. They memorized one another again, learning new scars and new curves. One time that Steve pulled away for breath, he gave Bucky a bittersweet smile and said,
“Life’s not so short anymore, you know?”
Bucky kissed him through tears after that.