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I'm Nuts For You

Summary:

Bilbo is a red squirrel raising his favourite cousin's last living kit after her death.

Thorin is a grey squirrel who loves his family but feels something is missing.

When the two meet, misunderstandings ensue. Can Thorin court the flightly little red squirrel that has captured his attention, or will Bilbo refuse to ever see Thorin as more than just a threat?

Notes:

written as a gift fic for my amazing friend

lisellelascelles

I hope you like it <3

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So some squirrel info.

Squirrels are very territorial and vocal.

Grey squirrels are invasive here and both outperform red squirrels as they are larger, have a virus (Squirrelpox virus) which is often transferred by American Grey Squirrels and they can eat the nuts and seeds red squirrels rely on much ealrier in the season then red squirrels can even before they are ripe, upping the competiton and desperation of much of our red squirrel populaiton.

That being said, this is a fanfic and as much as I try to keep the characteristics as close to natural behaviour as possible, sometimes I get wishy washy lol.

A drey is the nest you see in tree branches such as this:

Squirrel Drey

And a squirrel den is built inside of the hollow of a tree such as this:

Chapter Text

Bilbo chattered away at the small juvenile male he was now in charge of, unsure what in Yavanna’s name he was doing and yet doing it anyway.

Like most red squirrels, Bilbo was usually solitary apart from when it was cold, and in those times he shared a drey with his cousin, a beautiful female squirrel with ear tufts that were the envy of all others, ear tufts that her only remaining kit had inherited from her.

Primula had sadly died before little Frodo was fully weaned, the illness that those mangy grey squirrels had passed on to her finally having taken her life.

As if Bilbo and the other red squirrels didn’t have enough things to worry about, Bilbo thought, but now those … those food stealers could kill you not just by starvation or using their bigger bodies to force you out of your home, but by just being near you.

Bilbo was immune to the illness, thank Yavanna. Frodo it seemed was too, something Bilbo only knew because he and Frodo were the only two to have survived the illness when it had spread through their respective litters. That at least gave Bilbo some peace of mind. That no matter what, at least neither he nor Frodo would die the same agonising way that Prim and the majority of her final litter had.

This, however, now left Bilbo with the task of caring for her last little kit, one who should have been trying to explore the nest and venture out, but little Frodo was more than unwilling to brave the great outside alone. He was staying in their drey, and that was that as far as the Frodo was concerned. Not that Bilbo blamed him. He was more than happy to help the young kit stay safely curled up in the new drey Bilbo had found for them.

As much as Frodo had wanted to stay in his original drey, the one he had been born in, Bilbo had decided it wasn’t wise to do so and as such he had scruffed the youngster before giving him a shake to make him stay still as Bilbo prepared them to leave the only place Frodo had ever known. Bilbo didn’t want to drop the lad as he jumped from tree to tree after all.

The drey Bilbo had created before moving Frodo into it was closer to The Enemy’s territory than he would have liked, but considering he hadn’t been expecting to need to find a home that could support both himself and a half-grown kit, well, he would have to make do.

Which was why Bilbo was braving the human homes looking for an easy way to fill his cheek pouches so he had more food to add to his stashes. Food Bilbo was going to willingly share with Frodo, now that Frodo needed more as his mother’s milk was no longer an option.

Bilbo was just grateful Frodo was almost weaned when Primula had sadly joined Yavanna’s Great Tree, where all red squirrels went when they became one with the land again. If Frodo hadn't been Bilbo would have lost the kit too, the last part of the only other red squirrel Bilbo could tolerate.

Bilbo scampered forward, jumping from fence to fence as he kept his eyes and nose open for a good place to search when he stopped, having sensed what he was looking for.

Bilbo continued onwards, carefully creeping forward, knowing he was where he shouldn’t be, that he was in one of THEIR territories, and yet at this moment he didn’t care. He was sure he needed that food more than they did after all.

He jumped from handhold to handhold, his ears and nose twitching as he watched for any threat, from the monstrous grey squirrels to any of the birds that would love a tasty squirrel snack. Bilbo was not going to become someone's dinner today, not when he had a kit to supply with his own dinner.

With that thought, Bilbo grabbed all of his courage and scampered forward as soon as he saw the hanging nut basket, one he was grateful for as it would feed Frodo for a few days and give Bilbo enough excess food to add to their stores. Bilbo would go out foraging to stay his own hunger after he had taken this food back to the kit, knowing it would be easy enough for Bilbo to eat his fill even without the nuts he was bringing home, as he had found a wonderful place full of delicious-looking roots where there was more than enough for a hungry squirrel to feast. If Frodo would leave their drey, then Bilbo could take him to the place that was full of berries that would do the growing little one good, but until Frodo actually left the drey, Bilbo supposed he would have to eat all the berries himself to keep up his own energy instead. Not that that was such a hardship for him, of course.

Bilbo was stuffing his cheek pouches as fast as he possibly could, not even looking at what he was grabbing, knowing it would be good as everything from human gardens usually was, when he heard a noise. A noise that had him straightening up as he twitched his ears and head to sense the vibrations he was sure he had heard.

He was surprised when the largest grey squirrel he had ever seen appeared as if from nowhere. He was twice Bilbo’s size with a chunk missing from one of his ears and no fur on the top of his head. Bilbo felt as his tail started to move rapidly backwards and forwards, alerting the other squirrel to Bilbo’s agitation.

Bilbo stood there, almost frozen when the large squirrel lunged forward. Bilbo let out an alarm call, a noise that sounded like a scream, before he darted sideways, away from the other.

Not that the other squirrel let Bilbo go. Instead he chased Bilbo, his teeth chattering as he did so, chasing Bilbo up the fences and away from the food source. Bilbo ran. 

He darting backwards and forwards, zigzagging on the ground before jumping up on anything that would give him the height he needed to get away as fast as possible.

Bilbo had assumed he would be faster than the other squirrel as he was much smaller and more agile, and yet the larger grey squirrel was on his tail the entire time.

Bilbo didn’t stop for a moment, not until he had reached the safety of the trees he had left to raid the human gardens. It was only after several more moments of headlong running that Bilbo realised he was no longer being pursued.

He stopped on the tree he had just run up, looking back the way he had come. The large grey squirrel was standing on the last fence, looking out into the woods, making sure Bilbo wouldn’t come back.

As if Bilbo would be that stupid. No, he had gotten what he needed for the next few days. Enough food to feed his kit and he would be more than happy to forage in the forest, far away from any ugly, giant grey squirrels who had obviously never learnt any manners from their dam, after all, a squirrel should know that when another runs, it means they have won. 

Bilbo was not now, nor would he ever be a fighter, and so he had run and the other squirrel should have had the good manners to let him go, as all good squirrels would have.

Bloody grey squirrels, Bilbo thought with a huff as he continued back to his drey at a lesser pace, ready for the day, and the terrifying events at the human feeder, to be over.

 


 

The next time Bilbo had to venture into the human gardens was because Frodo had had his final growth spurt and so was eating through all of their stores quicker than Bilbo could fill them. They needed all the food they could get to see them through the winter!

Bilbo had chattered angrily at the kit, explaining that Frodo needed to leave the safety of the drey, even if it was only to go a few trees down to the berries Bilbo had told the kit about. Berries that would not only fill them both but that also attracted all sorts of bugs and caterpillars that btth Bilbo and Frodo could eat to fill their bellies. Bilbo had tried cajoling Frodo, explaining he had never eaten a nice juicy caterpillar before, followed by some lovely ripe berries. Bilbo had explained that it was a meal that the kit would adore as all squirrels did, and yet Frodo was still not budging, even going as far as to dig his little claws into the edges of their drey as Bilbo tried to pull him out of it.

Bilbo gave up after a time, after he realised Frodo’s growth spurt had made him almost as big as Bilbo now. With a resigned sigh, Bilbo left the drey and all he could do was hope that the very large and aggressive grey squirrel wasn't at the feeder this time, considering Frodo was leaving Bilbo no choice but to go and fetch food that would last, unlike berries and bugs.

Luck seemed to be on Bilbo’s side as the area around the same feeder he went to last time was empty. Empty enough for him to scurry across and start to stuff his cheeks as quickly as possible, his head turning every few moments, making sure he was alone.

Bilbo felt it when he wasn’t.

Something in the air had his whiskers twitching along with the rest of him, something that had Bilbo already running back the way he came as fast as possible.

Bilbo stopped on top of the final fence before the trees as he looked at where he had just been and saw a different grey squirrel standing before the feeder he had dared to approach. Another squirrel that was almost twice his size (not that that was hard considering Bilbo was small even for an adult male red squirrel). This was a different squirrel from the one who was missing part of his ear from a few days ago. This one looked less prone to violence, though the look he was giving Bilbo made Bilbo shiver and scurry away, determined that Frodo would be leaving the drey soon so that Bilbo didn’t have to have any more run-ins with those horrid grey squirrels.