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Yoongi takes a quick glance on his cloth-covered wrist, pulling the fabric over revealing old and fresh cuts. His soulmate must have finished slicing their wrist.
Their because his soulmate doesn't just cut his own wrist, but also Yoongi's.
Yoongi blankly stares at his left wrist. Another batch of parallel lines decorating his very pale complexion. Another batch of parallel lines over parallel scars. Another batch of parallel lines revealing how his soulmate is feeling as of the moment.
He tries to ignore them and tries focusing more on the lecture. His soulmate has always been like this for as long as he can remember. Cuts and bruises suddenly appearing on his skin. Never drawings or tattoos unlike other pair of soulmates.
Sometimes Yoongi worries about his soulmate. What might his soulmate be going through for that person to cut himself? The reason why he receives purple to bluish bruises almost every week? Scars over scars. Bruises after bruises.
He thinks of his soulmate most of the time (more than he admits), especially at times like this when he's in school in the middle of a class. What might that person be thinking of as of the moment? Where might his soulmate be as of the moment? Why is that person doing this?
Yoongi worries. He's worried but also relieved and scared.
Relieved that his soulmate is still alive and haven't—and hopefully won't—take his life. Scared that one day he wakes up and realizes that there are no fresher lines created because his soulmate might have taken his life.
It's the worst feeling--being relieved and scared at the same time.
Yoongi sighs, and stretches his limbs. Class is so boring. He hums softly and plays with his mechanical pencil, balancing them between his nose and lips. It's during times like these when Yoongi says something to his soulmate. Not comforting words coz Yoongi sucks at the Comforting Department.
Sometimes they just greet each other, or when his soulmate is feeling like it; he tells a few stories. What school they go to (learning they both go in the same uni), gender, ages (learning that Yoongi is older making him a Hyung), their favorite food, colors, and other favorites that could be named.
And speaking of names, they have given each other nicknames. Yoongi is referred to as Hyung hence he is older and the other as Hope (Yoongi's idea).
They have never exchange personal information like real names, family, how they look like, and especially what his soulmate is going through.
Yoongi reaches for his black fine-tip pen and his first aid kit pouch stored deep inside his backpack, pulling the fabric on his arm to reveal more of his skin, and readies his balls of cotton and alcohol. It's also during times like these he thanks himself for always occupying the back corner of the room so no one pays attention to him.
having a bad day? He finally writes in his sloppy penmanship. He just hopes that Hope would be up for a chat because there are times where Hope doesn't reply, at all.
A few minutes later, a nice handwriting in green ink (Hope's favorite color is green) shows up just below his own writing.
Yeah hyung. Sorry about that.
Yoongi sighs in relief, glad that his soulmate replied.
★
They talked about music that day. Yoongi (as usual) did the honor of erasing the writings with the alcohol-moisten cotton when their arms have no space to write on.
"Hey Yoongi-hyung!" Taehyung—Yoongi's cousin—calls, marching up inside his room with loud steps, his boyfriend tagging along behind him. "Look! Jeongguk and I got matching tattoos! We're matchy-matchy!"
Yoongi groans and rolls off his burrito blanket he made to look at the said 'matchy-matchy tattoos'.
"Kookie was the one tattooed on so I don't feel the pain." Taehyung adds, showcasing his boxy grin.
A simple -T & J - on their inner forearms with cat ears on the first letter while bunny ears on the other. And it got Yoongi confused, raising his left brow as he questions it.
"I know the bunny ears is because Jeongguk is a rabbit but why the cat ears?"
Taehyung and Jeongguk giggles, sharing a dewy look before Taehyung replies.
"It's because I'm his kitty." Taehyung explains, winking towards Jeongguk as the younger grabs a handful of Taehyung's ass.
Yoongi's sure he heard Taehyung stifle a whimper, so he grabs anything near him to throw at the couple. A big sunflower pillow landing perfectly on their faces. (Don't question why it's a sunflower pillow just because)
"You guys are just plain rabbits in heat so please get the fuck out of my room before I have someone's neck strangled in my arms."
Yoongi laid sprawled out on his bed the whole Sunday afternoon with Hope and tattoos in mind. Would Hope be okay wearing a tattoo permanently?
Maybe, maybe not.
★
A few more weeks passed and Yoongi notices that the bruises and cuts are getting worse. Even his bestfriend, Seokjin, notices and finally confronts him about it.
"Yoongi," The older calmly calls his attention from his laptop screen. "What happened to you? Why do you have bruises and scars all over your body? Have you been getting yourself involve in gangs? Are you being bullied?" His natural motherly voice comes out, laced with concern and worry. "I did not raise you to be like this, Yoongi-ah."
Yoongi rolls his eyes with a soft pout. He has told nobody about his soulmate and decides he has to eventually so here he goes. To his most trusted person.
"Hyung, it's my soulmate." He murmurs against his pillow. "I think he's have it badly. I'm... I'm worried."
Shock is evident on Seokjin's features, but they turn soft and then he smiles, walking over to sit on Yoongi's bed. Seokjin almost forgot about the soulmate thing as he hasn’t encountered his.
They were silent for a few minutes before Seokjin clears his throat. "Does your soulmate not want to talk about it?" The older asks cautiously, eyeing Yoongi who's face buried between his pillows.
Yoongi shakes his head in response. Seokjin hums gently as he continues. "I heard art therapy is great for people who has a lot of anxieties and maybe depression too. It helps de-stress and relaxes them."
Yoongi turns his head to the older, thinking over what this hyung said. He could consider art therapy but the problem is he's not really good at drawing.
"Think it over, kid." Seokjin says, ruffling Yoongi's hair. "And I hope it really helps." He smiles before he left Yoongi's room.
★
"Yoongi-hyung what the hell. Quit staring at my boyfriend!" Taehyung shrieks from across the table, covering his boyfriend's whole face with his large hands. "You're scaring my bunny." He adds as he pets Jeongguk's jet black hair. "Look at him quiver in fear. Poor bunny."
Jeongguk rolls his eyes for his boyfriend's hand to see. "Hyung, you're over reacting. I am definitely not quivering and definitely not scared." He says, pulling Taehyung's hand from his face and intertwines their fingers instead. "Maybe a bit." Taehyung just giggles.
"But why are you staring, Yoongi-hyung, though?" Jeongguk turns his whole body towards the pale man, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Do you need something?"
Yoongi's life is in line for this. He's contemplating on the words to say, whether or not he should or should not talk to these two kids about it. Knowing Taehyung, he would probably tease him about it meanwhile Jeongguk, he might not verbally, but he has this shit-eating grin that would make you want to slap the living life out of him.
He heaves a very, very deep sigh before breathing out another exhale as he looks over to the youngest and then averting his gaze when he finally speaks.
"Draw." He whispers, almost inaudible because of the straw of the iced coffee he has been nursing for an hour.
"Pardon?"
"I said, draw." Yoongi repeats, sparing a short glance over to Jeongguk. "Teach me how to draw." He could hear Taehyung gasps loudly. "And don't you fucking dare laugh or mock at me." He shots them his infamous piercing glare and they both squeal on their seats, nodding furiously.
★
It's three days after when Jeongguk is back inside Yoongi's room in Yoongi, Seokjin, and Taehyung's shared apartment. Jeongguk's nervously shaking his thighs and tapping the pencil over the desk. Restless. Frightened of the unknown.
Why would Yoongi-hyung call him alone and invite him over to his room? And then not speaking a single word for the past half an hour? Why not tag Taehyung around as well if it's for the drawing thing?
Did he find out that it was Jeongguk who switched the sugar and salt in the kitchen two months ago? Or... Oh my God is this because Yoongi found out it was Jeongguk who (accidentally) deleted his unpublished mixtape that he has been working on for months with sweat and blood?
Jeongguk could feel his whole internal organs doing backflips, it's not even in a nice way. He gulps audible enough for Yoongi to hear and the older finally lifts his eyes from his phone to walk over his desk and takes a seat on his computer chair.
Yoongi pulls out a freshly-bought thick rim of A4 size bond paper and a 36-color set of sign pens (and another set of the scented and glittery ones) which he obviously did not buy because he wants to get better at drawing and help out his soulmate a bit and make him happy and impress him and—No. Definitely not. Never.
Jeongguk's taken aback by the sight. Also relieved that it's not because of the sin he committed. He did not expect though for Yoongi to be so serious about his request. Especially after three hours of drawing and frustrated groans and a lot of papers crumpled and tossed around the four-cornered space.
Yoongi's humming confidently on his nth try, wrist finally moving smoothly as he sketches lines and flowers and lots of flowers and more flowers and paisley. (because he reasons that Hope feels like he's as pretty as a fully bloomed flower)
Jeongguk did not try to pry about why Yoongi is suddenly doing this. Just happy that Yoongi seems pleased by his fast improvement, and he praises him softly before he left Yoongi's room to give the older some time alone. Yoongi giving him an earnest and sincere smile and a thanks.
That, again, had Jeongguk taken aback.
★
This night, or rather on an ungodly hour of the day, Yoongi sighs as he sees his thighs being marked by new cuts (courtesy of him only wearing a boxers and a shirt to bed—clearly not yet sleeping). He wonders why his soulmate is still awake and is cutting eagerly at this hour. Call him a hypocrite.
He looks at his night table to look at the time. An alarming red-colored lines informing him that it is 4:02 in the fucking morning. He hasn't sleep a wink despite having a deadly 7am class he can't miss because fucking major subject.
He did not fucking sign up for this kind of timetable god fucking damn it. (he did, tho)
It's after the 8th cut on his left thigh that Yoongi gets up from his bed and reach for his colored pens from his desk. The stuffs he learned from Jeongguk could be put to use right now. He also turns on the light on his way back to his bed.
He hums with his eyes closed, thinking about what to draw as he uncaps with his teeth the first pen he grabbed. Yellow.
Yoongi decided it's going to be sunflower that he is going to draw after he stared at his sunflower pillow by the end of his bed for minutes. He also thinks sunflower gives off a hope vibe. Sunflower for Hope, yeah.
He draws the sunflower cutely beside the cuts that Hope made, eagerly and prettily as he could. And then waited nervously for exactly twenty-three seconds (he swears he did not fucking count) before a question mark appeared next to the flower.
Yoongi laughs quietly as he draws a smiley face below the mark Hope did, and then draws new flowers. More flowers. He filled his thighs (which he can reach and draw on) with flowers, vines, etc., changing color pens every now and then for more emphasis and details on his drawings.
Hope also informed him that Yoongi should just continue drawing, and that he'll add some when he feels like it. And he did, a little. The person on the other side of the skin drawing the leaves instead with his favorite green pen.
When they deemed it's enough, they said their goodnights (more like good mornings) to each other with Hope thanking him for making him feel a bit better. Yoongi went to bed and woke up at 6am with a smile on his face.
Seokjin’s surprised by the younger's strange act when Yoongi greeted him with a beaming smile, especially that he did not wake up like he would turn all Medusa to anyone in his sight. He, along with Taehyung, stayed quiet and indulge themselves to a Happy Yoongi because it is a rare disease.
★
You know you could trust me about it. Yoongi wrote one day between the intricate flowers he decorated both his and Hope's arms.
Hope has stopped cutting themselves. Scars and bruises nothing but faded marks over their skin. And Yoongi is very much in relief and is pleased. Not because he is suffering but because he has stopped this torture on himself.
It has been weeks of their journey on different gardens imprinted on their skins. Hope has been sharing quite some information about himself, except his name, appearance, and what he is going through.
Sometimes Yoongi finds himself strolling around the dancing major department which is very unlikely for a composing and producing major who would rather lock himself up in a white-walled room with nothing but a bed than go on this adventure.
Unless it's sparked with a hope to see Hope. His cat-eyes scanning every nook and corner of the building in case he spots someone who might be wearing the same skin prints as him, or someone who looks suspicious enough to be fully-clothed from neck to toes and almost not exposing an inch of his skin. Very much unlike Yoongi who seems to have been comfortable already on showing off his skin, not minding if he gets heads turned his way to ogle over his decorations. He’s proud of them, he’s proud of Hope.
Yoongi fails for the fifth time, walking down the halls with a slumped shoulders making him look smaller than he already is. He fishes his phone out of his jean's back pocket before he dials Seokjin's number like his life depends on it.
Once the person on the other line is connected, Yoongi immediately bombarded the other with his whines.
"Hyung, failed again today."
Seokjin hums in response.
"What should I do, hyung?" Yoongi swears he could hear Seokjin rolls his eyes. Or even actually see him do it because that very image has been etched on the back of his mind like it's the back of his palm.
"I told you you should go make the first move and introduce yourself."
"But—"
"But what? What if he's actually just waiting for you to contact him about it?" Seokjin says a-matter-of-factly. Yoongi thinks over again because, to be honest, the older hyung has always been right 99.8% of the time. "What if he's afraid that you won't like him? Considering his tendency to self-harm and all those shits?"
Yoongi decides Seokjin is right after all. He makes up his mind and decided to follow what the other said right after the tone and the last word of his sentence was. Kim Seokjin rarely ever cusses, unless he's big shit serious and he uses his I'm the oldest authoritative voice.
"You should make him feel that you won't judge him and that he trusts you."
"Isn't that what I have been doing?"
"Make sure he trusts you enough that he deems you're worthy of the real story behind the covers."
He gulps a mouthful of thin air before saying his thanks to Seokjin and ending the call, waving his hand stupidly.
★
Meet me. In two days at 5 behind the old library. Yoongi hastily writes down on his hand, big enough so Hope won't oversee. He knows he's being pushy and bossy but this has to happen one day after all. They have to meet one day.
He adds a Please below for effects before going back to his business (which is just wait for Hope's reply, if he will)
It wasn't until the next day when Hope replied with a Sorry, I can't.
Dejected, Yoongi huffs. He can't just give up though. This isn't for his own sake, it's for Hope's sake. For the good, for the better. So he stops mid-walk and digs in his bag for a pen.
I'll wait for you even if it rains.
And it did rain.
★
The sky looks so gloomy and bleak, anything but a shade of hope. It's mocking him as he stands shivering from the coldness that the heaven offers.
Yoongi has been waiting for over an hour. The school is still open and students are still around but they're a handful. Especially at the old library part. No one even goes here now at this forlorn building in this equally forlorn weather.
He decides to wait some more, giving Hope more time to rethink. Maybe miracles might happen and the next time Yoongi bats an eyelid Hope is standing across him.
Maybe.
It takes Yoongi another hour of waiting before someone shows up, expecting it to be the one and only Hope because who else is supposed to come?
Yoongi's thoroughly soaked through his underwear. He looks up to see him and he stares back with a demure smile. The person has an umbrella with him, and he squats beside Yoongi's seated and curled up figure on the ground.
The pale man shamefully scans the other, memorizing every bit of his features, like he can't get enough of him. He lifts his trembling hands and let it touch his face to make sure this isn't fake or that he has gone mad and is hallucinating.
Thankfully, Hope speaks up after a good few minutes.
"You kept your promise." He says.
He looks too pure for Yoongi. Too gorgeous, and frail. His aura screams that he needs someone, not just anyone, maybe someone like Yoongi. Hope sounds so smooth in Yoongi's ears that the latter closes his eyes for a second.
"Yeah." is all Yoongi could mutter, his throat numb from cold. He smiles though, despite his frozen chapped lips. Of course, I would He wants to add.
"Thank you." Hope says and he cages Yoongi in a tight embrace, the umbrella forgotten. Hope feels warm. Yoongi likes warm. It made his air pipe defrost, thankfully because he needs to reply to Hope's next words.
"I'm Hoseok. Jung Hoseok." Hope, or Hoseok introduces himself, face buried on Yoongi's neck. Yoongi could hear him muffling a cry so he gently pets Hoseok's hair with his dominant hand and the other pats Hoseok's back.
"I'm Yoongi. Min Yoongi." He says. "I'm here now. Worry no more."
끝