Chapter Text
- 6 Months•
To say that Min Yoongi is heartless is so wrong in so many levels. It's not that he hates everyone nor he isn't capable of loving anyone. It's more of a self-thing.
He has always found himself a bit different from everyone else since he was thirteen. He's more of a coffee person rather than hot chocos or teas. He prefers being alone rather than mixing himself with the crowd. And he preferred being single rather than associating himself with everyone's cliché romance. It's also no secret that he is a twenty-two-year-old virgin. This is him. This is what he wants, what he is. Who the fuck cares about what everyone says?
All his friends thought that even if his soulmate arrives, that person won't stand a chance. So when he and Jeongguk got together, everyone is taken by surprise. Like a magnitude 8 earthquake.
It was strange how they first met. Their connection was rather funny. Body temperature and then a sneeze. He could still remember that day. Hell that was only less than a year ago.
Morning of September the first when he woke up freezing. He dismissed it as a sickness for a whole week until his friends told him it was probably his soulmate causing it, the reason why his body temperature fluctuates from 19 degrees to 27 degrees.
Fuck he felt like he was dying those days. He could even be mistaken as a corpse when he was asleep because of the coldness of his skin plus how sickeningly pale he is.
He could almost take it, except he couldn't. When he bumped against a younger boy in an almost see-through white t-shirt and a flimsy jersey shorts who was seemingly sweating buckets inside the local air-conditioned campus cafe and felt a quick falter of his body temperature to normal and then a sneeze after, he immediately realized it was his soulmate.
He explained it from the very start to the younger boy that if he seeks a sex-filled relationship then it was better that they should just get used to their abnormal body temperature. In which the younger greatly exclaimed that he won't enforce such things against him unless upon Yoongi's desire.
Sealed with a kiss (i cant think of anything else, fuck you this is lowkey a fairytale), everything's back to normal. Except Yoongi earned himself a boyfriend. A rather whiny boyfriend.
"Hyung, I'm hungry." Jeongguk whines, draped over the couch lazily with his forelegs over Yoongi's lap. They're watching an anime chosen by the younger for the past two hours.
"Well, hello to you too Hungry. I am Mr. I Don't Give a Shit." He replies dryly. This earned him a serious case of pouty lips from Jeongguk, who has shuffled on the couch and seated properly facing the older. The boy whines some more, tugging on Yoongi's already worn out shirt. He sighs, reaching for his phone on the center table as he dials the nearest pizza place. "What do you want?"
Jeongguk brightens up immediately, eagerly replying his choice of pizza before resting his head on Yoongi's lap with a victorious smile. Yoongi absentmindedly cards his fingers on Jeongguk's hair, playing with his chestnut soft strands as he orders through the phone.
"Pizza arrives in less than half an hour." He announces after the phone call. Jeongguk shoves a thumbs up at his face. "Don't you have a class in a while?" He asks.
"Nah. Prof said self-study time coz she had business to do." Jeongguk replies, tracing with his finger the black accent line on Yoongi's grey sweatpants. "No one ever comes to class during self-study so why not bother you instead."
He nods his head, bringing his hands to get a hold of Jeongguk's face and distorts his face muscles. The younger grumbles. "I see. Here to empty my wallet again, huh." He teases, chuckling.
Jeongguk pinches his cheeks in retort and he winces. They both chuckled, hands against each other's cheeks. It's almost endearing. How they treat each other. How they act, especially at times like this. It's as if they are one of those normal couples. As if they are both openly in love with each other.
Yoongi releases his hold and averts his eyes from Jeongguk and instead focuses on the television. He rests his hand on the younger's head and chest, back to stroking his hair.
It's scary. How he finds himself slowly falling for the younger is such a mystery. He was never one to fall in love so easily so this feeling with Jeongguk is surprising him. He doesn't know what to do. It. Is. Fucking. Scaring. Him.
He doesn't do feelings. He doesn't even know how to confess.
"Hyung." Jeongguk calls, eyes still strained looking up at the older. Yoongi hums in response without looking down. "I like you." The younger whispers softly, almost inaudible. Like he's not supposed to say those words out loud or he's not supposed to say it at all.
Yoongi stiffens, his heart beating faster than all of his raps combined. What should he do? Fucking feelings. He would rather have a month of diarrhea than be emotionally constipated.
Should he say 'thank you'? 'me too'? Or 'fuck you'?
"Sh-shut up, kid." is what he chooses instead. It's not even in the option. He's just so fucking flustered, okay?
He could feel his face heating up, and his fingers unconsciously, nervously tapping softly against Jeongguk's chest. The younger doesn't say that out, hence he enjoys it; every time Yoongi's hands are on him. Even the subtlest innocent touches.
They stayed like that for a while, watching television inattentively, just feeling each other's presence. The room filled with a comfortable awkward silence, swimming through their minds and bodies.
When loud banging knocks came from the door, Jeongguk stands up hurriedly and walks over to open the door. "I'll pay this, hyung. It's okay."
Just before Yoongi speaks up, Jeongguk interrupts. "Really, hyung. It's fine. It's your birthday, remember? Think of it as a treat." The younger reassures, soft smile lingering on his lips.
Right. How could he forget his own birthday? Yoongi can't believe he has to be reminded by Jeongguk. And where are the people he calls his friends? Usually, they would be at his place before 7 in the morning and bring nuisance. He hasn't even received a single text or call from them.
He eyes Jeongguk as he returns with the boxes of pizza in hand and sits back smiling beside Yoongi.
"Happy birthday, hyung!" The younger greets, leaning forward to give him a hug which he hesitantly accepted.
Yoongi whispers a shy thanks after breaking the hug, and then is thoroughly surprised when he felt soft lips landing on his cheeks. He snaps his head towards Jeongguk, amazed by how the younger isn't as madly affected of the sudden affection; only a soft tint of pretty pink staining his cheeks unlike Yoongi who's sporting a red wine flush on his face.
"I—" He stammers. "I ah- I’m gonna go get us ah- a drink." He excuses himself and rushes to the kitchen.
- 12 months•
Yoongi unlocks his apartment he now shares with Jeongguk. It is already past midnight and he just left his studio for home. He has been busy working on a new track lately and has been stuck in his little workplace for a week now, urged himself to go home to celebrate his and Jeongguk's anniversary (albeit belatedly for two hours).
He feels bad for not being able to actually celebrate it on the day itself with Jeongguk. He wasn't even around during Jeongguk's birthday for he was too preoccupied with work that he forgot.
Despite the younger saying that he was okay with it and that he understands if Yoongi is busy, Yoongi always, always feel bad. And Yoongi is always, always grateful that Jeongguk is so understanding and that he is his soulmate.
Upon reaching the living room, Jeongguk is fast asleep curled up on the couch with the remote control in hand. He notices the television still running and the cake on top of the center table.
Yoongi smiles to himself as he tiptoes to Jeongguk, and slowly pulls off the remote control from the younger's grasps to turn off the television. He takes a second careful look on the cake, noticing that it is decorated with strawberries shaped into a heart and that the fresh cream is already starting to wear off. Did he make this himself? He wonders.
He picks up the cake to store it inside the refrigerator and then returns to wake up the younger.
"Kook?" He whispers. "Kookie? Kookie, come on. Let's get you to bed." He adds, patting Jeongguk's cheeks softly.
The younger stirs, murmuring, eyebrows and forehead creasing. "Hyung?"
"Yes, babe. Now let's lift your butt up and head to the bedroom." He says. "Come on baby."
It feels weird on Yoongi's tongue: how the pet names just flow out of his lips sounding so soft and loving, still there's a little box in his mind that says it's okay, it's for Jeongguk, and he deserves as much.
Once Jeongguk is standing up, Yoongi encircles his right arm on the other's waist. Jeongguk's left arm up Yoongi's shoulder as they walk to their shared bedroom towards their shared bed.
Yoongi carefully lays Jeongguk on the bed, shimmying him out of his shirts and jeans, leaving him only in his boxers for the younger to have a comfortable sleep.
Living with Jeongguk he's known it by now that even if the younger sleeps in a fully dressed suit or wearing a four-layer clothing, the kid will always wake up in his boxers. May it be in summer or winter.
Yoongi's somewhat accustomed to it by now; seeing the younger's nicely built body. It's okay. It's nice to look at.
He sheds off of his own clothes, wearing only a loose shirt and a boxers and then sliding in the bed next to Jeongguk.
"Hyung, you're late." Jeongguk mumbles, voice sad and he turns his body facing Yoongi. "Welcome home."
Something inside Yoongi's heart shatters a bit upon hearing how sad Jeongguk's voice is. "Yeah, babe. Sorry about that."
"S'kay hyung. Happy anniversary."
"Happy anniversary, too, baby. Now let's get some rest and we'll celebrate when the sun has risen, okay?" Jeongguk nods with an approval hum.
Yoongi brings Jeongguk's head against his chest, tucking him under his chin. His right hand supporting Jeongguk's head and the other on the latter's naked back.
Jeongguk allows himself be enveloped by the older, bringing his own arm to wrap it on the older's waist, tangling each other's legs. Just cuddling each other to sleep.
“Night, hyung. Love you.”
“Yeah, me too.”
- 20 months•
The thing about dating Jeongguk for more than a year and a half is that the younger is always, always careful with Yoongi. He is always cautious of the things he does, afraid he might be overstepping his boundaries. He doesn't push his luck.
They've done hugs, cuddles, hold hands (never in public), sweet and simple kisses, and make-outs.
But when things get too steamy and intimate; when things get too touchy, Jeongguk is the one who backs out first. As if he's hot as fire, scalding even that he just flinches back and cools himself down. He never pushes his luck.
That's the thing. He never pushes his luck. What if Yoongi is okay with it? What if he's fine with it?
He knows the times Jeongguk got off in the shower, he has heard. He doesn't find that odd. Jeongguk is, in fact, a growing, nineteen-year-old hormonal teenager after all.
Yoongi couldn't bring himself to ask such things though; he never had the chance to do so. Too shy, too afraid. Too anxious, too worried.
But then he decides, it's now or never.
"Kook?" He calls from the other side of the kitchen isle. Jeongguk is currently cooking breakfast for the two of them. A simple egg roll, sausages, and fried rice.
"Yeah?" Jeongguk replies, his back turned to Yoongi, concentrated on perfecting the perfect egg roll ever.
"When was your first kiss?"
The younger stops whatever he was doing and faces Yoongi with an eyebrow raised. "Why do you ask?" Yoongi just shrugs. The younger sighs, replying after a while. "I was fifteen."
Yoongi nods thoughtfully. "How was it?"
The younger gave him The Look. "Why... Why are we talking about this?" He asks back and then continues his egg roll.
"Have you ever had sex with anyone?" He murmurs, feeling himself slouch down the stool. He hears the younger inhales loudly.
"Hyung?" Jeongguk calls, he does not reply. "Hyung, look at me, please." And he does look. Jeongguk has turned off the stove and is looking at him sternly. "Is this about us? Please don't tell me—"
"Maybe it is?"
"Oh god, hyung. Don't worry, I won't do anything to you." Jeongguk scoffs, first three fingers on his forehead. "So what if I hadn't had sex in two years? I don't mind, okay? Please don't concern this too much with you, hyung."
Yoongi could feel his blood boiling with anger. He didn't even intend for things to end this way. "I'm just asking okay?! Why do you have to be a jerk about it?" He spits, chest heaving heavily as he stomps his way into his room.
"Shit." Jeongguk hisses. "Wait, hyung." He immediately follows the older, attention solely on his peeved up soulmate.
Yoongi locks the door behind him and he rests his back against it, trying to even his breathing and calm his tempered self. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Tears escapes his eyes even before he could notice that he's crying. Silently crying.
It makes him more frustrated that he doesn’t even know how to explain it well to Jeongguk about this shit. Do he just go and say ‘sup kook, im not a very sexual person ever but I think I really like you and i’d like you to fuck me or vice versa’???
Fucking Hell, No. That’s just upright being shameless. He doesn’t even know when he first realized that his feelings for Jeongguk grew into something more than just the innocent, cute affection; where he’d finally actually feel a bit sexual about it. YET not so fast, not that much. It’s complicated, really.
It scares him enough, fear creeping up his sleeves. What if Jeongguk left him after they’ve made love? Gosh made love. A lot of things changed since he met the younger, his soulmate. It is indeed terrifying. He used to scoff at the thought of making love. Now, it’s different. Very different. Only filled with the idea of Jeongguk and him.
Everything is a mess. Everything is a lie.
Loud persistent knocks awoken Yoongi from his reverie, Jeongguk's voice resonating behind the door, calling out his name desperately. "Hyung. Yoongi hyung! Please open the door. Hyung—"
"Go away, Kookie."
"Hyung, we're not reenacting Frozen. Stop it, please open the door." Jeongguk pleads, voice serious yet with a tinge of whining. He could almost hear him pouting.
Yoongi smiles between sniffles and giggles, wiping his tears roughly before slowly opening the door for the younger. And as expected, Jeongguk really is pouting and looks a bit more devastated than Yoongi which made his small smile stretch some more, now teasing the younger.
"Hyung, you know that's not what I meant." The younger starts, voice sulky. "I've never want to hurt you. Whether it be physical or emotional." Yoongi solemnly nodded, understandingly. “You understand, right? Where I’m getting at?” He nods again. “I don’t want to force you into anything that would make you greatly distressed and uncomfortable. Because I totally respect you and you know that I really love you, right?” Jeongguk caresses his cheeks, eyes boring to his’.
He closes his eyes, feeling his forehead against Jeongguk’s, his hands securely hanging on the younger’s hips. “B-but but what if it’s okay with me?” He finally says. Fucking finally. He hears the both of them gasp, choking on something. Words, maybe.
“I—you’re kidding. I’ve done many hours of research, hyung. You’re just saying this. Ace’ aren’t supposed to feel such thing? I mean, I’ve read that there are some asexual who do or don’t masturbate because they do, in fact, have functioning genitals and like there are some who might feel attraction but doesn’t bother for any action.” Yoongi gapes up at Jeongguk, a calm space between them. “Oh! And like there are those who have had sex with their partners but it depends on the person because you know, individuality? Or science? I still can’t grasp the topic much yet. And then—“
“Kook, you’re babbling.” He interrupts. He’s completely in awe. He never knew Jeongguk did this; gone as much as research up to those things he could have not chosen to know.
“Oh. Oh! OH, r-right. I’m sor—“
“All this time, you’ve thought I was an ace?”
Jeongguk stares back at him dumbfounded. “Y-yeah? Are you not?” He shakes his head. “I-I’ve always kind of uhm… kind of assumed that you were one? Since, you know—”
He laughs this time. He can’t believe this is happening. Oh gosh, and he did research? “Wait, until how much did you research?”
The younger averts his eyes, a sweet blush coloring his face. “I may, or may not have a folder in my laptop dedicated to sexual orientation, organized and categorized in the sexual and asexual spectrum. And all those in between?”
Yoongi thinks it’s cute; how a 179cm tall buffed baby-faced man nervously nips on his lower lips, ferociously blushing is cute. He feels like he has fallen for the boy more. No, wrong. He is falling for the boy more and more. The efforts the younger exudes sways Yoongi.
“Did I fucked up?” Jeongguk asks, clearly unsettled, voice wavering.
He can’t help the gentle smile pulling on his lips as he pats Jeongguk’s hair, reassuring him. “No, you did a good job on your research, actually. I’m impressed.” Jeongguk smiles shyly.
“So you’re?”
“Does it matter if I am an asexual or not?”
“N-no, I’m just wondering. Maybe you’re a demi sexual? The kind that only feel sexual attraction when a great bond is formed?”
Yoongi sighs, reaching for Jeongguk’s hands and drag the both of them to the bed to take a sit. “You see, if everyone is labeled, we’re bounded. Labels make everyone stand behind their lanes, thinking that they should only be what they claimed they are. Labeling restricts people from changing.” He pauses tentatively. "If for example, I say that I am an ace but I love you enough for me to think that sex with you would be okay for me, then I would have to change from being an asexual to demi sexual or I could not, which doesn’t really work that way and clearly confuses a lot of people. It would make people think that one is either pretentious for attention or that it is just a phase or that one is just completely confused. When we change our ideals, our ways, our beliefs, we can’t just leave the prison we made for ourselves. Because we’re confined by the labels we set, by what we described ourselves.”
He scans the younger’s face for any sign of confusion or anything, tucking Jeongguk’s hair behind his ear. “Yet again, this is only my opinion. There are those who label themselves to feel safe and secure; those who label themselves to know that they belong to a certain community where they all relate to each other, that they understand each other. And there’s me who just don’t give a fuck.”
They paused, Yoongi letting Jeongguk have time to digest everything. After a while, Jeongguk tilts his head and concludes something. “So in short, you’re you. I am me. And you love me?”
Yoongi chuckles. “That’s not even what I actually said, but yes. I am me, you’re you. And I… I do love you.” He says, ducking his face to hide the flush of his pale skin. Jeongguk giggles to himself, also flushing cutely.
“Hyung, I think that’s the first time you’ve told me you love me.” Yoongi’s taken aback, suddenly feeling guilty for not being able to tell the younger that he actually loves him. He feels a hand cupping his face, he looks at Jeongguk. “But it’s okay, hyung. I know you love me even before you say it. I can always feel it. We’re soulmates for a reason. We’re born for each other.”
At that moment, Yoongi leans forward to slot their lips together. Their wavelengths melting into each other more, dragging to a sweet drawl. Their hearts beating so fast and loud yet everything is calm. So calm, so sweet. It’s addictive.
Jeongguk pulls away, a mischievous smile on his lips. “So, okay. All this time, you’ve felt a sexual attraction towards me? Even for a bit?”
“Yes?”
“And you’ve felt that you want to have sex with me?”
“No, not really. Maybe, kind of.” Jeongguk frowns, a bit dejected by the response. “But, there is something I want to do for sure.” He smirks. “I wanna watch you jerk off.”
Jeongguk chokes on growl.