Work Text:
It was quickly realised by the denizens of Slough House that Lamb didn’t particularly care how they used their time as long as it didn’t actively interfere with his time.
“Chess?” Shirley Dander suggested.
“What is this, the Middle Ages?” Ho swatted the idea away.
“Monopoly?”
“Boring with just two of us, unless…” Roddy Ho glanced over at River Cartwright, perched in the doorway skimming a file in his hand.
“I’m not part of whatever game you two are playing, I have actual work to do,” River said, not looking up from his files.
“It’s not like Lamb cares if you finish it or not, it’s just fuckin’ busywork, you might as well do something meaningful with your time,” Shirley Dander told him.
“Strip poker!” Ho shouted.
“I don’t know how to play.”
“Even better for me,” he gave an exaggerated wink.
River glanced up from his papers. “If you two are insistent on having a dick-measuring contest, why not go classic and just arm wrestle?”
Ho frowned and looked over to Dander, who was resting her hand against her face and playing over the idea in her mind.
“I can work with arm wrestling,” Shirley shrugged.
Roddy continued to scrunch his face in what might have passed for concern in Roddy’s mind. “I’ll break your arm in two. Have you seen these guns?”
Roddy flexed his biceps in an attempt to emphasise his point. From the doorway, River struggled to hold back a laugh, but was fortunately covered by Shirley’s punctual retort.
“I’ll break your arm if you don’t stop that fucking posing. Come here, Cartwright, if you’re not going to take part you might as well help me clear this table.”
Shirley tugged the end table that made up part of her desk away from the wall and began the process of moving the accumulated papers and used red bull cans away from it. River pulled away from the doorway to try and help but barely managed to move a single can before Roddy pushed him out of the way to shove the rest of Shirley’s stuff roughly onto the floor, clearing the table and dragging it towards the center of the room.
He pulled his desk chair to the new central table and threw himself down on it, leaning back against it as if it was his throne. Despite his brief flicker of what might have been concern and decent human empathy, the concept of winning and sticking it to Shirley turned him back to his usual arrogant self like the return of Cinderella’s pumpkin at the stroke of midnight.
River tried to be a gentleman and pulled Shirley’s own desk chair out to the desk, but Shirley seemed offended by the gesture and jabbed a sharp elbow into his side. “I can get my own chair, prick.
The two officemates really did deserve each other, River thought to himself as Shirley dropped herself down across from Roddy. Roddy propped his elbow up on the table and thrust his hand up to offer to Shirley.
“If you dare…” he mocked.
Shirley slapped her hand against his and gripped against it, tighter than she should have, tight enough to know that it should’ve hurt him. “Fuck you.”
“You wish, Dander. I only fuck models.”
Roddy’s grip tightened around Shirley’s hand as he began to wrestle, slowly leaning her forearm towards the left as he pressed.
“Those little Warhammer miniature models, I knew you were a virgin, Ho, but that’s-”
“I’m not a virgin! I get mad bitches!”
Roddy’s position slipped from under him as he yelled, Shirley utilising the moment of distraction to press his arm further to the right, angling towards the table.
“Sounds like the sort of thing a sad lonely virgin would say.” Shirley tilted her head to try and get a better stance as she continued to press down against Roddy’s sweaty palm.
“I’m not a virgin, you of all people should-”
“Incel!” Shirley shouted out at him before River had a chance to take in exactly what Roddy had started to say.
“Junkie!” Roddy yelled back at her.
Shirley’s expression curled to a sneer as Roddy began to regain the lead she’d managed to achieve, pressing their entwined hands back towards the left. Despite all his egotism, Roddy really did work out a lot, and despite probably spending a similar amount of time at gym, Roddy was a whole lot taller and had that to his advantage.
In spite of her growing annoyance, Roddy was pressing his hand against hers and a stupid smile seemed to be growing on his face as they both recognised how near the match was to finishing. Shirley knew there was only one thing left to do in order to prevent Roddy’s victory.
The corner of Shirley’s mouth turned upwards to a smile. A glint of confusion entered Roddy’s eyes for a moment, prey suddenly caught in a trap, before Shirley leapt into action.
Standing up quickly, Shirley leaned over their arms still together on the table and kissed Roddy square on the lips.
Roddy’s grip on Shirley’s palm grew slack as he found himself leaning in against Shirley. Lips still firm against his, Shirley took her chance to pin Roddy’s arm down against the table.
And just as quickly as she had kissed him, Shirley had pulled away again as if the whole exchange had never happened, the only sense that something had was the awestruck look in Roddy’s eyes as he sat there speechless.
Shirley grinned.
“Told you you didn’t stand a chance,” she told Roddy as she let go of his arm. She couldn’t be entirely sure if he was listening or not, he betrayed very little movement at all, as if he’d been paralysed to the spot.
Shirley turned from the table and looked at River, who was shaking his head between Roddy and Shirley as if he couldn’t quite believe what he’d just seen.
“That normally takes him out for a solid quarter of an hour,” Shirley offered up in explanation as she shrugged and headed for the door. “I’m going to put the kettle on, do you fancy a cuppa?”