Archive of Our Own ^beta

Spamton's small in Tenna's hands. Well, he always had been. You try being 5’4 and being 3 times smaller than your partner. 

But Spamton isn't 5’4 anymore. He's without his hardlight projection, the wood underneath molded into a mockery of who he used to be. He's absolutely hideous.

Tenna is still for a moment, until he props himself up with his lower two hands, he holds Spamton close to his face. His screen illuminates the smaller man in a beam of white light. Spamton wonders if he looks more like his old self that way. 

Spamton can’t bear to look at Tenna. He doesn't have to look to know the expression he must be sporting. If Spamton were to look right now, it would probably be a look of disgust, or maybe thinky-veiled hatred.

Tenna brings him closer, then, and his antennae move closer as well. Probably to smell him. Yeah, definitely to smell him, by the way his antennae are against his face and in his hair. Spamton’s not stupid. Even after his bath, he probably doesn't smell anything like how he used to.

But Tenna gently gently moves his head to look at him, and all Spamton can see in his vision is the look of utter adoration Tenna is sporting. It makes him sick. He almost prefers the look of disgust Spamton thought he had to this. 

He doesn't deserve the look Tenna’s giving him. He doesn't deserve Tenna’s love. He doesn't deserve to sleep in Tenna's bed. He doesn't deserve to eat at Tenna’s table. He doesn't deserve to stand next to Tenna. He doesn't even deserve to look at Tenna. He never has.

He tries to look away from Tenna, maybe to climb out of his hand and start running, but Tenna’s too fast. He tightens his grip just slightly, and uses his thumb to move his head back and keep it there.

“Dont. I want to look at you, Spammy.”

What.

He wants… to look at him?
 
Him. The guy he called a rat and sprayed with foam. They guy that looks less like a person and more like a creature? The guy with an awful voice and awful eyes and awful hair and awful everything else? Is he sure?

He opens his mouth to speak, but Tenna moves quickly, gently pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Is he for real. Is he for real?!

The second Tenna pulls away, Spamton chases him and kisses him on his lips. Its more like smacking his teeth into Tenna's screen, but it gets the job done all the same.

‘I hate myself,’ Spamton thinks distantly, as he kisses Tenna, ‘but if Tenna loves me, maybe I'm not doing too bad.’