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Atsushi was so happy to be with the agency. So so happy! It was great. He had a purpose in life, people to support him, he shouldn’t complain right? But it was just so… Stressful. Sometimes. Just sometimes! He truly really mostly enjoyed it most of the time! Today… Not so much. He’d totally messed up on the mission. The target got away, now someone else would end up hurt because he’d messed up. And Kunikida looked so mad… He was pretty sure that Kunikida wouldn’t physically hurt him as a punishment. But something like extra paperwork didn’t feel sufficient. Because obviously he needed some kind of punishment… He’d messed up after all
Kunikida drove them back to the agency, he was muttering stuff about the case, trying to figure out how to fix Atsushi’s mistake. Atsushi just stayed silent, leaning against the window and trying not to cry. Everything felt so overwhelming. It was a familiar feeling. But he didn’t want to be a baby and throw a temper tantrum in front of Kunikida. Especially not right after he’d messed up so bad… So he just watched the clouds roll past. Looking out the window made him oblivious to the worried glances Kunikida kept giving him as well
The car ride felt like it lasted forever. But eventually they made it back to the agency! Atsushi was quick to scurry inside, muttering something about going to his desk. And he did! For… Like a second. It felt like everyone was glaring at him though. It made his skin crawl. And so… He went down a hallway. Just to get away. His heart was beating in his ears and his head hurt and he just wanted to cry. He couldn’t be seen like this… A closet. The cleaning closet. There was… Room in there. Right? He crawled inside and curled himself up. Safe. No one could see him in here… He had to shut the door, so it was dark, but he could see really well in the dark so it was ok…
He tried to just calm down. To get ready to go back out to his desk. To do his work. To face his punishment. But… Instead Atsushi just finds himself crying. He bites down on his hand, between his thumb and his wrist, to muffle his sobs, hugging his knees so tightly to his chest he almost couldn’t breathe. Why was he doing this? Why now? It was… Hard to keep track of time. But before too long the door opened and light flooded the room. His tears momentarily stopped as he processed his shock at the brightness. But when he looked up… Kunikida was standing there “Atsushi? Are you alright?”
Kunikida was there. Kunikida was right there. The tears started back up as Atsushi frantically wiped at his face. He was gonna get in trouble. And get hurt. And punished. And- A hand rested on his shoulder and he looked up to see that Kunikida was crouched down in front of him “Atsushi. You’ll be alright. You should calm down though. Tell me, can you tell me 5 things you can see?” This… Felt familiar. He knew what this was. Right? All that processed was that he was making Kunikida deal with this… And he felt bad… The least he could do was answer that question right?
Atsushi looked around the tiny closet skeptically, looking for things to say “You… Uh… Spray. A mop. There’s… There’s a bucke’ and… Uhm… The door?” As he listed each item he counted them off on his fingers, double, triple checking he had five before holding his hand up to show Kunikida. He did it! That was harder than he’d thought… There really wasn’t a whole lot in here… That was kinda the point though so it was alright
Kunikida smiled at him! But was it fake? Or forced… Both seemed likely. But it still felt nice when Kunikida said “Yes that’s five. You did a very good job” Kunikida continued to talk him through the rest of the exercise, counting them down through each sense, praising Atsushi each step of the way. By the time they finished the tears were gone, though Atsushi still seemed nervous and on edge, still curled up in his little ball
Kunikida gave a small squeeze to Atsushi’s shoulder where his hand was still resting “Are you feeling at all better now?” Atsushi slowly nodded, rolling his lip between his teeth. Kunikida nodded, letting them sit in silence for a moment, giving Atsushi room to breathe, before speaking up “Would you like to come back out to the office? It’s not very comfortable in here. I don’t think there’s any work that’s very pressing at the moment so you can just sit at your desk” Sit at his desk? But not work? That just made him look useless! Well… He looked pretty useless in here too didn’t he?
So Atsushi decided to nod, moving to stand up. His legs felt kinda wobbly… And standing up was a little dizzying? It was strange. He was used to nausea from hunger, but this wasn’t like that. It just felt… Wrong. He was viewing everything from to high up. He just needed to move faster to go sit down… So he kept his head down as him and Kunikida moved to his desk. Leaving him unaware of Kunikida waving Ranpo over to them, he was just so relieved to be able to sit down. Walking felt really hard
When he finally looked up Ranpo was standing next to Kunikida, lollipop in his mouth and head cocked to the side. When did he get there..? “How are you feeling kid?” The correct answer to that was… Bad. Right? He’d just been crying and stuff… But he didn’t feel so bad now. Ranpo calling him kid was echoing through his head. It was nice. It felt fuzzy and warm, clogged his throat right up. He nodded in response. Nodding meant yes… And yes was a positive answer… And positive meant good… Obviously. Right? Luckily Ranpo seemed to understand, though his smile indicated he found something about it amusing
Ranpo reached out and ruffled his hair “To tiny to talk huh? That’s alright. You’re safe here. Don’t worry about stuff” Atsushi was… Confused. What did Ranpo mean too tiny to talk..? He just felt fuzzy… He liked the idea of being safe. Even if he didn’t totally feel safe. Ranpo turned his attention to Kunikida “Mentally he’s like 4 right now. And likeeee not a real mature four year old. Seems worried you’re mad too so. Y’know. Talk that out” Ranpo gave Kunikida his own headpats, winking at the pair before backing away to his desk. Kunikida seemed mildly frustrated, but more so focused on his notebook, which he was already writing stuff in
After a few seconds Kunikida closed his notebook and set it on Atsushi’s desk, slowly crouching down to be at eye level with Atsushi “I want you to know that I’m not mad at you. You didn’t do anything wrong. There were outside factors making that mission frustrating. Not you I promise” Atsushi sucked in a breath, biting his bottom lip as his eyes filled with tears. Why… Was Kunikida being so nice to him? He’d messed up… Hesitantly. Ever so hesitantly. He held up a shaky hand with the pinky extended. Kunikida smiled and extended his own pinky, interlocking them and shaking them slightly “I promise” He repeated the sentiment again
For a moment Kunikida just stayed there, smiling at the boy. But Atsushi didn’t drop his hand, if anything he was clinging even tighter. Kunikida’s fingers twitched towards his notebook, wanting to write a note about Atsushi being touch starved. He settled for a mental note instead though, slowly pulling his hand free to hold both arms out to the boy “Would you like to be carried?” Atsushi instantly turned bright red, shrinking in on himself and Kunikida felt the need to reassure him “I’m offering because I don’t mind. If I didn’t want to I wouldn’t have offered” That seemed to be enough to reassure Atsushi and he hesitantly nodded
Kunikida carefully reached out to grab under Atsushi’s arms and lift him up. He got Atsushi in the air easily, so easily in fact they he got distracted. Wanting to make notes to get Atsushi more food since he was clearly underweight. But he couldn’t. He needed to make meal plans… Clearly someone needed to. He settled for another mental note as Atsushi started squirming, the boy pulling his legs up to his chest midair, like a baby trying to avoid being set in grass. Kunikida brought Atsushi closer to his chest and he seemed to settle down though, more comfortable
Kunikida awkwardly stood for a few moments, cradling Atsushi to his chest unsure of what else to do. He hesitantly sat in Atsushi’s chair, this was easier on his legs. After a few more awkward minutes he decided to test his mobility. Obviously one arm was stabilizing Atsushi at all times. But his other was primarily free to move, he couldn’t reach to far, but it was enough. He opened up to a new page of his notebook and started taking notes. Starting a chart to track Atsushi’s mental age, making note of what kinds of protein Atsushi should get to help him grow to a healthy weight, then cross noting which forms of that protein could appear childish, which days would be most convenient for Atsushi to regress like this, how to divide work to put less pressure on the boy…
He wrote for well over an hour, filling up three whole pages, and his handwriting was small, not to mention he hasn’t even had time to research yet… But writing things out gave him a guide. Something to stabilize his knowledge. Glancing down at Atsushi he found the boy fast asleep and smiled, he looked calm now. He turned back to the desk to survey the mess of paperwork, most of it appeared to be Dazai’s… He aimed a glare at his bandaged partner only to find Dazai snickering and taking pictures of them. Kunikida only sighed and started on the papers, starting to settle into a new normal. One that would help Atsushi