Work Text:
Alexmill changed name to adotfightme
Jdotlaw: what the fuck @adotfightme
Adotfightme: @jdotlaw ur the one who started it
Jdotlaw: no I??? didn’t???
Thefrenchiestfry changed name to Lagayette
Adotfightme: NOW THAT REMINDS ME
Lagayette: oh no
Hercmuel: oh yes
Jdotlaw: u kno that I still don’t remember everything right @adotfightme
Adotfightme: unfortunately I am aware of that, however this doesn’t concern you. This is simply between laf and the man once known as George Washington
Lagayette: STOP
Adotfightme: u brought it up and I’m simply bringing it back to everyone’s attention
Hercmuel: IS IT WHAT I’m THINKING OF
Hercmuel: WHEN I WAS SAYING I WAS A SPY
Hercmuel: AND I BROUGHT UP GEORGE WASHINGTON
Lagayette: #daddy
Adotfightme: @lagayette you do this to yourself
Lagayette: I CANNOT HELP MYSELF. ALEXANDER YOU SAW THE MAN.
Adotfightme: @lagayette yes I did, but not apparently the same way you did
Lagayette: I
Hercmuel: @lagayette did u fuck George Washington
Lagayette: ALEXANDER AND JOHN DID STUFF
Adotfightme: @lagayette literally everyone knows have u read the fuckign letters
Jdotlaw: I have and lemme tell u there is nothing subtle
Adotfightme: even after they were censored by my weak ass offspring they were still gay af
Hercmuel: did u just call ur son weak
Adotfightme: @lagayette u haven’t answered the question
Adotfightme: @lagayette that was a shitty ass diversion technique
Adotfightme: @lagayette I got in fights with burr on the reg u need to be better than that
Jdotlaw: we all know u fought burr alex he literally killed u
Adotfightme: but I still won, in the end @jdotlaw
Jdotlaw: how
Adotfightme: UNIMPORTANT
Adotfightme: What really matters is whether or not laf and gwash fucked
Hercmuel changed his name to tailorsoldierspy
Tailorsoldierspy: I’m putting on my spy goggles
Lagayette: FINE
Lagayette: I HAD SEX WITH GEORGE WASHINGTON
Adotfightme: I KNEW IT
Lagayette: @adotfightme no u didn’t
Jdotlaw: S H I T S O N
Jdotlaw: ur fucked @lagayette
Jdotlaw: @adotfightme @tailorsoldierspy actually ur all fucked
Tailorsoldierspy: what did I do
Jdotlaw: so I’m at orientation right
Adotfightme: okay
Jdotlaw: and I just met the guy in charge of the history department
Lagayette: where r u going with this
Jdotlaw: so like he specialized in military history, wrote his thesis on the American side of the revolutionary war no big
Jdotlaw: at first I was like no way because he’s way too built to be a historian and he looked kinda familiar which was weird, but that vibe happens all the time, ya know
Adotfightme: oh no
Jdotlaw: and then he introduces himself as Dr.Warner and I’m like, cool, I’m Jon Lawrence and I shake his hand, nbd
Tailorsoldierspy: I have orientation this weekend shit
Jdotlaw: and then he just pulled me into a hug (his chest is a fucking wall of bricks man) and said something like “laurens you’re alive and here” and then he stepped away really quickly and I was shuffled to the next person. And I was really confused because u guys know I don’t remember that much and then it fuckking hits me. George Washington works at the college
Jdotlaw: so that’s a thing
Jdotlaw: @adotfightme @lagayette watch out because I was nowhere near as close to him as either of you and he almost suffocated me
Adotfightme: LAF AND I WERE DIFFERENT KINDS OF CLOSE WITH GWASH
Tailorsoldierspy: I’ll probably get a nice nod of recognition, laf will get a similar reaction to jon but then there will some awkward looks because well, laf you’re barely legal now and you guys did the do
Tailorsoldierspy: but @adotfightme that man is going to see you, break your ribs, and then not let you go. I wouldn’t be surprised if he started crying tbh
Adotfightme: ?????
Lagayette: Herc is 100% right
Adotfightme: tell us if he says anything this weekend @tailorsoldierspy
Tailorsoldierspy: will do
Lagayette: @adotfightme when r u going to orientation
Adotfightme: not this weekend but the next one @lagayette
Lagayette: HOLY ShIT
Lagayette: SAME
Jdotlaw: does that mean u guys are gonna be the first to meet
Adotfightme: @jdotlaw u saw gwash
Jdotlaw: but I wasn’t in love with gwash
Adotfightme: <3
Jdotlaw: <3
Lagayette: @adotfightme how tall r u
Adotfightme: ?????????????????????????????????
Lagayette: @adotfightme how tall are you
Adotfightme: I’m about the same height I was before, actually I might be like an inch shorter.
Lagayette: u r so smol
Adotfightme: I AM PERFECTLY SIZED
Jdotlaw: Washington is even taller than he was before
Adotfightme: …
Lagayette: I TOO AM TALLER
Tailorsodierspy: same
Adotfightme: I refuse
---
Tailorsoldierspy: guys I met gwash
Lagayette: how did it go
Tailorsoldierspy: his eyes kinda went wide and he was like “hercules? You too?” and then he did the shoulder pat thing, nodded, and then pulled into a quick hug but that was it
Adotfightme: then maybe he’ll just calmly accept my presence
Jdotlaw: no he won’t
Lagayette: u have no idea
Adotfightme: whatevr
---
Adotfightme: NO
Jdotlaw: WHAT
Adotfightme: so I just got on campus
Lagayette: WHERE ARE U, I MUST FIND You.
Adotfightme: and then
Adotfightme: I was approached
Tailorsoldierspy: by who
Adotfightme: @lagayette I’m in the quad with the seal in it
---
Lagayette: No
Jdotlaw: ???
Lagayette: People keep talking about the two freshman at orientation who got into a fight right by the seal
Lagayette: Alex
Tailorsoldierspy: A L E X A N D E R
Tailorsoldierspy: it hasn’t even been a day
Adotfightme: why do u assume that I am somehow involved
Lagayette: ur name is literally adotfight me
Adotfightme: ur right
Jdotlaw: so who was it
Jdotlaw: and u obviously survived bc ur messaging us
Jdotlaw: but ur so smol that it must have been someone even more smol or someone u hate a lot
Tailorsoldierspy: was it Jefferson
Adotfightme: NO
Lagayette: is that who I think it is
Adotfightme: @lagayette perhaps
Jdotlaw: who is it
Adotfightme: A A R O N B U R R
Tailorsoldierspy: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN
Jdotlaw: omg
Lagayette: omg
Lagayette: so they called for adults to help the situation
Adotfightme: we are adults
Lagayette: and who do they call for except for g wash
Lagayette: and lemme tell you @jdotlaw u were right that man is B U I L T #daddy
Jdotlaw: ON WITH THE STORY
Lagayette: and gwash comes out excepting like a normal situation
Tailorsoldierspy: I don’t know why I’m surprised that this is how he was reunited with alexander
Jdotlaw: bc no one expected burr
Lagayette: and he was taking in so many things at once his face was HILARIOUS
Lagayette: but then some other administration come out
Lagayette: and like at this point burr is passed out on the ground and gwash is essentially crying into alex’s hair (ALEX IS SOOOO SMOL IN GWASH’S ARMS) and I’m still not noticed
Tailorsoldierspy: I’m picturing this scene and I love it so much
Jdotlaw: I like that no one is taking care of Burr
Lagayette: so right now I’m walking towards this group of people to kind of explain the situation
Lagayette: wish me luck
---
Lagayette: so r u guys ready for the story of a lifetime
Tailorsoldierspy: u bet ur tight ass I am
Jdotlaw: don’t do that @tailorsoldierspy
Lagayette: So I walked towards the other administration as gwash and alex bonded, and was like “this is a vv important past life thing” and they were like “that doesn’t remove responsibility from the shoulders of anyone involved in this” and then gwash looks up from alex’s hair (neither of them have looked at me yet) and he says something like “I understand that this is a problematic situation, but you must understand that the young man on the ground deserved it.”
Tailorsoldierspy: did he say it in general mode, with you know, the voice
Jdotlaw: the one that makes alexander terrified and you get those weird fucking eyes
Lagayette: excuse u
Lagayette: but yea
Lagayette: and the people are like “what did this young man do to deserve getting knocked out cold after a brief introduction” and gwash goes into lecturing mode and says like “how familiar are you with alexander Hamilton’s story”
Adotfightme: and do u wanna know what they fucking said
Jdotlaw: why are you just getting in on this chat
Adotfightme: that comes up later in the story
Adotfightme: but they just kind of all looked around and looked slightly ashamed bc they know gwash knew the history stuff
Lagayette: until finally they’re just like “uh, who?” and gwash’s face was golden, but more than that
Adotfightme: I got offended
Lagayette: he just went off on them
Lagayette: all 5’6” of him, still in washington’s arms, started yelling and u kno that thing he does where he wants to say a lot but he can’t say it as fast as he wants so he starts screaming and running and standing on tables and shit
Jdotlaw: that’s not something u forget
Adotfightme: Gwash didn’t let me finish, or even start, really
Tailorsoldierspy: did he defend ur honor
Adotfightme: hell yeah he did
Jdotlaw: what honor do u have left to defend
Adotfightme: excuse me
Lagayette: Washington just basically comes out and says that he was the first president of the united states and they all start listening to him
Tailorsoldierspy: is it possible to not listen to gwash
Lagayette: But then before he could start explaining the situation these two girls run full force into gwash
Jdotlaw: omg who even does that
Jdotlaw: especially after hearing him say who he was
Lagayette: I need u to think vv hard
Tailorsoldierspy: will he be able to do it
Lagayette: who would willingly attack George Washington in order to get to alexander Hamilton
Adotfightme: PLENTY OF PEOPLE
Jdotlaw: y do people even like u, u r such a piece of shit, but everyone loves u
Tailorsoldierspy: most people actually hate him
Lagayette: MOVING ON
Lagayette: So the smaller rips alex from gwash’s arms and then just starts smothering him
Jdotlaw: THAT IS MY JOB
Tailorsoldierspy: u literally have not seen alex in like 300 years
Jdotlaw: shhhhh
Adotfightme: do u wanna kno who it was
Adotfightme: imma tell u
Adotfightme: it was my WIFE
Lagayette: yeah, it was eliza and angelica
Lagayette: who now go by lizzie and angel
Adotfightme: I think u mean Betsey
Jdotlaw: ur literally the only one who calls her that
Adotfightme: she likes it
Lagayette: no she doesn’t
Adotfightme: but okay, not only is my Betsey beautiful and strong and amazing overall
Adotfightme: she FUCKING KICKED BURR IN THE FACE
Adotfightme: while he was lying on the COLD HARD GROUND
Tailorsoldierspy: GOAT SCREAMS
Lagayette: and the administration people got more offended
Lagayette: and gwash looked really split but then u could seem him come to the realization that he doesn’t need to be neutral between ham and all his problems and he gave eliza a high-5
Adotfightme: excuse m