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Yoongi sat against the wall of the dance studio, watching. He would have been up practicing with the rest of the members, but unfortunately for him, he wasn't feeling too well at all. He had almost fallen over or passed out numerous times over the course of the day, and it wasn't even noon.
But him feeling unwell hadn't prevented him from noticing how distant everyone felt. Yoongi wasn't sure if it was just in his head, but it sure didn't feel like it. To him, it felt like everyone in their group had been growing apart from him, so slowly that it was barely noticeable.
But he still noticed.
He noticed the way that their teasing had died down. How no one had mentioned his height in over a month. How the friendly "good morning"s had turned into blunt, sharp "hello"s.
And god did he hate it.
Or maybe it was just all in his head. Maybe things had always been like this, and his prior image of his band mates was simply a false memory but oh god did he hope not. It was sad enough having to look back on them like they were distant memories, but for them to not even be real memories? He couldn't handle that.
But no.
No, no, no. If they weren't real, then the person he was currently in front of wouldn't be giving him that sad smile that got to him every damn time. The same smile that had appeared when he had first expressed his grief for the group members distancing. The smile that only affected him when it came from Namjoon.
That man.
That one fucking man would always do this to Yoongi. He was the only one who knew about Yoongi's fears, what kept him up at night.
And he was the only one out of them all that knew how damn distant he was feeling.
No. Not today. He didn't want to see that look today. The look that made him want to fall to his knees and let everything out on Namjoon's shoulder at 3 in the morning. He couldn't do it. Not today.
The rapper quickly got up, eyes averting from Namjoon's gaze as he left the practice room. He was out. Thank god. Another second of that damn look and he might have lost it.
---
Sitting on the rooftop at midnight was an all too familiar thing for Yoongi.
Tonight seemed different though.
He couldn't focus on the sounds of cars passing by beneath him. Nor did he give a second thought when he subconsciously heard the door to the roof click shut. Maybe he would have noticed if his mind wasn't stuck on the faded feeling deep in his heart.
Before he could process his next thought, an all too familiar face was sitting right in front of him. That stupid fucking face that made him want to forget everything and just run.
His mind was now racing. The things he wanted to say to this man. No matter how much the other thought he knew about Yoongi, there was still so many more bottled emotions that he had kept to himself over the years. Things that he wanted to scream to the world. And to the man of front of him in particular.
But no. A simple, "Oh, Namjoon. What are you doing here?" was all he could bring himself to say to the other.
The younger looked at him with that stupid facial expression that he does when he's concerned.
"Hyung, what are you doing out here? It's cold"
'Well no shit it's cold, Namjoon. It's the middle of fucking winter' were the thoughts going through the olders head, though he dared not express them aloud. Instead, he kept completely quiet, not even giving an indication that he had heard Namjoon speak in the first place.
This must have stirred something in the younger because the next words to come out of his mouth were not ones that he particularly wanted to hear.
"Why are you distancing yourself from everyone?"
No.
No, no, fucking no.
This was not happening. The one person. The one fucking person that meant so much to him. And that one person dared blame the distance on him?
No. Kim Namjoon could never, not in one thousand years, ever understand the emotions that the older felt for him. Yet he dared accuse him of distancing himself?
No.
Not tonight. Not now. Not ever.
So many thoughts were flooding his head, yet all Yoongi managed was a small, pitiful chuckle.
And Namjoon would never understand how much lay behind that one small sound.
Standing up, Yoongi gave Namjoon that sad fucking smile that Namjoon had killed him with so many times before.
"Do you really think that, Joon-ah?" He replied, voice not wavering for a second as he turned to face the city beneath him.
And what a beautiful city it was. The lit up streets of Seoul almost gave Yoongi a feeling of security.
Almost.
He didn't notice the subtle temperature decrease, or the way the wind that once swept through his hair, had come to a complete halt, as if time itself had stopped.
And oh, did he wish it would.
Namjoon seemed to not notice the look Yoongi had subconsciously tried to kill him with. Even if it did, there was no indication whatsoever of it. The younger simply returned the look, making Yoongi want to hurl over and forget that he himself even existed in this world for even a minute.
"No, hyung, I didn't mean it like that. I just-"
But the younger was cut short.
"Do you ever feel like everything will just disappear? No, better yet, that none of it was even real to begin with?"
And the look Namjoon gave him after that made his prior facial expression seem neutral.
"Hyung... I don't know what you're getting at..."
The nerve of him.
He had made Yoongi feel all these rushed emotions, then pretended to not understand what he had meant?
No.
No, not this time.
Like hell he would let him get away with it this time.
Taking another step away from the younger, Yoongi shook his head, a much sadder chuckle leaving his lips this time.
"If I reach out and touch you, you will disappear. But if I can't hold you, if I can't know that you are real, then what is the point?"
At this point, Namjoon didn't know that these seemingly random words would be the last thing he heard Min Yoongi say to him. Or to anyone. He would only realize this as he faintly saw the older take one too many steps away from him, before disappearing completely. For Namjoon, it felt like time had stopped.
But he knew it hadn't.
Because if it had, he may have even had a chance to pull Yoongi back over the edge. He would have had a chance to snap some sense back into him, to make him realize that everything was in fact real.
But no.
Instead, Namjoon lay collapsed on the top of the roof, screaming, praying for that one person that meant so much to him, to come back.
But when had the gods ever been so nice?