Chapter Text
Eugene
I've been thinking about the good times
When the story was still ours to write
And all the stupid shit we'd do
I'm lucky I'm not dead after hanging 'round you
Don’t wanna go home tonight
- Three Days Grace
“Bye- Eugene. Have a good summer?”
The last words Pugsley had said to Eugene before contorting his face in an attempt of a smile, though he knew it was fake, before climbing into the dark abyss of the gothic family car. He wouldn’t be surprised if it someone had died in it from how old it looked.
And he had just stood there. Like the absolute idiot he was. Mouth agape, his brain searched for something to say but before something equally as stupid could come burbling up his throat, the door slammed shut and the car pulled away.
“Hmmmmggh… I’m gonna miss Wednesday so much! I wish she had a phone, but she would never….” He heard Enid whine loudly as a she too looked wistfully to the direction the car went.
“I’m right here, Enid, so stop your incessant whining. It’s worse than getting water-boarded,” came Wednesdays iconic sneer. The short girl was walking with a backpack slung over one shoulder and an old school motorcycle helmet tucked under the arm opposite. She stopped in front of Enid, setting the helmet down for a moment to pull her down for a chaste kiss on the lips. Eugene gawked; he had never seen such a blatant display of affection from “miss I hate everyone” herself, but the two seemed happy, if the radiant smile coming from Enid was anything to go by. She seemed to be positively sparkling as she held Wednesday’s hand, the later with a distorted imitation of what Eugene thought might be an attempt at a smile.
“I thought you had already gone! How was I supposed to know you’re still here?” Enid whined, though Eugene was only half listening to the interaction. His thoughts couldn’t seem to stray for too long from a certain electrically charged brother of Wednesdays. The voices of his two almost-friends drifted as his mind kept replaying the last interaction he had with Pugsley, how he wished he’d gave him a hug. No, he couldn’t do something that obvious, a simple fist bump would’ve done fine, but he couldn’t stop imagining what hugging Pugsley might feel like. Would he zap him like the first time they touched? Would he hold him like he was the only thing that mattered in the whole world, his dark eyes shining with love- no, no what the fuck was he thinking? Fingers snapping in front of his face certainly broke him of his revelry, his eyes refocusing on the blank stare coming from Wednesday glaring up at him.
“Bee boy. Why do you have such a disgusting look on your face? Fix it,” she snapped. Eugene quickly sobered and took his glasses off to polish them for what must’ve been the thousandth time that day, everything coming back into focus as he put them back on.
“Oh, uh.. I just didn’t get to say something to Pugsley before he left,” Eugene said, laughing nervously before adding, “you guys are coming back to Nevermore next year, right?” Instead of answering, Wednesday stalked off, grabbing the helmet before continuing to walk somewhere. He glanced to Enid, who was busy furiously typing something on her phone, before his attention caught on the motorcycle with a sidecar attached, a person shaped lump inside of it that Eugene thought was Wednesday. Enid waved wildly and yelled,
“BYE WEDNESDAYY!!! I LOVE YOUUUU!!!!”He wondered who the driver was for a moment, but then it was gone.
* * *
Eugene sat glumly in the backseat of the car, his moms singing along loudly to their favorite band in the front. His face was propped up by his hand as he stared out the window unblinking, watching the scenery pass them by. He tried to run his eyes along what was right next to the car, but it was too fast. The dark forest around Nevermore reminded him all too much of the previous year when the Hyde attacked him, when he didn’t have Pugsley’s electric hands to ward off danger.
“I still wake up screaming..” Eugene said, his voice monotone. “That’s awesome!” He had said, a shit-eating grin on his face.
Eugene squeezed his eyes shut as he pressed hard against his temples, his head throbbing. He told his brain to shut out the images of his friend, though he was mostly unsuccessful. After a few moments, he opened his eyes and stared once again out the window, a look of longing on his face. His head kept throbbing, a slow pain that ebbed in and out, making it impossible for him to think.
Suddenly, he couldn’t stop his mind from racing, his thoughts going at a thousand miles an hour. Thoughts of Pugsley, only Pugsley sped through his mind as it created every single different scenario that could’ve happened when they’d said goodbye. His heart began beating faster, inexplainable as he was just sitting in a car, he could feel the blood rushing through his veins.
Everything seemed too big, too small; his shirt was choking him, his belt was cutting into his stomach. Clawing at his clothing, his nails that he meant to cut that morning caught on the delicate skin of his clavicle, leaving a long red mark. The collar of his shirt was tugged out, stretching it to the point of some of the stitching snapping. Popping the buckle of his belt, he expected some sort of relief but the constriction was still there. He thumped his head on the windowsill, pushing his thumbs into his temples once more as if trying to dislodge whatever evil part of his brain was tormenting him. It didn’t work. He couldn’t hear anything anymore; his mom had turned around in her seat and was asking him if he was okay, though she quickly realized what was going on. His other mom, the one who was driving, had a look of concern on her face even though she kept her attention on the road. He didn’t hear his mom tell the other to pull off, didn’t register the rapid deceleration of the old Subaru his moms adored, the brakes squeaking their protest just a little.
Everything moved around him as things seemed to distort. The forest outside the car loomed over him, caging him in its oppressive shadows; horrible memories that haunted him from those woods. It was too dark and he couldn’t see and then it was blindingly bright, as if the sun itself came to rest two feet in front of his eyes. As the noise of everything had faded into static several minutes before, the only thing he could hear was the rushing of blood through his temples. Trying to keep his body under his own control, he began saying it’s okay over and over again, like it was his personal mantra. Soon, the car stopped moving and his door was thrown open, his mom crouching beside him. She was looking up at him, a hand on his knee and she rubbed her thumb over it. His other mom was turned around in her seat, the seatbelt looking like it was cutting painfully over her neck though she didn’t seem to care at all.
“…out… and breathe in, baby, please, breathe with me. In… out… good job, in… out…” his mom was squeezing his knee in time.
Through his heavy breathing, he choked out, “I- I… I’m.. tr-tr-try… ing…” before squeezing his eyes shut and balling his hands into fists as tight as he could. He could feel small crescent indents forming in his palms from his nails, and he welcomed the pain. Anything to make him feel something other than the unending panic he was currently in. His mama had now climbed into the back seat and was sitting next to him, a strong motherly arm round his shoulders, pulling him into her warm embrace. His breathing still ratcheted, though now as he could feel and hear the heartbeat of his mama, the heavy thumping of his own heart began to calm, his mom still guiding his breathing.
He reached up to brush the frizzy hair from his forehead, and his fingers came back wet. Oh. I’m crying. Goddamn it…
His mind wanted to hurt himself for crying, for being so weak, but he just didn’t have the energy to beat himself up, and so he turned into the soft chest of his mama and hugged her tightly. He felt her hand gently combing through his hair and then a few seconds later the warm press of his mom joining them in the backseat, forming a Eugene sandwich of familiar love.
Once Eugene had calmed enough, a package of peppermint honey chocolate cups - his favorite snack - was set in his hands as his moms wait patiently on either side of him in the back seat. After several more moments he took a deep breath and said slowly,
“I- I’m sorry, I don’t know why that happened,” to which his mom immediately said,
“Honey, it’s okay, we just want to know if you’re alright. You can tell us if you’re worried about something, you know?” Mama chimed in and said,
“We’re not gonna pry, but Gene, this was one of your worst… ahh,” she looked to her wife for help, which she provided.
“It was a bad experience. And… I don’t want to freak you out by calling it a panic attack, but we’ve been worried about you honey. I did some research about them, and I’m fairly sure that’s what’s been happening for a little while, ever since your.. accident,” she spoke softly, as if something bad would happen if she said anything too loud.
“It’s okay, I’m okay. Thank you guys…” Eugene sniffled a little, still eating the peppermint honey chocolate cups. After one last squeeze, his moms returned to the front of the car and began driving once more, although this time the music was significantly quieter.
“Tell us if something is bothering you, okay? We’re not gonna get mad at anything you tell us,” his mom said reassuringly, looking back at him. He just nodded, not sure if he could trust his voice to be level. I hope this doesn’t happen at every stray thought of him… Eugene thought. A sad smile crossed his face as he looked out at the scenery, the ominous dark greens and browns giving way to brighter colors and a heavy scattering of wildflowers as they exited the forest.