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Toshinori lays on his bed, feeling the soft sheets under him as he curls up on top of the bed, fully clothed, still in his suit. Nothing particularly bad had happened today, just all as usual after his retirement. Go into work, teach the students, do paper work, probably get told its wrong, do it again.
Useless. So incredibly useless. He thought to himself, his mind swirling with thoughts he never dared to mention to anyone before. What if he just let a villain kill him next time? Not put up a fight. Maybe that way the villain would be caught and he would be of use in some way.
He looked up at his ceiling, it was so quiet, Nedzu must have put some good sound proofing in theses walls, or maybe his neighbours were just quiet- Aizawa always seemed the type to be a quiet neighbour
All might had begun living in the dorms soon after his retirement, seemed only natural. He didn't want a security team following him, living in his penthouse was a little dangerous right now— especially with everyone knowing what this form looked like. He clutched his scar tightly as tears rolled down his face silently.
What if he let them? would it be easier for everyone? He told Aizawa he decided to live but was that true? Did he want to live? His mind raced with possibilities, reactions. Maybe Aizawa would spit on his body, tell him how useless he was. Maybe the UA teachers would laugh at his funeral— if they even held one for him. Maybe- maybe Nedzu would be happy to find someone else to teach his students. Maybe Izuku could find a new— a better mentor, someone who knew what they were doing. Gran Torino would be happy. He decided that one would be fact. Gran Torino would be happy that he— the man Nana died for— is dead before him. He’d be happy the misfit child he trained died, he’d be happy to get rid of Toshinori just that little bit more.
He thought back to the last fight with All For One. It's his fault. His fault Bakugou got captured, his fault because he didn't pay enough attention— didn't agree to go on the trip with the students, he couldn't save them. Toshinoris fault. All might's fault— if he hadn't been so hell bent on becoming a hero so ready to take on the task, maybe this wouldn't be happening. Maybe if he had died along side his parents like he was meant to— maybe if he had died with Nana, given her back the quirk and sacrificed himself.
His breath hitched a little at the thought. His pills. No, he couldn't — Not in UA where the students could find him. Then where? when?? He thought for a moment. He could leave a note here…Aizawa would probably find it first— spread the good news around. Let him know where the body is, where his body is.
His grip got tighter on his scar. He could feel the waxy skin begin to rip under his nails, a stinging pain hitting his left side. He didn't flinch, didn't move, his tears staining his pillow.
Useless.
He can't save anyone, he doesn't have one for all, he's not a good teacher and he knows it, he's not a good mentor, not a good friend, not a good student, no one's son, no one's partner, no one anymore.
He's not quite all might and yet his name feels like a curse whenever someone calls him by it. Who would even want him when he looks like…like this, to skinny, to tall, to ugly. With a scar that made anyone who dared to look almost throw up at the sight of his mangled body. His mind spun with the thoughts over and over as he slowly stood up, he felt as if it where a dream, slowly taking off his suit and tie, shoving the mirror away so he wouldn't have to look.
Slowly he looked through his closet, finding his usual to big shirt and trousers only kept up by a belt he had to poke several extra holes into for it to fit. Slowly pulling a hoodie over his stick like shoulders and gangly frame. He pulls the hood away from from his face as he gently touched one of his bangs, a sad and trembling smile spread across his face as he did. He quickly wiped his tears and sat at his small desk, and began to type on his laptop quietly, his mind racing, typing then deleting sentences immediately after. Unsure what to say, what to make sure they know.
He sighed deeply and tugged on his bangs, as he began to type, a few sentences was all he needed. He downloaded the file to his phone before standing up, walking down the hallways of the Dorms before getting into the lift and going down. His mind raced with thoughts
was he really doing this? Is this how it ends? Was Nighteye wrong- will he be wrong. He sighed again and stepped out of the lift as the doors slowly opened, as if in a daze he walked into the common room, only a few students of 1A lounging around as he walked towards the printer in the corner of the room. Nedzu had made sure there was one in the building for any teachers staying there so they could print anything they needed.
He watched as it slowly churned out the note, watching as it printed the few words he had left to say. without a second though he grabbed it and folded it up, not allowing anyone to see it, holding it close to his chest. walking calmly back towards his room, back into the lift, back through his door and placing down the note on his bed facing the door.
He looked at the note, the last thing he would say to them all, disappointed that he couldn't come up with something more heartfelt or loving, something special for his students and co-workers.
He then thought of where to go, somewhere quiet, where no one would find him. There is a few places in Musutafu, one he liked the most was under a bridge, it was close to a forest on the outskirts of the city, not far from UA. He grabbed a pen and scribbled the address, the bridge name and where about he would be before walking into his bathroom, grabbing a bag as he did, looking into the cupboard with all his medications he stopped.
Did he really want this?
He shook his head. Grabbing all his medication that he could, zipping up the bag and walking into the hallway, leaving his door slightly open as he did. Walking back down to the common room he hears happy voice.
“all might-sensei!” Midoriya grinned up at the man, unknowing of the plan already set in motion.
all might smiled back, patting Midoriya's head as he does.
“Yes young Midoriya?” He ruffled the green locks on his students head.
“Just wondering where you where going- and if we can still train later!” The boy grinned happily, as he leaned into all might's gentle touch.
“Oh I’m just going to meet a friend you know detective Tsukauchi?” he lied, he always hated doing that, always avoided it. But this was necessary. “Of course training is still on- unless you have other plans.” All might added only for the boy to shake his head
“Nope- I’ll see you at the training grounds later than thank you all might-sensei!" Izuku smiled happily and almost begun to walk away before a hand grabbed his.
All might knelt down to his level and pulled him into a short hug, pressing a gentle kiss onto the boys forehead.
“I’m very proud of you. I want you to know that” Toshinori said firmly as he slowly let the boy go, reluctantly. Izuku looked up confused and touched, his grin wide as he looks back up at all might
“T-thank you all might” The tears already starting in his eyes before all might's large hand wiped them away.
“I’ll see you later Izuku.”
All might walked out the door, without turning back. Izuku is such a sweet kid, toshinori wished he hadn't dragged him into his mess, yet again he's glad someone as good as Izuku has the quirk. He made at least one right decision, Izuku would be fine without him, fine without such a pitiful mentor.
He slowly took in the sights of UA as he walked towards the main gates, slipping out of them and walking towards his final resting place, his bag full of medications that would surly kill him. The bridge to mostly unused, chances of a stranger finding him are very low. He walked through the city, taking alleyways to avoid the crowds and shortcuts, the noise and bustle of the city getting quieter and quieter.
Finally he arrived at the bottom of the bridge, he didn't want to jump, he spent his hero days jumping off tall buildings. He didn't want that, he slowly settled down under the bridge, just so the sunlight would be able to reach him as he took of his bag. Taking out bottle after bottle of pills, he wouldn't be able to take this much before he passed out. But it was worth a shot, as he unscrewed the lid of the first one shoving the pills into his mouth as he tipped his head back, his throat constricting and un-constricting in a familiar way. Far to use to taking multiple pills at once.
He unscrewed the next lid, then the next swallowing each time diligently, his vision starting to blur as he weakly unscrewed the next lid shoving the remaining medications into his mouth and swallowing once more before desperately grabbing the next bottle, the tears streaming down his face. It was so hot, so warm. He just wanted to sleep.
Swallow.
He was getting so tired, is this it?
Unscrew the lid.
Was it all finally over?
Swallow.
Everything was spinning, where was he again?
Unscrew the lid.
He just needed to keep going- keep taking the pills that's all he knew, he just needed to-
A gut wrenching yell echoed around the bridge, he couldn't tell if it had come from his own mouth or someone else's. He must have looked awful, surrounded in pill bottles under a bridge. Maybe someone mistaken him for a addict getting high, it didn't matter either way.
The cold floor felt so amazing against his boiling hot skin, as he laid down slowly, his breath beginning to slow. He smiled. The first genuine smile in a long time and he only just realised it.
Something grabbed his hand, someone.
Toshinoris eyes opened a slither as he felt tears fall onto his face. A pretty dark haired man leaning over him, tears spilling out of his equally dark eyes. Aizawa was here… he must have found the note.
Toshinori dipped in and out of consciousness only catching parts of what he had to say.
Its partly a surprise that Aizawa was crying- that he cared. Then again he did run off like a cat to die alone somewhere other than home.
Toshinori weakly squeezed Aizawa's hand, burring his face into the mans body happily. Murmuring words he didn't quiet understand, as Aizawa begged and pleaded above him for something he didn't know how to give
Toshinori looked up at Aizawa broken face, speaking clearly.
“H-hey…” His speech slurred “I’m…I’m gonna sleep” He smiled, his eyes fluttering shut his mind going numb and his body limp.