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DS Lisa Swain eagerly pulled open the front door, in which her fiancée, Carla Connor had just inserted her key.
“Oh!” the brunette exclaimed in surprise. “Were you waiting for me?”
“I was,” Lisa said, taking Carla’s key out and then taking both her hands to lead her into the house.
“Well, not the whole time. But the last hour.”
“Right,” Carla said unhappily. “You had to finish your nice lunch off first.”
Lisa sighed. Lunch had been Betsy’s idea. Well, her demand actually. And as ever, Lisa had relented and allowed her ex-wife to stay, even though it didn’t make either her or Carla feel comfortable. She wasn’t surprised that Carla had kicked off. She didn’t blame her at all. She still didn’t know what Becky was playing at, trying to get them into their old patterns. She’d finally moved on. She was finally happy. And it felt like Becky intended to try and wreck it all, everything she and Carla had built together.
“No,” she said. “Lunch ended when you left. And ignored me practically chasing you down the Street.”
Carla frowned, feeling a little guilty. Becky’s behaviour wasn’t Lisa’s fault. Lisa was just trying to keep everyone happy, like always. Carla couldn’t imagine how hard everything was for her.
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Lisa said, still holding onto her hands. “I don’t blame you for walking out. But…”
She led her a little further in the lounge.
“You didn’t have lunch in the end so I went shopping and I brought all your favourite snacks,” she said proudly, gesturing to the coffee table, upon which there was Sushi, crisps, dips, olives and salad.
“And I bought this!” Lisa announced, gesturing to the foot spa on the floor in front of the sofa, bubbling away. “And face masks. I thought perhaps after you eat, we could do those and then maybe go upstairs for a bath and an early night?”
Carla sighed heavily, closing her eyes. Lisa’s heart dropped in disappointment. Carla watched her whole body fold in on itself. It was amazing she was still standing; she had become so small.
“I’m sorry,” the blonde said softly. “You hate it.”
“No, no, I don’t hate it,” Carla assured her, pulling her into her arms and kissing her forehead.
Lisa kept her eyes shut, snuggling into her shoulder.
“It’s just… you don’t have to prove you love me with a soak and a sha…”
She trailed off. Lisa lifted her head, smirking at her.
“Not that I don’t enjoy both of those things very much,” Carla added.
“I do though,” Lisa said. “Need to prove it to you. Because I feel like you don’t know and that can only be my fault, Carla. I haven’t said and done the right things. I haven’t done enough to reassure you. And I know this…”
She gestured to the table.
“… is kind of silly but I just thought if we spent some actual, quality time together then… you’d know.”
“I know you love me, baby,” Carla said softly.
Lisa looked hopeful.
“But honestly, if you’re just going to break my heart then I’d rather you got on with it, instead of dragging it out.”
Lisa wrapped her arms firmly around Carla’s waist. She looked into her eyes.
“I’ve no intention of breaking your heart, Carla. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I haven’t been good enough recently.”
“You are good…”
Lisa interrupted.
“But I love you. I’m desperately in love with you.”
“And you’re in love with Becky,” Carla said, her voice catching on the last word.
“No. I’m not. I did love her. I’m not denying that. We spent the best part of twenty years together. But what I loved was the memory of her. Although, having said that, I’ve been having some memories of her recently that I haven’t loved at all.”
“What do you mean?” Carla asked worriedly.
“It’ll keep for another time. What I’m trying to say is that if you’re right and she came back to rekindle things… well, all she’s done is made me understand that there are no feelings there anymore. You’re the person I love. You’re the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. The person I want to marry. I even bought us some wedding magazines.”
She gestured to a small pile of magazines on the table, next to the snacks.
“I thought maybe we could start doing some actual planning. We didn’t really get a chance before… everything.”
Carla smiled, holding her a little closer.
“I just don’t want you to be trying to convince yourself that I’m the one. I do understand that…”
“You are the one, Carla. You’re my whole world. I love you. I want us to carry on building our future, like we were.”
“But what about…?”
“She’s my ex-wife,” Lisa said firmly. “We’ve got a kid together. It doesn’t go deeper than that.”
“I just don’t want you to regret…”
“Darling, why are you so convinced I’m going to leave you?” Lisa asked gently.
“Because everyone always leave me in the end,” Carla told her, her voice catching again.
She choked back a sob. Lisa cupped her face, leaning in to kiss her, her own eyes becoming wet with tears.
“Not me, sweetheart,” she whispered. “Not me. As far as I’m concerned, this is it. You’re it. I want us to love each other for the rest of our lives. I want to cause mayhem in our care home together when we’re old and grey. I want to endure all your shit reality shows. I want to go on holidays. I want to come home to you at the end of every day. I want you to make every moment of my life better just by being in it. You have. You do.”
“You’ve made me actually cry now!” Carla protested. “Thanks!”
“You’re welcome,” Lisa said sweetly. “You already made me cry.”
She pressed a gentle kiss against Carla’s lips.
“I’m sorry,” she said again. “I’m sorry I didn’t do well enough to make my feelings clear before. Please let me try going forward?”
“No more happy, family lunches?” Carla asked, burying her face against Lisa’s neck.
“None. Betsy can see her outside of the house. And I won’t be seeing her at all, if I can help it.”
Lisa stroked Carla’s back soothingly.
“I don’t want to dictate who you…” Carla tried.
“You’re not dictating anything,” Lisa promised. “This is my choice. You’re my choice, Carla.
Carla lifted her head, gazing at her for several moments.
“I love you,” she said quietly but sincerely.
“And I love you,” Lisa said.
She took Carla’s hand and led her to the sofa. Crouching down, she removed the flip flops Carla had stormed out in and rolled her leggings up a little higher. Carla smiled affectionately, as Lisa placed both her feet in the foot spa for her. Carla let out a moan of pleasure. Driving in flip flops had not done her much good.
“What would you like to eat first?” Lisa asked, sitting beside her.
She scolded her when Carla just smirked.
“Mmm… the crisps and dip,” Carla eventually decided.
Lisa picked them up. She dipped one crisp into one of the four dips and brought it to Carla’s mouth. Carla opened up, crunching the crisp down with a giggle.
“You going to feed me everything?” she asked.
“I mean, I’m not touching the sushi!” Lisa grinned. “But yeah. Everything else. If you want me to.”
Carla chuckled. She picked up and crisp, popping it into Lisa’s mouth.
“This is meant to be for you!” Lisa protested.
“It’s a pleasure sharing with you,” Carla said. “As long as I don’t have to share… well, you.”
“Never,” Lisa promised.
“Shall we look at the magazines?” Carla asked.
“Yeah?” Lisa asked hopefully.
Carla nodded. Between the flirting and willingness to look through bridal mags, Lisa was feeling calmer and more hopeful.
“Lisa, I’m desperate to marry you,” she said. “That was never in doubt, I promise.”
“You just… didn’t think my heart was in it?” Lisa asked sadly.
“I just got scared that she was going to find a way to take you,” Carla said. “I should have had more faith in you. Or maybe in myself.”
“I’m sorry the past has told you that you don’t get to keep love, Carla,” Lisa said. “But I’m afraid you’re stuck with me now. I’m not going anywhere.”
She rested the crisps and dips in Carla’s lap so she could reach for the magazines.
“Good,” Carla said. “I’ve been trying to be brave about it but I honestly don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, Lisa. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my whole life.”
“And I feel the same about you.”
“You don’t have to say…”
“I feel the same about you,” Lisa said firmly.
Carla helped herself to some more crisps. She fed one to Lisa, who had opened one of the magazines.
“So, let’s get planning this wedding, shall we?” Lisa suggested.