Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐋- 𝐖𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐒!

10:06 AM

KIRUMI TOJO has added KOKICHI OUMA, RYOMA HOSHI and 13 OTHERS to Class Group-chat

KOKICHI OUMA: g a s p

KOKICHI OUMA: GROUP CHAT TIME YA’LL

KIRUMI TOJO: I am already regretting this.

RANTARO AMAMI: Just... give it some time, Tojo. I’m sure it’ll uh- get better.

KOKICHI OUMA: mom can I have admin perms pls

KIRUMI TOJO: ... What for.

KOKICHI OUMA: to change names, duh!

KOKICHI OUMA: our actual names? BOOOORING. And dull

KOKICHI OUMA: or maybe thats a lie~! Nishishishi

KIRUMI TOJO: ...

KIRUMI TOJO: I am exhausted. So fine. But you’d better behave yourself.

KOKICHI OUMA: !!!

KOKICHI OUMA: yes mommmm

KIRUMI TOJO has given KOKICHI OUMA admin permissions

KOKICHI OUMA has changed 16 names

OwOuma has changed the name of the GC: Welcome to Hell! We Have Avocados and Pianos!

OwOuma: enjoy your new names, my subordinates!!!

Bakamatsu: ...

Bakamatsu: is it bad that i unironically love it

Avocado: kokichi cmon you could’ve done better

Avocado: what about ‘touch grass’ or fre-sha-vaca-do?

OwOuma: too lame, too common

OwOuma: avocado it is!

Avocado: bet

OwOuma: and ty kaede-chaaaaan <3333

Bakamatsu: teehee <3

Makiroll: that’s kind of gay.

OwOuma: mlm and wlw solidarity actually

Bakamatsu: fr maki that’s so homophobic of you

OwOuma: you tell her sista

Bakamatsu: you bet i will brotha

Mom: ... You lot are certainly a handful.

Mom: Well, regardless. I know better than to ask you all to keep this chat strictly school related, but please do exercise restraint.

Mom: We do not need to be reported for inappropriate content.

Furby Overlord: yes mom <3

Furby Overlord: omg cockichi this is perfect <333

OwOuma: yw whore <3 suits you so well

Furby Overlord: w-whore?! Nngh...

OwOuma: ...

Bakamatsu: m miu just moaned in text im

Atua: Atua tells me that Miu is definitely gay!

Makiroll: Angie, we don’t need Atua to tell us that to know that.

Sighara: ^

Sighara: ....

Sighara: ouma really

OwOuma: really really, dear shumai <333

Bakamatsu: kokichi has superior naming skills

Bakamatsu: I should know

Avocado: nods sagely

K1B0: truly the ‘GOAT’

Sighara: ...

OwOuma: ...

Bakamatsu: ...

Mom: ...

Lesbianism: ...

Magiiic: ...

Atua: A

Atua: Atua demands to know who taught you that, Kiibo!

K1B0: is it a bad word? Oh dear, I apologise, everyone!

Mom: It is... not a bad word, Kiibo. It means Greatest of All Time.

Mom: We did not expect you to know that term, that’s all.

K1B0: ah, yes! Rantaro has been teaching me about “memes” with Kokichi!

OwOuma: and it’s working so well, I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon :’)

OwOuma: wipes proud tears

OwOuma: Kaede are you seeing this

Bakamatsu: i am,,, I'm so proud of our amazing robot <3

K1B0: i am not a robot! And that is robophobic TO robots!

Bakamatsu: but i complimented you too! XD

K1B0: oh

K1B0: I apologise, Kaede!

Bakamatsu: awww you’re too pure kiibo <3 its okay!!

Sighara: sorry to interrupt, everyone

Sighara: but akito-sensei is calling for attention, and we should probably listen...

Mom: Yes, before he can throw a fit.

Bakamatsu: yes mom!!

OwOuma: talk to yall sooooooon <3

Avocado: yes ma’am ✌️

Mom and eight others have gone offline

K1B0: but we are in the same class...?

K1B0: ...

K1B0: to emulate saihara... sigh

K1B0 has gone offline

Chapter Text

WELCOME TO HELL – WE HAVE AVOCADOS AND PIANOS! 

4:16 PM 

Cosplayer: lmao help 

Cosplayer: “to emulate saihara” im crying 

Sighara: ... ignoring that 

Cosplayer: lol 

Sighara: has anyone seen ouma 

Sighara: i can’t find him anywhere 

Sighara: which usually means nothing good 

Bakamatsu: heeeey have some faith in our class prez, shuichi :3 

Airhead: the last time we had faith in ouma, he almost blew up an aquarium exhibit 

Sighara: see?! Bad things happen when ouma is alone 

Bakamatsu: you almost blow something up ONE TIME 

Sighara: kaede that was the third time in an hour 

Bakamatsu: @OwOuma come here you’re getting harder and harder to defend 

OwOuma: siiiiiiiiiigh 

Avocado: hara* 

OwOuma: EXACTLY! 

OwOuma: see?! Rantaro gets it u-u 

Sighara: i 

Sighara: whatever 

Sighara: where are you ouma 

Bugz: gonta at walmart with kokichi! 

Mom: I apologise for leaving you to worry, Saihara. There were supplies that Ouma needed, so I offered to chaperone a small group. 

Sighara: its fine, tojo! 

Sighara: at least he’s not causing trouble 

Mom: Thankfully so. 

Bakamatsu: shuichi you have doomed us all 

Airhead: dude... 

Airhead: you jinxed it. 

Magiiic: nyeh... someone never learned the sacred art of jinxing... 

Lesbianism: as expected of a degenerate male! 

Mom: Chabashira. 

Lesbianism: ... sorry Tojo 

Mom: Much better. Thank you. 

OwOuma: LMAO CHABASHIRA GOT MOM’D 

Lesbianism: ... degenerate >:( 

OwOuma: <3  

Bakamatsu: hey so remember what I said like five minutes ago about shuichi dooming us all? 

Airhead: how could we forget... 

Sighara: oh my god please no 

Bakamatsu: YOU DOOMED US ALL, SHUICHI 

Bakamatsu has sent an image 

[Attached: A photo taken in Walmart—likely photographed by Akamatsu, judging by the blonde locks draped over a section of the camera. Ouma sits front and center, trapped beneath an upended trolley, grinning from ear to ear. There are boxes of random foods littered around him—behind him, Gokuhara stands, both struggling not to panic and laugh, as he tries to pull Ouma out of the wreckage; Hoshi stands close by, a hand smacked onto his face; Shirogane is biting her lip, stifling a giggle—and Idabashi’s eyes are narrowed, his fingers noticeably twitching. Tojo lurks around the edge of the frame, staring up at the sky with an air of complete exhaustion. ] 

Mom: I would like it on good authority (my own) that this was Saihara’s fault. 

Sighara: ME?! 

Sighara: h 

Sighara: how was this my fault?! 

Mom: You jinxed the situation. 

Mom: “At least he’s not causing trouble.” 

Mom: Well, colour me surprised—he caused trouble. Because you jinxed the situation at hand. 

Avocado: lmao saihara got mom’d 

Furby Overlord: i missed THAT?! 

Furby Overlord: man, damn it, i needed supplies! :( 

Mom: What do you need to get, Iruma? I’m sure I can procure your supplies for you before we return. 

Mom: ... if they do not require Walmart. I think we’ve given the workers enough of a heart attack already. 

Furby Overlord: nah, i just need to grab a new wrench and some scrap metal 

Furby Overlord: mine has,,, 

Furby Overlord: disappeared 

Furby Overlord: >-> 

OwOuma: disappeared- been used for freaky shit more like,,, 

OwOuma: nishishishi 

Sighara: Ouma. 

Avocado: oh fuck 

Airhead: ouma you are so fucked 

OwOuma: w 

OwOuma: WHY 

OwOuma: HOW DO YOU KNOW :( 

K1B0: Saihara never uses punctuation AND capitals unless it’s serious. 

K1B0: I think you should prepare to run, Ouma. 

Atua: I will pray to atua for you!! 

OwOuma: gee thanks 

Sighara: Ouma. 

OwOuma: ... 

OwOuma: yeeees...? 

Sighara: Come here. Right now. 

OwOuma: ... 

Avocado: RUN KOKICHI RUN 

Bakamatsu: YOU NEED TO LIVE, KOKICHI 

Airhead: GET HIM, SIDEKICK! 

Makiroll: will there be death 

Mom: Harukawa. 

Makiroll: ... okay 

Mom: Thank you. 

Mom: I do suggest you run though, Ouma. You are being hunted currently, are you not? 

OwOuma: mom save me please dont you have that power?! 

Mom: Not right now, no. 

Sighara: Ouma Kokichi, get back here. 

Bakamatsu: DONT GET CAUGHT, SOLDIER 

Avocado: YOU GOTTA ESCAPE FROM HIM, MAN 

K1B0: I wonder who will emerge victorious. Hm. 

Avocado: definitely kokichi. Have you met him? Way too crafty to get caught now 

Bakamatsu: ^^^^ 

Bakamatsu: but i also dont wanna be too biased bc they’re both my friends wfnewngew 

Lesbianism: beautiful key smash, akamatsu! 

Bakamatsu: awwww ty <3 

Lesbianism: !! <3 

Magiiic: nyeh 

Magiiic: your lesbian is showing tenko 

Lesbianism: lol good 

Lesbianism: that’s my key personality trait! 

OwOuma: I'm hiding im safe 

Sighara: There is nowhere you can run where I will not find you. 

Magiiic: ... oh jeez that was ominous 

Atua: that even gave atua chills,,, 

Shingucci: Ouma is hiding in the sakura tree just outside of the cafeteria @Sighara 

Sighara: Oh, is he now? 

Sighara: Good to know. Thank you. :))) 

OwOuma: WELL IM NOT ANYMORE 

OwOuma: WTF SHINGUJI-CHAN 

Cosplayer: welp there goes the chase 

Bugz: um... 

Bugz: why did saihara just tackle kokichi? Gonta is confused :o 

Cosplayer: pure... 

Cosplayer: WAIT HE TACKLED HIM? 

Bakamatsu: I DIDNT THINK HE HAD IT IN HIM :’D 

Avocado: saihara’s got that dog in him 

Furby Overlord: frfr 

Makiroll: finally, some prime entertainment 

Bakamatsu: dont worry, gang, I got pictures 

Bakamatsu has sent an image 

[Attached: a slightly blurry photograph taken by Kaede, who seems to always be where the action is; on the floor, beneath the shade of the school’s largest sakura tree, Saihara is pinning Ouma to the floor, hands roaming his body as he tickles the life out of him; he’s grinning madly, eyes captured mid glint, and Ouma’s mouth is pulled open in a boisterous laugh; his eyes are slammed shut and he’s squirming, but he’s clearly having fun. ] 

Airhead: okay that’s adorable 

Makiroll: somehow 

Makiroll: considering ouma is there 

K1B0: I personally think that Ouma is adorable! 

K1B0: and Saihara is certainly not bad either. :) 

Bakamatsu: ... 

Avocado: ... 

Makiroll: ... 

Airhead: ... 

Airhead: oho. 

Bakamatsu: oho? 

Avocado: ohohoho... 

K1B0: errr...? 

Avocado: don’t worry about it, Idabashi <3 

Bakamatsu: nothing to see here <333 

K1B0: ... I do not believe you. >:[ 

Avocado: welp we tried 

Bakamatsu: genuinely do not worry about it <3 i promise its nothing, Idabashi! :) 

K1B0: ... If you say so, Akamatsu. 

K1B0: :D

Chapter Text

WELCOME TO HELL – WE HAVE AVOCADOS AND PIANOS! 

9:23 AM 

Avocado: good day, fellow queers 

Avocado: i come bearing a question of utmost importance 

Furby Overlord: rise, my good sir 

Furby Overlord: speak your question, and we may give you the answer you seek 

Bakamatsu: speak, my good man 

OwOuma: indeed, my good queer, what do you have to say 

Avocado: what would the colour orange taste like??? 

Furby Overlord: like the fruit duh! 

Avocado: okay BUT 

Avocado: and hear me out here 

Avocado: which came first 

OwOuma: ... 

Bakamatsu: ... 

Furby Overlord: ... 

OwOuma: the 

OwOuma: the man has a point 

Bakamatsu: this realisation is most troubling indeed 

Bakamatsu: what do we do, oh brilliant leader? 

Furby Overlord: cumstain what do we do 

Bakamatsu: i- 

Bakamatsu: miu c’mon 

Furby Overlord: I said what i said 

Bakamatsu: and I said what i said!! 

Avocado: uhm akshually :nerdemoji: you typed it 

Bakamatsu: is that an emoji in my christian server 

Bakamatsu: i hate you 

Bakamatsu: so much 

Furby Overlord: let the infighting begin,,, 

Ouma Kokichi >>> Saihara Shuichi 

09:42 AM 

Ouma Kokichi: are you ready soldier 

Saihara Shuichi: i guess 

Saihara Shuichi: do i have to... 

Ouma Kokichi: yes :3 

Ouma Kokichi: you’ll be fiiiine Shumai <3 

Saihara Shuichi: how did we become friends again 

Ouma Kokichi: because I'm super cute and you couldn’t say no to me :3 

WELCOME TO HELL – WE HAVE AVOCADOS AND PIANOS! 

9:50 AM 

Sighara: hear ye, hear ye 

Sighara: all rise for the honorable Ouma Kokichi, leader of DICE 

Furby Overlord: gasp 

Bakamatsu: we are rising 

Avocado: i rise all the time 

Furby Overlord: 1) that makes no sense 

Furby Overlord: 2) thats what he said 

OwOuma: QIOWJFRIOWE skank shut up I’m tryna be serious here 

Furby Overlord: apologies my king </3 

OwOuma: you are forgiven,,, for now >:0 

OwOuma: anywaaaaaay 

OwOuma: Amami Rantaro, you stand accused of a heinous crime. 

OwOuma: You have brought up a subsidiary of the chicken or egg argument. The question proposed is as follows: Which came first: the colour orange or the fruit? 

OwOuma: How do you plead? 

Avocado: I plead... 

Bakamatsu: he pleads... 

Furby Overlord: he do be pleadin 

Avocado: I plead guilty... TO BEING FUCKING RAD LETS GOOOOO 

Bakamatsu: BRO REALLY WENT THERE 

Furby Overlord: the coolness,,, radiating,,, too much,,,!! 

Sighara: le gasp 

Sighara: the prophecy... the chosen one has arrived 

OwOuma: HE’S SO RAD IM SHOOK 

Furby Overlord: he is blinding in his radiance... 

Sighara: truly a spectacle to witness 

Avocado: this is so reat and gay of us 

Avocado: real 

Sighara: reat 

Bakamatsu: reat 

Furby Overlord: reat 

OwOuma: reat 

Cosplayer: reat 

Bugz: reat!! :D 

Ryoma: reat 

K1-B0: reat 

Avocado: a man makes ONE (1) typo 

Avocado: smh 

Airhead: bro’s acting like we’re illerate im 

Makiroll: ... 

Sighara: ... 

Sighara: who’s gonna tell him 

Makiroll: not it 

OwOuma: not it 

Bakamatsu: ^ 

Avocado: ^^^^ 

Atua: ^ Atua says not it 

Bugz: gonta can try? 

OwOuma: nono big guy you’re okay <3 

Bugz: gonta trust kokichi <3 :D 

OwOuma: my heart... <333 

Mom: ... I wish I was illiterate. Truly, I do. 

Mom: Momota, you typed “illerate.” The word is spelled “illiterate.” I hope this clears up the obvious confusion. 

Airhead: ... 

Airhead: talk about proving a point you were trying to disprove 

Airhead: cmon guys i should get points for that at least, right? 

Mom: ... 

Mom: I- Sure, Momota. Let’s pretend it works that way. 

Airhead: ... I can feel the pity from here but thanks Tojo </3 

Atua: this is so cursed 

Atua: whatthefuck.jpg 

Furby Overlord: i 

Furby Overlord: is that a giant furby made of fondant 

Atua: yes! 

Atua: atua is disgusted by it! 

Furby Overlord: i feel honoured 

Furby Overlord: the furby lord, aka me, accepts this offering with open arms,, 

OwOuma: ...  

OwOuma: please 

OwOuma: i beg on bended knee 

OwOuma: sacrifice it to atua 

Sighara: ... 

Makiroll: I want to die. 

Sighara: and aint that the truth 

K1-B0: i am going to have nightmares and it is all miu’s fault 

OwOuma: mood kiibs, mood ^^^^^^ 

Sighara: i am already having nightmares about it 

K1-B0: but you’re awake? 

Sighara: exactly 

Avocado: thats deep, man 

Furby Overlord: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID 

Furby Overlord: ugh finally that took forever to get out 

Avocado: lol that’s what he said 

Furby Overlord: ... damn i got got 

Atua: even atua wouldn’t accept that as a sacrifice, ouma @OwOuma 

OwOuma: well fuck 

OwOuma: now what do we do with it 

Mom: Everyone, meet me in the common room in fifteen minutes. We will discuss what to do with... that thing. 

Mom and nine others have gone offline 

Chapter Text

WELCOME TO HELL – WE HAVE AVOCADOS AND PIANOS! 

00:34 AM 

Ryoma: i wish to fight the sun 

K1B0: Err... may I ask why? 

Cosplayer: yeaaaah not that it isnt a total mood but.. ^ 

Atua: ahhhh yes!! We must crusade against the sun! 

Ryoma: well you see kids 

Ryoma: i have insomnia 

Sighara: mood 

Shingucci: x2 

Cosplayer: x3 

Atua: x4 

K1B0: ... also ‘mood.’ 

Sighara: kiibo are you sure you’re not a robot 

K1B0: .. I mean. 

K1B0: I am. I just instinctively say I’m not because robophobia sucks. 

Sighara: understandable have a nice day 

K1B0: It’s the middle of the night, Saihara. 

Sighara: i said what i said 

Ryoma: anyway 

Ryoma: what is insomnia if not your body refusing to believe that the sun has set 

Sighara: are we seriously making conspiracy theories about insomnia at almost 1 am 

Atua: omg yes 

Atua: and Atua says that it’s a result of millions of years of human filth culminating in nonbelievers! 

Cosplayer: oh shoot better convert to atuaism before atua himself gets you guys 

K1B0: Is that truly possible?! 

Sighara: I- we're seriously making conspiracy theories at almost 1 am arent we 

Cosplayer: lol 

OwOuma and Makiroll are online 

OwOuma: All of you go to sleep. 

OwOuma: Now. 

OwOuma: Or I'm bringing DICE in to throw all of you out of every single goddamn window in this school. 

Atua: *atuadamn 

OwOuma: Angie. 

Makiroll: all of you shut it 

OwOuma: Except for Kiibs. He’s too pure. 

K1B0: Please do not call me that. 

OwOuma: Meh. 

OwOuma: Now go the heck to sleep. >:( 

Cosplayer: are you mom now 

OwOuma: Do you want me to be? Because I can guarantee that none of you would survive my wrath. 

Makiroll: scary /s 

OwOuma: You’ll be first. 

OwOuma: Now do as you’re told. 

OwOuma and Makiroll are offline 

Sighara: ... 

Ryoma: did he just 

Ryoma: use proper punctuation? 

Ryoma: and capitals? 

Cosplayer: wait oh my god you’re right he did 

Atua: ouma channeled his inner Angyhara(tm)... 

Sighara: please stop making puns out of my name 

Sighara: how many are there now? I've lost track 

Sighara: time is but a construct in this infinite void we call life 

Sighara: no matter how fast you run, you cannot escape it 

Ryoma: ... and we’re hitting the existentialism phase of insomnia. Got it. 

Sighara: man i need a coffee so bAD 

K1B0: Saihara, I strongly advise against a coffee at this hour.  

Sighara: weeps silently for the coffee that could’ve been,,,, 

Ryoma: welp 

OwOuma is online 

Cosplayer: oh no 

OwOuma: I will put the fear of GOD into ALL OF YOU. 

OwOuma: GO TO SLEEP. FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING GO TO SLEEP. 

Sighara: HAH 

Sighara: I fear no man, woman, nor nonbinary pal.  

Sighara: do your worst. 

OwOuma: Saihara. 

Ryoma: Oh, you done fucked up, boy. 

Sighara: ya’ll are cowards. since when did ouma scare anyone. 

Sighara: smh 

OwOuma: Oh, I’ll show you fe 

Sighara: he’s too cute to be feared, like have you looked at his face? 

OwOuma: ... wgat? 

OwOuma: saihara-chan um 

Sighara: and his eyes? They shine like the most beautiful amethyst. Never wanted to write poems before but damn 

OwOuma: u 

OwOuma: ssaiharachan you ca stop now im not mad amnymore 

Sighara: and sometimes i wonder how his lips would taste 

Ryoma: oh dear god 

Cosplayer: ARE YALL SEEING THIS 

Atua: atua is... intrigued oWo 

Sighara: they just look so kissable yknow? 

Sighara: man I’m so sleep deprived haha 

OwOuma:  

OwOuma is offline 

Ryoma: .... well then. 

Sighara: wait ryoma? 

Sighara: ... 

Sighara: oh dear fucking god what chat is this 

Cosplay: ... main chat, Saihara. 

Cosplay: main chat. 

Sighara: right well I'm going to go and die. 

Sighara: I can never look ouma in the eyes again 

Sighara is offline 

Ryoma: Fuck. 

Ryoma: damage control tomorrow, I guess. 

Cosplay: yeah... I hope they’re both okay :( 

Atua: atua says they’ll be fine 

Cosplay: I sure hope so... 

K1B0: ... Saihara, really? 

K1B0: Sigh. Goodnight everyone. 

K1B0 and Ryoma are offline 

Cosplay: oh, um, okay... goodnight kiibo! 

Cosplay and Atua are offline 

Shingucci: Well... I can’t see this going well. 

Shingucci: Goodnight, everyone. 

Shingucci is offline 

Chapter Text

WELCOME TO HELL – WE HAVE AVOCADOS AND PIANOS! 

08:16 AM 

Sighara: ow crap my head 

Sighara: morning everyone 

OwOuma: morning 

Sighara: you okay, ouma? It's not like you to be so... mellow 

OwOuma: mm 

OwOuma: i got stuff to do 

OwOuma: see you later saihara 

Sighara: err... see you 

OwOuma has gone offline 

Sighara: @everyone what the fuck did i do last night 

Ryoma: Well why do you think you did something? 

Sighara: because ouma called me saihara. 

Ryoma: He’s always calling you Saihara. 

Sighara: no. He calls me saihara-chan or something equally as cutesy. 

Sighara: wait, you’re stalling 

Sighara: Ryoma Hoshi what did I do last night 

Bakamatsu: well my dear shuichi 

Bakamatsu: after reading up in the chat,,, 

Bakamatsu: I’m just... gonna dm you 

Sighara: ... i’m going to die arent i 

Ryoma: It was nice knowing you, kid. 

Akamatsu Kaede >>>> Saihara Shuichi 

8:41 AM 

Akamatsu Kaede: now shuichi 

Saihara Shuichi: what kaede 

Akamatsu Kaede: I need you to promise me that you wont freak out with what you’re about to see 

Saihara Shuichi: kaede i am already freaking out and ouma is avoiding me 

Saihara Shuichi: so please, i beg on bended knee 

Saihara Shuichi: WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO LAST NIGHT 

Akamatsu Kaede: ... don’t say I didn’t warn you 

Akamatsu: youdonegoofed.jpg 

Saihara Shuichi: 

Akamatsu Kaede: 

Saihara Shuichi: oh my fucking god no i did not 

Akamatsu Kaede: you did. You really did. 

Akamatsu Kaede: poor kokichi was not ready. At all. 

Saihara Shuichi: fuck fuck FUCK 

Saihara Shuichi: i gtg thanks kaede!! 

Akamatsu Kaede: SHUICHI WAIT WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO 

Akamatsu Kaede: SHUICHI 

Akamatsu Kaede: 

Akamatsu Kaede: ugh kids these days smh 

Saihara Shuichi >>>> K1B0 

8:54 AM 

Saihara Shuichi: kiibo i fucked up 

K1B0: So I saw. 

Saihara Shuichi: what the hell do we do?! ouma's avoiding me, i can tell 

Saihara Shuichi: I'm so fucking sorry babe 

Saihara: I made him uncomfortable like an idiot 

K1B0: Shuichi, he’s not avoiding you because he disliked it. He’s avoiding you because what you said flustered him greatly and he’s not sure how to respond. Ouma’s smart, but he’s as oblivious as a rock.  

K1B0: He has no idea what to do with all of this. You did nothing wrong—you just took him off guard. That’s all. 

Saihara Shuichi: i guess 

Saihara Shuichi: i mean looking back i was obvious, right? 

K1B0: You tell me, Mister “I wonder how his lips would taste.” 

Saihara Shuichi: touché 

Saihara Shuichi: how can someone be that oblivious 

K1B0: Have you met Ouma? Or did you meet someone else? 

Saihara Shuichi: haha very funny babe -.- 

K1B0: If you insist on pointing out the obvious parts of this situation, I’ll ask the stupid questions. That’s how this goes. 

K1B0: Now, should we turn our attention to fixing this issue you’ve created? 

Saihara Shuichi: 

Saihara Shuichi: ... yes please kiibo ;; 

K1B0: There we go. Come to my dorm—we'll see what we can do. 

Saihara Shuichi: <3 

K1B0: <3 

K1B0 >>>> Ouma Kokichi 

10:19 AM 

K1B0: Ouma, are you alright? 

K1B0: You essentially fled from any possible conversation. 

K1B0: I promise you, I’m not here to judge. I just want to ensure you’re okay. 

Ouma Kokichi: I'm fine kiibo 

K1B0: And already, you’re lying to me. 

Ouma Kokichi: what gives you that idea 

K1B0: Since the day you decided that we would be friends no matter what, you have insisted on calling me Kiibs and nothing but. Now, here you are, calling me Kiibo. So, why don’t you try that again? 

Ouma Kokichi:  

Ouma Kokichi: well noticed ig 

K1B0: Well? I promise you, Ouma, I’m not looking to make whatever is going on with you worse. 

Ouma Kokichi: why did saihara say that 

K1B0: Say what and when? 

Ouma Kokichi: about wanting to kiss me. 

Ouma Kokichi: and the stuff about my eyes 

Ouma Kokichi: and about me being cute 

Ouma Kokichi: saihara’s never like that 

K1B0: Have you ever thought about it in a different way? 

Ouma Kokichi: what way...? 

K1B0: In a way that signifies something deeper than friendship. Saihara wasn’t wrong, you know. You have a certain charm, and you certainly aren’t bad on the eyes. 

Ouma Kokichi: thanks for tryna cheer me up kiibo but its okay 

Ouma Kokichi: saihara was just being nice, thats all 

Ouma Kokichi: I'm not upset 

K1B0: Ouma Kokichi, that’s a bare-faced lie and you know it. 

K1B0: Why else would you revert to calling him Saihara without the ‘-chan’? 

Ouma Kokichi: 

K1B0: Here, let me offer you a way to find out. 

Ouma Kokichi: ... i’m listening 

K1B0: Here’s what you’ll do.