Chapter Text
Misha's POV
Rae hummed her wonders.
"Another letter has arrived, it seems." Rae dragged her drowsy feet towards the envelope on the ground in front of the door.
"Seems like this secret admirer is quite into you, huh?" I teased, perched on one of the chairs, twiddling my fingers under the desk. "Or perhaps," I paused briefly, "it's your tenth one?"
Rae simply let out a light chuckle at that. I hoped it was of a humble nature and knowing her, it must've.
I watched her bend down and pick up the envelope. I bit my lip. This envelope was nothing out of the ordinary; such extragavant appearances did not matter as all of the beauty that did were the contents within. Do not judge a book by its cover, as they say.
"I wonder what this one's going to be about." Considering herself intrigued, Rae pondered to herself, pinching her chin while she walked back to the bed and sat on it. I suppose she was in the comfortable mood today. As I usually would, I briskly twisted my chair around, facing her way on impulse. "I am also curious of what this 'secret admirer' sees in me."
Many things, Rae, many things.
"There's no need to be talking so down on yourself like that," I told her, her self-confidence needing a boost, especially with how irritatingly degrading Claire has been to her since our enrolment to this academy. I wish I could keep her away from Rae but given her high noble status as House François, I had no chance. If only there was a way to keep her away from her.
"You're right." Rae nodded at me. "Thank you, Misha."
I sadly smiled back in response. I wished to see her smile more often too.
I continued to stare at her sliding her intimate fingers in-between the tiny fragile gaps of the envelope and gradually pulled the flap away.
I had looked forward to seeing her face perk up with a grateful glimmer in her usually blank eyes. I wanted to witness such warmth provided by a Goddess before me one more time. Leaning forward ever so slightly, I longingly darted my eyes to her gorgeous face as she unfolded the piece of paper before her. In a way, there was a sense of urgency than there usually was from her.
Squeezing my fingernails into my palms, I swallowed my anxiety only for it to worsen. Perhaps this was already becoming an annoyance to her? No, if that was the case, she wouldn't have bothered opening it. These trivial concerns washed away on their own as my eyes locked themselves back to Rae's adoring sparkle. Admittedly, my cheeks heated up a little.
There was just something about her. Something I couldn't exactly put my finger on. I followed my heart for years. And now, here we are at the Royal Academy sharing a dormitory together. Frankly, it felt like an extended sleepover, maybe just without the family part, but I had no reason to complain; I had no reason to.
I'd entrusted my heart and soul to that sheet of paper Rae held so expectantly. I admit, I am a coward. But in all fairness, it was abundantly clear to me that I'd have no dice with someone so perfect as Rae: we're both… huh?
My train of thought had been sliced away like a lever causing an unpredictable switch in the lane's direction. I could not believe my eyes. Was I perhaps imagining this?
"Rae," My heart raced at the angelic sight, "you're… smiling?"
Even then, I also recalled just how much brighter her eyes had twinkled like glitter before me. What was it that made her so blindingly enchanting?
Rae thrummed a tune of ponder, lowering my heartfelt message down to her lap and glanced at me. Realistically speaking, nothing prepared me for anything that could have possibly came out of her dainty lips. In spite of the tension rising in the air, the eagerness (for the first time between us ever) became mutual.
Did I hit a soft spot in her heart with mine?
"Uh," I blinked maybe at least twice or more, "Rae?"
"Sorry, I was left in a daze," replied Rae after an abrupt moment of silence.
"A-ah, is that so?" My eyes anxiously met hers after shortly stealing a glimpse at her welcoming - yet occupied - lap. Interestingly, her godly smile didn't waver.
God, what an angel…
"Did you say something earlier?" asked Rae.
After a thoughtful pause, I shook my head and cleared my throat.
"No, it was nothing, never mind." I buried my interlocked hands into my own lap as I rubbed my thumbs against one another. "So, what does the letter say this time? Anything noteworthy?"
Act natural.
I'm most likely just overthinking it. Maybe it was someone else's letter? No, what type of excuse is that!? I would have been the first to hear of this! I am the one who wakes Rae up first thing in the morning: this routine of ours has never changed and never will. I will stand by this. I would have known before she did.
"Well," Rae began, snapping me out of my jumbled up mind, "I've been compared to the sun. Not sure if that means anything."
It means everything, Rae. I will make you see that. Even if the truth is not yet clear to you.
I nervously giggled. "Well, I suppose she's not wrong." I simpered and tilted my head at my ball of sunshine, who'd suddenly stood up in a calm and collected manner. I then pondered aloud, "Is something the matter?"
Rae shook her head, walked towards me and stood beside me, focusing on the desk. I pivoted myself to check up on what she was doing.
"Wha-!?" My lips blurted out on their own volition as my attention had found itself on the opened drawer. There was no way… Rae - she - you…? You kept them all? All of the letters? Honestly, it never hit my mind just how many I'd written for her within the span of a month for every morning and night and maybe the afternoon and evenings.
I just genuinely couldn't help myself. There was just so much I wanted to say to her directly - from the bottom of my heart.
"You know," Rae uncharacteristically said, folding up today's morning letter and adding it to the copious collection, "I had a feeling it was you behind the letters."
My heart dropped.
"Huh…?" I shakily tried my hardest to register what Rae was insinuating, but I already had a gut feeling.
"When you stand before me, I feel as if my heart will bloom into yours as I ascend to the heavenly gods from above."
My eyebrow twitched at that. Why did that line feel so vaguely familiar? Could that have been a line I wrote for the first letter I'd accidentally left on that fateful day? No, maybe it was the fourth letter. No, the twentieth? Fiftieth?
Shutting the drawer, I'd mentally slapped myself out of this internal and utterly preposterous self-debate.
"Sounds familiar, doesn't it?" added Rae. I finally fixed my view from her soft hand to her… eyes that came into contact with mine.
"It-it does," I murmured.
Why was I losing my footing? Wait, no, did I just admit something I shouldn't have!? Oh, I hope she didn't hear that.
"A-anyways," I shot up from my seat after clearing my throat, "we should get going to class."
Before I could even reach the door with a couple baby steps, Rae's delicate grip caught me by the wrist, freezing me on the spot as if she were an Ice Queen stunning her opponents in a duel. I couldn't bring myself to turn around and look at her in the eyes.
Why…? Why did I feel so much shame? Why did she - how did she…?
My heart ached.
My throat clogged up.
My stomach churned.
My legs were giving out.
Cold sweat trickled down my neck.
I was just being dramatic. I'm just a recreant. I just-
"Misha," Rae wrapped her arms around me, her chest pushing up against my back, "calm down."
"You…" Trembling, I deeply exhaled. "You weren't supposed to know."
"Why's that?" Rae gently questioned my improvised reasoning; this really wasn't supposed to happen. Was my handwriting becoming too obvious?
"I… I don't know." I gulped.
Tormentingly dreadful quiet moments ticked by as Rae's warming hug tightened a little. This must be a nightmare! It has to be!
"You know," Rae broke the daunting silence, "I couldn't sleep well last night. I kept thinking about who has been leaving those letters. Then, there you were, at the door. I wondered what you were doing with that envelope in your hand."
To hear Rae's voice for a longer period of time than per usual... I enjoyed every moment of it; your voice is just too soothing to ignore.
Wait.
"You saw…?"
Rae saw me planting the letter on the floor last night!?
"I saw." Rae embraced me rather intensely. My heart was about to explode. "When I connected the dots, I felt inexplicable joy I never thought I would."
"What… do you mean?" I queried.
Rae let out a cute titter I never thought I'd hear. "Your letters made me really happy," she admitted with a lighter tone I wasn't all too familiar with but melted into. "Really, I mean it."
"Is… is that so?" I failed to improve my composure.
"I'm serious."
"You don't," I hesitated, "think I'm disgusting?"
"Why would I?"
"Because…! I mean, we're both girls, so-"
"Where's the issue in that?"
"Huh?"
As assertive as her alleged perspective on this situation at hand was, I could definitely sense a quiver that wasn't mine.
Could it be?
Rae, you're the same as me?
"If only I could be open and honest with you, I would whisper you an original love song - just for you."
"R-Rae!" My entire face blew up into a tomato. "Please, no more! It's embarrassing."
Rae giggled at me and that alone was music to my ears. Albeit, I'm more grateful that she can't see my flustered expression right now. I never really took into account just how awkward my writing was.
More importantly, what I yearned for most was an answer.
"Hey, Rae?" I turned my head to the side very reluctantly. "Are you… also a homosexual - like me?"
Momentarily thereafter, Rae pulled away slightly, my person remaining in her comforting palms. Her hushed nature was solely her being her ordinary self but right here and now was a whole different story. I spun around and finally gazed upon her: my beautiful Rae.
Rae averted her gaze and nodded ever so nervously. Why are you so… adorable?
"Then…" My foot stepped one forward closer to Rae without my permission as my impatient hands found their way onto Rae's waist, "can I experience a relationship with you? Not as your best friend, but as your… lover."