Chapter Text
The colleseum boomed with cheers as saparata landed the last hit, though saparata wasn't part of the ecstatic energy. How could he possibly celebrate as his lovers, friends, best friends blood tainted his hands? The world was spinning around him, the cheers slowly deafening with the shrill ringing of his ears. He couldn't tell what hurt more, his heart chest, or his head. He stared at Fluixons limp, dead body. That was his fault.. he was the one who killed him.
Saparata felt the guilt crawling up his whole body. Fluixon was the one who had framed him for murder, the one that had forced him to run away from the whole world. The same one who threw out his plans of a peaceful life. Still, after all this, why did saparata's heart still ache?
His gaze couldn't leave fluixon. The more he looked at his soulmate best friend, the more he felt as if the world was collapsing. His world had already collapsed once fluixon did. His knees wobbled, and before he knew it, his legs gave up. He fell to the hard gravel, kneeling beside fluixon. His heart felt more heavy now that he was closer to see the damage he had done. Maybe fluixon was right, maybe he should've died. He should've done anything to guarantee fluixons survival.
His mind was a raging storm now, he could've prevented all this. Maybe if he had just given fluixon more love, if he had stayed in hiding, if only he had died.
It was all his fault.
He snapped out of it when he swore fluixons hand twitched. No, that wasn't possible. Was saparata seriously loosing his mind? Fluixon was dead. Dead people stay dead. Dead people don't move, they don't reach out to other people eit- wait.. what? If saparata hadn't known any better, fluixons hand was reaching out to him. But..fluixon was bleeding out in front of him? He looked into fluixons dazzling purple eyes that held secrets not even the night sky would know about, his eyes kept focusing and unfocusing.
He didn't want to believe fluixon was alive for the sake of his own mental health, but what would he care about his mental health when it came to his whole world? It would be a risk he would take.
He reached for fluixons hands. He felt a shiver go up his spine, fluixons hand were so.. so cold. Another sign he was dead. Saparata intertwined their fingers with fluixons cold ones, maybe even if Flux was dead, he could justify this as an act for his sanity. He couldn't deny it, he had missed fluixons touch. He brought his and flux's hand to his cheek, slightly flinching at the contact of flux's icy cold hands.
"Flux.." he said, holding back his own tears. Before he could stop himself, he whispered "I love you.." his voice cracking in the process. His whole body tensed when he felt fluixons hand squeeze his own. His heart raced as he met flux's softened gaze. Flux mouthed "I'm sorry it had to be you" before his eyelashes fluttered, than closed for good. Saparata had a sudden jolt of panic, he couldn't loose fluixon a third time.
His hands messily wrapped around flux's wrist, trying to find a pulse. When he felt flux's weak pulse, he let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. There wasn't time for relief though, he was loosing time fast. He swept flux's body up in a bridal carry, protectively wrapping flux with his wings. He hid Flux from sight as he ran out of the colleseum, only one destination in mind. He heard the uproar behind him, but he couldn't care less.
Schpood and a few others pinged his comms, asking about his whereabouts or what he was doing. He only replied to schpood, telling him that he was just giving Flux a proper burial. Schpood wouldn't find that suspicious, because before all of this, him and Flux were great friends. After running for a while, he arrived to his home. No, their home.
He gently lay Flux down into his own bed, scared that Flux would break into pieces on impact. He didn't care when his white sheet turned crimson red, or when the air brought a stingy metallic smell. He pulled out his first aid kit, taking the bandages out. He than approached his lover best friend, carefully removing flux's clothes. Why did flux have to wear so many layers.. it was starting to stress saparata out. After a while of untying buttons, he got off the last layer. Even though he had seen flux naked many times, he sfoll couldnt help bu blush. If this was any other time, he would've taken the time to admire every inch of flux's body, but this was not the time.
He carefully wrapped the bandages around flux's injuries after cleaning the wounds, finally relaxing when flux's blood stop leaking out through the bandages. He kneeled next to his bed, resting his head on flux's chest. He was tired, but felt like this situation was too urgent to just go to sleep. Though, feeling flux's chest rise up and down, he felt at peace. After confirming flux still had a pulse, he dosed off.
~ Fluixons POV ~
He was elegantly swinging his sword at saps, ready to end things. After all of his efforts, this was his perfect chance to get rid of dead weight. Somewhere in his heart head, he felt a bit wrong. How did it get to this? Actually, what was he thinking? He had framed saparata of murder to start a riot and save island 2.
With saparata dead, he could see his goal of saving everyone from island 1's heartless beasts closer than ever. Somehow, even though all he has ever wanted was almost here, he still felt a bit..guilty he felt as if something was wrong. He glanced at saparata to see how many hits it would take before saparata would fall, but his eyes landed on the others. Sapratas eyes, once filled with love, was now filled with anger.
He missed his angels love and embrace
He remembered how their conversation went that day.
"saps..if you could betray one person to save a thousand, would you?"
".......Depends what that person means to me"
"What if that person was me?"
" ..."
"No, i would never be able to bring myself to do that"
He realized in that instant, he didn't want to harm saparata. Saparata swinger his sword towards fluixon, and his slight hesitation cost him his life.
He felt every inch of that sword impaling his chest, writhing in pain. He coughed up up a lot of blood, before plummeting to the ground. The last thing he saw was his angel staring at him in fear. He doesn't want to die knowing he upset his everything. He can't die with regrets.
He can't. He just can't. He won't allow it.
With every last ounce of strength, he forced himself awake.
He found his beloved in such a depressing state. It made his heart twist sourly. His eyes darted to his hands, seeing saparata holding it dearly like it was a treasure. The scene hit him with a strange sense of deja vu. He couldn't even feel saps warm touch, all he felt was pure agony and pain. He admired saps beautiful face, how lucky he was to get a chance to love this man. Fluixon ruins everything he touches.
Hearing sap calling his name in such a soft tone was a luxury he no longer deserved. After all he has done to saps, why doesn't sap hate him? His question is quickly answered when saps whispers a confession. This makes his heart feel heavy, knowing he couldn't truly be with saps ever again. He uses all his strength to squeeze saps hand, letting him know he heard what saps had always wanted to tell fluixon.
Saps looks at fluixon with eyes filled with sadness and tears. Flux badly wanted to wipe away his tears and tell him it was okay, but he was too weak.
He was zoning in and out of counciousness, he didn't try to fight it. He knew fate had already given him enough pity. He let what had to happen come. He hadn't wanted to die with regrets, but knowing saps loved him back was enough for him. Before letting darkness engulf him again, he mouthed "I'm sorry..it had to be you", making sure he left with absolutely no regrets.
...
Fluixon felt so warm.
So fucking warm.
He struggled to open his eyes, his whole body aching. He blinked a few times, letting his eyes get used to the unusually bright light. Was he in heaven? It was a bit too warm to be heaven though. Yeah, he definitely went to hell. He turned to his side, was that..saparata? Heaven. This was definitely heaven.
A wave of fatigue washed over him, well that was unfair. Why did people still have to suffer with fatigue even after death? He tried to get up, but a sharp pain attack his back. He yelped before falling back down. Everything felt a little too real, wasn't the afterlife supposed to be gloomy? He blinked some more, looking around. Wait.. He recognised the place he was in. Unless heaven was able to replicate the exact same room saparata had, then this would mean only one thing.
Fluixon was still alive.
How was he alive? Why was saparata here? Wasn't saps supposed to kill him? Maybe saps kept him alive for closure, maybe he was here to scream at flux. Whatever it was, fluixon was just glad saps was safe and sound.
Fluixon looked to his side, admiring his angels precious appearance. He was scared saparata would suddenly disappear. He couldn't loose his angel again, never again. He weakly raised his arm that didn't feel like his, caressing and playing with his angels soft curls. He's always loved how saps hair would curl around his face because it made him look so adorable.
He soon regretted that choice soon enough as he accidentally caused saparata to stir. He really hoped he wouldn't have to get confronted by his..what even was saparata to him? His friend.. his partner, his lover, his ex? He never understood their relationship, but he liked the way they were right now.
He knew he was really fucked when saparata started to open his eyes. Fluixon swore to himself, how could he forget that saps was a light sleeper? Was there time for flux to pretend to sleep? He got that answer pretty quickly as saparatas bright eyes were glaring into flux's. How would one start a conversation with someone who you framed with murder and turned the whole world against them? Thankfully, fluixon was spared of this misery after saparata's eyes started to well up with tears that threatened to spill.
saparata's hoarse voice cut through the silence, and he had asked the one thing fluixon couldn't answer. Couldn't, or did he just not want to face it? Out of all the things Saparata could've said in this moment, he had decided to ask “why” with the most pitiful expression that made fluixon’s heart ache with something. Was it guilt?
Suddenly, fluixon couldn’t even look saparata in the eyes. Flux turned gaze towards the wall, anywhere but at saps. He started to feel an immense emotion he didnt understand wash over him. It didnt feel like guilt, or anger, or sadness either. Definitely not happy or fear.
saparatas voice ripped through the tense atmosphere once again “flux”.
He couldn’t control himself, instinctively looking towards the direction of the voice he had gotten so familiar with. He kind of regretted that decision once he was met with the way saps was looking at him. If he was standing, his knees would've felt like noodles.
Fluixon probably looked so pathetic, staring into saps eyes like a lost dog trying to find home. He couldn't tell what emotion saparatas eyes held, was it sadness, anger, guilt, happiness or.. maybe saparata was looking at him with..no. Flux didnt deserve that kind of look after what he had done. He was trying to look away, but he just couldn't.
"saps.. I-..I.."
"I dont know"
~ Saparata's POV ~
"Saps, honey, your gonna catch a cold"
"Awwww look at you all being worried about me! I'll be fine. I'm saparata the great hehe!"
"yeah well, you wont be so great when your sick."
Fluixon took off his scarf, gently placing it around Saparata's neck
Saparata stared at Fluixons features. Flux had never gotten this close. Saparata felt his heart in his throat, woah Flux was a different type of pretty. Could pretty even be enough to describe Flux right now?
"s"
"sapara"
"SAPARATA!"
Saparata looks up to meet Flux's eyes. Gosh, he could drown in those royal purple eyes.
"what..?"
"your staring, honey"
Saparata's ears turn red, he hadn't realized how hard he was looking at flux.
"n..no im not?!"
It was a clear lie, but who cared? Fluixon would've believed if saparata declared the sky green or the grass blue.
"your such a bad liar" Fluixon chuckled
Fluixon reached towards saps, playing with saps front curls. He's always loved playing with saparata's hair, telling him it was super adorable.
Saparata melted into this familiar touch, letting himself relax.
"Dont you wish this was reality?"
"Flux What are you talking about..?"
"I wish i never messed up so bad."
"..."
"I'm sorry, Saparata. I love you."
Saparata stares at his partner, what on earth was Flux saying? He blinked, and suddenly he wasn's surrounded by the cold chilly air. He was in a warm, bright room. Where was he? Where was...flux?
That wasn't his fluixon.
Thats when everything dawned on saparata. This wasn't a dream anymore, this was reality. Fluixon had just betrayed him, frame him for murder, make the whole world turn on him, and fought to the death. Death..shit. If he was alive, where was flux? He was fully awake now, his eyes open, scanning the room for fluixon.
Thats when his eyes met flux's. Instead of the ambitious royal purple eyes, he was met with tired, desaturated purple. He had so much he wanted to say, to ask, but he was immediately interupted by the feeling of tears trying to escape. He hated being a crybaby, he hated crying, and he especially hated crying in front of Flux.
Out of everything he wanted to stay, his brain spoke before his heart.
"Why"
Saparata watched as Fluixon turn his head to face the opposite direction. Was that a sign of guilt? Fluixon was staring at the wall like it was the most interesting thing in the world.
A moment of awkward silence passed, and saparata was determined for answers.
"Flux"
Saparata watched as flux finally turned to face him. That one motion made him feel sick, it reminded him of his flux. The flux that had always been positive and encouraging. His stomach churned, missing his flux. Who was this guy lying beside saps?
Saparata couldn't help but look at fluixon with pure love. Although this was't his flux, he couldnt bare to look at flux with anger. He watched his heart crumble as flux stammered out an "I dont know". It reminded saparata so much of when fluixon would always lie through his teeth, and then say he didnt know with the most guiltiest expression. Fluixon always did that when he had no more lies to come up with. It was such a bad habit.
Saparata couldn't hold in his flood of emotions anymore. His tears fled his eyes, flowing down his face as he kept trying to wipe them away. This was a horrible moment to loose his composure. Flux reached out to saparata, gently wiping his eyes. That one move made saparata's heart crack even more. Everything this person did reminded him of his flux, but this wasnt his fluixon was it?
He felt his heart slowly crack more when fluixon tried to comfort him. What was wrong with him? After making saparata a wanted criminal, he was still being so gentle and caring. Saparata's heart craved fluixon's touch, but his brain said otherwise. When fluixon was about to wipe another tear escaping saparata's woeful eyes, saparata involuntarily flinched.
He was scared of being hurt again, he was scared of his heart.
He was scared of Fluixon.
Looking back up to meet fluixons eyes, he expected flux to look angry, maybe even happy that he broke saparata. All saparata was met with was hurt. Fluixon, the great leader of luminara, looked hurt.
Why was this bastard looking at him like that? Saparata was the one who was supposed to look hurt and betrayed, not fluixon.
Fluixon slightly opened his arms, as if signalling saps for a hug.
Maybe that one single gesture triggered something in saparata, but saps couldnt control himself any long. He got rid of the space between him and flux. He hugged flux's waist so hard, scared of loosing him again.
"I really hate you fluixon."
"I understand."
"do you though..?"
"I'm sorry saps..I-I really am. I'll ma-"
"..."
"Sorry? your sorry? d-do you even understand what i went through?! Every night hoping that i was wrong, that you'd never do anything of the sorts to me."
"Saps..you-you were so much more than you think. I didn't want to get you involved but-"
"well you did. you dont even understand how horrified i was when i realized how YOU, fluixon, betrayed me out of all people. How could you..-? I trusted you..I helped you...."
There was a long silent pause as saparata slumped himself deeper into flux's neck.
"I loved you"