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Castiel woke up. Alive.
He woke up in bed, actually. In his dingy, too small space room in the bunker. Everything exactly as he’d left it. His trenchcoat was bloodied and dirty in the places he’d been hurt, and his hands held the soft red from where he’d gripped Dean’s shoulder and-
Oh God. He woke up.
After everything. After crying. After confessing. After believing he would never see Sam or Jack or Dean ever again. After spilling out the contents of his heart that he knew would make him the happiest, simply to know what Dean would say back to him. Knowing it would be nothing. Knowing that he was okay with that. But now, now that he's alive? Now that he had to eventually leave this room and talk to his best friend again, he wasn’t sure if he could muster up the courage to do so.
He’d just left him there. With those few but final words. “I love you.” Why had he said that? Castiel loves Dean. He’s known that for a while in the back of his mind, has subconsciously felt it in his grace since letting him go in Purgatory, and doesn’t know how he’s going to live with himself if he has to see just how much this round of dying has affected their relationship. Castiel thought he’d been lost. He thought he’d never come back. That’s why he’d said it. Now he couldn’t take it back, and he couldn’t decide if he really wanted to.
“Did you hear that? I think it came from Cas’s old room.”
Sam’s voice could be heard from down the hall, and the sudden intrusion within the air made Castiel snap out of his spiral and tug on the lapels of his trenchcoat, attempting to center his thoughts. He had to tell everyone he was alive. Hearing quick steps in a succession coming down the hall, he reached for the door and went to confront his family.
Before his hand could touch the brass doorknob, the door swung open with a whack and Sam Winchester stood before the angel; relief slipped out of him in a breath as he looked toward the hunter. He wasn’t quite ready to face the man’s brother, not yet. Not after everything.
“Cas? You’re alive!” The angel was pulled into a tight hug by this moose of a man, and wrapped his arms around the hunter in turn.
“Hello Sam. It seems that I am.” A smile bled onto the angel’s lips as he was let go from Sam’s embrace.
“Man, You have no idea how happy I am to see you. I mean, you’re alive! Jack’s been gone for a few days but before he left he’s been talking non-stop about trying to get you back. We’ve all missed you a lot, Castiel. Dean’s going to be so happy. He’s been a wreck since, since– well, you know. ” Sam let the sentence drag out a bit, assumingly knowing all that went down before he was taken by the Empty, from Dean.
Castiel’s happiness dimmed slightly at the mention of his best friend. He missed Dean. There was an ache in his bones that desperately wanted to hold the hunter again. He couldn’t do that until they spoke about what happened, however, and he had to talk to him eventually. He sighed and let out a slight laugh when he looked back at the hope Sam’s face held. Well, he supposed now would be as good a time as ever.
“Yes, I should speak to him about everything. Do you know where he-?” Castiel’s sentence was cut short as footsteps came down the hall. The very hunter himself, Dean Winchester came into view. Freshly showered and drying off his hair with a towel, dressed in his hotdog pajama pants, a loose black tee and his dead man robe and slippers. Dean’s voice cut through the silence between the men.
“Sammy what the hell are you yelling about-” A gravely voice spoke through the air. The towel that had been shuffling through his hair came down over a face Castiel had missed desperately as the most beautiful olive eyes locked with Castiel’s own. There was a ring of sadness trapped within Dean’s irises and a pair of soft eyebags rested underneath his lashes. Castiel’s heart tugged as he noticed the clear signs of grief written all over his best friend. Grief he’d held for him.
Dean took in a breath. He couldn’t speak.
“Dean.”
“I’ll leave you two alone.” Castiel tore his eyes away from Dean to look as Sam’s voice cut through the thick silence between the two. His footsteps back down the hall receded until Castiel heard the door slam. Whatever Dean had told him about their goodbye, Sam definitely had figured this would be a difficult reunion.
When he brought his gaze back to Dean, there was a charged anger within the hunter’s eyes. Castiel was taken aback by the welling up of tears and outrage he saw build in the hunter’s expression. He tried to speak to explain his presence before the inevitable rejection of his confession but was stopped by a loud whack and a sharp sting to his face. The angel stumbled back a few steps into his bedroom at the motion and put his hand to the sting against his cheek.
Dean had punched him.
“You selfish son-of-a-bitch.” Dean’s voice broke through the shock that Castiel felt and he tried to speak and explain himself once more but was stopped again by Dean.
By Dean, grabbing onto the lapels of his trenchcoat and yanking the angel into a bruising kiss. Soft lips pressed against his own chapped ones, and he felt a rush of euphoria run through his veins. Dean was kissing him. Castiel felt large hands cup his face, and a calloused thumb run over the sting of the punch still lingering on his cheek. Suddenly, all the beautiful sensations stopped when Dean pulled his face away from Castiel’s own. His hand still lingered on the angel’s jaw, and he pressed their foreheads together and let out a breathless laugh.
“You love me.” Dean’s voice was like a choir to Castiel when he spoke again after a few seconds. The words came out less like a question and more so as if Dean was stating a hard fact. Castiel loves Dean Winchester.
“I admit I always have.” He didn’t hesitate to respond to the hunter.
Dean’s eyes opened and Castiel let out a soft gasp at seeing the swarm flood of love that poured from them. Dean’s head dipped down onto Castiel’s shoulder and the angel felt a tear run down the hunter’s face when he spoke again.
“Cas, after everything. I- You- You’re home.” Dean buries further into Castiel’s neck as his voice shakes.
“Dean.” Castiel brought a hand to the hunter’s face and peeled it away from his trenchcoat. There was a dark spot on the fabric from Dean’s tears, and his face was tinted a shade of pink when he looked at the angel. Castiel’s face broke into a smile and his vision blurred as he felt a familiar sting envelop his eyes when he looked into the eyes of the man he loved. He felt strong arms wrap around his body as Dean pulled him into a hug and buried his face into the angel’s shoulder once again. There was a murmur from the man as Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean in turn.
“Say it again.”
Castiel had to choke back a sob as he spoke again with a gentle voice into the robe of the hunter he currently had his face buried in.
“Dean Winchester. I love you.” He pulled his hand onto Dean’s shoulder, right where he had all those years ago when they first met in that dingy farmhouse. “I always have, and I always will hold you close to my heart. You have changed me in every conceivable way, and taught me to love by teaching me free will. I choose to give that will to you, if you’ll have me.”
Dean’s body shook against Castiel's. The angel’s fingers came up from his sleeve and carded softly through Dean’s hair. It felt as right as when he’d been given the order to pull the hunter from hell. He was supposed to have been doing this all along. This action would pull his life into a better heaven than he had known was possible. Dean’s voice came out muffled through Castiel’s shirt. “Man, I missed you.”
Cas smiled and pulled the hunter impossibly tighter against his chest, “I’m never leaving you, not again if I can help it.”
“I love you.” Dean’s words rushed out of his lips, unable to be contained with his love for his best friend pouring out of every crevice in his bones. He was finally allowed to have this, and he planned to hold it as tight as Cas had held him when he raised his wretched bones out of hell and into a world with an angel he never saw coming.
Dean pressed his forehead onto Castiel’s own again, their lips almost touching. He wanted to kiss him again. To show him the depth of his feelings going far beyond those of savior and saved.
“Dean?” Castiel’s voice broke through the silence.
“I missed you so much.” The words came out of soft lips as Dean looked back into an Ocean of blue eyes. Back at his Cas who held that soft loving smile on his face. “Fuck, I really missed you.”
“I’m here now, and I’ll stay forever if you’ll have me.” Castiel looked back into the tired eyes of the hunter in front of him. Dean stroked the angel’s chin with his thumb.
“Well, sweetheart, forever ain’t long for us it seems. But I’ve got heaven right here with you, and you’re never getting rid of me.” He leaned in for a kiss to the angel’s face and the entire world melted away when their lips pressed together. Dean couldn’t believe he got to have this. This angel of the lord was his, forever. Their lips danced in a slow, sweet motion for a few moments until the angel pulled away and let out a gasp when Dean tried to pull him back.
“Yes, I would like that.” The angel’s eyes opened to look into a forest of love coming from the hunter and he spoke again to his lover. They could have this, and both men knew that whatever could threaten them in the future, as long as they had each other to hold onto, wouldn’t stand a chance.