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Huddled in her coat she hurried down the street. The biting wind stabbed at her face and pulled at her hair. Emma Swan definitely wasn’t a cold weather person, she much preferred the sun and the sand and anywhere that wasn’t Maine in the middle of winter if she was honest. Why couldn’t Henry have lived somewhere like California or Florida? It had to be Maine.
As she approached the docks she noticed a hunched figure sat at the end of one of the piers. Why on earth would anyone be out here when there was a storm approaching? As she got closer she saw a distinctive leather coat and a shock of jet black hair that she would recognise anywhere. She was about to call out when she noticed his shoulders shaking. Was he crying?
As she sat down next to him he startled, obviously too lost in whatever was troubling him to hear her coming. As he jumped he fumbled with something, nearly dropping it into the turbulent waters below them.
“Swan!” he croaked before clearing his throat, “What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same thing. What you got there?” she asked as he dipped his head trying to covertly dry the tear tracks on his face.
“It’s nothing important love.”
“Come on Hook. Walking lie detector, remember?”
The usually arrogant and cocky pirate Captain sighed and seemed to hunch even further in on himself. The sheriff had never seen him like this before, and was at a bit of a loss as to what to do. Sure, she’d always known that his cocksure, smug personality was just a façade he hid behind, but she’d never actually had to face the man underneath before. She was used to Captain Hook, not Killian Jones.
“It’s just an old trinket love. Like I said, nothing important”
“You’re clutching it pretty tightly for something that’s not important.”
They sat in silence for about 10 minutes and Emma was about to give up and leave him to his thoughts when Killian reached out and opened his hand to reveal what was inside. In his palm lay a small toy rabbit, its fur slightly worn, but well kept, giving the impression that it was loved. She glanced up to the pirates face to see a desperate longing in his eyes as he stared down at the rabbit.
“Whose is it?” Emma asked softly.
“Someone who never even got the chance to see it” he replied, gently placing the toy in Emma’s open hand.
Killian’s gaze travelled back out to the ferocious waves. “It’s the anniversary of Milah’s death today. Lost track of which one, but I’ll never forget the date.”
Emma’s mind whirled. What on earth was the connection between a stuffed rabbit and the woman Killian loved?
“Was the rabbit hers?” Emma asked tentatively. She knew that any apologies and condolences she could offer wouldn’t ease his pain, so she didn’t offer any.
“No. It belonged to Evelyn. Or at least it would have.”
Emma’s stomach dropped as the implication behind his words hit her. The toy likely belonged to a child, but it had never been given to them. So Killian either lost touch with the child, or more likely, the child had died. But he’d never mentioned having children and any family he’d had he’d lost long before he met Milah. He was sat in the cold and the growing dark, clutching this rabbit. But it was the anniversary of Milah’s death and he seemed to be mourning the loss of this Evelyn he mentioned.
“Killian.” Emma whispered, “Was Milah… pregnant?”
At her words, it was like a dam broke, “I couldn’t save them.” He sobbed as tears ran down his face, “Milah was only four months gone, we hadn’t told anyone yet. We planned to go back for Bae and settle down together. Be a proper family.”
“We were headed back to the port where I met Milah but we needed to stop for provisions. That’s where I got the rabbit. I wa0s convinced she was going to be a girl,” he smiled sadly, “so we decided to name her Evelyn after Milah’s sister. It was all I’d ever wanted, then he ripped her heart out and crushed it, killing them both.”
“You’ve never told anyone else have you?”
“No. I don’t even know why I’m telling you. I thought if no-one knew then maybe, I don’t know. Maybe I could pretend it didn’t happen? How can it hurt so much to lose someone you never even met?”
At this, he looked up to her his eyes almost imploring her to take away his pain.
“When Henry was born I refused to even look at him. Didn’t want to risk changing my mind about keeping him. He needed his best chance, and that wasn’t with me. But I still loved him. Always have. I think they worm their way into our hearts the second we know they exist, and there’s nothing we can do about it.”
Tears ran freely down both of their faces as Emma pulled the broken man in front of her into her arms, the wind still violently whipping around them as the first drops of rain began to fall from the sky.
“You need to let yourself grieve Killian, otherwise it’s going to tear you apart. But you won’t be on your own. If nothing else you’ve got me”. At this his arms wrapped even tighter around her and he buried his face in her neck as his shoulders continued to shake. Emma wondered when the last time anyone had offered him comfort was. How long had he suffered alone?
They were very similar people. Underneath all of the armour and bravado, she was just a lost girl and he was just a lost boy. They understood each other. She had her family now and he had no-one, but if Emma Swan had anything to say about it, neither of them would be suffering alone ever again. She didn’t care how much it scared her, she was determined to be the person that was finally there for the broken man in her arms. After everything he had done for her and her family he deserved that at the least, and Emma Swan could be pretty stubborn when she wanted to be.