Chapter Text
It wasn't the first time Johnny had sneaked out of the house.
He started doing it the summer before sophomore year, when he realized that if he stepped on certain parts of the stairs that led down to the living room, the steps wouldn't make noise. In the early stages, he had no intention of doing anything inherently bad; he only wanted to take walks around town. There was something calming about walking around at night and seeing all of the lights and the cars passing by.
To an extent, Johnny understood the dangers of walking through Chicago when the sun was down, but he pushed those concerns into the the back of his mind. As long as the volume of his music wasn't too loud, and if subtly looked behind him to see if anyone was trailing him, he was fine. Fearing preconceived notions was pathetic in his opinion. But the walk were mind-numbing for him, and he needed all the relaxation he could get.
Johnny's body was always tense and rigid at the thought of the future. College seemed so straightforward to him when he was younger, but as he got closer to high school it dawned on him that good grades weren't everything. Extracurriculars were key, recommendations were crucial, and AP classes were the key to becoming the perfect student. It was what Johnny wanted. He was never coerced by his parents to become a stellar pupil, this all by his own will. Johnny willingly craned his neck to take in every letter from thick textbooks, drove himself to ends of the earth to become the ideal self that was so hard to reach.
So naturally, he was too wired to deal with himself sometimes. The walks helped.
Johnny's closest friend was Jaehyun, a boy who was talented in almost everything and liked partying. Hard. He has yet to live down the morning where he woke up in a McDonald's parking lot, wearing only a button-up shirt and boxers. Johnny couldn't comprehend how he was still getting high marks on exams when he was constantly hungover.
They had met in the second semester of sophomore year in Geometry class. Johnny hated him for a few months. There was something so untouchable and flawless about Jaehyun that made him ridiculously mad. Every time he got an answer right, he would roll his eyes or suck his teeth. Johnny felt a little bit guilty because he didn't have a valid reason to despise the guy, but at the same time he couldn't care less.
How they became friends was unclear, but Jaehyun tried making small talk with Johnny as the year was coming to an end. By the end of May, Johnny had moved from his front row seat all the way into the back row, right next to Jaehyun.
Jaehyun was hip to a lot of things he really shouldn't have known about. His penchant for partying didn't start up until the summer before junior year, and that was because he had a few "cousins of cousins of friends" who introduced him to two things that were the pinnacle of the high school movie experience: drugs and alcohol.
"You should come to this party I'm going to this weekend," Jaehyun said one day. It was their lunch period, and they were behind the school sharing a cigarette. "I think… I forgot who's throwing it, but it's this girl who graduated last year. Sulli! That's her name."
Johnny shrugged his shoulders. "I've never been to an actual party. The closest I've gotten to that is like, a family cookout. Besides, my parents would kill me. I can imagine my mom keeling over and dying right now."
"You don't have to if you don't want to," Jaehyun stated. He took a drag of his cigarette. "I'm merely making a suggestion that could better your high school experience."
Jaehyun passed Johnny the cigarette. "If I get into your stuff, I don't think I'll be able to remember my high school experience. Besides," he blew a smoke ring. "I've been thinking about quitting these things. I think my mom is starting to discover my lungs aren't as squeaky clean as she'd like them to be."
"That's because you don't do your own laundry," Jaehyun teased.
"Fuck off."
"But seriously, you should come through. It's gonna be dope. You don't even have to stay for long, you can just scope the place out and see what's good," Jaehyun suggested. "Wait, no, that sounds like I'm pressuring you. Damn it. I can't believe I'm taking a part of peer pressure now. This is what they warned us about in freshman health class."
Johnny doubled over laughing, and Jaehyun followed suit. "Shit! I can't believe you're one of those bad pre-teen actors in those fucking peer pressure scenario videos!" He tried controlling his laughter, but he couldn't keep in the snickers. "But… but in all seriousness, I might consider coming. Maybe. Text me the address."
He could do it. It was so easy for him to just leave the house. He had done this before.
Johnny shook his head. Deliberating with himself wasn't an option right now. He took caution as he made his way down the stairs. No noise. His parents were asleep in their shared bedroom, but he could hear the sound of his heartbeat echoing off of the wall. He was halfway down now, the door in his direct line of vision. He let out a breath he had been holding for what seemed like an eternity when he had made it all the way.
His hand hovered over the locks. It was now or never.
Johnny didn't know what to expect, but the clouds of smoke filling the room were a little bit dizzying. Some unidentifiable Tinashe song was playing from speakers. He had noticed that instead of red plastic cups, the person holding the party had opted out for blue ones. Whether or not they were trying to avoid a party cliché wasn't entirely clear to Johnny.
There were girls in short shorts and halter tops, and boys sagging their pants who were conversing with them. Johnny made eye contact with a few people he had seen in the hallways. They gave him a nod of acknowledgement and he returned the gesture without hesitation. His eyes surveyed the room. Where the hell is Jaehyun?
"You're here!" Jaehyun shouted over the music. His eyes were a little bit lidded, and Johnny couldn't tell if he was high, drunk, or both.
"Take this," Jaehyun said as he shoved a cup into his hand. There was beer in it. Johnny could hear his mother crying, but he downed it so he wouldn't look like a dumbass in front of all of these people. It was bitter and little watery, but Johnny was able to get it down his throat without gagging. Jaehyun clapped him on the back and smiled.
"We're doing shots in the kitchen. I'm… I'm a little too out of my element for…" he gestured toward the direction of the kitchen. "That. But you could take my place."
Johnny nodded dumbly. "Alright, alright." Why the hell not?
Jaehyun had failed to tell Johnny that shots burned like a bitch.
He was competing against Joy, a girl he had seen around school before. Her hair was tied up into a ponytail ("My friends won't have to hold my hair back.") and she gave off an intense, competitive vibe. They were surrounded by crowds of party goers, and it made the space humid and uncomfortable.
Joy and Johnny picked up their glasses and clinked them together.
"Bottoms up!" Joy shouted before downing the first shot. Johnny did his simultaneously, and it felt like Satan was scraping around his throat with a fucking pitchfork. He tried suppressing a cough, but it was all too obvious. Joy's face was frozen in a grimace.
Joy ended up winning. She had done six, and Johnny had only done five. He stumbled out of the kitchen and found Jaehyun again, and was surprised to see him playing a very intense game tonsil hockey with a random guy. Johnny turned on his heel the second he saw them and tried scoping out other places to go. In the corner of the room, a game of spin the bottle was happening, and in another corner there was a paper kissing game taking place.
He decided to go near the people who were passing around what looked like $100 between their mouths. There was a spot next to a guy whose hair was a blinding platinum blond, and Johnny settled on sitting next to him. The guy glanced at him and smiled. Johnny was a little intimidated and was only able to give him a nod.
The money was coming toward the blonde, and Johnny realized that he was about to indirectly kiss a complete stranger. But he was also drunk, and didn't really give a fuck. Suddenly, he realized two things. One, his lips were in contact with the blonde, no paper in between, and two, he felt tiny crystals go into his mouth. Johnny didn't know how to necessarily react, but if he chickened out and ran away he would've looked pathetic.
The blonde guy was way too into the kiss, tongue and all, but Johnny found himself going with the flow. A few people cheered and whistled. He pulled away first, wiping his mouth. "What did I just eat?" Johnny breathed out, winded from the kiss.
"Molly," The blonde guy said casually.
"Johnny!" Jaehyun came up behind Johnny and grabbed his shoulders. "You're already getting into it!"
Johnny shook Jaehyun off of him, and he was on a journey to find the nearest bathroom. He had a little trouble trying to stay upright, falling onto people as he tried to keep his center of balance. Giving up, he stood near the kitchen and watched people dance and smoke and do their usual thing. Johnny noticed that the colors were starting to intensify. The blue lighting became more vivid and bright, and the music sounded a lot more clearer. Was it muffled to begin with?
The drugs were kicking in.
Johnny was high as fuck, but that didn't stop him from reacting to the several gunshots that went off. He was the first one to start running. People pushed and shove him aside, and drinks were spilled onto the ground. The music stopped abruptly, and it made the sound of the shots louder. Johnny then felt a sharp pain his calf that caused him to fall onto the sidewalk. He reached down to touch it, and warm blood covered his fingers. That was when he fainted.
"Seo Youngho, what were you thinking?"
Johnny was in a hospital bed. It was 10 o'clock in the morning and his mother was reaming the shit out of him. He understood why, but at the same time he didn't want to hear it. Hell, his whole family probably knew by now because his mother always called everyone whenever Johnny did something bad.
His father was silent the whole time.
"Mom, I know I messed up–"
"You sneaked out. You left the house without my permission. I didn't know you were out there 'living it up' until I got a call from the police at three in the morning. You're lucky you got out of this alive, Youngho! What if that bullet hit you elsewhere, huh? Then what?" His mother commanded. "Do I need to remind you where we live? Oh my god, I should've been on top of this when I smelled cigarette smoke on your shirts. This is my fault."
Johnny groaned. "Mom, it's not your fault. I'm just a bad kid."
"Let me talk!" His mother snapped. "You're not a bad kid. You're a good kid that makes terrible decisions. Youngho… you're my whole world. I love you more than anything. If there's three things I love the most it's you, your father, and God himself. Do you understand that?"
Johnny nodded.
His mother let out a sigh. "I called your Aunt Hyesun that lives in Busan. She made a suggestion that might be good… for you."
"Like what?" Johnny asked, raising his eyebrow. "You don't sound…" He trailed off, realizing what his mother might have been suggesting. "Wait… mom, you're not serious. Please tell me you're not going to do what I think you're going to do. She's not even my blood aunt! I'll never leave the house again unless it's for school. I'll quit smoking, I'll throw out my pipes, I'll give you my weed–"
"What?!" His mother shrilled. "We'll talk about that later. But you haven't seen Hyesun in a long time, and I think it'd be good if you spent the summer in Korea with her."
"Mom, I–"
"This isn't a suggestion, it's an order," His mother stated drily. "I'm doing this because I love you."
Johnny rubbed his eyes. "Please tell me you're joking."
"It's as much of a joke as the bullet wound in your leg, Youngho. Don't pick a fight."
He couldn't come up with a rebuttal, so he closed his mouth as his mother pulled him in for a tight hug.
Johnny had, more or less, became a celebrity at school. People asked him for his retelling of how he got shot, but he kindly turned them down or simply ignored them. Compliments like "GOAT" were thrown his way, but in the back of his mind he thought about how everything would be different if he had gotten shot in the chest or head. No one would want to talk about the shooting at the party, there would be no words of praise. His name would be branded into the history of his school, and a grey cloud would form over Chicago for a few days until it dissipated.
He tried not to dwell on it. Things like that were best left untouched.
"This is my fault," Jaehyun pouted. He and Johnny were behind the school again, and Jaehyun stared at Johnny's leg. It was all bandaged up, but thankfully he didn't need crutches. Jaehyun offered him a drag of his cigarette, but Johnny shook his head.
"It's not your fault, man. I wanted to go that party. You didn't make me do anything," Johnny said. "My mom is bugging out."
They stood in silence for a moment. Jaehyun put out his cigarette, and then gave Johnny a warm, tender hug. Johnny noticed that Jaehyun had never hugged him like this. They had dapped each other up, clapped each other on the back, but this was different.
"I'm gonna miss you, dude. This place is gonna suck without you," Jaehyun sighed.
"I'm gonna miss you too," Johnny replied. "I'm gonna miss you too."
When Johnny got home, a copy of his flight itinerary was printed out and left Johnny's bed. Sixteen hour flight. Sixteen hours to think about how he fucked up.