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She dreaded this day. Dreaded it the moment he was born. When Orion told Felicity and Astarion that he wanted to become a Druid just like his mama, they both knew what that would mean. Astarion, although not a Druid himself, learned from Felicity that when children from her circle came of age and wish to learn the ways of a Druid, they go on a journey in order to train. Halsin has already written to them, informing them that Orion’s new home in the Emerald Grove is ready for him when he senses it is time to go. Out of all of their children, Orion was every bit his mother’s son. He inherited her love for dance, nature, and even her softness with the world. He was their miracle, the one they tried so desperately for and begged to the Gods every month for. Now, he was getting ready to go out into the world and make his own path. Felicity tried to prepare herself…But she couldn’t…
For as long as Orion had been alive, he has learned about his mother’s stims, her moods, her language. Thanks to his father, he was able to communicate and connect with his mother since he was old enough to talk. He’s also, out of all his siblings, the only one who knows what their mother went through before meeting their father. How she was tricked into dancing for coin at a brothel. Forced to smile and pretend for leering men. The amount of times he defended her honor from his schoolyard bullies and people who didn’t understand was unfathomable, but Astarion taught him well. Even though he was taught never to use violence… On this day though, after his siblings ran off to school, Orion noticed his mother’s hunched form as she slowly cleaned the dishes from breakfast. Normally, she stood straight with a spring in her step and a song in her voice. Today, she looked tired, ill, sad. Orion watched as his mother set the last plate down on the counter to be put away later and slowly made her way to her and Astarion’s room. As she passed by, Orion’s keen eyes caught her’s. Pools of what is normally a vibrant pale blue, a reflection of his own, now clouded with sadness in their wake.
“Papa? Is something wrong with mom?” Orion asked as Astarion entered the kitchen from plucking weeds out of the garden,” She doesn’t look herself…Is it…? Is it a quiet day?”
Quiet days are what Astarion called Felicity’s nonverbal days so their children would understand why their mother wasn’t talking. Orion was old enough to spot them even before Astarion would. Astarion frowned as he watched Felicity’s retreating form.
“No son. It’s not a quiet day. Your mother…,” Astarion struggled to explain,” She’s…She just has a lot on her mind today is all,”
Astarion didn’t know how to explain to his son, his grown boy, that the reason his mother looked the way she did is because she didn’t want to say goodbye when Orion gets ready to leave for Druid training. Felicity knows that once Orion leaves, he won’t return until he’s completed his training. It could take years, years without seeing her first born son. The miracle they longed for.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” Orion asked.
Astarion sighed,” Orion…There are things even I can’t fix…We just need to give her space and let her process her thoughts,”
Orion frowned and stood up from the table. Heading to his room, he stopped as he heard a small sniffle. Peaking into the crack of his parents’ bedroom door, he spotted his mother, holding tightly to the patchwork stuffed fox that has been in the family for as long as Orion can remember. Tears slowly rolled down her face as she hugged the stuffed animal tightly to her chest. She rocked slightly as her sniffles increased.
“Please…,”he heard his mother whisper,” Oak Father…Guide my son…See that he never loses his way…That he finds his way home to us…To me…Please Oak Father…He’s my little miracle…My little boy…,”
Orion felt his chest tighten. Now it made sense…He was departing for Halsin’s circle today. And she wasn’t ready to see him go. All of his siblings and himself were starting to find their own paths in life. Orion knew he wanted to become a great Druid just like his mother, dancing through forests and by riversides with his partner by his side. Celestia, his sister, has started seeing a young tiefling boy from her class and going out more, no longer embarrassed of her fangs. Selene, his other sister, had been going to their Uncle Rolan’s tower on the off days from school to study magic. Caelan, his younger brother, had training with their Uncle Wyll every day after school and Lyra, Caelan’s twin, would go off with her friends to areas in the city to draw and paint. That meant the house was normally empty and soon, Orion would be gone, never to return until he completed his training. His mother, the heart of their family, was starting to realize this and it was breaking her down. That her children are grown and will soon all leave home in time.
Orion tiptoed to his room, digging through his satchels until he found what he was looking for. A worn string of leather. Smiling at the leather string, he straightened himself up and made his way back to his parents room. Slowly, he opened the door, trying not to frightened his mother. Her hunched form was facing away from him, her arms still wrapped tightly around the little fox that Orion had seen his father mend on more than one occasion. His footsteps barely made a noise as he walked up to the one person he looked to when things got scary, when things got too hard, when he needed guidance. Felicity, sensing a presence, slowly looked up and then quickly wiped her tears away.
“Orion! I’m sorry my little star. I didn’t hear you come in,” she said quickly,” Is something wrong?”
Orion only smiled and lifted his hands holding the leather string. Then, the next word out of his mouth made Felicity’s eyes sting with fresh tears and her chest ache with nostalgic longing.
“Mama…,”Orion said softly, tilting his head,” Can you braid my hair?”
Felicity hadn’t been called ‘Mama’ since the twins were 7 as Caelan said they ‘weren’t babies anymore’. However, only one child continued to call her that when Felicity had her quiet days. Orion. Her first born. Her first star. Smiling, Felicity patted the spot next to her on the bed. Her son approached slowly and sat down beside her, turned so his long white hair faced her. Felicity gently ran her fingers through his hair, longer than any of the other boys his age. As she did, memories surfaced of a younger Orion, hair unruly and sticking up in places, rushing to her and asking that same question. ‘Mama, can you braid my hair?’. Hearing it today brought a weight to her chest. Taking a deep breath, she took the leather string from his hands and begin to bundle his hair.
“How…How do you want it, love?” she asked, expecting him to request a more practical, Druid-style braid for his journey.
Instead, he smiled shyly, the same crooked yet hopeful smile he had as a toddler. Turning his head slightly so his eyes met her identical ones, he uttered his request.
“Make it pretty like yours mama,”
Felicity’s throat tightened. A flashback, a memory, came flooding back as film reels in her head of Orion through each year of his life, begging and tugging at her skirts to braid his hair. Each time asking for the same thing. ‘Make it pretty like yours mama’. Even when his hair wasn’t long enough yet to do a proper braid, he still asked for a pretty braid like Felicity’s. Every braid, no matter how it looked, had been a connection, a ritual, a promise that no matter how big he got, he could always count on his mother for help and that no matter what, he was still her little star.
Felicity smiled wider as her lips quivered,” Then Mama will make it so…,”
She gently parted Orion’s hair into sections and started to work on braiding it. She took her time, savoring what could be her final moment with her son for a long time. Orion listened when she would ask for him to move his head or hold a strand as she worked.
“Mama? Will it stay like this when I’m at the grove?” Orion asked as Felicity finished the next section of the braid.
“It will. I promise. Even when it comes undone from sleep or your next bath, it’ll still be there,” Felicity said,” Do you know why? Because mama’s magic will be carried with it. I’ll always be there, even when I can’t be there to put it back together again,”
Orion felt his eyes sting as he whispered out,” I think I’ll always need you mama…,”
Felicity let out a shuttering breath,” And I’ll always need you my sweet boy…,”
As she tied the leather string through the braid to hold it in place, mother and son remained quiet, letting the silence say all they needed to say. After she was done, Felicity placed her hand on Orion’s shoulder, allowing him to turn and face her. Without saying a word, Orion rested his forehead against his mother’s in that quiet, grounding way she did to him countless times as a child. Felicity let the weight of her son’s touch overwhelm her. Her little star was not a boy anymore. He was a man about to set off into the world, making his own path in a world that wasn’t too kind to her in the beginning. As she felt him separate from her, Felicity watched as Orion raised his hands and began to sing. What he signed made the dam break and the tears she fought to keep back finally run down her face.
No matter what, you will always be my mama and I love you.
Felicity wrapped her arms around her son, bringing him into a hug as she cried.
“I’ll miss you…My sweet boy, my little star…I’ll miss you,” she whispered.
In the doorway, watching the full exchange between his son and wife, stood Astarion. He smiled softly as his son returned the hug from his mother before Felicity pulled away to address the ever watching vampire that stood at the threshold.
“I’m okay love…,” Felicity said,” Our little star will be okay now…,”
Astarion walked into the room and gently wiped away Felicity’s tears with his thumbs.
“Your his mama…He learned from the best what it means to be a Druid…Especially a Druid as kind and gentle and thoughtful as you,” Astarion said before planting a kiss on her forehead.
“Papa?”
Astarion looked up at his son as their eldest stood up from the bed and did a small turn, letting the braid flow behind him.
“Is…Is it pretty? Like mama’s?” Orion asked in a choked up voice.
Astarion now felt his red eyes fill with tears as he looked at this boy…no…this man who stood before him. Long white hair tied back in a braid that was Felicity’s signature style, watery pale blue eyes that reflected that of his love’s staring back at him. The vampire smiled and walked up to his son, placing a hand on his cheek. For a brief second, Astarion thought he saw that small, wide eyed boy who took his first steps towards him, who’s first word was ‘dada’, and who rushed to him whenever he got hurt staring back at him. But when he blinked, that little boy’s face faded into the man that now stood before him.
“It’s…It’s perfect,” Astarion said softly,” Just like your mama’s…Like a true Druid,”
Orion felt a wetness slide down his cheek and it was then that he realized he was crying. Astarion couldn’t hold back the tears either and laid his forehead against his son’s as they cried.
“I’m going to miss you guys…,” Orion said in a quiet voice,” So much…,”
“And we’ll miss you,” Astarion said back.
Felicity rushed from the bed to wrap her arms around her boys as the three of them cried softly and quietly, wishing that this moment would never end.
Sadly, the time came to say goodbye. Once Orion’s siblings returned from their classes, everyone gathered in the garden to say their farewells. Orion hugged each of his siblings, promising them souvenirs when he returns and warning them that they better not surpass him in height any time soon. Then, Orion hugged his father, whispering a ‘I love you papa. I’ll make you proud’ before turning to the last person. His mother. Felicity had in her hands a small knitted blanket that she quickly shoved into her son’s hands.
“For the cold nights in the grove…I know you can wildshape to stay warm, but I don’t want you exhausting yourself,” she said,” Auntie Karlach included some snacks for the road and Uncle Rolan wanted me to tell you that he’ll be visiting soon so you better not be giving Uncle Halsin a hard time,”
“I promise mama…,” Orion said with a small chuckle as he put the blanket into his satchel, where he saw the snacks were packed.
“And another thing…,” Felicity said,” Promise me you’ll still dance. Even if it’s just a twirl. Promise me you’ll dance,”
Orion smiled and wrapped his mother into a hug.
“I promise mama…I’ll always dance for you,” he said,” I love you…You’ll always be my mama…,”
Felicity buried her face in her son’s shoulder,” And you’ll always be my little boy…,”
With that, Orion pulled away, looked over the faces of his family one last time, and headed down the path to begin his new life as a Druid. As they watched his figure disappear into the distance until he was no more than a small spec on the horizon, Astarion pulled Felicity into his embrace, nudging his forehead to her’s.
“You did good my love…,”he whispered.
“No…,”Felicity said,” We did good,”