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Why did it always have to be him? It seemed like a question Kei asked himself all too often nowadays. It usually applied to life or not-quite-death situations though.
This time around, Kei asked himself the question when his life wasn’t in immediate danger. Well, he was certainly in danger for sure but it was a danger that would be troublesome in the long run.
Because no matter how he looked at it, and he looked at it in every way possible from every angle, he had developed what could only be some sort of feelings towards someone. He wasn’t quite sure what they were rooted in but whatever it was it was new to him and lead to an annoying amount of time thinking about the person. It also made him feel near nauseous just being near them.
Aside from all that, the most annoying part was that it was for the one person he’d least expect: the overly optimistic and energetic idiot that had recently jumped into his life.
He hadn’t even met him that long ago and the time they spent together was far from idealistic bonding environments. After all, he had locked him up in a truck. Apparently that was inconsiderate despite its necessity. Not to mention the several times he'd killed him, also necessary in his defense.
No, Kei couldn’t think of any situation between the two of them that were wholly 'positive' when it came to fostering emotions. So the reason for the feelings he held inside him were all but a mystery to him. Why was it that the idiot had worked his way so deep under his skin?
Feelings were something unnecessary in achieving his goal of a finally quiet and peaceful life. What he needed were resources and the means to put those resources into action. Stupid things like feelings was what idiots had.
Nagai Kei was not an idiot.
“Hey, Nagai!”
Speaking of idiots.
Kei gave a short grunt from his position on a bench that he had thought was well out of the way. It was a clear enough signal that he didn’t want company, especially if it was of the Nakano sort.
But Nakano was never one to take a hint.
“Let's go, I'm going on a run.”
“Doesn’t concern me.”
“It does if you gotta lose four kilos,” he countered with a tone that suggested he thought he was clever, referring to the weight Kei was 'supposed' to be losing. The smug little smile on his face was clearly evident in his voice.
Why was the world always against him?
“Four kilos makes no difference to me. Besides, I’ll just lose it during scheduled training sessions rather than going out of my way on my free time.”
“Free time," Nakano muttered mockingly under his breath. "It’s just a short jog, man. Nothing major."
“Then it won’t make a difference anyway.”
“Geez, well if not for training then why not come to get out a little? Will it really hurt to take some time to actually, I don’t know, socialize?”
That was one thing Kei didn’t need from Nakano. It was becoming abundantly clear that the more time he spent around him the more the weird and annoying feelings gnawed at his insides. That was the whole reason he was lounging in such a conveniently isolated place.
“Jogging and socializing don’t come hand-in-hand, you know.”
“Fine.” Kei stiffened when he heard Nakano settle on the floor beside the bench. “We can just talk here then.”
Damn it.
“Weren’t you going to go jogging?” he asked, making sure the irritation was clear in his tone.
“Nah, that was just an excuse to hang out.”
His blunt honesty was one of the many things Kei found annoying about him. But even though he thought that, his stomach felt like it did a flip at Nakano’s words making him feel a weird kind of anxious. He knew being close to him was trouble.
Kei sat up suddenly, causing the other to jolt in surprise.
“Nagai? What are you—”
“Let’s go.”
“Huh?”
Kei stood up from the bench with vigor uncommon with him, startling Nakano once again.
“Jogging. I’m fired up.” His voice was monotone despite his 'enthusiastic' words, throwing Nakano into deeper confusion.
“What's going on? Are you feeling okay?”
He didn’t answer, simply taking off down the hallway at a brisk pace. Nakano stammered out his protests for him to wait as he quickly foundered to stand up and follow suit after Kei.
He had gotten a good starting lead on him, much to Kei’s relief. All he had to do was keep a good distance from him to avoid any real conversing and it should suffice as fulfilling any socializing for the time being.
Ideally he wouldn’t be running at all. But since he knew Nakano’s true intent being to corner him like an animal to hang out of all things, jogging provided a better chance to actually avoid talking as opposed to simply sitting at a bench. At least now he could quite literally run away from Nakano and any feelings he managed to stir up in him.
“When I said,” Nakano was catching up, his shaky late start making hardly any difference, “I wanted to go for a jog. I was thinking somewhere less. Tiled and walled.”
No, the grounds outside where they would usually train were too open and limited in size. Inside there were corridors and sharp turns to shake him off his tail when more distance was needed.
It seemed he’d have to pull a move like that soon considering how quickly Nakano had closed the distance between them. They were approaching an intersection in the halls and Kei took a few steps down the right hall before stopping firmly and turning quickly on his heel to head down the left.
He nimbly avoided a collision with Nakano around the corner, the other yelping before cursing at him and asking what his problem was.
The move put a good distance between them again and Kei picked up his pace a bit so he could actually keep it this time. Shouts for him to slow down and wait were ignored.
It went on like that for a good amount of time, Nakano somehow managing to fall for the same trick over and over again. Really, that was a feat in and of itself in a way.
At one point, through a stroke of luck, Kei ran by a door that someone was just exiting. When he heard the repeated apologies from Nakano he knew the other had been caught in one of those awkward sidestepping dances with whoever had been leaving the room.
The two of them had actually been very close to sprinting up until that point and Kei took this golden opportunity to hide and catch his breath. At the next intersection of hallways he turned a corner to see a couple large potted plants framing an entrance. He tired the door to find it locked and with a short curse under his breath he instead squatted behind one of the pots, only briefly taking to mind how ridiculous this all was; he was huddled behind a plant for god's sake. But he cast the thought aside to focus on the hall from where Nakano was sure to pass down. If he turned to come down where he was hiding, he’d take off before giving him the chance to draw too close.
If luck continued in his favor, Nakano would head straight on by his hiding spot and give up on finding him. At that point, all he had to do was wait out until night to get back to his assigned room. Or maybe he’d better spend the night on one of the benches. Of course he’d have to find a better and even more secluded one than that sorry bench from before.
Maybe he’d feign sick come morning and skip out on training for the day. Surely a day would be enough for Nakano to forget about hanging out or whatever.
Yes, it was all a good plan. Perfect sense. Very logical.
“Found you!”
Kei nearly fell over as he turned to look down the opposite end of the hall that he’d been facing. Standing at the end of it was Nakano, a look of determination on his face. When the hell did he get over there?
It took the other coming at him at a surprising speed to kick the sense back into him. He had to get out of there. He had to run.
But in the next second, having taken no more than a couple steps, he felt the other’s arms around him as he tumbled to the ground face first. The air was forced out of him when Nakano landed on his back.
“Shit, sorry, you okay?” His voice was laced with concern unbefitting for the way he brutally tackled him.
“Get off me,” came Kei’s disgruntled reply.
“Not a chance,” he said, taking his anger as a sign that he was fine. “You’re not getting away again.”
With his lower body pinned by Nakano’s weight and arms held firmly against his back like he was some criminal, he had no means of escape. If he didn't feel like he'd just run a marathon he'd put up a good fight, but he had just sprinted like a madman through the hallways and not even reseting with offing himself could help the situation in his favor. In all honesty, he was just tired with everything. So with a sigh he pressed his face against the cold tiled floor, not in defeat but in exhaustion.
But Nakano seemed to take it as the former as he huffed triumphantly. “Now tell me why you’ve been avoiding everyone.”
Blunt as ever.
“I'm not."
“Yeah right. I mean, you were always a weirdly quiet guy but you’ve been acting extra weird.”
Like you're one to talk about being weird.
“At first I thought that was just you,” Nakano continued, not moving from his position atop him, “but then you started eating in separate rooms, you take off literally immediately after we're done training, and now I’m finding you alone in the farthest corner of the facility. Seems like a lot of work for someone like you.”
Kei didn’t give any response. Instead, he was becoming acutely aware of Nakano’s physical presence. His weight was on the small of Kei's back with his legs straddling him firmly on either side of his hips, locking them in place. Some odd anxiety bubbled up within him at feeling almost... dominated and he felt strangely and sickeningly hot all over.
This positioning was not good for his health obviously.
“Can you move already?” he bit out heatedly through a clenched jaw, fighting feebly against the other's firm hold.
Nakano was stronger than he looked and if he had been at this point when they first met, Kei was sure he'd have had a much tougher time subduing him. Either way, Nakano was either deaf, blind, and numb to Kei's clear heavy indignation and discomfort or simply didn't care enough to listen to his pleas of being released from his clutches. Kei had a feeling it could possibly be both.
“Not until you tell me why!”
With that exclamation he shifted his position a bit forward and Kei needed this idiot off of his back now before anything worse started happening with his body. He knew he was losing his cool composure with just how much he wanted to be free and away from Nakano but he couldn't bring himself to care. Nakano had a knack for getting on his nerves and he was still too god damn close.
“Like hell I would tell you that.”
“Ah ha!” Nakano exclaimed like he had cracked some big case. “So you admit it! You are avoiding everyone!”
“Idiot, I’m only avoiding you.”
“Huh?”
Shit.
So maybe he should've cared about his composure.
“Move,” Kei commanded curtly and suddenly, wanting the subject to change.
“What? No, now I want to know even more! You’re avoiding me? Why? What did I do? Are you mad at me?”
So many questions.
At this point, Kei wasn't below bargaining so after quickly wetting his lips in what was definitely not nervousness he said, “Look, if you let me up... I’ll tell you.”
Nakano let out a short dry laugh, void of any actual humor. “You know, if it weren’t for the poisoned mushroom trick you pulled on me I’d probably believe you right now.”
Momentarily, Kei slipped back to his usual defiant self as he remembered the more than several occasions where Nakano had tried to get an apology from him for that time. "I'm not apologizing for that."
“You killed me, man, it's just a simple apol—wait, wait, wait no. That doesn’t matter right now! I just want to know why you’re hiding from everyone. Or from me, apparently.”
And they back to the current state of affairs.
“Why? What I do doesn’t concern you.”
“Because we’re friends!”
Kei winced as the memory of another person who said those exact words sprung up before he forced it away. Those memories were definitely not going to help in this already way too troubling situation.
With a heavy sigh, Kei let his body fall limp, really and truly tired of everything that was coming from today. “If you get off of me, I promise I’ll tell you why—”
“Not this again. You really expect me to believe—”
“—as long as you promise not to hunt me down like this anymore," Kei cut back in with a clipped tone. He didn't appreciate being spoken over. Yes, anger was a much easier emotion to focus on; easier to understand. "From here on out, we’re strictly to see each other when absolutely necessary.”
There was a short silence as Nakano seemingly considered the deal. It was a no brainer to Kei: Nakano got his answer and Kei got his solitude, it was a win-win. It was true Nakano didn’t really have any concrete reason to take Kei for his words but he was always the forgiving type; another thing Kei found annoying.
“Alright…" Nakano finally conceded after a long silence. He quickly added, "You better not run away.”
Kei made sure to keep his voice in that area of heated irritation that he was used to using with Nakano. “I just said I wouldn’t.”
“You said that you’d tell me, not that you wouldn't—”
“I promise not to run now get off.”
Nakano finally, finally relented, swinging his leg from over Kei and sitting cross-legged on the floor beside him. Kei only flipped his body over, too tired to attempt to sit up and just grateful he was finally free from the warm pressure of Nakano's hips. He stared up at the ceiling as he wondered if telling him was really the best course of action; it wasn't like going back on his word was something uncommon to him. Maybe he could somehow muster the strength to kill Nakano to stall him enough for an escape? But he was impossibly drained of all energy so maybe not...
“Nagai?" Nakano prompted, pulling Kei from his thoughts. "Are you going to tell me or…?”
Whatever.
If telling him would get him off his back (quite literally) for good then so be it.
“It’s your fault.”
“Huh?”
“I have some sort of... feelings," he said the word as if it physically pained him, "and it’s because of you that I have them." He'd already started it off and once he had he found it oddly hard to stop, like it was relieving to finally have a chance to get it out in the open. "I don’t know what they are exactly and frankly I'd rather not get too deep into them to find out but they’re there and it all revolves around you.”
Nakano was surprisingly quiet for once.
“My heart rate increases and my palms get sweaty,” Kei continued, his eyes locked with a cluster of specks on the ceiling tile. “My gut feels all shaky and weird whenever you’re close or say something dumb. Just being near you is draining to my very being with how much my body just reacts.” He remembered the hot fluttery feeling when Nakano had him pressed into the floor. He felt like he should leave that part out. “So that’s why I’ve been avoiding you. That’s all. You can go now.”
Nakano remained silent and unmoving, much to Kei’s annoyance. He furrowed his eyebrows in frustration, daring a side glance towards Nakano.
“Don’t forget your end of the deal.”
Nakano seemed to shake himself out of a stupor, having been staring blankly at Kei a moment ago. “What? Oh, yeah, yeah. It’s just…" he cleared his throat, "how long have you been feeling like this?”
Kei rolled his eyes before turning his focus back towards the ceiling. He was right after all in thinking he wouldn’t drop the topic just like that. “You’re the one who was so keen to notice my absence. You do the math.”
“Oh, right…”
“Alright, so leave now. You got what you came for.”
“W-wait! I want to ask you something.”
There was no end with this guy.
“You said you’d leave—”
“Have you ever liked someone?”
“...What?”
“You know, like a crush?” Nakano tried to clarify.
Kei was familiar enough with the term but was honestly a little baffled with why it was brought up. “Why would I ever need something like that?”
Nakano actually chuckled a little at that. “Well, you may think you don’t need it but it’s not exactly something you can control, no matter what you tell yourself.”
Nakano was making less and less sense and that was mildly concerning to Kei, who usually had to dumb stuff down for him. Crushes were something his old classmates would chatter on about, not something that Kei ever paid much attention to or would ever allow himself to dabble in. If Kei deemed it unnecessary then there wasn’t even a chance for him to ever have a crush, the most unnecessary thing.
“Of course I can. I think it should be obvious I’d never let something stupid like that happen.”
Nakano chuckled again, rubbing at his neck awkwardly. “I can’t believe I’m the one out of everyone that has to break it to you but… what you’ve got right now is a crush.”
Kei’s face scrunched in irritation. Had he not just said he’d never let something like that happen to him?
“Before you tell me off, hear me out!” Nakano added hastily before Kei could even think to retort. “I may be dumb but I know what it’s like to have a crush on someone. Your symptoms fit the bill.”
Symptoms. His choice of words seemed rather fitting with how sick he felt about everything. Things like love really were a disease it seemed. But this wasn’t even love, much less a crush, so there had to be a more logical explanation for what he was feeling. Having a crush was just ridiculous.
But clearly more ridiculous things had happened in his short life, he didn't even have to name everything. If he could beat mankind's greatest inevitable demise on a daily basis then maybe he could have... a crush? He didn't even say the word out loud and he felt himself cringe slightly at the idea. It was just too ridiculous.
Then again, if that's what this was then it would have to be his first experience with it from his standpoint. So, really, how would he even know if it was or not? And he had to admit his own courses of action for the whole ordeal weren't getting him anywhere. If by the off chance Nakano was onto something and actually had a better grip on the situation than he did then he had little choice, didn't he? Just maybe, seeking help from the root of the problem would get the whole situation over with faster.
It wasn’t like it was exactly the first time he sought out Nakano’s help after all.
Kei took one last steadying breath and brief moment of consideration. “I’m not saying you’re right but… what would you... suggest I do?” Kei asked begrudgingly. Him even asking that question was as far as he’d get to acknowledging that Nakano had more knowledge on a subject than him.
There was silence and then an honest and full laugh from Nakano had Kei pointedly avoiding looking at him and the bright smile that was surely on his face at the moment. He knew enough that seeing that would just about kill him.
“Never thought you’d be so willing to ask me for advice," Nakano admitted teasingly after he caught his breath.
“Just tell me already.”
“Alright, alright.” Kei saw out of the corner of his eye that Nakano was rubbing at his chin in thought. “Well, we have two options here. You could run away from it all and try to stop liking me.” Kei narrowed his eyes, not failing to catch the blunt acknowledgment at his failed attempt at dealing with his own feelings. Nakano really wasn’t subtle with anything.
“Or,” Nakano continued, “we could date.”
Not subtle at all.
“Date.”
“Yeah.”
“With you?”
“Hey," Nakano threw his arms out a bit in indignation, "you’re the one who fell in love with me remember?”
Kei was quick to interject. “I’m not in love with you. That’s not possible.”
Nakano then put up his hands in mock defense. “Alright, say whatever you want. Point is, I think this is the best way to help you.”
With a short grunt, Nakano hoisted himself up from the floor and extended a helping hand to Kei still lying flat on the floor. Kei stared at the hand for a long moment before sighing and grasping it, trying his best to tame the uncalled for fluttering in his chest from feeling the warmth of Nakano’s hand.
As soon as Kei was standing he dropped Nakano's hand, totally not missing it's presence at all, not even a bit. The two shared a brief look with each other where Nakano smiled and Kei closed his eyes, heaving another sigh. Then he made his way briskly towards the main section of the facility, more precisely to the cafeteria. The run had really made him hungry and he could use a distraction like food.
Nakano fell into step beside him, an eyebrow raised in question and that smile still playing on his lips.
“Was that your way of saying yes?”
Kei's face contorted to the expression of irritation that he so often used with Nakano. “Seeing as my plan backfired, confronting the root of the problem as you’ve suggested could possibly be the fastest solution here.”
“So… that’s a yes, right?”
Unbelievable.
“Yes, that’s a yes.”
“Great! Then it's settled.”
A long silence settled between them as they made the trek towards the cafeteria. Kei was trying his best to mentally distance himself from Nakano since he was so physically close. But unlike the times he was close to Nakano before today, he felt less anxious and more… curious? The pressure within his chest was still there but less so. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, this dating thing if it was already showing possibly positive results.
Suddenly, a thought occurred to him.
“Wait,” he said, his brow furrowing slightly in concentration. “Doesn’t dating require a mutual reciprocation of feelings?”
“A what now?”
“Two people dating should both like each other, right?” Kei said, impatient. “So doesn’t that imply that you like me?”
“Oh. I guess?”
“You guess?”
“Well, I don’t really know how I feel about you.” Kei felt like he had been misled for some reason, his insides twisting uncomfortably. Nakano continued, oblivious to Kei’s inner turmoil. “I mean, you are amazing and I really admire you. But it’s not like I ever had a crush on you like I have with other people.”
“So why date me then?”
Kei had meant the question to be a simple objective inquiry of Nakano’s reasoning but, despite himself, it came out sounding more like an accusation. His voice had a sarcastic bite to it that he and Nakano alike were taken aback by.
“Nagai, are you… upset?”
“No.” His answer was maybe a bit to quick.
“It sounded like you were though,” Nakano commented, sincere in his doubt.
“I’m not.”
Another silence hung over them, this one a bit tenser. Mixed feelings that neither of them knew exactly how to work out were running between them like an electric current.
“You know,” Nakano said suddenly, startling Kei. “I may not have a crush on you but I don’t mind the idea of dating you.” He shrugged. “Doesn’t seem like the worst thing in the world to me. I mean, clearly, we kinda have bigger things to deal with.”
Kei nodded curtly. He just wanted everything to be over, most especially, their conversation at that moment. Nakano side-eyed him and added with a sly smile, “And you are kind of cute when you pout like that.”
He immediately pressed his lips into a tight line. “That's a gross thing to say and I wasn’t pouting.”
“Chill, ever heard of a joke? You’re really difficult, you know that?” Nakano sighed, tone bordering between fond exasperation and actual annoyance. “But, that’s just something I keep learning to get used to.”
In another startling turn of events, for Kei at least, Nakano reached out and took his hand in his own.
“What are you doing?” Kei asked warily after half-heartedly attempting to pull his hand away. It really was warm and didn’t exactly feel unpleasant, although his stomach doing flips begged to differ.
Nakano simply shrugged. “Just felt like this was okay. Is it?”
No, it's not okay.
“It’s fine.”
What the hell?
Nakano just smiled in response and turned to face forward again, momentarily squeezing Kei’s hand gently. Kei meanwhile was still reeling over the blatant mutiny his mouth performed on his brain. Why had he said that when he was clearly thinking of the opposite? It seemed like whenever he was near Nakano, and sometimes even when he wasn't near him, he did things that defied his regular logic.
Was that a part of having a crush?
Kei mentally shook sense into himself. No, it wasn't a crush. It had to be something else. He wasn't quite sure what yet but it wasn't a crush. Once he conditioned himself back to normalcy in Nakano’s presence, these feelings would die away and he’d be able to look at things objectively. He'd be back to normal.
Well, as normal as an undying teen could be.
“I still don’t have a crush on you,” Kei said, more as an affirmation to himself than anything.
Nakano rolled his eyes. “Love you, too.”
Kei wasn’t dense enough in social cues to not realize he was just joking. Still, that didn’t stop the fluttery feeling within him at those words.
If Kei thought for the briefest of seconds what those words would sound like without the sarcastic tone to it, he pushed the thought away fast enough to almost forget about it completely. He could definitely get through this ‘dating’ thing, no problem.
Absentmindedly, or possibly purposefully, Nakano’s thumb stroked against Kei’s skin shortly. The action shot shivers throughout Kei, which he tried his best to ignore.
Yeah, he could definitely get through it.