Chapter Text
It was a horrible idea.
Horrible, awful, disgusting, the refrain in Riku's mind wasn’t stopping his feet from moving to the edge of Sora's bed. For all his supposed reflection, he was the same selfish child that destroyed the island. Even considering this, he wondered if there was a way back to the realm of darkness that would make sure he could never come back out. It would make Sora sad, but he’d be safer, right?
But…
…
He was awful. Truly, thoroughly, he knew in his gut this was horrific. Even as he moved to cover Sora's mouth with his hand, he wanted to vomit. It wouldn’t protect him from the scene in his head. That was all too fast to defile his best friend’s image into something for his own sake. Something repulsive. Something that wouldn’t hate Riku for doing this.
Pressing his mouth to the back of his own hand wouldn’t help him at all, he knew. But the pathetic thing he was, he did it anyway.
He was so much closer to Sora than he should be allowing himself to be. The swirling shame and guilt in his stomach still couldn’t drag down how quickly his heart was beating, or how enamored he was with Sora's eyelashes, or the feeling of his lips under his hand, or the image of Ansem looming over Sora and–
He reeled back.
Sora hadn’t moved an inch. Riku’s hand was boiling.
The next moment he’d closed the door behind him, in the haze he couldn’t tell if it was quiet or he’d slammed it, and then he was running until he hit a wall and sagged against it.
It was a horrible- he KNEW it was a horrible idea! And he still did it!
Something in Riku relished the fading warmth on his hand, and he tried to cut it off until the feeling faded, but it just- it just wouldn’t. He couldn’t get it to go away, the want and the guilt driving him insane, it was too much, too much, too much, he had to stop doing this, gross, gross, gross, disgusting, selfish-
He, he-
He grabbed the nearest trash can and vomited.
He didn’t know Sora’s eyes flew open as soon as he shut the door.