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Talia kept many secrets by the time she was thirteen. She kept them as if her lips were sewn shut, because there was no good reason to tell them.
For example, Kala, Father's youngest Wife, was barely older than she was. Only a year or two. And there was no affection. There was almost never affection between a girl and her Honored Husband.
But there was affection between Kala and one of the younger sons on a neighboring hold.
Talia wasn't the only one who snuck downstairs at night, and she had seen them meeting, had heard Kala tell the young man at the kitchen door, about the baby being his.
But Talia kept the secret. It would do no good, and would bring Kala quite a bit of harm, if Father knew that the baby Kala currently carried was not his.
And just the other night, at the last full moon, she had overheard Isrel speaking to another Under wife about Justus. The two had agreed that something needed to be done about him, before he killed Talia. And that was what told Talia that at least two of the Underwives believed her, but they didn't dare do anything without Keldar’s say so.
But at least these two knew he was dangerous.
They just didn't know how dangerous.
They didn't know that she had overheard him gathering some of his sadistic friends, telling them that they could have her, if they timed it right, that he would blame whatever trader or even Herald was coming through, and everyone would believe him.
They didn't know that he had nearly choked her to death over the winter, using his scarf so as not to leave a bruise.
Or perhaps they did know how dangerous he was, if they acknowledged he might well kill her. Talia didn't ask, because that would mean revealing her own presence, and then there would be an issue of who would tell on the other first, with her not trusting the other two, and then not trusting her or even each other.
Such a secret coming out could cause chaos on the Hold, and Talia had no desire to cause chaos. That was a guaranteed way to lose everything, all of her own secrets that she didn't want anyone to know.
Perhaps that was the problem. Perhaps she had too many secrets she was keeping, and that was why she finally blurted out one of her own, exclaiming that she wanted to be a Herald after Keldar had said it was time for her to marry.
And keeping secrets nearly got her killed shortly after Midwinter.
But old habits died hard, and sometimes they didn't die at all. So she told nobody when she went briefly back to Sensholding over the summer, just after earning her Whites, except those who needed to know. That was the Queen and a few select instructors, including Keren, who had asked if she was sure she wanted to, and then let her make up her own mind on the matter.
And that was where she gained another secret, one that she didn't know how to handle. Vrisa had, in public, made signs against evil and ignored her. In private, she had shoved her eight-year-old at Talia. “Take her, before Fletcher can harm her further. My other children are all boys, but Fletcher… He’s sick, Talia. He is… He’s unnatural with his own daughters. I can do nothing, but you can save Dahlia.”
“Of course,” Talia said. “I just wish I could take you with me, as well.”
“They will track down runaway Wives,” Vrisa said, “but because of you, all Heralds must have access to the littles, to take away the misfits.” She turned to the girl, then. “This is my younger sister, Herald Talia. She will keep you safe from your father's unnatural tendencies and ensure you never come to harm. Listen to her and obey her just as you would me.”
Dahlia looked up at Talia, with Vrisa's green eyes and long black locks. And then she looked back at Vrisa. “Yes, Mama.”
Talia helped Dahlia up onto Rolan, and then mounted up herself. She made brief eye contact with Vrisa, and then turned her attention to her niece. “Don't worry. Trust Rolan. He won't let either of us fall.”
***
It was times like this that Talia wished she could Mindspeak Rolan. She really could have used his advice on the matter. Instead, when Fletcher showed up at the waystation and wanted Dahlia back, and then tried to force himself on Talia, he ended up dead. And how could Talia explain to Dahlia that her father was now dead?
And so when Dahlia asked why Talia was wet, Talia lied and told her that she fell in the water.
It was another secret, and secrets were Talia's burden, whether her own, the secrets of others, or a matter of state.
Now there was just one question. Who would care for Dahlia while Talia was on her internship?
Sometimes, secrets just couldn't be kept. And while Dahlia would now be safe from Fletcher, who knew what he had taught his sons? Which secret was more important? Was it better that Dahlia know the truth? That her father was now dead? Or was it better that others know she had been down south?
Better to tell my seniors I went south. Dahlia doesn't have to know her father is dead, but I need to report Fletcher's crimes and my own actions to Kyril.
“What are you thinking about?” Dahlia asked. “You're very quiet.”
“And you're very observant,” Talia noted. “At any rate, I was trying to think of how best to care for you, and how you’ll be taken care of while I'm on my internship.” She went on, then, to explain Herald training to the girl.
“Oh.” Dahlia grew quiet. “Am I a burden?”
“No,” Talia said. “I have a lot of friends in Haven. They'll help me, and thus they will help you. I promise. But you will never be a burden.” After all, you're not a secret. And while you were not expected, unlike all the secrets I carry, you did not come with me without my own consent, only without yours.
But she would never say that part out loud. It would just be another secret.