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“this is nuts” angela said once reality replaced the adrenaline.
they were sitting in silence in amanda’s car, amanda on the wheel, angela right next to her, they stopped at the in n out parking lot and it all started to sink in.
it was the middle of the day but everything was dark and muffled in her mind.
angela had just left her wedding, leaving her fiancée alone in front of everybody. she just broke her heart and humiliated her. scenes of the aftermath overwhelmed her brain: the pain in her fiancée’s eyes, the disappointment in her parents gaze, chanse and patrick trying to get ahold of her and amanda, her brother and mariah trying to figure out what to do, court with spork in their arms..
the empty seats at the reception area, the expensive catering making food to go, the band packing the gear, the flowers already wilting.
the cake smashed on the ground.
she could see it all
angela was already picturing the letter she would eventually send her, telling her how sorry she was, how she’ll pay her back, everything, the wedding expenses, the lease of their new place, how she knows that money won’t make it up for the pain that she’s inflicting, how she knows that she’ll hate her forever, how sorry she was, so sorry.
thoughts flooded her brain.
everything was dark around her, she couldn’t see her surroundings and the white dress was starting to swallow her. angela’s chest going up and down, the air refusing to fill her lungs.
everything was dark and muffled.
until she felt a hand on her thigh and a soft voice saying “hey, ang”
angela opened her eyes, she didn’t even noticed she closed them, and there she was. amanda.
gorgeous goddess amanda looking at her with a soft face and pure devotion in her eyes.
“i’m sorry” angela whispered. “i- what did i do?”
“do you wanna go back? i- do you regret it?”
did she regret it? causing pain? yes. running with amanda? no.
she couldn’t and didn’t want to go back.
angela took a deep breath and looked into amanda’s eyes “you meant it?”, angela asked softly. amanda held angela’s face, caressed her cheek and answered “all of it. i love you angela.”
her shoulders relaxed, her body let go of all the fear and anxiety. to hear those words, from that voice, that face, those lips she’d be longing for so long, angela cupped amanda’s face and kissed her, finally kissed her again.
the guilt would never wash away, but that felt right, holding amanda felt right, kissing amanda was right.
angela opened her eyes, she wasn’t aware that she closed them, but she opened them and saw amanda opening her eyes too, and there, in those big brown eyes, everything became clear. angela looked into those eyes as if they were answering her every question in the universe, as if they were showing her every second of her future as if she were to spend it with her.
“do i have something on my face?”
“everything”
“what?”
“i don’t wanna scare you but you hold my future. you are my future i just-”
“honey i drove the getaway car, you can’t scare me. i love you. you are my future too.”
and they kissed again.
i wasn’t going to be an easy start for a relationship that shouldn’t have taken this long, and this many broken hearts, to start but in that kiss they felt a sense of relief, a ‘finally’.
they went to amanda’s place, angela quickly undressed herself feeling the wedding gown eating her, she cried a little on amanda’s couch, overwhelmed with her actions, but without any doubt on them.
and they kissed like the end of the world was coming, like they spent years thirsty of each other. amanda wanted to be careful, but angela was hungry of her. after getting to know every single inch of their bodies, they fell asleep holding each other.
the next morning amanda got a pot full of coffee ready and helped angela write messages to her family, friends, to her ex and her family, she also helped holding her hand as she called her ex, she didn’t hear everything but some faint words got through ‘ a part of me knew this was going to happen, angela’ ‘i’ve always lived in the shadow of your what if’ ‘i just wished you didn’t broke me in front of everyone’ ‘the worst thing is, i don’t hate you’ ‘i’m not ready to see you’ ‘yeah, it’s fine if chanse comes and grab your things’ ‘can you pass the phone to her?’
“i’m sorry”
“take care of her amanda, let mine be the only broken heart in this fairy tale of yours.” amanda was about to respond when she hung up.
“you okay manda?” angela asked with a worried face.
“i am.” she took a deep breath and let the moment linger “marry me, angela.” she said with determination.