Work Text:
It's the same every day. She just wakes up and then remembers she has to go to school.
To the disgusting school.
It itches. It itches, itches so much. School makes her stomach turn just thinking about it.
It's the same sad routine as always. Get up, get ready, go to school, and that's it.
Sometimes she doesn't feel accepted in her group. She feels like she doesn't belong in her classroom. Not with her classmates, either.
Oh, how fun it is to be an introvert.
—Oh, how fun it is to be an introvert—
Reluctantly, she gets up, gets ready, eats something, says goodbye to her family. Goodbye...
And then she suffers.
That's what happens every day. And her world revolves around overthinking while the surroundings of the room distort and stick in her throat.
"I'm a shit."
"A freak"
"Such a weirdo"
"There's a reason I feel this way, right?"
"I-I don't belong, do I?"
Her mind can't stop distorting.
Memories of being alone, excluded, come flooding back. That feeling of not belonging. Nowhere.
Seeing how everyone has friends, they live together. They laugh, sing, and rejoice. They laugh, sing, and rejoice, right in front of her miserable face.
Right in front of her face.
It burns. It hurts a lot. Because something inside her is breaking. And she doesn't like how it feels.
"I have friends. I'm in a band. I have Kessoku Band. There are people who support me. I'm really good at playing the guitar. I have friends. I'm in perfect health. I'm very healthy. I have food, a home, a family, a life..."
"So..."
"Why do I feel this way?"
Why do I feel this way?
"Why can't I be like Kita?"
It doesn't matter. She has to stay strong, even if she's breaking.
"There's no reason to cry, Bocchi."
"There isn't..."
Her vision distorts, and a few drops of her tears begin to fall on the table, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
It doesn't really matter.
Hitori tries to wipe away her tears so they don't keep coming. It's a little difficult.
"The people..."
She only sees the happy people. Her happy classmates, together. The voices intensified. Distorted. Smiling. Unstoppable...
It's so suffocating.
The laughter won't stop.
And she just feels like an outcast. Alone.
"I like being alone. But feeling alone..."
She keeps breaking down.
"I'm the problem. Right? It's not the people, it's me. Who would want to be friends with someone like me? I know this is my punishment. I deserve it. Yes. It's my punishment..."
She keeps overthinking it until everything breaks down completely.
And Hitori begins to sob softly.
Silent, because she knows no one in the room will care. Besides, she feels like everyone is watching her, and that's bad.
She doesn't like that horrible feeling of being watched. Even less so when she feels like this, feeling bad.
Her only cry for help, for the fact that she feels bad, will be silence.
So, smile. Nothing has happened here.