Chapter Text
Some would call Katsuki a workaholic, maybe their right. Maybe not. Who knows. All Katsuki knows is that he’s been narrowly holding himself together through work, caffeine, more work, and fucking breath mints.
It’s been around three months, since Izuku got married to Uraraka. Katsuki attended their wedding, Izuku’s best man. The ceremony was beautiful, carefully put together by Inko and Uraraka’s mother. Decorated with white all over, warm lights overcasting the venue. It was a large wedding, since Izuku and Uraraka are quite popular among the world, Izuku especially. It was basically another class reunion, plus around a hundred other people.
Katsuki remembers the day from every single detail.
He woke up at the crack of dawn, unable to sleep well throughout the night. It was 5 in the morning and he was staring at a speck in the wall, leaning against his kitchen counter with a coffee mug in his hand. Sipping slowly, trying to get ready for the day ahead of him. That empty feeling had already begun to settle in his chest, but he ignored it, deciding to keep himself busy.
Tidying up was the first thing he decided to do to keep his mind off things. Made his bed, did some dishes, placed an online order for groceries, got some paperwork done. Normal things, so he could convince himself this was a normal day. Because it was.
At around seven, he took a shower. Stripping himself and stepping into the shower before the water even went warm. Letting the cold pellets fall harshly against his skin. He lathered his hair, went all out, even used his fancy body wash that kept the citrus scent lingering for the rest of the day. Only for special occasions, because this was technically a special occasion.
By the time he got out of the shower, his phone was buzzing with notification pings like no tomorrow. When he went to check, he saw it was the wedding group chat that Uraraka decided would be a smart idea to make. Putting all one-hundred and fourteen guests in one chat, genius. He had 719 missed messages, he didn’t plan on reading any of them unless they were from Izuku or Uraraka themselves.
The ceremony would start at one PM, but most of the main guests, including Katsuki, would probably get there earlier to help set up some more.
At 9 AM, he made himself some breakfast. It was light, eggs and bacon, a classic. He didn’t want to gorge himself, there would be a lot of food at the wedding. He knew so. It was actually up there in the most expensive things spent on the event.
“People come to weddings for food, that's a fact.” Uraraka said, scribbling down the name and number of a local cook-out spot her and Izuku favored. Katsuki sat on the couch, mindlessly scrolling though movies as he listened to the conversation between fiances.
Izuku laughed nervously, “Well, I would hope they want to come to ours for us.” the teacher commented, turning to Katsuki, “Right Kacchan?”
Katsuki flinched a little, not expecting to be brought into the conversation.
“Yeah–I’ll be there for you guys and not the food y'all spent like five-thousand on.”
Uraraka grinned, “See babe, even Bakugo’s gonna want to be there for the food just a little.” Izuku smiled at her, Katsuki watched him, a little detached. Before turning back to the TV screen, picking an old romance rom-com.
So yeah, lots of good food.
11 AM struck, he stood in the mirror, staring at his reflection. He was wearing a white dress shirt with a silky black vest, a black blazer on top, followed by black dress pants and whatever the hell you call the fancy black shoes. Overall, a lot of black. He reached for his tie, which was a forest green color, it reminded him of Izuku. Well, that was kind of the point. All of Izuku’s groomsmen wore green and Urarak’s bridesmaids wore a faded out shade of pink.
He looped the tie around itself, setting it down on his chest and folding down his collar. Looking at his reflection one last time, he sighed.
His skin started to itch, more and more. Bugs were crawling under his skin, worming around through his muscles as his vision started to go blurry. Black circles encircling his sight. He wanted to rip this suit off and eat himself whole. Nothing left. Sink into the floor and never be let out.
Breaking out of his trance, there was a warm liquid dripping down his hand. And water at his feet. He looks down at the shattered vase, red anemones scattered across his tiled floor, pooling in the water. He groans, before noticing the crimson on his hand. Blood, he was bleeding. Some of the glass must have cut him.
“Shit…” He muttered to himself, going to get a paper towel–and some bandages.
He hadn’t had a blackout in a while. By the way, blackouts were just a fancy labeled term Aizawa had given him back in high school. Everything becomes a blur and he has no idea what he’s doing, he usually ends up breaking something or hitting someone. Just blind moments of built up frustration being let out, his body essentially, blacking out.
Once he got himself patched up, and mostly cleaning up the remains of the vase, he grabbed his phone. Texting Izuku.
BAKUGOU KATSUKI: Omw, leaving the house now.
Read 11:36 AM
IZUKU: Okay 👍
Read 11:38 AM
Getting in his car, he starts the engine and drives. He merges into the highway, the venue is a little secluded, Izuku wanted to avoid running into anyone that wasn’t invited. He notices his leg starts to bounce, and his jaw is tight. But again, he ignores it. Focusing on the road, simultaneously also trying to be blind to any crime scenes. He had the day off, and didn’t want to get lost in a heroic moment trying to save someone just to distract himself.
At noon, he arrives at the venue. There's a two-story parking garage, he parks on the first level. There's only around fifteen or so cars there already. Most of them he recognizes, belonging to their class.
He makes the short walk to the building, and once he steps in he’s met with chatter among the others. Auntie Inko sits in a chair at a set-up table, teary eyed as she converses with Uraraka’s folks. She notices him quickly, “Oh Katsuki! Come over here,”
He smiles at her softly, walking over, “Hey Auntie.”
Inko smiles at him, “I was waiting for you,” She says, “These are Ochaco’s parents! Meet Shizu and Kaido.” She greets, he turns to the both of them, waving. “Bakugo Katsuki, I’m Izuku’s–”
“Best man, we’ve heard a lot about you from both Ochaco and Izuku.” Shizu states calmly.
He pauses, laughing awkwardly, “Well I hope you’ve received positive input.” He jokes lightly, “I’m sure Izuku’s probably needing me for something, I’ll see you two at the ceremony.” The three parents wave at him as he makes his way to the table with his friends, though keeping his eyes peeled for the mop of green hair.
Kirishima, Mina, Iida, Kaminari, and Shinso are at the table. All of them nursing a drink of some sort in their hands, whether it be beer or orange fanta.
Kaminari notices him first, “Ayee! Bakugo, lookin’ good man.” Bakugo nods, Mina’s immediately on him, pulling him into a tight-hug, he freezes, before bringing his hands up to her back.
“Oh my god it’s been so long!” Mina cries out, Bakugo scoffs, “It’s been 3 months. Calm your tits pinky.” She laughs, punching him in the shoulder, “Still got that delinquent in you, I’m glad.”
“Mina! Ochaco needs your help with something!” A voice calls out, he thinks it’s Jirou, but isn’t sure. Either way, Mina’s pulled away from the table to deal with bridesmaid duties.
“Speaking of,” Kirishima says, catching his attention, “You should go perform your groomsmen duties. Midoriya’s been a bit jittery today, I think it’s the anxiety. Just be a friend.” He suggests, Katsuki nods, moving towards the changing rooms.
He gets to the door, swallowing thickly. Then knocks, once, twice. At the third one he hears Izuku’s meek voice, “Come in!”
“Izuku? You good?” Katsuki calls out, stepping into the dressing room. Turning the corner, he finds Izuku sitting on the floor in a ball, tie splayed out on the floor.
“Woah–shit.” He blurts out, crouching down to the floor, “What’s goin’ on?” He asks, concerned. Izuku’s curled up on the floor, breathing shallowly. He hiccups, “I–I don’t know how to tie a tie.”
Katsuki deadpans, “Are you serious right now?”
Izuku snaps, “It’s not just about the tie Kacchan!” Katsuki flinches, before relaxing himself, putting a hand on Izuku’s shoulder, which Izuku immediately takes, holding onto it for dear life. “It’s about the fact there are so many things I should be able to do that I can’t! I’m a mess, I can’t tie a tie, or open a can, I’m not tall enough to reach for things on high shelves, I–I can’t! She doesn’t deserve some useless shell of a man!”
Katsuki slaps him. Izuku’s eyes widen, eyebrows furrowing, “Kacchan!”
But Katsuki doesn’t want to hear it, “Shut up, do you hear what you're saying!” All Izuku gives him is a beyond baffled look, eyes watery. Katsuki huffs, grumbling to himself.
“Pink cheeks has been in love with you since the two of you first met damn it.” He grits through his teeth, “The reason why she even fell for you is because of those flaws, and the fact that even with said flaws you still kept pushing to your goals! You're not a “useless shell of a man”, just cause you can’t do a few things! Not your fault you never had a dad around to teach you that shit.”
Izuku’s mouth falls open, Katsuki picks up the tie from the ground, lifting up Izuku’s collar gently. “Kacchan…” Izuku starts, noticing Katsuki’s trembling lip.
“Don’t fucking start Izuku.” Katsuki grits through his teeth, avoiding Izuku’s eyes as he ties the tie together. “Done.”
“...Thanks.”
“S’fine.” Getting up, Katsuki offers his hand to Izuku, “Now are you gonna keep having a mental breakdown on your wedding day or get married to the woman of your dreams?” Izuku smiles, wiping his eyes as he stands, “Get married to the woman of my dreams.”
“Thats better.”
Despite his words, Katsuki’s chest aches. Painfully so. All he wants to do is go home. But he’ll stay, for Izuku.
Around thirty minutes later, the ceremony begins.
Katsuki’s standing next to the altar beside Izuku, who is holding his sweaty hands behind his back. Izuku looks good, he wasn’t really able to process it back in the dressing rooms, to focused on trying to get Izuku out of his own head. Even though what Izuku’s wearing is pretty similar to his own attire, it’s practically tailored to fit Izuku himself. The dress pants hug his thighs and the rose gold pocket square compliments his hair in an oddly nice way.
He swallows, trying to think of anything else at that moment.
Instead he focuses on the rings in his hand. One’s a little bigger than the other, It’s Izuku’s, the other ones smaller, for Uraraka. The rings are white gold, and inside their initials are carved into the rings. U and I 4ever, It reads, which is a little corny in his opinion. Seriously, who uses “4ever” on their wedding rings? Anyways, the stones are diamonds, small diamonds, nothing extravagant.
Before he knows it, he’s handing the ring to Izuku.
And it’s everything in the world starting to dull.
He brushes Izuku’s hand as he gives the wedding band to him, the touch is warm. Katsuki holds the touch for longer than necessary, Izuku looks at him, confused. Swallowing thickly, he pulls away, moving to his place beside Izuku as Tsu gives Uraraka her ring.
The priest begins the vows, and Katsuki’s never felt such an overwhelming feeling of dread. He looks down at the floor, hoping no one's focused on him, because they shouldn’t be. This isn’t his day, he needs to stop making everything about him.
“Ochaco Uraraka, do you take this man, Izuku Midoriya, as your husband?”
Uraraka laughs through her tear stained cheeks, “I do.” She says, a little breathlessly. The priest smiles, and then turns to Izuku.
Katsuki watches as the world begins to slow.
“Izuku Midoriya, do you take the woman, Ochaco Uraraka, as your wife?”
The world pauses, Katsuki bites his tongue, eyebrows furrowed.
“I do.” Izuku says, a wide smile drawn out across his face as he stares at Uraraka like she's precious.
And then the world shatters, everything fading to black and white. There's a distant ringing in Katsuki’s ears, only growing louder when Izuku and Uraraka meet lips, everyone cheering around them.
That's it then, that's the end., Katsuki thinks, swallowing another time, eyelids heavy.
Uraraka pulls away first, turning to the audience, “Well…” she starts, “..Lets get this party started!” She exclaims, and the party does begin. Everyone begins either feasting down on the food or wedding cake. Or enjoying themselves on the dance floor. They really went all out, making sure there was something catered to everyone.
Katsuki finds himself at the bar, nursing his second glass of wine. Staring off into the distance at Izuku and Uraraka, who are slow-dancing together underneath the fluorescent lights. The bartender comes from around the counter, sitting down next to Katsuki with a beer in hand. “Rough night huh?”
The blonde looks at the bartender, a little confused. But ultimately decides fuck it and if theres any night to rant with a random stranger might as well be this one.
“I guess.”
“Akito.” The bartender says, Katsuki raises an eyebrow, “My name's Akito.”
“Oh. Katsuki Bakugo. Nice to…meet you?”
Akito takes a long sip from his beer, “Don’t bother with the formalities, I don’t really care.” Katsuki relaxes, leaning back in his seat, Akito continues talking. “I was friends with Ochaco back in grade school. I don’t know how she found me but suddenly I got an invitation to be a bartender at her wedding a few weeks ago. Decided to hell with it and came.” He explains.
Katsuki nods along, “I’m sensing there's some underlying thing going on here. Might just be the alcohol though.” Akito laughs lightly, “I had the biggest crush on her. We even got married on the playground.” He says, and Katsuki starts to understand where the man’s going. “I thought…that childish crush had already faded but, here I am at her wedding and all I want to do is get drunk.”
“Fuckin’ real shit man.” Katsuki blurts out, Akito raises an eyebrow, “You like Ochaco too?”
“No–fuck no. That's not what I meant.” He scrambles, trying to explain himself without dumping his entire life story right here.
Taking a sip of his wine, Katsuki breathes in, “I…have a thing for the groom.” Katsuki watches Akito’s face morph from shock to mutual understanding. “Known him since we were kids, we’ve been through thick and thin together.” He gives a sorrowful smirk, turning to Akito, “And now I’m here at his wedding and all I want to do is get drunk.”
Akito laughs out loud, taking another sip from his beer. “Well, cheers to heart throbs I suppose.” He suggests, raising his glass of beer in the air, waiting for Katsuki. The blonde complies, clinging his wine glass against it, “Cheers.”
Before he knows it, he’s been chatting with this Akito guy for almost thirty minutes. Listening to someone else's pathetic love life really helps take his mind off his own. That is, until Izuku taps him on the shoulder.
“Kacchan? Who’s this?” Izuku says, voice a little tight as he looks over at Akito. Katsuki turns to him, seeing Izuku hurts a lot less when numbed by wine, “Oh, this is Akito, he’s the bartender. Decided to keep me company.”
Izuku frowns, “Well…we're about to wrap things up–just gifts and stuff left but I think me and Ura—Ochako are gonna open them at home.” Izuku notes, Katsuki nods along, not really there. “I just kinda expected to see you on the dance floor. You can still join if you want, I’m sure Kirishima or Todoroki would be happy to keep you entertained.”
“Mhm. I’ll think about it,” Katsuki says, throwing back another glass of wine. Izuku’s eyebrows furrow, “Kacchan I really think we should–”
Katsuki slams the glass back down on the table, burping under his breath. “Alright, alright, dance floor. I’m going.” He stretches, “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.” Katsuki walks away, heading towards the commodity of people. Izuku follows behind, biting his lip. “Nice to meet you…Akito.”
Akito waves awkwardly, once Izuku and Katsuki are out of range he sighs.
“Talk about a situationship.”
On the dance floor, the amount of people around him is starting to sober Katsuki up. It’s crowded and loud compared to the quiet bar that was in the corner. He bumps into Mina again.
“God I keep losing you tonight Kats! Come on, let’s dance.” She chirps happily, some would assume they're in a relationship. But Mina’s just like this. He goes along with it without complaint, taking her hand and moving to the music calmly.
'Something wrong?’ She asks, noticing the change in Katsuki’s behavior. The blonde shakes his head, “Nah, just wine drunk.”
Mina gasps, feigning mock surprise, “Oh Katsuki you dare devil!” She teases, he laughs, but she bumps his shoulder. “Seriously though, what the hell are you doing getting drunk at your best friend's wedding? I haven’t seen you hang out with Izubabe’ at all since the ‘I do’s’.”
Katsuki stiffens, looking up at the ceiling in a daze. “...Distracting myself.”
From then on, Mina stays quiet, hugging Katsuki tightly. She understands.
The dance eventually ends, Mina gives Katsuki a kiss on the cheek, and tells him to call her if he needs anything, before rushing back to the other bridesmaids. Katsuki looks around, before heading to the seats, he wants to rest for a few minutes.
Sitting down, he doesn’t even get a few seconds of silence before he’s joined by someone new.
“Y’know, some would say that you're avoiding Midoriya.” Shinso comments, sitting down next to Katsuki. “I’m letting him spend time with his newly wedded wife at their own damn wedding. What’s so wrong with that?”
He scoffs, Shinso just sighs, cracking open a beer. “You’re the best man, you should be the person hanging out with the groom the second most.” The mind reader taunts, “Right now I’d say you're dead last.”
Katsuki groans, leaning back in his chair. "Can't everyone just leave me alone tonight? First I get dragged away from the quiet bar into the dancefloor by Izuku, then I have to dance with Mina, now you?”
Shinso pauses, before chuckling, “Alright man, you do you. But Midoriya would probably like to be with his best man right now. Considering Uraraka’s hanging out with her bridesmaids.” Shinso gets up, but turns back to Katsuki. “Hey, don’t fuck this up for Midoriya, he probably wants you here the most.”
Then the mind reader walked away. Katsuki watches him meet up with Kaminari, sitting beside him with a smile on his face.
God damn it.
Katsuki stands up, and searches for Izuku in the crowd. He finds the newly wedded husband sitting down alone, mumbling to himself.
“Please don’t tell me you're having another mental breakdown.”
Izuku’s head snaps up, “Kacchan!?”
“Yeah, why so shocked? I’m your best man, and you're sitting alone like a loser at your own wedding.” The blonde says, sitting down. Izuku chews on his bottom lip, “Well, Ochaco’s off with the girls, and this whole day's just been really intense. I guess I’m a bit winded.”
Then, Izuku mutters something under his breath. “And you’ve just been wandering off.”
Unlucky for Izuku, and honestly Katsuki as well, Katsuki has surprisingly good hearing given the circumstances.
“What the fuck? I’ve just been enjoying your wedding catering you guys spent a shit load of money on!” He snaps, Izuku’s eyebrows furrow, “I know! I’m not mad at you or anything, can you not go insane on me for once!?”
Katsuki stops, looking at Izuku with wide eyes. “Insane?”
Izuku’s hands fly up to his mouth, realizing what he just said. “Kacchan I didn’t mean–”
“Are you fucking serious?” Katsuki snaps, standing up. Clenching his fists tightly, Izuku’s speechless, unable to form a response. Just muttering incoherent apologies. “You know what. Fuck this. Happy fucking wedding Izuku, I’m going home.”
Insane is a bad word to use around Bakugo Katsuki.
It makes him feel like a rabid dog, violent and aggressive.
It makes him feel like a part of himself he killed off a long time ago.
It makes him feel like an outcast.
Katsuki got in his car, and sat down in the darkness. Listening to the cricket noises beginning to start for the evening. Before he knows it, the rims of his eyes run red as he’s so desperately trying to dig the tears out himself.
“Make them stop damn it!” He yells, no one can hear.
Except for someone.
Someone who isn't real.
Someone who shouldn’t be real.
“Make what stop? Your tears? Or Izuku Midoriya’s marriage?” Shigaraki’s voice is taunting, and horrifying in all the same way. The demon lord scoffs, “You’re pathetic Bakugo Katsuki.”
I know that.
“What kind of hero prays on the downfall of his best friend's marriage, what kind of friend causes a scene at his best friend's wedding?” The corpse continues to talk, on and on. Then his voice shifts to something, eerily familiar. “You haven’t changed one bit.”
His eyes widen, pulse racing, head splitting open.
“No–Shut up! I have! I swear!”
The voice circles around his head, “You don’t sound like you believe it do you now?” Shigaraki. “All because you couldn’t keep your feelings in check…”
It’s himself.
From a long time ago.
“A fucking loser, is what we’ve become.”
I know.
“Pathetic fucking loser, to god damn chicken to face his feelings and blows everything up because of it.” Katsuki turns to the hallucination, veins pressing against his clenched fist. “A goddamn parasite—”
His arm jolts in pain, he hisses, biting down on his tongue.
Then there's silence.
Katsuki sighs, rubbing his face dry as he puts the car in drive. On the way back, he stops at the gas station, buying a pack of cigarettes. He hasn’t done this in a long time. Old habits die hard. The cashier gives him a nervous look. Maybe it’s a little bit depressing seeing a guy walk into a gas station dressed head to toe in formal clothes with tear stained cheeks and buying a pack of cigarettes.
It originally started in high school. He had chronic pain in his arm, it was unbearable. He went through a lot trying to “fix” his damaged arm. It was a damn near herculean task. Some days, the pain, the memories, the war, the weight of the world was too much. He couldn’t carry it all. Soon his pain started to become physiological, his mental status would affect him.
So he turned to smoking.
It hardly helped but, for just a little while, it numbed the pain.
And that was all it took to get him hooked.
His smoking went unnoticed for a few months, until his teeth began getting gradually more yellow. And then Aizawa caught him.
It was late at night, everyone had already gone to sleep. He stepped out onto the balcony, a pack in his pocket, lighter in the other. Pulling out the cigarette, just as he began to light it a grey scarf swooped in and stole the both of them from him.
“Shit!”
Aizawa jumped down from the balcony above him, landing right in front of Katsuki. “Are you kidding me, smoking? That's low. Even for you kid.”
Katsuki grumbled, “Yes. I know. I’m a fucking failure who has a nasty habit, now give it back.” He bites, and Aizawa stops, observing him. “Are you okay Bakugo?”
“Am I okay–? The fuck do you think! Give me my god damn smokes for the love of god!” Aizawa only held them back further, continuing to ogle Katsuki. “Not until you tell me why the hell you started smoking in the first place.”
Katsuki breathed in, trying not to punch his teacher. “Because it hurts.”
Aizawa only gave him a perplexed look, “What hurts–”
“Everything!”
Then Aizawa paused, finally understanding. “Kid…you can’t keep going like this.” He says, but in a much softer tone, walking closer. Katsuki’s staring at the ground, bottom lip trembling.
“I don’t know how to stop.” He admitted, it was a weak form of acceptance. Aizawa walked forward, taking Katsuki’s head onto his shoulder. “We’re gonna help you Katsuki. We always will.”
Katsuki wasn’t able to move after that, the rest of the night being a blur in his memories.
Eventually, he got clean. It took a few months, as well as a lot of muscle and mental therapy. But he did it, and Aizawa was so fucking proud of him, Katsuki almost cried. Aizawa never shared his battle between him and smoking with the class, which Katsuki’s glad for.
He’d wonder what Aizawa would think of him now.
Walking onto his balcony, he lights a cigarette. Taking a long drag, feeling the pain in his arm–his chest–everywhere, start to soothe.
His phone pings, It’s Izuku. He doesn’t want to read it, he wants to act mad, but he’s not, he’s upset. And it’s not even at Izuku, it’s at himself.
IZUKU: Hey Kacchan, I’m sorry how things ended back at the wedding. I really do hope you enjoyed most of it despite that argument. And I’m sorry about what I said, I was frustrated and lashed out. I’ll see you at work? I hope things can go back to normal.
Read 11:48 PM
BAKUGO KATSUKI: It’s fine, I lashed out too. Cya at work on Monday.
Read 12:01 AM
Katsuki sighs.
Back to normal.
How can someone go back to normal, when everything has changed?
Well, here's how Bakugo Katsuki does it.
He works, works from dawn to dusk. Filling out papers, doing hero work, doing volunteer work, working on personal projects, working on business deals. Work, work, work, work. Everything is work. He drowns himself in it, anything to take his mind off the change and focus on the normal. Nobody has seen him without a caffeinated drink in his hands in the past three months, there's probably a heart attack coming his way soon.
His body craves sleep and his brain craves work. His life revolves around it at this point. And it’s been working out well for him, things are normal.
That is, until the CLASS 1A FTW group chat blows up again. Right, it’s been 3 months, time for another reunion.
That means he has to face Izuku for the first time in a casual environment since the wedding, for the first time in three months.
Back to normal.
We're back to normal now.
Katsuki can only dream.