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It was just before 19:00 when my train finally arrived, the carriage shuddering to a halt at the platform.
I felt the cold air against my skin the moment the automatic doors slid open, the freezing wind slamming into me as I stepped out onto the platform and into the pouring rain. I felt myself shiver; though my umbrella kept me dry, my flimsy suit and tie were far from adequate protection against the evening cold.
Besides a few late-night workers and myself the platform was deserted; everyone else having already headed home for the evening hours ago. I had only just gotten off work from doing overtime, something that was expected of me far too often due to my lackluster performance.
Pulling out my phone from my pocket, I checked the directions my friend Aoi had given me— a ten minute walk from the station, it estimated. I sighed, clicking off the device and sliding it back into my slacks as I began down the stairs from the station towards the street below.
To be completely frank, I was still unsure about this whole thing. It was something she had suggested on a whim; while I was quite hesitant towards the idea, it was something I felt I couldn’t say no to.
“Y—You mean like, a blind date?” I had asked.
“Yep! I think it would be fun!”
“Are you sure about this? What if—“
“Don’t worry about it!” she had reassured me, “I’m certain it will go just fine. I think you’ll really like them!”
When I had agreed to the date, I had done so knowing that it most likely wouldn’t result in anything. I’ve always been someone who struggles when it comes to making connections; I wasn’t sure if I’d even be able to maintain a proper relationship in my current state. Really, I just wanted someone to talk to— anything to break me from the monotony of work. At best, maybe I’d be able to make a new friend, if I was lucky.
While me and Aoi have rarely seen each other since we briefly dated back in college, we’d kept in contact over the internet since then. As much as she insisted that she still saw me as her friend, a part of me couldn’t help but feel she was just taking pity on me; that she had only remained my friend because she felt bad for breaking up with me.
My phone’s clock read 19:07 by the time I finally arrived at the location; a small floral-themed restaurant facing the street. The lights inside illuminated the windows in a warm glow, the storefront shining like a lantern in the cold evening.
I was late, but there was hardly anything I could do about that now. I was just happy to finally get out of the rain as I stepped under the awning that hung over the facade. I could make out a silhouette or two moving inside, but the windows were too frosted over from the cold to make out much else. I took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself.
A wave of warm air washed over me as I opened the door, followed shortly after by the smell of food hitting my nostrils. My wet shoes squeaked against the tile floor as I entered. Inside was hardly anything fancy, though with the warm lighting that only made it feel cozier. Stashing my umbrella in the provided rack by the door I took a moment to simply let myself relax, savoring the warmth as my body settled from the cold outside.
A doorway on the left opened into the seating area, with a black and white tiled floor and a bar counter seperating the main floor from the kitchen. Rows of booth seats seperated by tables sat up against the window, each adorned with a vase and flowers.
There, sat in the farthest booth by the window was none other than my former friend and current colleague; Shion Tatsunami.
While Tatsunami usually dressed well even outside of work, it was always quite plainly so— just looking at him it was obvious that he had dressed especially for the occasion, sporting a velvet jacket over a patterned button-up vest. His hair had been tied neatly into a ponytail, and I think he even had a bit of blush. Tatsunami looked incredibly handsome— I could not deny that.
But what was he doing here? Surely Aoi would’ve mentioned if she knew her own brother was going to be here as well. I quickly ducked back around the corner, hoping that Tatsunami had yet to notice me. I scanned the room; aside from the staff working behind the counter it was just the two of us here.
Had I made a mistake? Had I come to the wrong place? I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone to double check the location that Aoi had given me— sure enough, this was it.
So why on earth was my colleague here? Was he here to meet someone as well? Or—
Then it hit me. Tatsunami wasn’t here to meet someone else.
Tatsunami was here to meet me.
My heart skipped a beat. That couldn’t be right. Was this some kind of joke? I had dated Aoi in the past; she would have known that I liked girls. What could have possibly made her think otherwise?
I’d been close friends with her brother for a while before we drifted apart, but the two of us had never been anything more than that. And while Tatsunami had always been a bit flamboyant by nature, nothing about him particularly struck me as being ‘queer’, either. There was that one time from when I was still a kid, but that was a story I had told to nobody.
For a brief moment I considered cutting my losses and abandoning the date entirely. But when I peeked back around the corner to see a cheery Tatsunami stood up and waving to me from the other side of the room, I knew it was far too late for that now.
“Haru-kun! Senpai!” he beamed with the widest smile I had ever seen on him, “It’s so good to see you!”
My body froze on the spot as Tatsunami’s gaze enveloped me like an icy wind, my legs refusing to move and my head refusing to think. Even from across the room this man seemingly already had me in a chokehold, one that I knew he wouldn’t let me escape from so easily.
“It’s been so long since we last talked... Please, come sit with me!” Tatsunami patted the table in front of him in a friendly manner, inviting me to join him.
So badly I wanted to just turn around and run out the door while I still had the chance, to just go back home and try to forget this whole thing had ever even happened. But I couldn’t. Seeing Tatsunami dressed up all nicely just to meet with me? I couldn’t help but feel guilty. I had already abandoned him as a friend— I didn’t have the heart to break his, too. I couldn’t help but notice how much my own outfit utterly lacked in comparison to his; my hair was still a mess from the rain and I hadn’t even tucked in my shirt.
Going against every instinct I slowly approached my colleague where he sat on the other side of the room and hesitantly took the seat across from him at the table. He politely bowed to greet me as we sat down— a gesture which in my cold feet I almost didn’t realise I had failed to return. As much as I felt Tatsunami looked down upon me the last thing I wanted to be was disrespectful—bowing now would just make things even more awkward, I feared.
“Oh, Senpai… I’m so glad you came!” the man exclaimed, seemingly unbothered by my failure to return his gesture. “How have you been? You didn’t have any trouble getting here, did you?”
“I’m fine, I guess.” I replied. “…I’m sorry I’m late.”
“Don’t worry about it!” he reassured me with a patient smile. “I know work has been hard on you lately. I’m just happy you’re here!”
The man’s unfaltering smile felt almost mocking. Whether Tatsunami was ignorant or knowingly silent as to my discomfort, I couldn’t be sure.
Unable to think of anything to say I remained silent, my eyes focused on my lap where I fidgeted with my fingers just out of sight under the table. This was becoming far too awkward far too fast. I struggled to think of an excuse, anything that could possibly get me out of this, but my mind pulled a blank.
Thankfully, seeing my silence Shion decided to move the conversation along on his own.
“I’m a bit nervous, aha. I still can’t believe we’re actually going on a date together!”
Tatsunami’s words all but confirmed my suspicions. Aoi really had set me up on a date with another man— her own brother, no less.
Did he even know? Or had Aoi set him up as well? Had he agreed to go on a date with me out of pity? There was no way a man like Shion Tatsunami would want to go out with someone like me.
I didn’t have the time to think over the implications of what this meant for how Aoi viewed me. I needed to clear this up with him.
I took in a deep breath and began to speak.
“Look, Tatsunami-kun… I don’t mean to offend you, but—”
“Oh, please.” he dismissed me, his polite smile a direct contrast to his tone. “There’s no need for formalities here! Please, call me Shion.”
I shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Shion-kun, I— I think there’s been some kind of—“
A woman’s voice suddenly boomed up from behind us. “Sirs? May I take your orders?”
The sudden interruption startled me so badly I almost hurt my neck turning around so quickly. I had gotten so caught up with meeting my coworker I had almost forgotten we were at a restaurant together. What kind of place even was this? My memory failed me.
The middle-aged waitress quickly seemed to realise her mistake, though before she could apologize for the sudden intrusion Tatsunami piped up in response.
“Oh, of course!” he said. The woman rushed to fish a pen from the notepad she held in her hands. “I’ll have the ramen with extra veggies, two beef burgers with extra cheese, takikomi gohan, chashu, moyashi, and mentaiko rice.”
As usual, Tatsunami’s unusually large orders never failed to surprise me. The man’s appetite was both impressive and frightening— I could never understand how he could eat so much and yet still manage to hardly weigh more than me.
It took the waitress a moment to finish scribbling everything down before turning to me. “What about you?”
“I, uh— I’ll just have the ramen, please.” I stammered, keeping my head down in a not so subtle attempt at hiding the blush that crept across my face.
The woman tilted her head at me, furrowing her brow as if I had just sworn. “Is that all? Nothing else?”
“N—no, ma’am.”
The woman peered down at her notepad and then back to the two of us. “What about drinks?”
Once again, Tatsunami jumped in to answer. “Oh, I nearly forgot! I’ll take the hitonamida cocktail. Haru-kun here can have a small wine— he’s never been good with alcohol.”
With a few more strokes of her pen the woman tore the page from the notepad, placing it neatly on top as she returned the pen to her pocket. “Alright then. Your drinks will be here shortly, the food should take no longer than twenty minutes.”
“Thank you!” Tatsunami smiled as the woman turned to leave with our orders.
As I watched her walk away, I couldn’t help but feel that she was probably silently judging me. Was she able to tell we were on a date together? My face was burning so hot, I worried the skin might just slough off. I’d been on dates with Aoi before, but this, this was different. Never in my life had the thought of going on one with another man ever even crossed my mind. I was completely out of my league here.
Tatsunami, on the other hand, seemed incredibly calm and collected by comparison. If he was at all nervous like he had claimed, he was doing an excellent job at hiding it.
“You always eat so little when we’re out together, Senpai.” he remarked,his long fingers reaching to stroke at the petals of one of the little white flowers in the vase on the table. “You really should eat more!”
I shrugged my shoulders. I’d always had a small appetite, especially compared to Tatsunami. I turned my head to look out the window; I could see the storm outside was starting to pick up, the rain getting heavier. Now that we had ordered, there was absolutely no way of getting out of this.
“Believe it or not, this is actually my first time going out on a date like this.” he said. It was hard to believe; Tatsunami had always been incredibly popular back at the office.
The man let out a soft sigh. “You know… It’s been a while since we last talked like this, just the two of us.”
I watched as he picked up one of the flowers, pinning the stem between his fingers and using it to gently stir the water at the bottom of the vase.
“It feels strange, doesn’t it? Meeting up for a romantic dinner like this? It reminds me of how we’d always go out for lunch together.”
After a moment he let go of the stem, allowing it to float back down to the bottom of the vase as he sat back in his seat.
“You haven’t been out much lately, have you?”
I replied in a half mumble. “Not really.”
In truth,I’d hardly left the house at all these past few months besides for work and groceries. I used to hang out with Tatsunami during and after work pretty frequently, almost every day at one point. But as time progressed so did his career, and those meetings started to happen less and less as I began to feel that he looked down upon me.
Despite joining the company only two months after me, Tatsunami seemed to exceed me in every way possible. While I struggled to even maintain my current position, he was earning promotion after promotion. Before long, it seemed obvious to me that he was only keeping me around out of pity. A man like Shion Tatsunami had no business with a failure like me.
It was following one particular incident with our manager that I had begun avoiding him entirely, and that had been that.
A few times since then I’d stumble upon him outside of work and he’d try to start up a conversation, but I’d always find some excuse to get out of it. I felt terrible for it; he had been my best friend, after all. I just didn’t have the courage to confront him about how I felt.
“Me either, to be honest.” Tatsunami admitted. “I really missed spending time with you, Senpai. Things just haven’t been the same without you.”
Did he really think that? I felt my heart flutter in my chest. As much as my doubts tried to tell me he was lying, his words felt genuine.
Throughout my entire life I’d never really had anyone that I could call a true friend besides Tatsunami. There was Aoi, of course, though we had hardly been the closest since our short lived relationship five years ago. Certainly not as close as I had been with Tatsunami.
As much as I felt he probably looked down upon me, a part of me really missed our friendship. I missed having someone that I could talk to, someone that would listen to me and let me be myself.
“...I missed you too.”
Those words, atleast, I knew were genuine.
“Here are your drinks, sirs.” The waitress placed the pair of glasses on the table in front of us. “The food will be ready shortly.”
“Thank you!” said Tatsunami, putting his hands together with a smile.
Taking the glass of wine in both hands, I gave the waitress a nod and a polite smile as she turned to leave. I watched Tatsunami as he began to stir his cocktail with a spoon from the table, his hand twisting back and forth as he did so.
I looked down at my own drink, gently tilting back and forth in my hands and watching the crimson liquid as it spun around the glass. As much as I’ve always struggled when it came to holding my liquor, I knew I was going to need it if I hoped to have any chance of making it through tonight. Reluctantly, I raised the glass to my lips to take a sip. The wine was rather tangy, the taste bitter on my tongue as I choked the cool liquid down my throat.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so eager to drink, Senpai.” Tatsunami playfully remarked as he stirred his drink. “Just be careful, you don’t want to be getting sick on our date.” I couldn’t tell if he was teasing me or trying to be genuine.
He tapped the spoon against the rim of the glass to shake off the excess before taking a drink. He let out a satisfied sigh as he swallowed it down. He placed the glass back down on the table in front of him.
“So, if you don’t mind me asking… How long have you known for?” he asked.
“...Known what?” I went to take a sip from my own glass.
“That you liked guys.”
I nearly spat out my drink at those words. How was I supposed to answer a question like that? I could feel my stomach begin to churn, though that may have just been the alcohol.
After a moment of consideration I struggled to stammer out the most convincing response I could manage. “Um, I— …Only recently, I guess.” I found myself avoiding his gaze, as if my eyes would give me away.
Tatsunami blinked at me in response. “Is that so?” he smirked, tilting his head in a manner I couldn’t quite decipher. Was he able to tell that I was lying? It felt like his eyes were boring into me.
“Wh—What about you?” I awkwardly followed up, hoping to move things along before he could drill into me any further.
Tatsunami’s expression seemed to shift, the smile fading from his face. He turned his head to face the window and sighed. “I’ve known for a long time now, ever since I was a kid.”
“I realised pretty early on that I was different, that I just wasn’t like everyone else. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t seem to fit in. It felt like there was something wrong with me.
—And then I met you. Ever since that day, I knew I wasn’t the only one. It made things a bit easier, knowing that there was someone else like me out there.”
The man gave me a small smile as he turned back to face me. “It feels cheesy to say, but in a way? I guess you helped me to realise how I felt.”
I took a moment to process Tatsunami’s words. So he really does like me, then. It was hard to believe; I wasn’t sure what to think. I felt incredibly flattered, of course, but also conflicted.
Shion is smart, kind and caring. He’s a great friend; reliable, understanding. But he’s also a guy, just like me.
At the same time, I couldn’t ignore the feeling of warmth that bloomed in my chest. Knowing that somebody liked me, wanted me by their side. It was a feeling that I hadn’t felt in a long time.
...Why was I even contemplating this to begin with? I had no intentions of dating this man. I just needed to get through the night, then I could go back home and try to forget this all had ever even happened.
Tatsunami let out a soft sigh. “I’m sorry, I realise this is a lot to dump on you like that.”
“N—No, no. It’s fine.” I said.
He took another sip from his drink, the ice colliding with the sides of the glass as he placed it back down on the table in front of him. A clap of thunder sounded from outside. The rain was really picking up now.
Tatsunami shifted forward in his seat, turning to the vase of little white flowers on the table. “You know, the reservation for this place lets you choose which flowers they put on the table.” he said. “I ended up picking these ones.”
“They’re called ‘harujion’.” he explained. “Apparently, they’re meant to symbolize ‘reminiscent love’ because the way the buds droop downwards, kind of like it’s lost in thought.” The man’s fingers came up to gently brush one of the flower’s petals. “They’re actually considered a weed, but I think they’re cute.” he smiled. “They kind of remind me of you, to be honest. That’s why I picked them.”
Did Tatsunami really just compare me to a weed?
He went on to elaborate. “You’re always humble; you never like to stand out against the crowd. Some people see you as a nuisance, but that’s just because they haven’t given you the chance to thrive yet.”
I felt myself blush. It was silly, but compliments were so few and far between for me I couldn’t help but feel flattered.
I almost didn’t even notice Tatsunami’s hand silently reaching towards mine from across the table. He looked up at me as if to gauge my reaction, before I felt the tips of his fingers brush against my skin as his hand came to rest atop my own. His hand was warm to the touch, almost scalding against my cold skin. I struggled to meet his gaze as he smiled at me, my eyes seeming able to focus on anything but the man that sat in front of me.
My whole body seemed to freeze up under his touch, my heart racing in my chest and my stomach filling with the fluttering of butterflies. My face was burning red hot by now, and I couldn’t stop my legs from trembling under the table.
Carefully, his fingers slipped under my hand, taking it in his own as his thumb moved to gently caress my knuckles. His movements felt strangely casual, almost practiced; like he had done this before.
“You really need to stop biting your nails, Senpai.” he said, pulling my hand towards him and closely inspecting each of my fingers as he held it out in front of him. “Maybe I should buy you some mittens?”
“Or,—“ he added, “—I could take you to get your nails painted? I think blue would really suit you.”
That would certainly work, I supposed. It wasn’t really something I had ever considered before. I wasn’t entirely against the idea, though. My face was burning red hot by now, my heart racing in my chest, and my stomach filled with the fluttering of butterflies.
Using his other hand Tatsunami cradled my hand in his own, holding it as if it were something precious. His touch was warm, gentle, loving. It felt oddly familiar, nostalgic in a way I couldn’t quite pin down.
I closed my eyes and, for just a moment, I imagined I was back on that hill with all the flowers; the cool ocean breeze brushing against my cheeks as we watched the sun set over the sea.
Before long our food had finally arrived, the numerous dishes carried in on a large tray and coming together to form a sizeable island between us on the table.
“Mmm… This looks delicious!” Tatsunami exclaimed, his eyes wide with excitement. “Let’s eat!”
I gave my colleague a friendly nod in response. I watched as he wasted no time before digging in, beginning to convey large amounts of food into his mouth with great dexterity. I couldn’t help but find it kind of endearing— Tatsunami always seemed to take such great joy in eating. It made me feel happy, somewhat.
I looked down at my own meal— admittedly, my puny singular bowl of ramen did look kind of silly compared to the large assortment of dishes that sat before my colleague. That didn’t make it any less enjoyable, though. I slurped on a mouthful of noodles as I watched him eat.
Ramen had always been somewhat of a comfort food for me— simple, yet delicious. It’s easy to make when I’m exhausted after a long day of work and easy to get down when I don’t have much of an appetite.
Tatsunami seemed to have noticed staring at him, because he looked up at me and gave me a smile. I quickly redirected my eyes, even though I knew he had caught me. Despite that I couldn’t help but find myself smiling, too.
Soon enough, our bowls had been almost entirely cleared besides what remained stuck to the sides of the porcelain. Tatsunami seemed satsified, having been adequately fed.
“How was your ramen?” he asked with a smile.
“It was good!” I cheerily replied.
Tatsunami sipped down the last of his cocktail. “I’m glad!” he said, placing the empty glass back down on the table.
“You know… I really missed seeing you smile, Senpai.”
I hadn’t even realised that I had been until my colleague had mentioned it. Come to think of it, I couldn’t quite remember the last time I had genuinely cracked a smile. It felt good.
Tatsunami’s smile faltered, his expression morphing into one more sincere. “I want to apologize, actually. I could tell you’ve been trying to avoid me these past few months.”
The man sighed. “I know things have been difficult for you recently. I was scared; I should’ve been there for you. It’s been hard for me, too.”
My colleague’s sudden apology caught me off guard. Did he really feel that way? If anything, I felt like I was the one who should be apologizing.
“I— …Th-thank you, for caring about me.” I replied. “It really means a lot to me. And— ...I’m sorry for pushing you away.”
I sighed. “It’s just— even though we’re the same age and we started work at about the same time, you’ve always been so much more talented than me. I— I couldn’t help but feel like I wasn’t enough for you, I thought you were only remaining my friend because you felt pity for me.”
“Aww, Senpai... That’s not true!” Tatsunami insisted. “Your current job might not be best suited to you, but that doesn’t mean you’re worthless! In fact… You’re one of the most amazing people I know!”
“Y—You really mean that?” I felt my heart flutter in my chest.
“Of course I do!” the man exclaimed, “Otherwise I wouldn’t be on a date with you, silly! There’s a reason why I still call you ‘Senpai’ with the utmost respect!”
“B—But why me?” I buried my face in my arms on the table. “I’m not smart, I always make mistakes... Surely there’s so many others out there that are better than me—”
Tatsunami sighed. “I interact with a lot of people, but… You’re the only person that I can really talk to. From the day we met, you seemed to understand me in a way that nobody else did. You’re someone who always sees the best in people, and I really appreciate that about you.”
He took my hands in his, holding them between us and giving them a gentle squeeze. “So please, don’t be so harsh on yourself!”
I instinctively turned my head away, trying to hide the blush that crept across my face. Did he really think all that about me? I couldn’t even remember the last time I had been complimented like this. I tightened my grip on his hands, interlocking our fingers together.
“Th—Thank you...” I stammered, so overcome by emotion I was barely able to get the words out. “A—And… I feel the same way, to be honest.”
I lowered my head with a sigh. “It’s always been really hard for me to talk to others. But when I’m with you, it feels so much easier. You’re somebody who makes me feel like I can be myself. I— I really enjoy being around you, spending time with you, Shion-kun.”
Deep down, a small part of me almost expected him to burst out laughing, to mock me and make fun of me. But instead he gave my hands a firm squeeze, smiling with the most sincere expression I’d ever seen from him.
“Even if we don’t end up going anywhere with this… Do you think we can still be friends again? Like we used to be?”
I smiled. “...I’d like that.”
We continued chatting for a while as the storm raged on outside, talking about work and our personal lives, our regrets from the past and our hopes for the future.The fact that we were supposed to be on a date together had long faded from my mind. I just was happy to finally be friends with Tatsunami again, to be spending time with him; just sitting there talking and smiling with him. It made me feel hopeful.
By the time I finally sat up from our table I could feel myself starting to get dizzy; the effects of the wine I had drank earlier quickly becoming apparent. Tatsunami seemed a bit tipsy as well, albeit probably not as much as I was.
We ended up splitting the bill evenly between the two of us, muchto my own insistence.Tatsunami had been incredibly reluctant to that idea; the majority of our dinner had been his, after all.
In all honesty, I wasn’t even sure what either of us would be doing after this. I had planned to just go home, but after tonight’s events I didn’t want it to end.
I was just about to ask Tatsunami about his plans for the rest of the night when I suddenly stopped, my vision narrowing as a sharp pain called out from my abdomen.
In an instant I felt the bile from my stomach force its way up my throat and into my mouth, the acid stinging hot against my esophagus and on my tongue. Before I could even process what was happening my body seized up and I began to gag. My hands moved to cover my mouth as I instinctively choked the liquid back down, my nose burning and my eyes tearing up at the foul assault on my senses.
“Senpai? Are you okay?” I heard a worried Tatsunami ask from behind me.
I didn’t answer, instead proceeding straight towards the bathroom which thankfully wasn’t too far away. I pushed the door open, not even bothering to close it and dove straight for the toilet. I coughed and sputtered into the empty bowl, trying desperately to rid myself of the horrid taste that stuck to my tongue. The light felt so incredibly bright, it was all too overstimulating.
I could hear Tatsunami’s footsteps following close behind before stopping just shy of the open door. “Senpai?” I heard him call my name.
I just sat there kneeling over the toilet, my trembling hands clinging to the ring of the seat as I heaved. Nothing more came out, though, and after a moment I could feel my stomach finally settling.
I heard my colleague shut the door behind me as he stepped forward. He crouched down on the floor next to me, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Are you alright, Senpai?”
“I— I think— I think I’m fine.” I stammered, the taste of vomit still thick at the back of my throat.
The next thing I knew Tatsunami had his arms around me, holding me in a gentle hug. “You feeling better now, atleast?” he asked, his voice gentle and caring.
The faint smile that had formed on my face acted as my response.
I shifted my body around to face him, leaning with one hand on the floor and the other on my lap. Tatsunami’s cream-colored hair seemed to almost glow under the light, his brown eyes shining like polished jacinth beneath his lashes. Looking closer, I could almost make out the reflection of the setting sun against his pupils.
“Senpai? You’re staring…”
I was, because as I looked at the man in front of me, I could see that very same face that I remembered from all those years ago. The memory was one I had long buried in my mind, so much so that for the longest time I was convinced it was all just a dream.
The memory was one of a railway crossing by the sea, on a hill surrounded by the blooming harujion. Of the flashing buzz of the warning bells; that scrawny boy with the messy hair that had stood out in the middle of the tracks between the barriers waiting for the oncoming train.
I could still vividly remember feeling the callouses of his palm as I pulled him away to safety, his hand gripping mine as we watched the train speed past us. I could still remember the hitch in his voice as he spoke, like his entire being could shatter at any moment.
I couldn’t quite recall the details of what we talked about that day, just that at some point, we had made a promise to each other. A promise that no matter what, we would find true happiness together.
I couldn’t remember what happened after that, all I knew is that was the last I ever saw of him. I had never even gotten to learn his name.
—Until now.
Because sitting in front of me was that very same boy I had met at that railway crossing by the sea all those years ago. He was all grown up now, of course— he was taller, his voice was deeper and his hair was a different color— but he still had those very same brooding eyes that had so utterly enchanted me all those years ago.
Without thinking I reached forward, placing a hand on Tatsunami’s cheek. I looked into his eyes, my fingers brushing against the soft skin of his face. Tatsunami tilted his head in confusion, seemingly surprised by my sudden boldness. I paid it no mind, proceeding to gently brush a stray lock from his face as I smiled at him.
“Haru-kun…” the man spoke, his voice low and tender. Tatsunami’s cheeks were dusted with pink, his eyes filled with uncertainty. He seemed unsure of himself, like he hadn’t expected things to get this far. Shion looked incredibly handsome— I couldn’t deny that.
The fact that we were in public had long faded from my mind. To me, it was just the two of us together. And that’s all I could ever need.
Acting entirely on impulse I charged forward, grabbing Tatsunami by his collar and pulling him towards me, muffling the surprised gasp that escaped his lips with my own. The kiss was clumsy— our teeth clashed and our noses collided— but I didn’t care. I needed Shion to know that I remembered; that I still intended on keeping that promise we had made all those years ago.
I could feel as Tatsunami’s body instinctively tensed up, his hands snapping forward to grab my wrists, but he didn’t pull away. Instead, he allowed himself to slowly relax into the kiss, a satisfied hum reverberating from his throat as he moved to take my hands in his own. He gently guided them up towards his face so that I was cupping his cheeks before bringing his own hands down to settle on my sides just above my hips.
For a brief moment I relented— Tatsunami’s half-lidded eyes meeting my own as I pulled away to catch my breath— before I dove back in with even more ferocity than before. I pulled his body flush against mine and slipped my tongue into his mouth, pressing against his teeth as if to ask for permission— a gesture he more than happily obliged.
Tatsunami’s mouth tasted of wine and cigarettes; his lips sweet and sultry, saliva like honey on my tongue. My heart pounded and my head spun as I felt his own tongue push forward to meet mine, every little brush between us sending what felt like sparks of electricity shooting down my spine. The sensation was intoxicating— hot and suffocating but not unpleasantly so, like burying yourself in the sand at the beach. I wanted nothing more than to dig myself deeper.
I tilted my head and deepened the kiss, feeling the whine that ripped from Tatsunami’s throat and his fingers grasping at the fabric of my jacket as I familiarized myself with every inch of his mouth.Tatsunami always appeared so well-composed—seeing him allow himself to be vulnerable like this excited me. This was a Shion Tatsunami that nobody else could see.
Tatsunami devoured me and I devoured him; our tongues dancing and swirling between us as we kissed under the evening light. By the time we finally seperated we were both exhausted and gasping for air, the two of us drunk on a mix of alcohol and intimacy. Tatsunami’s previously neatly-brushed hair was now a disheveled mess, his lashes wetted and his lips swollen. Tears had begun to well in his eyes and his whole face was painted bright red. He looked delightfully sinful.
“Tatsunami-kun…” I panted, the man’s saliva still hot on my tongue as the realisation of what I’d just done set in. “I— I’m sorry, I—“
“No, no. It’s fine!” Tatsunami looked as if he was about to cry. He quickly moved to wipe the tears from his eyes. “I’m sorry, I just— I’m so happy right now…” He took my hands in his, squeezing them firmly in his grasp.
“For the past thirteen years I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.” he said. “I’ve been obsessed with you. You gave me hope, you made me feel like no one else has. You were the only person who ever understood me, and I couldn’t bear the thought of living life without you. I never thought this day would come...”
“I love you, Haru-kun.” Shion finally confessed, “I love you so, so much. More than I could ever possibly hope to express.”
I smiled, squeezing his hands back. “I love you too, Shion-kun. Always, forever.”
“Shall we stay the night at your place?” he suggested as he helped me to my feet.
“...I’d love to.”
The cab home was fairly quiet, with not a word spoken between the either of us. I simply sat there with my eyes closed, leaning against him with my head resting on his shoulder as I listened to the sound of the rain outside and the rumble of the wheels against the road below.
I thought to myself; did this mean we were boyfriends now? It was something I would have to ask him about later. It sounded nice in my head— Shion Tatsunami; my boyfriend, my husband. My love. Always, forever.
I fell asleep like that, wishing I could lay there with him forever.
“So… How was your little date?”
“I think it went pretty well.”