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“It’s not that big a deal, really,” Lex said, his head resting on Bruce’s chest. “Part and parcel of being a billionaire baby. You were never kidnapped?”
“No. And it’s almost certainly preventable.”
“I had security,” Lex argued. “The third time they were actually in on it, but I suppose I was an insufferable teenager, in their defence.”
“The third time.” Bruce hoped he had misheard or misunderstood. “You’ve been kidnapped three times.”
“Yes. The first was the worst though. By the third, I knew the process. Play dumb and quiet until they let their guard down, then get out of there. They lose focus once they know they won’t be getting ransom.”
Bruce’s hand paused where it was caressing Lex’s back under the blankets. “Your father didn’t pay the ransom?”
Lex actually laughed. “Lionel Luthor? Pay for the safety of his son? Never. The second time, the kidnappers got so frustrated that they couldn’t get past his secretary that they let me go. He was in meetings all day, you see.” Still laughing, like it’s a funny anecdote.
Like he hadn’t been a little boy held at gunpoint, waiting for someone to decide he was worth the effort of rescue.
Realising they never would.
In the Batmobile, Bruce is scanning all frequencies in the hope of hearing something. Oracle will undoubtedly hear something before he does, but he is hardly going to leave it all up to her. He should have put a damn tracker in Lex. But then, he would only find it and get angry. The downside of dating a fellow genius.
A call comes through from Alfred. “What is it, Alfred?”
“Master Damian has begged for an update, sir. Should the situation continue much longer, I may be unable to keep him in the house.”
“He is not participating in this rescue. I need to figure out how the League of Assassins are associated with this, or if it’s just a coincidence. Until I know that, he needs to be out of harm’s way.”
The Joker didn’t exactly fit with the League’s values, such as they were. If they’re working together, Bruce is facing something that is both sophisticated and precise, yet completely unpredictable. A best case scenario would be that they cancel one another’s strengths out, reining in the Joker’s most extreme impulses while his chaos prevents their best-laid plans. The worst-case scenario… that the League are able to weaponise the Joker’s mayhem to claim more lives than ever before.
Starting with Lex.
Since their relationship became more serious, Lex had been spending more time in Gotham, despite his general sour opinion about the place. Bruce stopped over in Metropolis a reasonable amount, but he had the children to think of. Not to mention the protection of Gotham.
The children were the main sticking point though. Dick wasn’t really a child anymore, though he lived at Wayne Manor while studying. Jason though, he had barely had a childhood in the first place, and therapy wasn’t doing much to lighten the load of his teen years. His volatile alter ego Red Hood needed to be supervised. It would have been easy to let better-behaved Tim slip by unnoticed, but Bruce was determined to be on-call for support while he set up his Titans group. Then there was Damian. Damian who knew a hundred ways to kill a man and zero ways to make a friend. Damian, who had a comfort sword.
So Bruce left Gotham less and less and he had expected it to begin the end of things with Lex, who practically ruled Metropolis.
Much to both their surprise though, they hung onto whatever they were building together. Lex visited Gotham more. Stayed in fine hotels where Bruce could easily stop by. They began a much-publicised business partnership. There were rumours Lex was hunting the Batman because Superman was too difficult to destroy. Bruce suggested he stay in a guest room at Wayne Manor to reduce his hotel budget. He met the kids.
Dick had his reservations, but was civilised about it. “I want you to be happy.”
Damian had suspected subterfuge and an attempt to infiltrate “Wayne Enterprises, possibly even the Batman vigilante activities!” But after two in-depth debates with Lex about engineering, he informed Bruce that he had “chosen well” and it became a matter of dispute between Lex and Bruce over whether he would intern at Wayne Enterprises or Lexcorp.
Tim thought it was “weird, but by far not the weirdest thing to happen in our lives.”
Eventually Jason said, “Why do you guys pretend he’s spending the night in the guest room?”
Lex stopped staying in the guest room, putting his expensive luggage in Bruce’s room whenever he stopped over. They were spotted together in a Gotham restaurant misbehaving after too much wine and that’s how the relationship went public. At least half of the week, Bruce would get home from patrol to Lex conducting business calls on a tablet in what was rapidly becoming ‘their’ bed.
“Metropolis needs some of my attention,” Lex had said that afternoon. “You can’t have it all to yourself. I’ll be back for the weekend.”
Ironically, it was on his way back to Metropolis that his car was ambushed.
Lex is rethinking his strategy. Previously, he has been kidnapped by ordinary people. Ordinary, desperate people who didn’t want to shoot a child.
But he is no longer a child, and his kidnappers are not ordinary people.
The metal of a pistol smacks his head to the side and pain blooms from his temple, making his vision tilt for a moment.
“This much money should be pocket change to your billionaire boyfriend!”
The Joker huffs and stomps around the warehouse where he and his goons are holding Lex hostage. If the Gotham economy could stabilise for any significant period of time, there would be fewer abandoned buildings for criminals to engage in these sorts of large-scale operations, which would make Bruce’s work much easier. Of course, if the Gotham economy could stabilise for any amount of time, nobody would willingly work for the likes of the Joker.
Harley Quinn coos at her man sympathetically. “I’m sure he’s just getting the money together, puddin’. Everybody knows Bruce Wayne and Lex Luthor are this year’s Couple To Watch.” She flicks Lex on the head where the Joker had pistol-whipped him. “Shoulda been me and Mistah J, but gay stuff’s all the rage right now.”
“Maybe I just wear a suit better than him,” Lex says.
Harley kicks a leg out of the chair and the whole thing falls to the side, Lex hitting the ground face-first. “Nobody wears a suit better than my puddin’! Nobody!”
“Oh don’t despair,” the Joker croons. Out of the corner of his eye he sees the clown pull Harley into an embrace. “Once Bruce Wayne sends over that cold, hard cash, I’ll buy us some new gladrags and we’ll see who wore it better. Me…”
The gun trails over Lex’s skull.
“Or this rich corpse.”
“He won’t pay you,” Lex says. “They never pay.”
“That’s disappointing,” the Joker pouts. “That means I’ll only get the cash from the League of Assassins when I kill you.”
Lex sighs against the concrete floor. Why couldn’t he have fallen for Oliver Queen? Fuck all happens in his city.
The thought is beginning to gnaw at his mind that he’s going to die here.
The demand was shared on social media. A video of Lex bruised and bloody, bound to a chair. The Joker crowing, waving his gun around.
“Can you put a price on happiness, Bruce? Normally I’d only ask for a million, but the rich marry rich and then they get richer so—”
Interrupted by Lex’s snide little, “we’re not married”.
Bruce whispered, “shut up” to his screen, because the Joker didn’t abide interruptions.
Sure enough, the mad clown clicked his fingers at one of his goons and they punched Lex hard in the stomach.
“So as I was saying, the Wayne-Lex business empire can afford a cool three million. And I expect to see the money quickly, or Brucie boy finds himself back on those dating apps!”
The video zoomed in on the pistol pressed to Lex’s head before it ended.
By the time Bruce got home, the whole family had seen it.
Three hours before Oracle comes through. Three hours feels like an eternity when dealing with the impatient whims of the Joker. Bruce has taken down about sixty gang members trying to get a scrap of information, to no avail. Barbara’s voice sounds like a miracle.
“The old canning factory down by the docks. An estimate of sixteen henchman, Joker himself, and Harley Quinn. Lex still alive, but injured.”
“On my way.”
“Please hurry, Batman.” Her voice carries a note of anxious energy, which surprises him. Barbara has not been keen on his new relationship. She says it will all end in tears. Perhaps she’s worried about being proven right.
“I’m not exactly going to dawdle.” He’s already speeding through the streets of Gotham to his destination.
“Red Hood’s the source of my intel. He’s by the warehouse. I’m trying to convince him to wait for you.”
Jason, who tried to hide his panic attack when he saw the video of the Joker tormenting Lex.
Bruce pushes the gas pedal down harder.
Lex freed himself the first time. The gunmen were distracted, his wrists were skinny enough to slide through the ropes. He walked until he saw a police car.
His father was furious. “You didn’t know the way home?” He hated for external entities to become involved in Luthor family business.
One of the maids took care of the cuts and bruises.
He had nightmares for a month.
He was seven years old.
There are too many of Joker’s goons to make a run for it, but if he doesn’t come up with something soon he’s going to die. Lex Luthor, shot by a fucking clown in a Gotham slum. He’s been trying to pick the handcuffs with his cufflinks, but he’s no Batman. He’s still on the fucking floor. When he gets out of this one, he needs to step up the implementation of his watch-controlled drones. When he’s not in Gotham, he carries a gun. For Bruce’s sensibilities, he leaves it behind when he’s here. That means he needs something to plug the gap in his security.
And thinking about that helps distract him from the pain. He’s pretty sure Harley Quinn’s last hit with the mallet dislodged his knee. It looks wrong under his trouser leg. Even that pain is a distraction, from the fact that the Joker’s patience can’t last much longer. When he gets bored, Lex is a dead man.
“Ah, look who it is!” The Joker cheers. “My new business associate.” A dark-haired woman approaches wearing green and black clothes that look like something between robes and athletic wear. At her waist, she carries a sword. The Joker performs a theatrical bow and gestures to Lex with jazz hands. “Here he is, Talia, delivered as promised. Now I’m going to need my finder’s fee, since Bruce Wayne refused to pay ransom.”
Her arm emerges from her robe with a bag that she throws aside. Joker scurries after it and opens the drawstring. Notes fall from it. “Now that’s what I’m talking about!”
“Whaddya want with killing Lex Luthor, anyhow?” Harley asks the woman.
“He has been intruding where his interference is not wanted,” the woman says. She pulls the sword from her scabbard and rests it at his neck.
It seems his luck has run out. His mind is able to run through a number of panicked thoughts, but his legacy is a shocking second place. His first thought is how Bruce will find him. How he will blame himself.
The skylight shatters to pieces and Jason lands amongst them in full costume. Lex was under the impression the boy couldn’t be in the same room as the Joker, but here he is.
And there’s Bruce, swooping in like the phantom of the opera.
There’s a veritable orgy of violence and Lex can do nothing but watch and admire the ease with which Bruce and Jason fight. The Talia woman seems long gone, and Batman lays out the Joker with a single punch.
Perhaps Bruce can teach him to fight. Clearly Lex’s kickboxing isn’t up to the standard he requires, if he is going to be a frequent visitor to Gotham. It’s a little humiliating, seeing them dispatch the bastards who have held him in terror for hours.
At eleven, they made him beg. They hit him until he was crying and filmed it for his father.
Then they tried to find a way to send their demands. They phoned repeatedly, but couldn’t get past his father’s secretary. She was a nice lady, Lex knew that despite what she said, she would have passed on the message. But his father didn’t want it acknowledged.
The kidnappers got into a fight about their predicament. It escalated into gunfire. Lex was able to escape in the commotion.
He limped all the way home.
A week or so later, when the video was recovered, Lionel Luthor beat his son for breaking and begging.
Lex is on the concrete floor bleeding by the time Bruce gets to him. Head injuries, tender bruises and obvious pain when touched around the ribs. When he tries to help him to his feet, Lex cannot put weight on his right leg. The knee looks shattered.
Bruce grits his teeth and makes a mental note not to go easy on Harley next time. He tells Jason that Dick is on his way to help watch the villains until the authorities arrive, and carries Lex to the Batmobile. He straps him in then gets into the driver’s seat.
“Let’s get you to hospital.”
“You rescued me.”
It stops him cold. He peels his cowl off so that he can look Lex in the eye. “Of course I did.”
“Oh, I didn’t doubt your capacity,” Lex says, sounding exhausted. “Should you choose to attempt it.”
“There was no choice, Lex.”
“I wouldn’t have told him, you know. Who you are. I’ve grown a lot since my second kidnapping. I wouldn’t blubber anymore.”
Batman’s no-kill rule has saved so many lives that deserved pruning. Lionel Luthor’s is one of them.
“You understand I saved you because I love you.”
“Then you’re not nearly as smart as I thought you were. Putting yourself and your family at such risk.”
“If fighting our way to you wasn’t an option, I’d have just paid the damn ransom.”
That seems to silence Lex so thoroughly that Bruce keeps looking over during the drive to check he’s still conscious. He is. He’s watching Bruce like he’s trying to puzzle him out.
At the hospital, Bruce lifts him up – “Oh not the bridal carry, my reputation…” – and carries him into the hospital.
“I need assistance!”
A couple of nurses rush over with a bed. Every medical professional knows treating Lex Luthor well could mean better funding in their future.
“I’ll be back,” he promises.
He gets out to the Batmobile, and changes into his Bruce Wayne clothes. Then it’s back into the hospital, where Lex has been given painkillers and the doctors are debating whether his knee meets the criteria for surgery. Bruce grabs Lex’s hand and squeezes.
“Told you I’d be back.”
“And I believed you,” Lex murmurs. “Isn’t that something?”
“It’s everything,” Bruce says, kissing his knuckles.
The doctors decide on surgery and offer Lex sedation. Bruce promises to be there when he wakes up.
“Send us the money, or your kid dies.”
Lex knows how this ends. Seven, eleven, fifteen… He needs to keep quiet and play dumb and tough it out through the beatings. If he’s lucky, he will find an opportunity to crawl away through the blood.
There is shouting. Fear. Gunfire.
He huddles down in the corner.
Then… there are bats. They fill the room, biting and clawing at the men, who fall to the ground in fear.
Then there is Bruce, crouching down and lifting him up.
Deciding that Lex is worth the effort to rescue.