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Clark watches Bruce with crossed arms, he knows his worry is clear on his face but it’s not like Bruce will look at him so it doesn’t matter. Bruce has been holed up in the cave at the computer for weeks doing nothing but working. He barely eats, the food that Alfred drops off is left untouched aside from a few stray bites every once in a while, and the only sleep Clark has seen him get is when he gets so exhausted he passes out at the desk. The only thing the man leaves for is using the bathroom and going on patrol.
It’s really worrying him, Bruce isn’t taking care of himself at all and while some people may speculate that he’s not really human and is instead some cryptid creature, he is a human. Bruce needs proper rest and he needs proper food. The man can’t function like this, he’s barely functioning now. Alfred has told him not to worry about it, that Bruce just gets like this sometimes, but how is Clark supposed to not worry?
They’ve only just started dating, it’s only been a few months, and Clark really cares for Bruce. He can’t just watch Bruce waste away in front of this computer for weeks. He’s looked the man over a few times with his x-ray vision and he’s seen the way his body is fighting to continue working in these conditions. Clark has tried to talk to him but Bruce just brushes him off, not even really talking to him. He hasn’t had a proper conversation with the man since this started and it’s starting to wear on him.
“Bruce?” He calls softly, floating over to stand next to the chair Bruce is in.
“Hm?”
“How about we go out and have dinner?” Bruce doesn’t even look at him, in fact he doesn’t even answer, already sucked back into the computer. Clark’s frown grows, looking at the computer to look at the information that Bruce is sorting through. “B?”
Bruce continues to ignore him for a moment before seemingly registering that Clark had called to him again. “Let me finish this first,” Bruce says, repeating the same phrase Clark has heard many times these past few weeks.
His chest aches at the words, he’s not sure what to do. He’s so desperate for Bruce to listen to him, to at least look at him and acknowledge him rather than just brushing him off. “Bruce this… this isn’t fair. You can’t shut me out like this, you need to take care of yourself!” He says, desperation making his voice louder than normal. This seems to get Bruce’s attention because he tenses up a bit, yet still refuses to look at him. He leans a bit closer, trying to see Bruce’s face “You won’t even look at me! You need to take care of yourself, you can’t just hole yourself up in the cave! You’re going to die like this!”
He sighs, pulling himself away, and turning so his back is to Bruce so he can calm down. It’ll do no good for him to lose his temper. “I-I’m sorry…” A timid voice says behind him.
It surprises him, it surprises him so much that he spins around to see if someone else had walked in because there’s no way the words came from Bruce. But there’s no one else in the cave aside from Bruce and when Clark looks at him again he’s shocked at the look of the man. Bruce has hunched in on himself, his eyes a little glassy as they dart between Clark’s hands as if he’ll raise them to hit Bruce. Clark can also pick up on the way Bruce’s heart rate has picked up, how his breathing is coming in shallow. It’s unlike Bruce and he’s concerned. “Bruce-”
Before he can say anything Bruce suddenly shakes his head, starting to breathe so quickly that there’s no way the air is even reaching his lungs. He curls in on himself even more, his knees coming up to protect his middle and his arms coming up to hug himself, as he does Clark can see the way his whole body has started to tremble and it just gets more violent the longer it goes on. “I’m… I’m sorry. I-I didn’t- Please don’t-” Bruce stammers out, his voice shaky and the words coming out of his mouth so fast that none of it really makes any sense.
All of a sudden Bruce lets out a choked sound of panic, his hands coming up to start scratching at the neck of the batsuit as if it’s choking him and stopping him from breathing. Clark is momentarily frozen. He’s never seen Bruce act like this and he’s not quite sure what to do but the sight makes his heart hurt. Never would he want Bruce to be scared of him and the fact that he did scare the other makes him feel extremely guilty. He slowly raises his hands, starting to slowly approach the man, much like he would if he was approaching a scared child. “It’s alright, I’m not going to do anything to hurt you. It’s okay,” He assures. When he gets to the chair Bruce is in he stops. “You’re okay,” He assures as he reaches out, grabbing Bruce’s hands carefully and pulling them away from his neck. Bruce makes an almost pained noise and Clark is worried that he’s accidentally hurt Bruce with his grip but that thought leaves his mind when he sees the angry red scratches on Bruce’s neck. They start at the top of his neck and go down to the edge of the neckline of the batsuit, he hopes the suit stopped the scratches from continuing down but he can’t take the time to look because Bruce is still hyperventilating in front of him. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m going to pick you up, okay? I’m not going to do anything to hurt you.”
Bruce looks like he doesn’t trust him, as if he doubts that Clark wouldn’t hurt him, but he does agree. The thought that Bruce really thinks he would hurt him hurts. Clark has always tried to make himself nonthreatening, presenting himself in a way that makes himself more palatable and less likely to scare people away. But he stopped doing that around Bruce and now he worried that he shouldn’t have. But right now he continues doing what he needs to, Bruce is his priority. So he carefully picks the man up, sitting in the chair and setting Bruce in his lap.
He carefully and slowly starts to rub Bruce’s back, trying to help the man calm down. “It’s okay. Take a deep breath,” He coos softly, making his own breathing more dramatic so that Bruce can focus on it and follow in his steps.
Bruce seems to try to breathe like him but it doesn’t work, his breathing coming in as stuttered and each one broken by a slight wheeze. Clark just continues to rub Bruce’s back, breathing slowly and deeply to try and help the man. He’s not sure what’s wrong but he’s worried, and he’s scared. He wouldn’t say it out loud, especially not when Bruce is also obviously scared, but fear is coursing through him so hard that it’s difficult for him to keep his mind on the present problem. This is entirely new territory for him since Bruce has never acted like this, at least not around him. And that just makes him worry even more. Has Bruce been feeling like this and hiding it from him?
He’s not sure how long he sits there just rubbing Bruce’s back and helping him come down from the panic attack but it feels like forever before Bruce’s breathing finally returns to normal and his body uncurls. Clark pulls back slightly to get a look at the man’s face but when he does his heart breaks, Bruce might’ve calmed down a bit but now there’s tears streaming down the man’s face. “Oh Baby,” Clark mumbles, moving the hand not rubbing his back up to cup Bruce’s face.
Bruce shakes his head, sniffling softly before just breaking out into full blown sobs. “I’m sorry,” He mumbles, his voice broken between sobs. “I didn’t mean to- I-I-”
“No no no, you have nothing to apologize for,” Clark quickly assures, wiping away tears and continuing to rub Bruce’s back. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled.” He leans in and kisses Bruce’s forehead. “Take all of the time you need to calm down, get it all out.”
Bruce sniffles, leaning into the kiss to the forehead as he sobs, his body shaking with each sob. Clark lets him get it all out, leaving kisses on the man's face and the top of his head as he whispers reassurances and apologies, rubbing his back the whole time. He's not sure he's ever seen Bruce cry, and if he has it certainly wasn't on this scale, so seeing Bruce like this is almost scary. He's not entirely sure what he did that led to Bruce reacting this way but he never wants to do it again. He never wants to be the reason for Bruce having such a horrible panic attack and sobbing this hard.
After a while Bruce has cried himself out, no more tears coming from him and instead just soft hiccups and sniffles. Clark carefully wipes the man's face clean, taking the time to kiss under his puffy, red eyes and then his forehead again. “Feeling okay?” Clark asks softly, still rubbing the man's back.
Bruce is quiet for a moment, his body lax against Clark's chest. “Yeah,” He finally answers, his voice quiet yet rough from all the crying. “I'm sorry. I sho-”
“Don't apologize,” Clark says, cutting him off. “I'm sorry for yelling at you, I shouldn't have lost my temper with you no matter how upset I was.”
Bruce stares at him silently before tearing up a bit. “I-I shouldn't've reacted that way… I thought I was past that,” Bruce mumbles, so quiet that it's as if he didn't want Clark to hear it.
This catches Clark’s attention, because what does that mean? What would Bruce be past? “What are you talking about? Is there something that I don’t know about?”
It’s quiet again as Bruce looks away, an ashamed look on his face. Clark doesn’t push, staying quiet as his boyfriend works up the courage to say whatever it is he needs to say. “In the past… the relationships I formed weren’t the best,” Bruce starts. The words instantly make Clark’s blood run cold, already having a feeling of where this is going to go. “Especially when I was younger, when I was still trying to find who I was… Often I’d have relationships where there would be screaming matches and they would lead to me getting hi-” Bruce cuts himself off, quickly shaking his head. “Well it doesn't matter. I could handle it, I'm Batman… But whenever I would get out of a relationship I would end up in one just like it. That's why I stopped dating for so long.”
Clark feels like his heart has stopped as he listens to Bruce talk. He just can't imagine someone treating Bruce like that. “They would hit you?” He asks slowly, the hand he has on Bruce's back moving to hold his hip. He can't believe it, how could these people be allowed to walk around after treating a partner like that. Anger boils in his stomach but he pushes it down, now isn't the time to act on anger. “You didn't deserve that. It doesn't matter if you're Batman. No one deserves to be hit or screamed at by their partner.” Bruce looks at him with an upset face. “I shouldn't have lost my temper with you. I'm at fault, I just got so worried, but that doesn’t excuse it.”
Bruce shakes his head. “I shouldn't have been ignoring you, I was too caught up in my work. I was having a bad time mentally… That must be why this set me off...”
Clark leans in to kiss Bruce's forehead. “It's okay… Just talk to me, okay? I don't want to ever upset you like this. If you're having a hard time tell me, we'll work through it together, that's what relationships are for. Not whatever you went through before that.”
Bruce's eyes get glassy again and he quickly blinks away the tears. “Yeah… Okay.”
Clark knows Bruce is exhausted, can hear it in his voice and see it on his face. This conversation can continue after the man is better rested. “How about I help you take a bath and I'll wrap up your neck, then we can take some time to rest?”
“Okay.”
Clark stands with Bruce in his arms, walking out of the cave and taking Bruce to his room. He walks into the bathroom that’s connected to the room and carefully sets Bruce down on the sink counter, slowly starting to strip him. As he does he takes in the sight of Bruce’s neck, the angry welts are a bit calmer now but he can see the way some of the scratches broke skin and have scabbed up. Luckily the batsuit seems to have protected Bruce’s lower neck, Clark is very thankful for it. As he undresses Bruce he can’t help but wonder if some of the scars that litter Bruce’s body come from past relationships he was in. Before he thought all the scars must be from past fights that the man fought with random villains throughout his time as Batman but now his mind wanders through all of the ways Bruce could have been getting hurt by people before Clark was in his life.
“Clark?”
Bruce’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts and he realises that he’s been staring at Bruce for a long time. “Sorry, ready?” He asks, moving to start the water in the tub.
Bruce nods, standing up to climb into the tub. Clark crouches next to the tub as it fills up, glancing around at all the different soaps. “I’m sorry I freaked out… I’m usually fine with us arguing and yelling. I mean we butt heads all the time on the field,” Bruce says as Clark starts to wet his hair. “You just… kind of looked scarier tonight. Maybe it was because of me being in a bad place mentally.”
“It’s alright. I’m not mad at you and I will never be mad at you for reacting in that way, it’s not your fault at all. It’s an uncontrollable response to a trigger, I’ll just be more careful in the future,” Clark explains, moving to grab the shampoo. “I don’t want to be like the other people you were in a relationship with. I won’t do that to you, I promise.”
“I know,” Bruce mumbles, a soft smile on his face as he looks at Clark. “I trust you not to.”
Clark smiles back, starting to rub shampoo into the man’s hair. “I just don’t want you to ever think you deserved how they treated you. You are a very strong person Bruce, you’ve been through more than most people have in their lives and you use it to do good for others. It’s one of the things I love about you,” He says quietly, massaging Bruce’s scalp and lightly scratching it. “You’re important to me and I love you more than anything, I want you to be safe and I want you to feel safe.”
Bruce is silent but Clark can see the way the man physically relaxes at the reassurance. It’s not until he’s rinsing out the shampoo that Bruce answers. “You think so?”
“I know so. I see everyday just how strong you are. You’re strong in so many different ways My Love and you deserve to have a safe place, even if that’s the cave,” He answers. “But you also need to take care of yourself, you’re strong but you’re still human. You deserve to take breaks and have time for yourself just like everyone that isn’t Batman.”
“I love you,” Bruce suddenly says, looking at him with earnest eyes.
Clark’s chest feels warm and he leans forward to kiss his forehead. “I love you too Bruce.”
After that it’s silent as Clark continues to clean Bruce, conditioning his hair and then washing his body. When he’s out and dried off Clark also takes the time to apply antibiotic ointment to the scratches on Bruce’s neck and then wraps them with some bandage. Bruce is practically asleep by the time he’s done so Clark dresses him slowly before tucking him into his bed, making sure to leave one last kiss on his forehead. He’s on his way to leave when a hand grabs his. “You’re not staying?”
Clark turns to Bruce, blinking in surprise. They’ve never really slept overnight with each other yet. “Do you want me to?"
Bruce’s reply comes before he can even finish his own sentence. “Yes.”
He smiles and climbs into the bed with Bruce, hugging the man close. Bruce melts into him and it’s only a few moments before he’s completely asleep. Clark holds him close, resting his cheek on top of Bruce’s head as he lets himself relax too. He’s never going to let anyone else treat Bruce like that again.