Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

2 Lesbians, 1 Gay, and 4 Bisexuals Walk Into A Bar

[Hen] 

Okay so

I have someone I want to add to our group

[Chim]

Okay.....

[Hen]

But he comes with a problem.....

[Ravi] 

if you say he's straight, henrietta 

[Hen]

He's straight

[Al] 

THE HROR

[Chim]

THE AUDACITY

[Ravi]

THE DISRESPECT

[Buck]

THAT MONSTROSITY

[Hen]

Y'all done?

[Karen]

STRAIGHT?

[Maddie]

Just clutched my pearls 

[Hen]

His name is Eddie

He's new to the area and he seems like he has no friends

[Chim]

So you thought, hm, let's allow a STRAIGHT MAN invade our group

[Buck] 

DON'T SAY THAT WORD CHIMNEY

STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE WRONG

they don't know any better

[Hen]

Alright

You all thought you were straight at one point, too

[Ravi]

[Karen]

Why would we let a STRAIGHT man into our gay movie nights, henrietta

[Hen]

BECAUSE I don't think he's actually straight

And if you all would just shut the fuck up and listen I'll tell you why 

[Maddie]

We're listening 

[Hen]

Jesus Christ finally

Okay

So

I met him outside of whole foods

[Chim]

No straight guy shops at whole foods

[Hen]

My point exactly

Anyways

He said that he was new to the area, didn't have many friends

Says his ex-wife was out here but he didn't want to rely on her

Wouldn't say what the divorce was about but he didn't seem like it bothered him to be divorced

[Ravi]

okay. i'm intrigued

[Hen]

He has a porno mustache

[Ravi]

OH GOD HENRIETTA WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT

[Al]

hr we go

[Buck]

MUSTACHES ARE SO FUCKING UGLY ARE YOU SERIOUS

HE CANNOT BE IN OUR GROUP I WONT ALLOW IT

[Chim]

It's just hair

[Buck]

no, the mop of curls on my head is hair. 

a mustache is a monstrosity

[Hen]

ANYWAYS

I want to invite him to game night tomorrow. 

See if he's a good fit

Because I seriously doubt he's straight

[Chim]

I trust your judgment. I say YAY

[Karen]

Don't make me regret this

YAY

[Maddie]

YAY

[Ravi]

YAY

[Al]

YAY

[Buck]

NAY

fuck

[Hen]

Looks like he'll be there tomorrow. 

Oh Buck don't make that face

[Buck]

🖕🏻

Chapter Text

Hen (Whole Foods) & Eddie (Definitely Gay)

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

You're in. 

Don't be surprised if they act like I cut off their leg

[Eddie (Definitely Gay)]

👍🏼

Hen added Eddie to the chat

Hen named the chat 2 Lesbians, 1 Gay, 4 Bisexuals and An Ally Walk Into A Bar

[Al]

THT DSNT EVN GO TGHTR

[Ravi]

rip 2L1G4B 

2022-2024 😔

[Buck]

in the arrrrms offf an angellll

[Eddie]

oh wow

hen you weren't joking 

[Chim]

Hmmmm

Can't help but notice the lack of capital letters there Edster

[Ravi]

Hen? tell a joke? 

HAHAHAHAHAH now that's funny

[Hen]

Watch it gay boy

[Ravi]

KAREN HEN'S BEING HOMOPHOBIC AGAIN

[Karen]

What did I say about calling Ravi gay boy

[Hen]

I can't believe you ratted me out you little snitch

You make me homophobic, Ravi

[Ravi]

KAREN

[Karen]

HENRIETTA!

[Maddie]

I mean. You are gay, Rav. 

[Al]

she dnt mn it, rav

[Ravi]

oh, so you hate me and want me dead?

[Buck]

yeah mads. he's a man lover. get it right

[Ravi]

Buck gets it

[Buck]

i got you gay boy!

[Ravi]

TRAITOR

[Hen]

😂😂😂

[Eddie]

okay. 

i feel like im missing a few things here

[Karen]

Do you always talk in lowercase?

[Eddie]

yeah?

[Chim]

Interesting

[Hen]

I told you you'd have to excuse my friends. The younger ones get kind of rambunctious 

[Buck]

IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOUR BIRTH YEAR IS IN THE 70'S

[Karen]

Oop. 

I'm out

[Karen has left the chat]

[Chim]

Have fun, Buckaroo. I'll start planning your funeral

[Chim has left the chat]

[Maddie]

Yikes

Go easy on him, Hen. 

He's just a kid

[Maddie has left the chat]

[Ravi]

i-

[Ravi has left the chat]

[Al]

✌🏼

[Al has left the chat]

[Eddie]

uh

what just happened

[Hen]

Eddie

Leave the chat

[Eddie]

on it

[Eddie has left the chat]

Hen added 6 people to the chat

[Hen]

Hi everyone

Buck has something he'd like to say

[Buck]

I would like to formally apologize to everyone who was born in the years before me. Just because you are blessed with more years than I does not mean I get to make fun of you for it. You are wiser, smarter, and better than I am for it. I sincerely apologize to anyone I have wounded with my words. I hope I can earn your forgiveness one day 🧎🏼‍♂️ 

[Maddie]

Wow

Capital letters and all

[Hen]

And

[Buck]

please don't make me say it hen please. i'll do anything PLEASE

[Hen]

Say it

[Buck]

And I really like mustaches

[Ravi]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

[Al] 

*Al took 5 screenshots*

[Chim]

BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

[Karen]

Great work, babe

[Maddie]

I SAID GO EASY ON HIM HEN

😭😭😭😭

[Eddie]

oh

[Buck]

i'm kms tn just so you all know

[Hen]

Then you'll miss phase 10 tomorrow

[Buck]

FINE

i will kms SUNDAY

[Maddie]

That's the day you bake with your niece

[Buck]

FINE FINE

i guess kms is postponed until further notice

[Eddie]

you're funny

[Al]

ED NO

[Karen]

NOOOOO

[Maddie]

Here we go

[Chim]

Man

[Hen]

EDDIE 

[Buck]

well hot stuff

thank ya

i have a million jokes if you think im funny

like

what's the difference between a priest and a male hooker

[Hen]

Oh no not this one

[Buck]

a priest will invite you into his house before he gives you his lollipop *wink wink*

[Maddie]

EVAN BUCKLEY 

[Al]

tell the one about yodeling

[Buck]

eddie 

knock knock

[Eddie]

who's there

[Buck]

yodelayhe

[Eddie]

yodelayhe who

[Buck]

stop yodeling

[Eddie]

huh?

[Ravi]

say it out loud

[Chim]

You guys are just horrible 

[Eddie]

hahahahahah that's funny!!

[Buck]

finally someone who enjoys my jokes

[Eddie]

i should have told you i'm catholic

[Karen]

Yikes

[Hen]

Oof

[Buck]

i stand by my joke

[Eddie]

respect

[Maddie]

GOD i'm muting this. 

SOME of us have work

[Buck]

hater

Chapter Text

Hen added 5 people to the chat

Hen named the chat homosexual vibes or what

[Hen]

It's like we aren't even here

[Chim]

This is worse than me and Maddie

[Al]

fr

[Maddie]

Are we talking about homotron and bitron 

[Hen]

Precisely 

[Karen]

They're straight up eye fucking

We're playing assassin

They should not be staring so hard at each other

[Ravi]

how do you think I feel

[Chim]

Sucks to suck nerd

[Hen]

Anyways

Do you think if we play truth or dare I can get Eddie to kiss Buck

[Maddie]

LALALALALALALA I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR OR SEE IT

[Karen]

Oh yeah

[Al]

fs 

[Ravi]

god please not while i'm sitting between them

[Hen]

Bet

Hen & Bobby

[Hen]

I stole the entire thing of masking tape from your office for Denny's school project

[Bobby]

All good, Hen 👍🏼 I have extra. Next time you can just ask! -love Bobby

Buck & Gaylor

[Buck]

*image attached*

[Gaylor]

Who's butt is that because it sure as hell ain't yours

[Buck]

al

[Gaylor]

Truth or Dare again?

[Buck]

yeppers

118 & Fam 🔥

[Al]

cn i invte candice 2 dnr thrs, cap

[Athena]

Don't answer that, Bobby

[Bobby]

Who's Candice? -love Bobby

[Al]

i m sry 4 ts

[Al]

CANDICE FOOT FIT IN YOUR MOUTH

[Bobby]

HaHa. That's funny Albert -love Bobby

I have a meme too! (May taught me how to use them) -love Bobby

This one is for you, Albert. -love Bobby

[Al]

wth, cap

[Athena]

I take offense to that

[Hen]

Woah!!!

[Karen]

Why am I catching strays?

[Chim]

Not everyone can be 6 foot tall

[Maddie]

I'm stuck on the fact that he had that one locked and loaded 

[Buck]

HAHAHAHA BOBBY OMG YOU HAVE TO STOP

YOUR MEMES TOO MEMEY

YOUR DRIP TOO DRIPPY

YOUR HUMOR TOO HUMOROUS

THEY'LL KILL YOU

[Bobby]

This one is for you, Buck. -love Bobby

[Buck]

too soon, bobby. too soon

Chapter Text

Buck (Cute Blonde) & Eddie (Top Gun)

[Buck (Cute Blonde)] 

just a heads up here eddie

they're trying to make us smooch

i'm the only single one

i'm assuming you are too

so

just be prepared

[Eddie (Top Gun)]

i'm all for a fun game, buck

it's just a kiss

doesn't mean anything

[Buck (Cute Blonde)]

coming from the quote un quote straight guy

also

i don't think i wanna kiss someone with a mustache

gross

[Eddie (Top Gun)]

don't let my mustache bother you too much when we kiss, kay?

focus on my lips instead

i've been told they taste like strawberry and mint 😉

homosexual vibes or what

[Hen]

Anyone else think that was anticlimactic :-/

[Maddie]

It was like they were expecting it

[Ravi]

well it's buck

what do you expect

he probably figured it out when hen dared me to kiss al's cheek

[Chim]

Yeah 

That was probably too obvious, Hen

[Hen]

Well since I am the only one who came up with the plan I say it went well

[Karen]

I have an idea. 

Buck (Soft Lips) & Eddie (Top Gun)

[Eddie (Top Gun)]

so

whatcha think

[Buck (Soft Lips)]

2/10

mediocre

plus your mustache hairs got in my nose

[Eddie (Top Gun)]

hm

wanna try again?

[Buck (Soft Lips)]

for a straight guy you seem awfully eager to kiss me

something you wanna tell me, diaz?

[Eddie (Top Gun)]

so is that a no?

[Buck (Soft Lips)]

tell ya what

come back to mine after this and i'll give you more than just my lips

[Eddie (Top Gun)]

now who's eager

[Buck (Soft Lips)]

is that a no?

[Eddie (Top Gun)]

what's the address?

homosexual vibes or what

[Karen]

Okay

I'm out of plans

I say we come up with a plan for movie night friday

[Hen]

Agreed

[Ravi]

me too

[Al]

me 2

[Chim]

Maddie and I agree

We're gonna head out though. May's time is almost up for babysitting

[Ravi]

me too. al you riding back with me?

[Al]

👍🏼

2 Lesbians, 1 Gay, 4 Bisexuals and An Ally Walk Into A Bar

[Chim]

Made it safe!

[Al]

R & I 5min out

[Buck]

home safe

[Eddie]

me too

[Hen]

Al, let us know when you get home! See you all friday *hopefully*

Chapter Text

Buck (Big 🍆) & Eddie (Cowboy)

[Eddie (Cowboy)]

home

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

good! 

we should do this again

was fun

mr. straight guy

[Eddie (Cowboy)]

it was

and it's not gay to ride the homie into his mattress

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

sure, eddie

whatever helps you sleep at night

don't dream about me 

or do

not sure what straight guys dream about

[Eddie (Cowboy)]

i don't dream

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

goodnight cowboy

[Eddie (Cowboy)]

goodnight buck

118 After Hours 

[Chim]

Is it just me or is cap acting kinda weird today

[Hen]

No, I sense it too

Almost like something is bothering him

[Al]

the 1 dy i dnt wrk

[Ravi]

im with ya al

the one day the cool people aren’t there cap is acting off

[Buck]

you guys don’t listen to a single thing cap says in his brief do ya

[Hen]

Sorry, was distracted by the gigantic purple bruise that is on the BACK OF YOUR NECK??????

[Ravi]

WHAT

[Buck]

hit it on my bookshelf 

so what

[Al]

u gt ld

[Buck]

i do not appreciate the insinuations that are being thrown around

[Chim]

Who was it?

Was it some girl or guy you met?

[Buck]

i told you, i hit it on my bookshelf

[Hen]

I’m calling bullshit

[Chim]

Was it Taylor?

[Buck]

she’s gay?

[Chim]

Tommy?

[Hen]

I’ll beat your pale ass, Buck

[Buck]

i didnt hook up with anyone

i hit my bookshelf

jesus christ

[Al]

dnt blv u

[Buck]

ANYWAYS

Bobby said that he’s being evaluated today for his yearly captain’s thing or something like that

said if he passes he is good for the next year

if he fails

he has to step down

[Hen]

Ohhhhh.

That explains why he has Chim and I quadruple checking that everything is in the right place in the bus

[Buck]

maybe if you guys focused on your captain and not me you would have heard that

[Hen]

But you’re so much more interesting

So was it someone we know?

[Buck]

im leaving now

Maddie (My Wife) and Howie (Baby Daddy)

[Howie (Baby Daddy)]

Your brother hooked up with someone and won’t tell us who

[Maddie (My Wife)]

I don’t need to hear that

[Howie (Baby Daddy)]

He has a gigantic purple mark on the back of his neck

[Maddie (My Wife)]

Okay?

Listen

I don’t know much about my brother’s sex life by choice

I do not want to know about this

[Howie (Baby Daddy)]

Maddieeeee

You have to know something

[Maddie (My Wife)]

If he has a bruise on the back of his neck it probably means he hit it on his bed frame

If he was getting laid

[Howie (Baby Daddy)]

How can you tell

[Maddie (My Wife)]

If it goes the whole way across the back of his neck it’s his bed

[Howie (Baby Daddy)]

THANK YOU

Buck (Big 🍆) and Eddie (Cowboy)

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

why didn’t you tell me i had a gigantic bruise on my neck

[Eddie (Cowboy)]

and i was supposed to know that how?

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

good point

anyways

the team won’t stop pestering me about it

apparently its gigantic

[Eddie (Cowboy)

probably happened when i rode you into oblivion

didnt you hit your neck on your bed frame?

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

oh shit

you’re right

okay

i can play this off

you still coming over tn?

[Eddie (Cowboy)]

oh yeah

wouldn't miss it

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

see you then, big boy

Chapter Text

118 & Fam 🔥

[Bobby]

I have passed my annual exam 👍🏼.  -love Bobby

I will continue being your captain. -love Bobby

Dinner on Thursday will be ribs and burgers -love Bobby

[Hen]

Woohooooooo! 

I was scared we were going to get captain Han again

[Buck]

please hen

don't say those words

[Chim]

Oh fuck off 

[Athena]

Congratulations, my amazing husband 🎉!!

[Ravi]

is jacob okay to come, cap?

[Bobby]

Yes! -love Bobby

The more the better. -love Bobby

[Karen]

We finally get to meet the mystery boyfriend?

[Al]

spk 4 yrslf, kar

j is cool ppls

[Buck]

he skateboards!

[Karen]

So the two baby gays have met the boyfriend but nobody else? 

Sounds suspicious

[Al]

m bi

[Buck]

not gay!

also i’m the reason they met anyways?????

[Al]

nd m ravs rm m8

[Hen]

Cap! Can I invite my friend Eddie and his son? They’re new to the area

[Bobby]

Yes! All kids welcome. -love Bobby

[Hen]

I’ll let him know! 

Hen (Whole Foods) & Eddie (Definitely Gay)

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

No if ands or buts. I know you’re free Thursday so you’re coming to a 118 dinner with Chris. 

[Eddie (Definitely Gay)]

🫡

Mads & Ev

[Mads]

Heads up! Mom & Dad are coming up this weekend

[Ev]

why

[Mads]

Said they missed their granddaughter 🙄

[Ev]

hm.

[Mads]

They want to have dinner saturday

[Ev]

i don’t 

[Mads]

Please. I can’t do it alone

[Ev]

fine

[Mads]

Thank you! I love you

[Ev]

i love you too

2 Lesbians, 1 Gay, 4 Bisexuals and An Ally Walk Into A Bar

[Buck]

cake is in tow. 5 minutes out

[Hen]

You had one job, Buckley. One. Get the cake and be here with it by 6pm. 

[Buck]

cute guy was flirting with me at the cake place

got distracted

[Chim]

*cough* Whore *cough*

[Al]

fck yeh 

[Hen]

Just get here and don’t break any traffic rules

[Buck]

🫡

Eddie (Definitely Gay) & Hen (Whole Foods)

[Eddie (Definitely Gay)]

youre going to kill me 

i totally forgot chris has a project due so we can’t make it to the party

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

Do you think I’m stupid, Edwardo?

[Eddie (Definitely Gay)]

i mean my name is edmundo so

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

🤨

[Eddie (Definitely Gay)]

i mean no! you’re one of the smartest woman i’ve ever met

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

Good

So you know that I know Chris and Denny attend the same school

So I know you know there is no project

[Eddie (Definitely Gay)]

right. 

we’ll be there in 10

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

Great! Can’t wait to meet the little tyke!

Double Date Gang

[Hen]

Maddie. 

Was Buck dropped on his head as a kid?

[Maddie]

Uh…..not to my knowledge?

[Hen]

And you’re 100% positive? Not even a little tap?

[Maddie]

Well given that I was the only one that ever held him I’d say I’m pretty positive

[Karen]

Ouch

[Chim]

Oh that’s just so sad

[Hen]

Just asking!

[Maddie]

???????

Mads & Ev

[Ev]

would you say that my need to be loved by everyone stems from never having the love of our parents?

[Mads]

WHAT

[Ev]

like…..is the lack of love my reason for always loving so hard?

[Mads]

????????

Double Date Gang

[Maddie]

Maybe my aunt or uncle dropped him

[Hen]

Called it

2 Lesbians, 1 Gay, 4 Bisexuals and an Ally Walk Into A Bar

[Buck]

i love you guys

[Ravi]

noooooo

don’t kill yourself

your face too sexy

your body too tea

[Al]

sxy men dnt kts 

[Maddie]

?????? 

[Hen]

Is this a suicide note?

[Chim]

I love you too!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

[Karen]

Chimney read the room

[Buck]

i’m not killing myself????????

i’ve got like two more things to do before i do that

[Ravi]

thank god

[Al]

😇

[Maddie]

2??????

[Buck]

just feel like i don’t tell you guys enough

i love you

also

bobby nd thena look like they’re about to kick us out

[Maddie]

I’ll start the goodbye train

Buck we are talking about this more later

[Buck]

nooooooooooo

i’m all good

[Maddie]

That wasn’t an offer you’re able to refuse

[Buck]

oh fuck

Buck (Big 🍆) & Eddie (Cowboy)

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

sorry for like dumping all of that on you last night. 

[Eddie (Cowboy)]

i think we both said a lot

but i like talking to you so don’t apologize 

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

i like talking to you too

but i meant more like

i’m sorry if i made things weird between us

[Eddie (Cowboy)]

not weird at all

in fact chris is going to be gone tomorrow night

if you’re free

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

got a 96 starting tomorrow so i will not be

[Eddie (Cowboy)]

no problem

i’ll catch you another time

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

yep

Chapter Text

Fire🔥🔥🔥🔥Fam

[Buckley]

okay

now i’m not mad

i’m not

but

i just want to know

who in the FUCK ATE MY YOGURT

[Panikkar]

yogurt? what’s yogurt?

[C. Han]

Lactose intolerant!

[Wilson]

I’m allergic!

[A. Han]

?

[Cap]

Was it Activia? -love Bobby

[Buckley]

ohhhhhh

so suddenly everyone has no clue what yogurt is or where it went

i know one of you did it

and just know

when i find out

you’re FINISHED

Ravinator & Buckshot

[Ravinator]

you didn’t hear this from me

but it was chim

[Buckshot]

see this is why i fuck with you probie

Fire🔥🔥🔥🔥Fam

[Buckley]

watch your back he who shall not be named

Chim added 4 people to the chat

Chim named the chat you’re all dead to me

[Chim]

I know one of you snitched on me

just know that revenge is a dish best served COLD

Chapter Text

Eddie’s Stupid Mustache

[Stupid Mustache]

do you guys remember that guy i was telling you about? 

[Coolest Diaz]

the guy named after a deer?

[#1 Mustache Hater]

what other person could he possibly be talking about, Soph. 

[Coolest Diaz]

ooop-

forgot our brother is hoeless 🤭

[Stupid Mustache]

ha ha

so funny

anyways remember how i told you he thinks im straight?

[Coolest Diaz]

and i said that that’s impossible because you look as straight as a rainbow? i remember 

[#1 Mustcahe Hater]

and i said you should just tell him you’re gay? yeah i remember

[Stupid Mustache]

not the point

the point is buck thinks i’m straight so he thinks that this is just a hook up thing

[Coolest Diaz]

i can promise you that man does not think you, edmundo “porn stash” diaz, is straight

[Stupid Mustache]

you gonna let me finish? 

[Coolest Diaz]

type faster

[Stupid Mustache]

i think i like buck. like, want to date him like him. 

[Coolest Diaz]

motherfucker

[#1 Mustache Hater]

HA

Soph you owe me 20$

[Coolest Diaz]

double or nothing on pt 2?

[#1 Mustcahe Hater]

You’re on

[Stupid Mustcahe] 

??????????????

youre betting on my life?

[Coolest Diaz] 

have been for like 6 years now. 

[Stupid Mustache]

what????

[#1 Mustache Hater]

Yeah, I’m up like 11-4 right now

[Stupid Mustache]

okay, i am definitely coming back to that

right now i need you guys to help me not freak the fuck out.

[Coolest Diaz]

you could, ya know, just tell him you’re gay maybe?

[Stupid Mustache]

but then he’ll know i was lying and probably think i was playing around

[#1 Mustache Hater]

I mean, isn’t that what you’re doing anyways? Playing him?

[Stupid Mustache]

well yeah but

oh my god

i’m a horrible person

[Coolest Diaz]

MOTHERFUCKER EDMUNDO

[#1 Mustache Hater]

I should start claiming the bet money on my taxes. 

Eddie (Definitely Gay) & Hen (Whole Foods)

[Eddie (Definitely Gay)]

i have a confession to make

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

I’m listening

[Eddie (Definitely Gay)]

i’m gay

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

That’s amazing, Eddie!! Thank you for telling me. 

[Eddie (Definitely Gay)]

no, hen. i mean i lied to you guys. i’ve been gay and out for about a year now. it’s why shannon and i are divorced. 

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

I mean, did you ever tell us you were straight? Because I think we all just assumed

[Eddie (Definitely Gay)]

well no but i never corrected you

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

Okay….

What do you want me to say? That is is fucked up that you’d didn’t correct us? 

[Eddie (Definitely Gay)]

yeah

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

Your sexuality is yours, Eddie. Whether you corrected us or not, that's nothing on you. If anything, it’s on us for even assuming. 

Thank you for telling and trusting me with this. I don’t think of you any less and I’m sure nobody else would either. 

[Eddie (Definitely Gay)]

thank you

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

Now you have to tell me who gave you that hickey we saw last night

Hen changed Eddie (Definitely Gay)’s name to Eddie (Buck’s Plaything)

Ravinator & Buckshot

[Buckshot]

what are the chances eddie is into me romantically?

[Ravinator]

it’s 5am

[Buckshot]

okay? did i ask the time? 

[Ravinator]

no but if you ever message me at 5am about some gay ass shit i’m blocking you

[Buckshot]

if i had a dollar for everytime you threated me

[Ravinator]

WHAT do you WANT

[Buckshot]

i met this girl at the gym and she wants to go out. 

[Ravinator]

okay….

[Buckshot]

but i don’t want to if this thing i got going on with eddie is gonna work out

[Ravinator]

you mean the mindless hooking up?

[Buckshot]

i can feel the love rav thanks

[Ravinator]

honestly i say go out with her. eddie still says he’s straight, right? so even if yall are hooking up if he doesn’t ever come out then what’s the point. i say go for it. ask her out. see where it goes. 

[Buckshot]

i hate when you’re right

[Ravinator]

i dont

Chapter Text

2 Lesbians, 1 Gay, 4 Bisexuals and An Ally Walk Into A Bar

[Karen]

Everyone still on for saturday 👀

[Maddie]

Babysitter secured

[Al]

👍🏼

[Ravi]

yes!!!!!!!

[Eddie]

affirmative

[Buck]

can’t! will be there on sunday for movies though!

[Karen]

Did Buck just say NO to an adventure park?

[Maddie]

You okay little brother?

[Buck]

yep! just have plans

[Ravi]

what kind of plans?

[Buck]

ravi, i will end your entire bloodline 

[Ravi]

awwwwww too bad my bloodline stops with me. ya know, on account of the gayness

[Hen]

Why aren’t you coming, Buckaroo? You’re the one that said about it last month. 

[Buck]

just plans that i can’t reschedule

[Al]

Rav sys he has a d8

[Buck]

ravi i hate you

[Ravi]

🤭

[Hen]

A DATE!

[Maddie]

A what!!!

[Karen]

With????

[Eddie]

WHAT THE FUCK

[Eddie]

i mean, that’s cool!

[Hen]

Real smooth, Eddie. 

[Buck]

FINE jesus christ

i have a date!

there happy!?

[Maddie]

This is the first IM hearing of this 

[Buck]

it’s nothing major! just going out for some drinks

[Hen]

Some drinks he says. 

Who’s it with?? Do we know him?

[Buck]

well it’s a person i met at the gym

[Ravi]

this is just getting long and annoying. he met a girl at the gym and they have a date. there. 

[Buck]

i hate you so much

[Maddie]

What’s her name

[Hen]

Age?

[Karen]

Is she white?

[Buck]

i’m not doing this

[Buck has left the chat]

[Ravi]

so are we just ignoring eddie’s reaction?

[Eddie]

what reaction? i didn’t have a reaction

[Al]

dnt bleve u

[Eddie]

Chris is calling!

[Eddie has left the chat]

[Chim]

I’m back from bathing Jee, what did I miss?

Chapter Text

Eddie and Maddie (Buck's Sister)

[Maddie (Buck's Sister)]

So

[Eddie]

?

[Maddie (Buck's Sister)]

The reaction

What’s that about?

[Eddie] 

what reaction?

[Maddie (Buck's Sister)]

*sent a screenshot*

[Eddie]

yikes

can i say that it was for something else?

[Maddie (Buck's Sister)]

You could, but I wouldn’t believe that.

[Eddie]

lapse in judgment?

[Maddie (Buck's Sister)]

Do I need to pull out my sister voice

[Eddie]

fine 

i was just upset because i didnt even want to go to the stupid park but i lost the vote.

[Maddie (Buck's Sister)]

Try again

[Eddie]

chris is calling, gotta go

Diaz Cousins (The Fun Ones)

[Alex]

Henry is hosting a party in England and wants you guys there.

He misses you

[Soph]

PLEASE OMG I MISS HENRY :-((

[Adri]

I am there idc what hoops I have to go through

[Eddie]

you paying?

[Alex]

Of course, Ed. Maybe you can bring Buck. 

[Eddie]

NO

[Alex]

Oh?

[Soph]

sensitive topic these days

[Rosa]

I love lurking in this chat. Makes me feel like a spy

[Eddie]

fuck off, rosa. 

[Rosa]

You love me. Anyways I am all on board for seeing Henry. Cap Jeffords should be able to give me off. If not I'll bribe Boyle

[Alex]

All expenses paid, Eddie PLEASE bring Chris we miss him so much

[Eddie]

give me a date and i will see if cap will let me go 

[Alex]

Will do

Chapter Text

2 Lesbians, 1 Gay, 4 Bisexuals, and An Ally Walk Into A Bar

[Karen]

So, Buckaroo. 

Was the date good enough to skip the adventure place today?

[Ravi]

sensitive topic, Kar

[Karen]

Oh?

[Buck]

why are you all so nosy 

[Chim]

What? You get stood up?

[Karen]

Was she annoying?

[Hen]

Did she only talk about the gym?

[Maddie]

Leave the poor man alone guys

[Buck]

thanks mads

[Al]

s way worse

[Buck]

al for once shut up

[Maddie]

Worse?

[Buck]

NOTHING

can everyone please just LEAVE IT ALONE

[Eddie]

*sent a photo*

[Hen]

MY EYES

[Karen]

Okay. I need to scoop my eyeballs out of their sockets

[Buck]

um eds. wrong chat?

[Eddie]

OH MY GOD

THAT WAS MEANT FOR A DIFFERENT GROUP CHAT 

[Chim]

You made my woman blush. 

You will cough in 3 days

[Eddie]

i am so sorry

im so embarrassed

[Ravi]

those abs are insane eddie wtf

[Al]

hot

[Hen]

What are you sending shirtless pictures for??? 

[Karen]

Yeah that’s more Buck behavior

[Buck]

HEY!

[Eddie]

just some modeling thing 

omg i’m so embarrassed

[Ravi]

don’t be. i’m enjoying myself

[Al]

same

[Karen]

I’m telling J you said that Rav

[Ravi]

looking good eddie ;) - jacob

[Maddie]

Okay okay. Let’s leave the poor man alone. It was a mistake. 

[Eddie]

thanks mads

[Maddie]

No problem. 

Now Buck, what was bad about your date?

[Buck]

oh so we’re not gonna pester eddie for 30 minutes about posting a shirtless pic in the chat but when i do it i get called different versions of a whore

i can feel the love guys

[Hen]

Eddie’s shirtless pic was going to a model thing. Yours was going to he who shall absolutely not be named

[Buck]

i fail to see a difference

[Eddie]

he who shall not be named? like voldemort?

[Chim]

WHY WOULD YOU SAY HIS NAME

[Ravi]

he didn’t go to the date 

[Karen]

WHAT

[Buck]

oh my god ravi i hate you more than i hate mustaches

[Eddie]

ouch

[Ravi]

yeah yeah

[Hen]

You stood her up?

[Buck]

NO

yes

[Chim]

Brutal

[Maddie]

I thought I raised you better than that

[Karen]

Oh, Buck

[Eddie]

oh? why?

[Al]

ts guy 🙄

[Eddie]

?

[Buck]

i didn’t stand her up. i told her that i wasn’t sure that i was ready for a relationship and that we could be friends

[Hen]

Our little Buckaroo is growing up on us

[Buck]

can we just not make this a thing? 

[Maddie]

I’m proud of you

[Eddie]

oh

[Buck]

yes

now can we PLEASE go back to eddie’s shirtless selfie?

[Al]

ts guy 🙄

Chapter Text

Buck (Big 🍆) and Eddie (Cowboy)

[Eddie (Cowboy)]

sorry about your date

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

are you eddie

are you really sorry

[Eddie (Cowboy)]

yes?

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

thanks

[Eddie (Cowboy)]

wait why wouldnt i be sorry?

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

idk eddie maybe because the guy you’ve been fucking was supposed to go on a date today?

[Eddie (Cowboy)]

what you do with your time is on you, buck 

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

you know what eddie, you’re right

[Eddie (Cowboy)]

thanks. 

hey chris is heading out to texas tomorrow evening for a week. did you wanna come over?

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

no i don’t. 

i don’t wanna do whatever the fuck we’ve been doing anymore

and since you’re oh so straight it shouldn’t be a problem to quit it, right?

so i’ll see you at game nights and events only

goodnight eddie

[Eddie (Cowboy)]

wait what? where’s this coming from? 

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

just done being a straight guys play thing. 

i’m tired. 

so goodnight eddie i will see you tomorrow for movie night at maddie’s

Buck changed Eddie (Cowboy)'s name to Eddie Diaz

[Eddie Diaz]

buck

[Eddie Diaz]

please can we talk

[Eddie Diaz]

i’m not straight

message not sent

[Eddie Diaz]

did you block me?

message not sent 

[Eddie Diaz]

fuck

message not sent

Chapter Text

Hen (Whole Foods) and Eddie (Buck’s Plaything)

[Eddie (Buck’s Plaything)]

hen. 

hen please answer. 

i fucked up

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

We just saw each other 3 hours ago, how could you possibly fuck something up. 

[Eddie (Buck’s Plaything)]

i got into a fight with buck and i think he hates me but he blocked me because he thinks im straight but im not and idk what to do

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

O-kay? I’m missing a few parts of that explanation. 

Why did you guys fight and why would you being “straight” cause him to block you?

[Eddie (Buck’s Plaything)]

promise that you’ll keep it to yourself 

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

Can Karen know? 

[Eddie (Buck’s Plaything)]

of course

Hen added Karen to the chat

[Karen (Hen’s Wife)]

Hi Eddie!

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

Not now Karen. Eddie go ahead. Start at the beginning. 

[Eddie (Buck’s Plaything)]

hi

well you know how you guys got us to kiss and stuff at that truth or dare thing months ago?

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

The one in MARCH

[Eddie (Buck’s Plaything)]

yes

[Karen (Hen’s Wife)]

Yes, we remember 

[Eddie]

well buckandikindofhookedupafteranhavebeendoingitsincethen

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

I hate how you typed that. I feel like I gotta decipher a code

[Karen (Hen’s Wife)]

YOUVE BEEN HOOKING UP WITH BUCK FOR 3 MONTHS

[Eddie (Buck’s Plaything)]

yes

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

Oh Eddie

[Eddie (Buck’s Plaything)]

and i never told him i wasn’t straight. he just assumed and i didn’t correct him. now he’s mad at me because of it and i just am so confused about how it happened but i also really like buck but fear i’ve ruined my chances

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

Eddie I’m gonna tell you a little secret, Kay? 

Buck does not think you’re straight. Not even a little tiny bit. 

[Eddie (Buck’s Plaything)]

yes he does!

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

He does not. Listen, let me tell you something about Buck that you don’t know

Buck likes to do this thing where he makes you tell him something he already knows

[Karen (Hen’s Wife)]

Like the time he led Maddie into telling him she was pregnant when he already knew 

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

Or finding out about his surprise birthday party from Karen

[Karen (Hen’s Wife)]

I said I was sorry!

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

Anyways, I promise you that if Buck insists you're straight and tells you you are, then he knows you’re not.

He just wants you to admit it to him. He won’t force you to come out, but he will see if you’ll tell him

[Eddie (Buck’s Plaything)]

so he doesn’t think i’m straight?

[Karen (Hen’s Wife)]

Hunny, none of us do, but we don’t force people to come out.

Buck is probably just frustrated. 

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

We may joke and call him a whore but Buck is actually one of the sweetest and most considerate people we know, but he wears his heart on his sleeve. 

He likes you, Eddie. Everyone knows it, we can see it. 

So he’s probably frustrated and upset that you can’t admit you’re straight. 

[Eddie (Buck’s Plaything)]

how do i fix this

[Karen (Hen’s Wife)]

You want the honest answer?

[Eddie (Buck’s Plaything)]

please

[Karen (Hen’s Wife)]

Give him time. Even if you came out now, which might help, he’s going to think you’ve been playing him and don’t want him. Just let him have his space and time to think. He’ll come back when he’s ready. 

[Eddie (Buck’s Plaything)]

he blocked me though. how can i tell him im gay?

[Hen (Whole Foods)]

Don’t worry, I got you on that one. 

Wine Night

[Hen]

Buck. 

[Buck]

hen

[Karen]

Unblock him

[Buck]

what are you talking about

[Maddie]

Yeah. What are you talking about?

[Hen]

He blocked Eddie

[Maddie]

Evan! You know you’re not allowed to block people in the group

[Buck]

first off how do you know i blocked eddie

second off i didn’t block eddie thank you very much

third off i’ve blocked all of you at least once in that group 

[Karen]

Then why aren’t his messages sending

[Buck]

OH MY GOD

he called the lesbians on me? 

how immature

[Hen]

He did

[Buck]

i didn’t block him!!! his messages aren’t sending BECAUSE i put that i didn’t want to receive private messages from him jc 

[Maddie]

Wait, why? What’s happening right now. 

[Buck]

eddie is a little snitch is what’s happening. he’s upset that i’m not taking his lies anymore. 

[Maddie]

Is this about his reaction to you in the chat?

[Buck]

yes. i won’t go into further detail. 

tell eddie since apparently he is being a little baby that if he wants to talk to me he can in a group setting. otherwise leave me alone

[Hen]

Buck

[Buck]

do not buck me 

[Hen]

Okay. I’ll tell him. 

[Buck]

thanks

Chapter Text

Eddie changed the chat name to 2 Lesbians, 2 Gays, and 4 Bisexuals Walk Into A Bar

[Ravi]

2 gays?

[Al]

knew it

[Chim]

Wait, does this mean what I think it means?

[Eddie]

yep

[Maddie]

Oh my goodness! Super proud of you, Eddie!

[Ravi]

OH MY GOD FINALLY IM NOT ALONE

[Eddie]

never have been, rav. 

[Ravi]

huh?

[Eddie]

i’m gay. i’ve known for a while

i guess i just don’t like broadcasting it

[Al]

u lied?

[Eddie]

technically i never said i was straight, you all just assumed

i am sorry for not correcting you though. 

i guess i just wanted you guys to like me for being eddie diaz the guy and not eddie diaz the gay

[Ravi]

eddie diaz the gay 

this mans thinks he’s Alexander the Great 😂

[Al]

😂

[Maddie]

Wait. You thought we wouldn’t like you as a person if we knew you were gay?

Eddie you do know all of us are queer right?

[Eddie]

i know and im sorry. i just am used to being put in a box when i tell people im gay

i didn’t want to be in a box

[Karen]

I get that. 

Well Eddie, your sexuality is yours and I’m glad you told us. Thank you

[Hen]

Super proud

[Chim]

So does this mean we can watch Brokeback Mountain tomorrow 

[Eddie]

that was an option?

[Hen]

Of course we can

[Chim]

YES

[Ravi]

proud of you, Eddie

[Al]

same

Buck has left the chat

[Eddie]

thanks everyone.

[Ravi]

ah shit

Chapter Text

Ravinator & Buckshot

[Ravinator]

stop being dramatic. that’s my job

[Buckshot]

i’m not being dramatic

[Ravinator]

then why’d ya leave the chat

[Buckshot]

because i was lied to for months and have every right to leave that chat

[Ravinator]

sigh

[Buckshot]

what

[Ravinator]

you weren’t lied to, eddie never said he was straight to you

wait, did he?

[Buckshot]

well, no, but he could have said something

[Ravinator]

we can agree on that, but eddie didin’t lie

listen you have every right to be upset, but don’t ruin his moment because you’re upset he didn’t flat out tell you he’d gay

[Buckshot]

maybe i was just a past time to him, maybe it just didn't mean anything

i mean, if he can’t even tell me he’s gay, then maybe i just made up the feelings i ahve

[Ravinator]

listen, you already know how i feel about this whole situation so i won’t sugar coat it

forget about eddie. he obviously just wanted to have funa nd taht’s what you wanted to

it’s not his fault you developed feelings

[Buckshot]

feelings suck

[Ravinator]

don’t i know it

tell ya what, jay has a skateboard competition thing coming up, why don’t you come aloing, get your mind off of eddie

[Buckshot]

okay

[Ravinator]

and stop leaving the damn group chat before i stop readding you

Buck (Big 🍆) & Eddie Diaz

[Eddie Diaz]

hey, buck

wait did that send?

did you unblock me?

hello?

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

sorry for leaving the chat like that

i’m proud of you for telling us your secret

[Eddie Diaz]

oh my god hi! 

it’s okay, really, i get it

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

cool

that’s all i wanted to say

[Eddie Diaz]

oh, yeah, okay

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

what, expecting something else, diaz?

[Eddie Diaz]

no, uh, thanks for your apology

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

a man always knows when to apologize

[Eddie Diaz]

i tried to apologize

you blocked me

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

can you blame me eddie? you strung me along for your own personal reasons not thinking how it would effect me

[Eddie Diaz]

i didn’t string you along

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

you did

you had every chance to tell me you were gay and you didn’t

i’m not someone who forces people to come out, but come on, eddie

[Eddie Diaz]

you’re right

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

months eddie. months this has been gong on and you’ve just been fucking with my feelings

well i meant it when i said i was done, eddie

i can be your friend but that’s all

[Eddie Diaz]

buck come on, at least let me explain

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

no need

friends or nothing

[Eddie Diaz]

are you being serious?

you’re acting like a kid

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

goodbye eddie

[Eddie Diaz]

fine. friends

[Buck (Big 🍆)]

great. friends

[Eddie Diaz]

whatever

Eddie changed Buck (Big 🍆)’s name to Buck (“Friend”)

Chapter Text

2 Lesbians, 2 Gays, and 4 Bisexuals Walk Into A Bar

[Chim]

Is everyone free Saturday?

[Ravi]

affirm

[Al]

ye

[Hen]

Kar and I are

[Eddie]

no :((

[Chim]

Really, Eddie? Not even if it’s for an important reason?

[Eddie]

sadly no

[Hen]

Since when do you have plans on a Saturday, Eddie

[Eddie]

first off, ouch

second off, if you must know i have a date with someone i met at muay thai

[Ravi]

you know who don’t even think about it

[Al]

get em rav

[Chim]

Hm, fine, guess you’ll miss the surprise

[Hen]

Kar says that she loves surprises

[Ravi]

and why isn’t she typing?

[Hen]

Too lazy to move, Rav - Karen

[Al]

mood

[Buck]

i can’t come either

[Chim]

What, you got a date too

[Buck]

sure, let’s go with that

[Hen]

Hmmm?

[Ravi]

you do not want to know

[Chim]

You underestimate just how much I need to know now, Ravi

[Buck]

not important

[Hen]

Suspicious

[Buck]

you always say that when i don’t give up personal details

[Hen]

Mind you you literally sent a dick pic in this chat not even a year ago yet now you want us all to stay out of your personal business

Make up your mind here, Buckley

[Buck]

that was an accident! it was for tommy

[Ravi]

DON’T SAY HIS NAME

[Buck]

oops

[Eddie]

tommy?

[Chim]

STOP SAYING HIS NAME BEFORE HE APPEARS

[Eddie]

this guy isn’t voldermort, i think his name is fine

[Al]

for heaves sake, eddie, stop saying those names!

[Eddie]

this must be serious if albert just spoke in a full sentence

[Hen]

It is

[Eddie]

okay

well can i know who he is at least? he seems like someone you guys don’t like and as your friends i want to not like him as well

[Hen]

Sure, that’s why

[Chim]

Buck’s horrible ex

[Buck]

horrible is a stretch

[Chim]

HORRIBLE ex

[Eddie]

oh. okay, well can i have a last name so i can stay away from him?

[Ravi]

no you may not

[Hen]

*sent a screenshot*

[Eddie]

wait, tommy kinard? the pilot

[Chim]

I’M GOING TO KICK YOU OUT OF THIS CHAT EDDIE I SWEAR TO GOD

[Hen]

Yes

[Eddie]

oh, well this is awkward then haha

i’m going on a date with him saturday

[Al]

WHAT

[Ravi]

excuse me?

[Chim]

Maddie is going to be pissed she’s missing this

[Hen]

Are you serious right now?

[Eddie]

yes, i am serious

he seems nice

[Hen]

He isn’t.

[Eddie]

i mean, people change, right?

[Hen]

Are you seriously saying that right now?

[Eddie]

i mean, i don’t even know why you say he’s horrible, so yes

[Ravi]

he dated buck, eddie, you can’t date him

[Eddie]

why does that matter?

[Al]

u dnt do tht 2 frnds, ed

[Eddie]

i mean, i trust you guys, but you said it was like a year ago, right?

[Hen]

No, the dick pic was a year ago, they broke up 6 months ago.

[Eddie]

oh, really?

[Hen]

Yes

[Eddie]

but buck seems fine about it

[Buck]

i am still in here in case you all forgot

and it’s because i am over it

[Eddie]

oh, okay

well i’ll cancel, don’t worry

[Buck]

do whatever you want, eddie, i don’t care

[Chim]

I care

[Eddie]

you don’t have to be rude, buck

[Buck]

i’m not, just do whatever you want, you’re a grown man, you can make your own decisions

[Eddie]

you’re right, i can

so i think i will go out with him

[Buck]

fine

[Eddie]

fine

Chapter Text

Tommy (DO NOT ANSWER) & Puppy

[Puppy]

i know what you’re doing

[Tommy (DO NOT ANSWER)]

Well if it isn’t my little puppy

[Puppy]

leave eddie alone, what you’re doing won’t work

[Tommy (DO NOT ANSWER)]

Oh, but it already is, isn’t it? You’re here, begging me to not touch your little friend

Or maybe he is more, you fuck him, puppy?

[Puppy]

stop calling me that and leave eddie out of this, he doesn’t know anything

[Tommy (DO NOT ANSWER)]

See, that’s the fun part though, isn’t it? The unknown? 

He seems so eager too, so ready for me

Did you know he has never been on a date with a man? Sounds kind of familiar doesn’t it?

I wonder if he’s as gullible as you, puppy

I wonder if he’ll stay like you did or if he’ll leave just to come back, just like you are

[Puppy]

i’m not coming back, i’m asking you to back off of eddie

[Tommy (DO NOT ANSWER)]

No

[Puppy]

tommy please, he doesn’t know any better 

he doesn’t know

[Tommy (DO NOT ANSWER)]

You didn’t either and I helped you learn, didn’t I?

I can teach him

Unless, of course, I’d have someone to play with instead

[Puppy]

don’t

[Tommy (DO NOT ANSWER)]

The decision is all yours, puppy

You can come back and I’ll leave Eddie alone and maybe think about forgiving you for leaving me

Or, I can go out with Eddie and make it 10 times worse for him

You think he’ll lie for me when I bruise him? Do you think he’ll say it was stairs, too?

[Puppy]

please

[Tommy (DO NOT ANSWER)]

You have two choices

Pick one

[Puppy]

don’t make me do it, tommy, please

[Tommy (DO NOT ANSWER)]

You made your choice then, goodbye, Evan

[Puppy]

NO

no, i’ll come back

[Tommy (DO NOT ANSWER)]

Good answer, puppy

Now why don’t you come over and start begging for my forgiveness

I have a few ideas for you

[Puppy]

yes, sir

[Tommy (DO NOT ANSWER)]

Good boy

Chapter Text

2 Lesbians, 2 Gays, and 4 Bisexuals Walk Into A Bar

[Buck]

i’m sorry for this

just know i love you guys 

and no i’m not offing myself, i just am doing something close to it

i’m back with tommy

don’t try and contact me, you’ll only make it worse

i love you guys

i’ll see you guys at work

Buck has left the chat

Buck (“Friend”) & Eddie Diaz

[Eddie Diaz]

really, buck? couldn’t even let me get a chance

message not sent

[Eddie Diaz]

you know what? fuck you

message not sent

[Eddie Diaz]

fuck. you

message not sent

Raviantor & Buckshot

[Ravinator]

buck?

message not sent

Alby & BB

[Alby]

bb?

message not sent

Mads & Ev

[Mads]

Evan please tell me you’re joking

message not sent

[Mads]

I’m not letting this happen again

message not sent

KarBear & Buckles

[KarBear]

Hen and I will be here when you get back

message not sent

[KarBear]

We love you, kid

message not sent