Adult Content Warning

This work could have adult content. If you continue, you have agreed that you are willing to see such content.

• Yes, Continue
• No, Go Back

If you accept cookies from our site and you choose "Yes, Continue", you will not be asked again during this session (that is, until you close your browser). If you log in you can store your preference and never be asked again.

1. They’ll Hurt Me Bad (They Do It All The Time) by toomanyfand0ms

   Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)  

   • Not Rated
   • Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
   • M/M
   • Work in Progress

   10 Mar 2026

   Tags

   • Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
   • Gerard Keay/Michael | The Distortion
   • Gerard Keay
   • Michael | The Distortion (The Magnus Archives)
   • The Skin Book | Catalogue of the Trapped Dead (The Magnus Archives)
   • Leitner Books (The Magnus Archives)
   • It/Its Pronouns For Michael | The Distortion (The Magnus Archives)
   • for now
   • not really enemies to lovers
   • more like 'what the fuck are you' to lovers
   • Slow Burn
   • No beta we kayak like Tim
   • finally im posting smth thats not a oneshot
   • Other Additional Tags to Be Added
   • Leitner Book Hunting (The Magnus Archives)
   • Autistic Michael Shelley
   • because half the characters I write end up being autistic coded
   • for some reason
   • Soul Bond
   • Kinda
   • Original Artifact(s)
   • Minor Injuries
   • more like Medium Injuries
   • but i digress
   • Stabbing
   • but only to prove a point
   • and because Michael has zero impulse control
   • He/Him and It/Its Pronouns for Michael | The Distortion (The Magnus Archives)
   • you'll see where I’m going with this next chapter

   Summary

   Gerard Keay is pulled from his existence inside The Catalogue of the Trapped Dead into another dimension by Michael. Chaos, hilarity, and the first slowburn this author has ever attempted to write ensues. Title & chapter titles are from the song “Kiss Off” by Violent Femmes.

   Language:

   English

   Words:

   7,941

   Chapters:

   2/10

   Comments:

   7

   Kudos:

   34

   Bookmarks:

   7

   Hits:

   240